The Brussels Banana Drama Edition - Week 42 - 2024

A frustrating week for asylum minister Marjolein Faber as all her hypothetical hard work on the government's emergency refugee law goes up in smoke. Geert Wilders rediscovers his appetite for bananas and democratic processes while Dick Schoof struggles to convince even himself that the "strictest asylum rules" ever will actually work. Meanwhile in overcrowded Ter Apel, the accommodation agency faces even bigger fines for packing refugees in like sardines. Analysts also criticise the government's efforts to meet climate change targets and build affordable housing. And in sport, Ajax get back to winning ways just as their former coach Erik ten Hag is told to pack his bags at Manchester United.

Geert Wilders insists he doesn't have a banana for a backbone, but his flexibility may have saved Dick Schoof's bacon for now ahead of a crucial cabinet meeting to finalise the government's asylum policy. Marjolein Faber's talent for confecting word salads throws the coalition parties into a state of confusion, while Reinette Klever cleverly rebrands the Rwanda refugee scheme by substituting a neighbouring country with a similar name. Universities warn that plans to limit foreign students and English courses will damage their international status. And in sport, Ronald Koeman laments the tactical superiority of the Germans and the Dutch bullet train steamrollers the competition at the track cycling championships in Denmark.

The signs are looking bad for Dick Schoof's cabinet as it hits the 100-day mark, and not just the ones that Marjolein Faber wants to hang in refugee centres. Geert Wilders goes on the offensive against Amsterdam's mayor Femke Halsema for her handling of a pro-Palestinian demonstration on October 7. Dutch universities do their bit for the government's plan to deter foreign students by plunging down the international league table. A mechanic sparks panic in a museum when he clears out a lift shaft. And the world of football mourns Johan Neeskens, whose penalty kick in the 1974 World Cup final was one of the iconic moments of Dutch sport.

An unnamed "foreign power" hacked into the Dutch police database this week, with cybersecurity experts pointing the finger squarely at Russia. Mark Rutte declared his love for Brussels as he started work as the new boss of Nato with a pledge to bring Ukraine into the alliance. The first fine is handed down for street harassment since it was criminalised, although it's still less costly than firing up a wood burner on a still day in Amersfoort. And Feyenoord win in the Champions League thanks to two own goals, one more than Marjolein Faber managed on a fact-finding trip to Denmark.

What started out as an asylum crisis became a fast-track route to disaster this week as Geert Wilders hinted he could torpedo the coalition if his plans are thwarted. Meanwhile in the North Sea, Russian marine research vessels turn out to be engaged in the kind of fishing expedition that involves mini submarines, radar and armed guards. Three wolf cubs are killed in a road collision as the debate rages about the animals' protected status. And Max Verstappen is tight-lipped about his prospects as the Formula One season enters its final closing stages.

The horse-drawn carriages rattled through the streets of The Hague as usual, but in other ways it was a new-look Prinsjesdag. Finance minister Eelco Heinen warned that the days of "free money" were over as he delivered a stripped-down budget designed to balance the books. The budget debate revolved around Geert Wilders's favourite hobby-horse, immigration. Frans Timmermans and Dick Schoof clashed over blacked-out documents, Esther Ouwehand served up some spiced watermelon, while demolition specialist Wilders tried his hand at bridge-building. Elsewhere, Amsterdam is bubbling with new ideas to clean up its waterways while Germany steps up border controls with typically understated efficiency. A Dutch author makes it onto the Booker Prize shortlist for the first time. And PSV and Feyenoord suffered Champions League misery.

It's been a rollercoaster year for NSC, but after realising that most rollercoaster rides end back down at the bottom, leader Pieter Omtzigt decides to take a break. As budget day draws near, BBB leader Caroline van der Plas threatening to quit after her own party's agriculture minister unveils plans to buy out farmers. In the most unsurprising news of the year so far, we tell you how much more you'll be paying for health insurance from January. Amsterdam has a whip-round for the world's biggest Dutch birthday party, while Groningen's plans to celebrate the end of gas drilling are undermined by bureaucracy. And the new owners of Scheveningen Pier explain how they aim to make it the pearl of the North Sea once more.

Cabinet ministers returned from their summer break this week and got stuck into late-night budget talks. Pieter Omtzigt was accused of sabotaging his own plans to make government more accountable by setting up a "war room" with NSC's two senior ministers to renegotiate the budget. Omtzigt also voiced concern about the declining Dutch and European birth rates, in a speech that was definitely not dog-whistling to far-right Great Replacement theories but kept mentioning the number of babies in Africa. The right-wing cabinet cuts funding for "bed and board" accommodation for failed refugees and tells provincial governments to scrap their nitrogen reduction plans. And Ajax captain Steven Bergwijn is told his international career is over after accepting a €27 million carrot to play in Saudi Arabia.

New prime minister Dick Schoof stepped up onto the world stage this week, calling in on Ursula von der Leyen before heading to the Nato summit in Washington. His meeting with fellow debutant Keir Starmer was overshadowed by Oranje's last-minute defeat to England in the semi-finals of Euro 2024 and a penalty decision that made Ronald Koeman see red. A local politician in Rotterdam has his house set on fire while another in Friesland is forced to move out of the area. And Schiphol airport is bracing itself for another summer of chaos and delays caused by a shortage of security staff.

Dick Schoof's honeymoon period turns out to be even shorter than Joost Klein's Eurovision campaign as the new coalition's first debate descends into chaos and infighting. Mark Rutte headed off on his bike to Nato after getting to say his favourite word on television one last time. The impending change of government also caused anxiety at Keti Koti about the future of the proposed slavery museum. The Covid lockdowns turn out to have inspired a new enthusiasm for recreational walking. And at Euro 2024, the under-fire Dutch team step up a gear and now face Turkey in Berlin in the quarter-finals.