323. You Don't have to Beg, Force, or Chase to get what you Deserve

First up I’m going through your ICKS – you loved when I did it in episode 322 so thought I’d pick more of your hilarious icks to read out. And then I get into Head Noise where I answer your questions – this week it’s all about heartbreak in long term relationships. How do you handle a relationship when your mind is telling you to run but your heart says otherwise? Me and my boyfriend are in our 20s and have been dating for a few years long distance.  Early on there was some lying and deception and we broke up, but I gave him a second chance as I thought he needed time to adjust from his single life to being coupled. I thought we were in a loving truthful relationship since then. But I have recently found out he has been texting 2 women. I feel it’s disrespectful, and my lack of trust from the previous lying has come back. He also follows Twitter pages with sexually explicit content. I’m a very trusting and open-minded person but I feel this relationship has made me insecure and untrusting particularly because we are long distance. Blind or Blindsided: Last night my bf of 3 years came home from work and said we needed to talk and that this wasn’t working and he didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t see this coming at all. We recently opened a business together. We regularly have sex, said I love you, planned for the future, and last week got back from a holiday together. He said he hasn’t felt a connection for some time due to my negativity and that he said he wanted kids (I’m 41 and have had ovarian failure. We’ve gone through a round of IVF together). How was he able to completely blindside me without me realising anything was up – he has gone to a new place to live so he’s clearly had time to plan this without my picking up on it. LINKS If you want me to answer your question just email me at [email protected] Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

So you’ve been dumped, or maybe you dumped someone. You’re scrolling through social media, or maybe a well meaning friend mentions, that your ex has moved on. Cue the SPIRAL. “How Could They?!”Already?!!!” “Did our time together mean NOTHING?” I’m giving you ten steps to keep yourself in check when your ex moves on before you including how to not let it derail you, keep your perspective, and quit the feeling that they “owe” you something. First up however, we’re diving into a SCIENCE FACT:GHB – the pharmacology of the date rape drug explained. LINKS Listen to my Brain Fact about Heroin Mechanism of Action in EP 141 ‘Do this for 30 days and see what happens for you’ https://pod.fo/e/1f82e7 . Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the last Head Noise episode you guys LOVED the lies exes told so I’m bringing I back for an even more cooked part 2! And then I get into Head Noise where I answer your questions. I'm 24, forever single, thriving and upset with men. ‘ve been single my whole life and honestly thrive. But I’m curious about what its’ like in a partnership and am open to a boyfriend but very rarely do I get genuinely excited by a guy. When I do I REALLY do. But every guy I’ve ever like has had another girl in their lives they choose over me. I feel like a second choice or someone’s back up. One guy literally said that I was his second choice once a few year ago lol. Am I doing something wrong? And How can I make it hurt less when I don’t feel chosen? My dad and I have a good relationship when he’s in a good space, but when he’s in a bad place he can be a real arsehole Recently he and I got in a fight over text, and at the next family hang out I went to say hello to him and he gave me the most awkward side hug and barely talked to me. What do I do – I want a relationship with my dad but his behaviour is really childish and hurtful. LINKS If you want me to answer your question just email me at [email protected]   Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

New York Times best-selling author and international life and dating coach megastar Matthew Hussey joins the podcast! We're diving deep into his advice on dating, owning who you are, being comfortable with what you want, and his brand new book Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person and Live Happily (No Matter What). I DARE you to leave this episode not feeling like a changed bean! LINKS Buy ‘Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What)’ by Matthew Hussey at https://www.lovelifebook.com/ . Follow @thematthewhussey on Instagram https://rebrand.ly/matthewh-IG . Check out Matthew’s YouTube Channel @thematthewhussey at https://rebrand.ly/mh-youtube . Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Guest: Matthew Hussey . Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

First I have a life update about something TRULY shocking that happened to me over the weekend, and I go through your stories of things men have lied to you about! Then I get into Head Noise where I answer your questions. In today’s episode we’ve got two really opposite topics! My husband and I are in out mid 20s and have been together since our late 20s. His family are very close with him. I have recently realised that I have always put his needs above mine – his personality has become my personality. I want to do so much more, experience the world and step outside my comfort zone. I want to put off having kids for a while and he doesn’t accept or understand it. I want change and he is so happy and content without change. We’re growing apart and I don’t know what to do. I’ve cheated on my husband with someone I had a huge connection with. We’ve ended it now as we are both married and decided we didn’t want to leave our partners for each other. Now that it is fully ended I don’t feel like I need to tell my husband as our relationship has really improved. I would just be unburdening my conscience to ruin lives, when I’ve already shut down that cheating relationship and am moving forward with my life. How do I alleviate the feelings of guilt that are clouding my moving forward. LINKS If you want me to answer your question just email me at [email protected] Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What exactly is Trauma bonding? What if I told you that bonding with someone else over a traumatic event isn’t actually trauma bonding – it’s something else entirely! It’s about a relationship with someone who is traumatising and abusing you. I’m going to take you through what a trauma bond is, how to spot it, the 7 stages of trauma bonding, and how to know when (and how) to get out of a trauma bonded relationship. LINKS Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Headnoise my beans and that means it’s time for me to answer your questions. I'm answering four of your questions this week ranging from an imbalance in sexual relationships in a partnership to trying to overcome the terrible relationship model parents set for one listener from childhood til now. AND if you want me to answer your question just email me at [email protected]   My current partner has had very limited sexual experience and our sex life is very average. Sexual compatibility is important to me and I don’t know the best way to proceed. He is a green flag in every other sense it’s just that we are at different experience and comfort levels sexually and I don’t just want to "cross my fingers: and hope it gets better. What should I do? After listening to your episode on Limerence Vs Love (linked below) I am beginning to think I might be the object of limerence with someone. The person I’m dating obviously has stronger feelings than me and I was wondering what the best way is to let them down easy? I’m worried that I’m my fiancé’s second choice. I’ve seen him in the past search her up on social media and it’s a niggling doubt that the only reason he is with me is because I was the safe choice after his tumultuous relationship with her. Struggling in a relationship based on the model my parents set for me. I discovered my mum was cheating on my dad when I was a kid (saw the text messages) and withheld that from my dad – and I know the affair continues to this day. They have a terrible relationship. So all I’ve ever seen modelled is disfunction and hurt. LINKS Listen to my episode on Limerance – Episode 302 Limerance Vs Love https://pod.fo/e/21cef1 . Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you know when something isn’t right for you? Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that hard work or working really hard for something will always bring it out in the best in us, but sometimes it’s just not worth it. In this episode we’re going to find out how to identify that and how to stop chasing after things that are not meant for you. We’ll also find out what you can do instead to start living a life that feels right. LINKS Listen to Episode 317 ‘Intrinsic Vs Extrinsic Motivation’ at https://pod.fo/e/228a96. Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Headnoise my beans and that means it’s time for me to answer your questions. Here’s what I’m tackling this week. AND if you want me to answer your question just email me at [email protected]    I’ve had the same partner for a few years and we’re two women in our 20s. We’ve had a few bumps in the road as most relationships do, and without sounding like a douche a fair few have them have been her doing/from her. She has pushed me away quite a few times and treated our relationship poorly in the beginning. We’ve been in a more stable and healthy relationship in the last 9  months. I still think we can get better from both sides, and listening to your podcast has made me want to share your advice with her. She doesn’t like self-help or advice books and things. How can I get her more invested without pushing her boundaries. Am I being needy and are my expectations unfair? My best mate of many years has a complicated life and mental health struggles. She has serious enmeshment with everyone she meets. Her self-image is the most important quality to her. She’s struggled with her body image issues and projected that onto her friends. She’s very rarely single for longer that 2 weeks. She’s in therapy but mostly focuses on her sexual and romantic relationships. She’s quite selfish. I’m struggling with resentment given how long we have been friends and how badly her behaviour affects me and others. Sex in my long term relationship is fizzling. I’m worried about getting the ick too after a few therapy sessions where the counsellor called out red flags in my partners behaviour. My partner really is quite sexually physical and I’m just not interested in his lacklustre foreplay and just want him to hurry up so I can go to sleep. I know this question is asked a lot but what can I do? I love my partner and don’t want this to be the end. LINKS Listen to 'Where Should We Begin' with Esther Perel https://www.estherperel.com/podcast . Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

First up I have a life update – I’m going to try out publishing my episodes on Mondays and Thursdays from here on in (although this episode is coming out on a Tuesday because it’s a national public holiday here in Australia.) And on Thursdays you can expect the Head Noise episode. Okay now – THIS episode, I’m diving into how to stop inviting drama into your life. Do you find that drama alllways finds you? This is going to help you stop finding yourself in the middle of the bitching, get away from the gossip, and be a fab chill queen bean. SCIENCE FACT: How pathogens (a disease causing mechanism) is destroyed within the body.   LINKS: Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group . Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG  Follow @alexispredez on IG   Follow @listnrentertainment on IG  CREDITS Host: Alexis Fernandez       Executive Producer & Editor:  Elise CooperDigital Producer:  Zoe Panaretos DYFM Social Producer: Shania MaguaManaging Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.