Real Self-Care Isn't a Bubble Bath. It's a Boundary.

When you hear the words self-care, what comes to mind?A relaxing bath? A candle? A spa day? Maybe a quiet evening when nobody needs anything from you?Those things can be wonderful, but what happens when you return to a life where you're still saying yes to everything, carrying everyone else's stress, and ignoring your own needs?In this episode of Embrace Your Value, trauma therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore why real self-care is about more than occasional relaxation.It's about creating a life where your needs matter, your boundaries are respected, and your energy isn't constantly being depleted.Kristen explains how chronic overgiving can keep your nervous system in a heightened state of stress, even when you appear to be functioning perfectly well on the outside.Jen explores the beliefs that make it so difficult for women to prioritize themselves, especially the deeply ingrained idea that being a good woman means giving everything and asking for nothing.Together, they discuss the everyday choices that make self-care sustainable.That includes recognizing draining situations, asking for help, setting limits around your time and availability, and learning that protecting your peace doesn't make you selfish.They also explore an important question:What happens when you've ignored your needs for so long that you no longer know what you need?Sometimes the first step isn't making a dramatic change. It's simply beginning to pay attention to yourself again.THREE PRACTICAL TOOLS TO TRY THIS WEEK1. The Peace AuditAsk yourself: What boundary would protect my peace right now?Choose one area of your life where a boundary could make a difference. Then consider what continuing without that boundary is costing you.2. The Exhale Check-InPause a few times throughout your day and notice your breathing, your jaw, and your shoulders.Ask yourself: What would help me exhale right now?Maybe it's stepping outside for a moment, taking a breath, or recognizing that you need to step away from a stressful conversation.3. One Honest NoFind one thing you've been saying yes to out of obligation when your honest answer is no.Practice declining without overexplaining or apologizing.Notice how the other person responds and how you feel afterward.Real self-care isn't something you earn after completing everything on your to-do list.It's the ongoing practice of taking your own well-being seriously.You don't have to change everything overnight. Start with one no, one pause, or one boundary that reminds you:I matter, too.CONNECT WITH JEN ANDERSONWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingCONNECT WITH KRISTEN BURRUSWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesCONTACT EMBRACE YOUR VALUEEmail: [email protected] this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone who has been taking care of everyone else while putting herself last.Follow Embrace Your Value and leave us a five-star rating or review if you're enjoying these conversations.#SelfCare #HealthyBoundaries #ProtectYourPeace #PeoplePleasing #SelfTrust

What if the life you really want begins when you stop apologizing for who you are, what you need, and the decisions you make?So many women spend years carrying responsibilities that aren't theirs, putting everyone else's needs first, and apologizing for things they never needed to apologize for in the first place.And somewhere along the way, they stop trusting themselves.In this special episode of Embrace Your Value, therapist Kristen Burrus interviews Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist and author Jen Anderson about her book, The Life You Stop Apologizing For, and its companion, The Life You Stop Apologizing For: A Guided Workbook for Rebuilding Self-Trust.Jen shares the inspiration behind the book, the women she wrote it for, and why she believes rebuilding self-trust is at the heart of learning to choose yourself.Together, Kristen and Jen explore what self-abandonment looks like in everyday life, from saying yes when you really want to say no to allowing others to treat you poorly, ignoring your own needs, or continually postponing the things you want for yourself.They discuss how we gradually lose trust in ourselves through small experiences and decisions, and how we can begin rebuilding it in much the same way.One of Jen's favorite chapters, You Were Never Meant to Carry It All, speaks to the emotional responsibilities women often take on without realizing they have a choice.You don't have to carry everything.You don't have to take responsibility for everyone else's feelings.And you don't have to earn the right to take care of yourself.Jen also shares why she created a companion workbook rather than stopping with the book. The guided reflections are designed to help women move beyond reading about self-trust and begin practicing it in their everyday lives.In this conversation, you'll hear about:• Why women apologize for things that aren't their fault• The everyday signs of self-abandonment• How to distinguish between kindness and putting yourself last• Why self-trust is lost and rebuilt through small decisions• The emotional weight of carrying everyone else's responsibilities• Why negative self-talk still shows up, even when you've done the work• How the companion workbook helps turn awareness into action• Why choosing yourself isn't the same as neglecting others• Simple ways to begin making yourself a priority• What Jen has personally stopped apologizing forOne of the most important reminders from this conversation is that choosing yourself doesn't require you to stop loving or caring for the people around you.It means recognizing that your needs matter, too.You can be kind and have boundaries. You can care about someone without carrying everything for them. And you can make a decision, learn from it, and still trust yourself.EXPLORE THE BOOK AND WORKBOOKThe Life You Stop Apologizing For and its companion guided workbook are designed to help you recognize where you've been abandoning yourself and begin rebuilding the self-trust to make different choices.Explore both here:https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/mybooksCONNECT WITH JEN ANDERSONWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingCONNECT WITH KRISTEN BURRUSWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesCONTACT EMBRACE YOUR VALUEEmail: [email protected] this conversation reminded you of a woman who is always taking care of everyone else, share this episode with her.Follow Embrace Your Value and leave us a five-star rating or review if you're enjoying these conversations.#SelfTrust #SelfAbandonment #ChoosingYourself #TheLifeYouStopApologizingFor

What if the voice in your head telling you that you're not good enough, you're falling behind, or you should be doing more isn't simply trying to make your life miserable?What if it actually believes it's protecting you?In this episode of Embrace Your Value, therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore the inner critic through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS).Kristen breaks IFS down in everyday language, beginning with the idea that we all have different "parts" within us.Part of you may want to take a risk while another part wants certainty. Part of you wants to rest while another insists you should be productive. Part of you may know a boundary is healthy while another immediately panics when someone doesn't like it.IFS helps us become curious about those different parts instead of immediately deciding something is wrong with us.And that includes the inner critic.Your inner critic may tell you you're not good enough because it believes keeping you from trying will protect you from failure. It may push you to be perfectly prepared because it doesn't want anyone to catch you making a mistake. It may insist you keep everyone happy because somewhere along the way you learned that being helpful, agreeable, or needed helped you belong.The strategy may hurt, even when the original intention was protective.Jen and Kristen also explore some of the less obvious ways the inner critic shows up:"You should be doing more.""You've rested too much.""You can't let anyone down.""You should have handled that differently.""You need to make sure everyone else is okay."For women who have been rewarded for being dependable, productive, successful, and responsible, that internal pressure can even feel necessary.If I stop being hard on myself, will I still get things done?That's where an important distinction comes in.Healthy self-discipline addresses your behavior. Your inner critic often attacks your identity."I didn't do what I planned to do" gives you information."I'm lazy and I never follow through" turns one behavior into a story about who you are.The conversation also explores what happens after you set a boundary and your inner critic immediately tells you to fix it, apologize, or take it back because someone else is upset.Instead of automatically following that voice, what would happen if you got curious about it?What is it afraid will happen?What does it believe it's protecting you from?You don't have to silence your inner critic this week.Just notice it.Listen to what it says. Get curious about what it believes it's doing for you. And then ask one more question:Does this still serve me?Understanding why a pattern developed doesn't mean you have to continue living by it. It simply gives you a more compassionate place to begin.CONNECT WITH JEN ANDERSONWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoaching CONNECT WITH KRISTEN BURRUSWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_services CONTACT EMBRACE YOUR VALUEEmail: [email protected] you know someone who's incredibly hard on themselves, share this episode with them. It may give them a completely different way of understanding the voice in their head.Follow Embrace Your Value and leave us a five-star rating or review if you're enjoying these conversations.#InnerCritic #InternalFamilySystems #IFS #SelfCompassion #SelfTrust

Have you ever had an idea you were genuinely excited about, only to spend months researching, planning, and preparing without actually doing anything with it?Maybe you're waiting until you feel more confident. Maybe you're worried about what people will think. Or maybe you've convinced yourself that you need one more certification, a better website, or a little more information before you can begin.In this episode of Embrace Your Value, therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore how perfectionism, fear of judgment, and limiting beliefs can keep us from taking action on the things that matter most.Sometimes procrastination isn't about laziness or a lack of motivation. Sometimes it's about protection.If you never finish the book, nobody can reject it. If you never launch the business, you never have to find out whether it works. And if you keep preparing, you can convince yourself you're making progress without having to face the uncertainty of actually doing the thing.Kristen and Jen explore how perfectionism develops, what it may be protecting you from, and how to distinguish between necessary preparation and avoiding action.They also discuss why fear doesn't automatically mean you're moving in the wrong direction and why confidence is often something you build through experience rather than something you need before you begin.And for anyone who has more ideas than they know what to do with, Jen shares what she's learned about managing her own creativity, resisting the urge to pursue every exciting idea, and choosing what deserves her attention right now.The conversation also explores accountability, the different roles of therapy and coaching, and how to respond when you don't follow through without turning one missed action into a judgment about who you are.A few questions to take away from this episode:• Am I preparing because I genuinely need more information, or because preparation feels safer than taking action?• What am I afraid will happen if I put my work into the world?• Am I treating the outcome of this project as a reflection of my worth?• Is this a good idea, or is it the right idea for right now?• What is the smallest meaningful action I can take to move forward?You don't have to eliminate fear before pursuing something meaningful. You don't have to know every step before taking the first one.Choose one idea, one project, or one next step that matters to you. Make it manageable, put it on your calendar, and give yourself the opportunity to follow through.CONNECT WITH JEN ANDERSONWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingCONNECT WITH KRISTEN BURRUSWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesCONTACT EMBRACE YOUR VALUEEmail: [email protected] this episode made you think of someone who has an idea they've been sitting on, share it with them. Sometimes a little encouragement is enough to help someone take that next step.Follow Embrace Your Value and leave us a five-star rating or review if you're enjoying these conversations.#Perfectionism #FearOfFailure #SelfTrust #PersonalGrowth #OvercomingPerfectionism

What if setting a boundary didn't have to mean damaging a relationship?For many women, boundaries immediately bring up fears about conflict, rejection, disappointing someone, or losing the relationship altogether. So instead of asking, "What do I need?" we start asking, "How do I make sure they're okay with what I need?"In this episode of Embrace Your Value, trauma therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore how healthy boundaries can create more clarity, honesty, safety, and connection in your relationships.Kristen and Jen talk about why saying no can feel so difficult, especially when past experiences have taught you that keeping other people happy helps keep you safe. They explore how avoiding boundaries can lead to resentment and why clarity about your needs can actually make relationships feel safer.You'll also hear the important difference between a boundary and control:Control tells another person what they have to do. A boundary tells them what you will do.The conversation explores boundaries in friendships and families, why changing your role can create resistance, and why consistency matters when you're learning to follow through on what you need.You'll also hear why boundaries are connected to self-trust. When you continually abandon a boundary because someone else is uncomfortable, you're teaching yourself that your needs become negotiable when someone else is upset.But when you communicate what you need and follow through, you begin showing yourself that you can trust yourself.Kristen and Jen also explore how boundaries can create deeper intimacy.If you're always saying yes when you mean no, hiding what bothers you, or becoming the version of yourself you think someone else will like, how well do they actually know you?Healthy relationships need room for two separate people with different needs, feelings, and preferences. You can love someone and still say no. You can care about someone's feelings and still make a decision they don't like. You can want a relationship with someone and still decide there's something you're no longer willing to participate in.This week, ask yourself:What boundary would actually improve one of my relationships?You don't need to overhaul every relationship in your life. Start with one place where a little more honesty and clarity could create a healthier connection.Learn more about Jen AndersonWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingLearn more about Kristen BurrusWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesContact Embrace Your ValueEmail: [email protected] someone came to mind while you were listening, share this episode with them. It might be the beginning of a conversation you need to have.And if you're enjoying Embrace Your Value, follow the show and leave us a five-star rating or review. It helps more women find these conversations.#HealthyBoundaries #SettingBoundaries #Relationships #PeoplePleasing #SelfTrust

Have you ever noticed that you genuinely want success, but somehow make getting there harder than it needs to be?Maybe you want your business to grow, earn more money, or create more freedom. Yet when things start getting easier, you feel uncomfortable, guilty, or like you should be doing more.In this episode of Embrace Your Value, trauma therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore the beliefs that can make success feel exhausting.Together, they discuss how our experiences shape what we believe success requires, why being productive can become connected to our sense of worth, and how over-functioning can make it difficult to receive help or allow life to become easier.Jen shares her experience of working long hours after starting her business because she believed a legitimate business owner should always be working. Kristen brings the trauma and nervous system perspective, explaining why familiar patterns can continue even when we consciously want something different.You'll also hear about hustle guilt, social comparison, the difference between effort and suffering, and why success can sometimes bring fears about identity, belonging, and deserving more.The conversation invites you to ask:What do I secretly believe about success?Do I know how to experience success, or do I only know how to pursue it?What would success look like if I defined it around the life I actually want to live?You don't have to make success more difficult to prove that you've earned it. You can begin building a definition of success that includes your values, your relationships, your well-being, and the freedom you're working toward.Learn more about Jen AndersonWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingLearn more about Kristen BurrusWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesContact Embrace Your ValueEmail: [email protected] this conversation brought someone to mind, share it with her. Subscribe or follow Embrace Your Value, and leave us a five-star rating or review to help more women find these conversations.#LimitingBeliefs #SuccessMindset #Overworking #SelfWorth #WomenEntrepreneurs

What if one of the most important apologies you're waiting for needs to come from you?In this episode of Embrace Your Value, trauma therapist Kristen Burrus and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson explore the difference between guilt and shame and why learning to separate what you've done from who you are can be such an important part of self-forgiveness.Guilt can tell us that something we did wasn't aligned with our values and move us toward repair. Shame goes deeper. It can turn "I made a mistake" into "I am the mistake" and leave us punishing ourselves long after we've learned, changed, or made amends.Kristen and Jen talk about the things we carry for years: relationships we stayed in, choices we regret, times we didn't speak up, mistakes we've replayed, and decisions our younger selves made without the knowledge and resources we have today.They also explore the shame people sometimes carry for something that was never theirs to own. When someone else mistreated, betrayed, manipulated, or harmed you, it's easy to turn their behavior into questions about your own worth.You'll hear how to approach your younger self with curiosity instead of judgment, what a healing apology to yourself can sound like, and why true repair doesn't stop at "I'm sorry."The episode closes with two powerful prompts:"I'm sorry I..."and"From now on, you can trust me to..."Because self-forgiveness isn't pretending the past didn't happen. It's taking responsibility for what belongs to you, releasing what doesn't, and deciding how you're going to treat yourself moving forward.Learn more about Jen AndersonWebsite: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingLearn more about Kristen BurrusWebsite: https://www.kristenburrus.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_servicesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/enlighten_servicesContact Embrace Your ValueEmail: [email protected] this episode brought someone to mind, share it with them. And this week, consider giving yourself just a little more compassion for the person you were before you knew what you know now.#LetGoOfShame #SelfForgiveness #GuiltAndShame #SelfCompassion #SelfTrust

You can understand your patterns, recognize your people-pleasing, know what a healthy boundary looks like, and be rebuilding self-trust. Then someone you love gets upset with you, and suddenly everything you've learned becomes much harder to practice.In this Season 1 finale of Unlearning the Good Girl, Jen Anderson, Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist, explores what happens when boundaries meet real life.What do you do when your mother sounds disappointed, your partner gets quiet, a friend reacts badly, or someone tells you that you've changed?You'll learn how to recognize the moment discomfort starts pulling you back toward people-pleasing and self-abandonment, interrupt an old pattern without criticizing yourself, and measure progress by how quickly you're able to recognize what's happening and come back to yourself.Jen also explores an important question about guilt: Did you violate one of your values, or did you violate an old expectation someone had of you?You'll hear why another person's disappointment doesn't automatically make your boundary wrong, how compassion and accountability can exist alongside a firm boundary, and why choosing yourself doesn't always mean saying no. Your needs, capacity, values, and desires get to be included in your decisions.This episode also includes reflection questions to help you identify where and with whom you abandon yourself fastest and what you're afraid might happen if you stay with yourself instead.📖 Download the free Where Am I Abandoning Myself? Reflection Guide:https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/chooseyou🌐 Learn more about Jen Anderson:https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.comConnect with Jen AndersonFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.jennifer.andersonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.andersonTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thankfulheartscoachingEmail: [email protected] episode closes Season 1 of Unlearning the Good Girl. If you'd like the playlist with all 13 episodes together, email [email protected] and ask for the Unlearning the Good Girl playlist.#SettingBoundaries #BoundariesWithoutGuilt #PeoplePleasing #SelfTrust #HealthyBoundaries

How do you feel after spending time with the people you call friends?Supported? Connected? Free to be yourself?Or do you sometimes leave feeling exhausted, anxious, guilty, or questioning yourself?In this episode of Embrace Your Value, therapist Kristen Burris and Beliefs & Boundaries Specialist Jen Anderson are doing a friendship audit.We're looking beyond whether someone texts often enough or occasionally needs more support and asking a deeper question: What does this relationship consistently feel like?We talk about emotional safety, resentment, one-sided relationship patterns, people-pleasing in friendships, changing friendships, and what happens when you're always the fixer, listener, or person everyone depends on.We also explore why some friendships need a conversation, some need a boundary, and some may simply need a little more distance.Most importantly, we turn the audit inward with one powerful question:Who am I in this friendship?You don't need to judge your friends or make a dramatic decision today. Get curious about the patterns and notice where you feel most free to be yourself.If this conversation brings someone to mind, share the episode and start a conversation of your own.Follow Embrace Your Value so you don't miss our next conversation.Contact us at [email protected] more about Kristen here: Instagram    enlighten_servicesWebsite       www.kristenburrus.comFacebook    enlighten_services Learn more about Jen here: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/@thankfulheartscoaching on [email protected] on [email protected] 

Feeling overwhelmed, emotionally stuck, or unsure why making a clear decision feels so difficult?In this episode of Embrace Your Value, Jen Anderson interviews therapist Kristen Burrus about her new workbook, Coming Back to Yourself: A Simple and Practical Workbook for Emotional Regulation, Self-Understanding, and Clearer Choices.Kristen shares why emotional regulation is such an important part of understanding yourself, how becoming more grounded can help you make clearer value-based decisions, and why you don’t have to work through personal growth in a perfectly prescribed order.We also explore Kristen’s House of Self model, which connects:• Values as the foundation• Boundaries as the walls that protect those values• Access and choices as the doors• Perspective as the windows through which we see the world• Meaning as the roof that helps bring it all togetherKristen also explains how Coming Back to Yourself can be used independently or alongside therapy as a practical tool for reflection, conversation, and greater self-understanding.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected from yourself, stuck in your emotions, or unsure what you really want, this conversation may give you a helpful place to begin.Get your copy of the workbook here: https://payhip.com/EnlightenServicesConnect with Embrace Your ValueEmail: [email protected] with Kristen BurrusInstagram: @enlighten_servicesWebsite: www.kristenburrus.comFacebook: @enlighten_servicesIf this episode made you think of someone who could use these tools, share it with them.Subscribe to Embrace Your Value for more conversations about self-worth, boundaries, emotional wellness, relationships, and creating a life that feels aligned with who you are.#EmotionalRegulation #SelfUnderstanding #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #EmbraceYourValue