07: How to Rest without Feeling Guilty

We had a very insightful superfan make a brilliant suggestion that we’re acting on, starting with this episode. David Gaines, author of Radical Business, CEO of La Terza Coffee, and kind human being, sent in a message cheering us on for the podcast rebrand, and then pushed us to do just a bit more. Specifically, he said, “The guests you have on clearly have their brilliance to add to the world, but for me personally, the main reason I listen to your work is that I find a lot of brilliance in your perspectives as you process in real time what your guests are saying.”   Considering that while we are deeply curious human beings who are pretty darn good at interviewing people, we are ALSO speakers who very much have our own brilliant perspectives - his words, not ours - too.  So, David, thank you. We’re going to weave in more episodes with our thoughts, reflections, and actions based on what we learn from our guests going forward!    In addition, this fall, we’re working on something new for our newsletter subscribers, so make sure you’re subscribed to be the first to hear about it!     And if you’re more of an audiophile, based on the fact that you’re listening to this podcast, take a moment to check the link  below to leave an audio recording of your feedback on how we can make this podcast the best it can be for YOU!     What to listen for:  Insight into how we came up with this idea for our 2025 summer series, and how we source our guests. Our favorite takeaways from each one of our summer episodes, including practical tips, general themes, and questions that we’re still mulling over. How you can make the podcast better - we’re looking for your input! CLICK HERE to record yourself giving us feedback on how to make this podcast and newsletter better for you!!!!!  https://platform.amoofy.com/record/podcast-feedback/start   

In our last episode of our series on how to be a better human, we’re talking about rest. Specifically, what do we mean by rest, and why is it so important? How do we grapple with its significance in our individual and collective lives, and for real, how do we DO LESS? This conversation has become increasingly frequent in our lives, and we wanted to share our thoughts with you. If this resonates, please share with your friends, and tell us how you incorporate rest, in whatever form, into your lives as well.   What to listen for: How we reframe the idea of rest - from something used as a break from your life to something that is part of your life Ways that we incorporate rest in our everyday lives, for real, with the caveat to make sure we’re not judging others for their ability/inability to rest the way we think is best Having no guilt about resting, by drawing on the concepts of Rest as Resistance - pulling ourselves out of the system of exploitative capitalism as per Tricia Hersey’s book by the same name   Resources we mention in this episode: The Reclaimed (Whitney Alese) post with ideas of things to do that matter:  https://www.instagram.com/p/DI_kN69Nb-0/?img_index=1&igsh=aDB2Z2pocXgwNDFr  The book Rest is Resistance (Tricia Hersey):  https://bookshop.org/p/books/rest-is-resistance-a-manifesto-tricia-hersey/18255493?ean=9780316365215&next=t  The Dear White Women episode featuring Kibi Anderson:  https://www.whatdoyoumeanbythat.com/dwwepisodes/248-for-all-womxn-the-rested-rebel-with-kibi-anderson-hyagx  A neurologist website about the foods to avoid to quell migraines:  https://www.gottaheadache.com/ 

Maybe these are some questions you’ve asked yourself, as we’ve moved from the election of 2024 to the present: Where the heck are the Democrats?  What’s happening with the dysfunctional American two-party political system, and if we don’t support what the Trump administration is doing to our people and our rule of law, how do we find any hope we might have left for regaining control of our Democracy? What do we even mean when we say Democrat these days? We’ve asked ourselves the same questions and have come up empty. As a result, we decided to ask these very same questions of a Democratic insider, as this week we discuss how to be a better Democrat.   What to listen for: What better strategies look like for Democratic strategies going forward, including increasing youth leadership, and getting into your communities to learn what people really care about How do we hold Democratic leaders accountable?  Finding commonality across the aisle Holding Republican leaders accountable for preserving our democracy as well About our guest:   Megan Imperial is a seasoned political strategist with over eight years of experience in policy development, legislative strategy, and organizational leadership. She has worked across public, private, and nonprofit sectors, specializing in racial equity, budget analysis, and workforce development. Megan's background includes advising government agencies on equity initiatives and managing high-impact campaigns, including her recent work as Campaign Manager for Jesse Arreguín for State Senate and Victor Flores for BART. At the state level, Megan has held leadership roles within the California Young Democrats, including VP of Finance and Chair of the Womxn's Caucus. She serves as a sitting member of the California Democratic Party Women's Caucus. Locally, she is the Immediate Past President of the East Bay Young Democrats.  

It’s not controversial to say that we are living in times of deep division, where there are so many forces keeping us apart, politics being a big part of that.  But did you know that there’s a link between how satisfied you think you are with your life, how much you trust others, and how you vote? It’s a mind-blowing, less-discussed topic, despite being a chapter in the latest World Happiness Report. Importantly, to make a difference, we wonder this - how do we actually build trust with people who hold different viewpoints, especially if our first impulse is to block them, disregard their comments, or ignore them entirely? We’re so glad today to have one of the co-authors of the World Happiness Report here to talk with us about how we can use our understanding of wellbeing and trust to build stronger communities, reconnect with each other, and also bridge the politics of division.    What to listen for: What the World Happiness Report is Despite our focus on class struggle or traditional ideologies as the explanation for why people vote a certain way, it’s actually more about life satisfaction and trust.  The wallet study The truth - that unhappy people are attracted by the extremes of the political spectrum. Low-trust people are found more often on the far right, whereas high-trust people are more inclined to vote for the far left. How we can rebuild trust in community, one meal at a time About our guest:  Jan-Emmanuel De Neve is Professor of Economics and Behavioural Science at the University of Oxford, where he also directs the Wellbeing Research Centre. He is best known for his research on the economics of wellbeing which has led to new insights into the relationship between happiness and income, productivity, firm performance, and economic growth. His pioneering research is published in the leading academic journals across multiple disciplines, including Science, Nature, The Review of Economics and Statistics, Psychological Science,world we Management Science, Journal of Political Economy, and the British Medical Journal. His research was recognized among "The Management Ideas That Mattered Most" by Harvard Business Review and he currently guides the world's largest study on workplace wellbeing in partnership with Indeed. De Neve co-authored the main textbook on wellbeing science with Richard Layard, is an editor of the World Happiness Report, and co-founder of the World Wellbeing Movement. Additionally, he serves as a member of the UN Expert Group on Wellbeing Measurement. De Neve frequently consults for governments and major corporations, and his insights on wellbeing and policy are sought by leading global media. Two of his books include Wellbeing: Science and Policy, and Why Workplace Wellbeing Matters.   

Depending on who you are and where you get your news from, you may be seeing a completely separate version of the news from your neighbor down the street, your aunt in another state, or your coworker who only gets his news from a specific social media platform. Maybe everyone around you gets the same news you do. But you also know that there is a very different version of reality out there, that many people are deeply believing in. So, how do we figure out what’s true and what’s convenient? How do we talk to each other if we don’t have the same baseline of understanding about, perhaps, anything? We’d argue that this is where critical thinking skills come in. But what do you mean by critical thinking skills? We’re glad you asked. This episode is for anyone who wants to think deeper about what we mean when we say critical thinking skills and how we can use them to bridge the divides in our communities, our country, and maybe even in our own households.   What to listen for:  What are critical thinking skills, and why are they so important?  How do we avoid the common mistake of confusing critical thinking for believing in counter-narratives, especially when we are living in an era of disinformation or misinformation, where even the truth is hard to find? The main parts of critical thinking - and how we can each practice these skills About our guest:  Colin Seale was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY, where struggles in his upbringing gave birth to his passion for educational equity. Tracked early into gifted and talented programs, Colin was afforded opportunities his neighborhood peers were not. Using lessons from his experience as a math teacher, later as an attorney, and now as a keynote speaker, contributor to Forbes, The 74, Edutopia and Education Post and author of Thinking Like a Lawyer: A Framework for Teaching Critical Thinking to All Students (Prufrock Press, 2020) and Tangible Equity: A Guide for Leveraging Student Identity, Culture, and Power to Unlock Excellence In and Beyond the Classroom (Routledge, May 2022), Colin founded thinkLaw (www.thinklaw.us), a multi-award-winning organization to help educators leverage inquiry-based instructional strategies to close the critical thinking gap and ensure they teach and reach all students, regardless of race, zip code or what side of the poverty line they are born into. When he’s not serving as the world’s most fervent critical thinking advocate or tweeting from @ColinESeale, Colin proudly serves as the world’s greatest entertainer to his two young children.

This is Sara, and I remember the time 20 years ago when I got schooled by a psychoanalyst.  It must have been the fall, because I was supremely agitated that I was having to write, design, and send holiday cards out to a huge list of people all by myself, without the help of my fiancé.  If you know me, you know that cards were a staple of my winter growing up, with cards from my parents’ friends stapled onto long felt ribbons hanging down each doorway, surrounding us with love and smiling faces for weeks on end.  The therapist asked if I could just not do them, if it was annoying me so much, and my instant fury was revealed: Are you kidding? I have to send these cards out, it’s the nice thing to do!!  Cut to the point, and it’s this - nice according to who?  Nice for whom?  Certainly not nice for me if I were going to be resentful and pissy about it.  I came to terms with the fact that I actually just really enjoyed writing and sending cards out to people who warmed my heart that year, and that my partner wasn’t a nice person for not agreeing to send these cards out with me.   But it leads us to ask this.  What do we mean by niceness - and what, more importantly, is its not-as-related-as-it-seems and so much more important character trait of kindness?  How can understanding this difference and leaning into kindness help us be better people?   What to listen for: How a medically trained doctor got into a “touchy-feely” thing like kindness The shockingly tremendous impact that kindness has on our individual health and our societal wellbeing What’s the difference between niceness vs kindness?  Ways to begin practicing more kindness About our guest:   Kelli Harding, MD, MPH, is dedicated to creating a kinder and healthier world for all. An expert in mental health, medicine, and public health, she teaches at Columbia University’s Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons (VP&S) in New York City and is a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, also boarded in the sub-specialty of consultation-liaison psychiatry or psychosomatic (mind-body) medicine. Known for making complex scientific research understandable to general audiences, she’s the author of the critically acclaimed book The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness. Dr. Harding has appeared on Today, Good Morning America, BBC, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Prevention, LA Times, Oprah Magazine, Parents, Medscape, Sesame Street Workshop, and The World Economic Forum. Additionally, she has spoken at global events at the United Nations and World Happiness Summits and served on the Boards of Organizations such as the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) and social media platform Nextdoor. Dr. Harding lives in New York City with her husband and three sons—an eleventh-grader, a ninth-grader, and a sixth-grader, and beloved rescue pup, Athena. Her next book, Different, co-authored with Sara Blanchard, will be out in Fall 2026. Website kellihardingmd.com LinkedIn Kelli Harding MD MPH Instagram @kellihardingmd

One of the ways that we believe we can be better humans is to actually listen to each other - not just nod along when we watch people’s mouths move, or wait impatiently for someone to finish their thought before we can jump in and say what we’ve been dying to say - but actually listen to what they’re saying, take a moment to reflect on that, and respond. Perhaps you ask a clarifying question, perhaps you share a reflection, perhaps you simply agree and ask for more details. Regardless of your response, if you’re really listening, people will know and will see you in a better light as a result.  If you’re curious about how to be a better listener, we offer two experts on the topic who help us understand: What do you mean by radical listening?   What to listen for: Why listening better makes you a better human Six skills important to growing your ability to listen better The role culture can play in listening and communication What environment is most conducive to listening, and what YOU can do to be a better listener  About the guests:    Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is a researcher, author, and consultant with 75 peer-reviewed academic articles with over 27,000 citations. His previous books include The Upside of Your Dark Side (New York Times Bestseller, 2014), and the 2008 PROSE Award winner, Happiness. He has presented keynotes to Lululemon, Deloitte, Humana, AARP, The World Bank, and others. In 2024, Thinkers50 named Robert one of the “50 Most Influential Executive Coaches in the World”. He lives in Portland, Oregon, enjoying drawing and rock climbing.   Prof. Christian van Nieuwerburgh (PhD) is an academic, consultant, and executive coach. He is Professor of Coaching and Positive Psychology at the Centre for Positive Health Sciences at RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences (Ireland) and Consulting Professor for Growth Coaching International, a provider of coach training and consultancy for the education sector. In recognition of his contributions to the fields of positive psychology and coaching, he is Principal Fellow of the Centre for Wellbeing Science at the Melbourne Graduate School of Education of the University of Melbourne (Australia) and Honorary CollectivEd Fellow of the Carnegie School of Education at Leeds Beckett University (UK). Christian is a certified executive coach and is well published in the academic literature on the topics of coaching and positive psychology. He has authored, co-authored, and edited numerous books in the field of coaching, most notably An Introduction to Coaching Skills: A Practical Guide (2014, 2016, 2020). His latest books are Your Essential Guide to Effective Reflective Practice (2025, with David Love) and Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection (2025, with Robert Biswas- Diener).   Follow Christian on Instagram (@coachonamotorcycle), on his YouTube channel (@coachonamotorcycle), and on his website (coachonamotorcycle.com).

We have a big announcement!  We have rebranded and are now known as the podcast, What Do You Mean By That?    If you’ve listened to our former show, Dear White Women, you know that What do you mean by that? has been one of our favorite questions to use to interrupt people in a healthy way, spur on conversation, and cue ourselves to listen. Our purpose has always been to help our society realize that it’s all of us or none of us. That a world that is good for those who are most systematically oppressed is a world that’s good for all of us. After 272 episodes, we’ve come to understand just how intertwined the systems are that hold us together and keep us apart.   This is a show dedicated to helping folks talk smarter and think deeper about the world around us - even when information is flying at us at warp speed. We will not let the fire hose overwhelm us. Whether it’s about science, history, current events, social justice, or more, our community consists of people who want to be better humans, and we want to explore all the conversations in a succinct way so we can cut to the chase and help us all be better, together, for all of us.   We can’t wait to keep asking, along with you: What do you mean by that?   What to listen for:  What this new show - What Do You Mean By That? - stands for and is about Why we rebranded, including the history of our former podcast Dear White Women The commitment we have to getting in front of people to emphasize our message that it’s all of us, or none of us - and we want all of us to feel like we belong and can thrive.  

Raise your hand if you’ve been to therapy before.  My first time, if I’m remembering correctly, is a few months after my Dad died when I was in my mid-twenties, and my college roommate set me up with her aunt, who was a renowned psychoanalyst.  She also happened to be Asian. Now that it’s been decades and I’ve had so many more experiences with so many more therapists, all of whom have been white, I realize how rare and fortunate it was for me to have had that experience of a therapist who culturally understood me, which then played a formative role in my own understanding of my relationship with myself, my parents, self care and success and my place in the world.    If you’ve never had the experience of having therapists who are the same race as you, you might really get this visceral sense of relief that we are talking about.  This unspoken understanding that can-not always, but often, exist in those spaces of similarity.  I think it’s played a huge part in the relationship we have had, as multi-ethnic daughters of one Japanese immigrant parent and one white American parent each - there were just some things we didn’t have to explain to each other.   Which is why when we learned about a whole mental health support system - one we’ve come to learn doesn’t have to just include therapists, but a whole system of community support - that is centered on Asian Americans, we wanted to seize the opportunity to talk about culturally responsive care, about what it means to work on ourselves to be better people, and more. What to listen for: What it means to be a better person  Therapy 101 - what challenges people go to therapy for, what types of therapists are out there What culturally responsive care means, and how this applies to the Asian American community  How we can support our own mental health, and that of others About our guests:  Soo Jin Lee, a licensed therapist, executive director of Yellow Chair Collective, and co-founder of Entwine Community, has made a profound impact in mental health advocacy, shaped by her own experiences as an Asian immigrant. Her work focuses on culturally responsive mental health care, addressing the unique challenges faced by immigrant and Asian American communities. She co-authored the influential book Where I Belong: Healing Trauma and Embracing Asian American Identity, which explores identity and healing through a culturally informed lens. Recognized by NPR, PBS, CBS, and CUNY, Soo Jin is dedicated to fostering community support and advancing culturally sensitive mental health services.   Linda Yoon is the founder of Yellow Chair Collective and co-founder of Entwine Community, organizations dedicated to addressing mental health education and service gaps in services for BIPOC communities, with a special focus on Asian Americans. She is recognized as a co-author of the book "Where I Belong: Healing Trauma and Embracing Asian American Identity," which delves deeply into themes of Asian American identity and resilience, alongside the racial, cultural, and intergenerational dynamics present within Asian American communities. Linda's work has been recognized and featured in media outlets including NPR, PBS, CBS, LA Times, and Buzzfeed. With a heartfelt commitment to well-being and community empowerment, Linda drives changes through mental health programs and advocacy initiatives.   Brief synopsis of the book: Soo Jin Lee and Linda Yoon have personally observed the frequent neglect of mental health issues in their own immigrant families and within Asian and Asian American communities. Their book "Where I Belong" illuminates how trauma perpetuates through generations and impacts relationships, emphasizing the Asian American experience for better understanding and healing of racial and intergenerational trauma.   “Where I Belong” offers crucial therapeutic techniques, reflective questions, journaling prompts, and grounding exercises, empowering readers to recognize their intergenerational strengths and resilience and to fully embrace their identity and cultural heritage.   About Yellow Chair Collective: Yellow Chair Collective is a psychotherapist group with a special focus on Asian and Asian American identity based in California, Oregon, Washington, and New York. Asian Americans and the multicultural population struggle with unique pain points. Much of what Asian American and multicultural therapy identifies as intergenerational trauma or racial discrimination has been neglected and dismissed throughout American history. As a Collective, we are dedicated to bridging cultural identity as a huge part of everyone’s mental struggles.   The Yellow Chair Collective

Picture a successful business leader, and experience says you’re most likely to be picturing a white male right now.  Similarly, the realm of business books has been dominated by white males for so, so long - which is why we find it incredibly refreshing to talk with someone who does NOT fit that mold and has an unforgettable presence all the same.   What to listen for:  What made Lorraine K Lee write the book Unforgettable Presence? The many layers of creating a strong presence, including cultural upbringing, introversion vs extraversion, and more  The top three tips on where to start creating your authentic presence Advice to the Asian woman middle manager during AANHPI month - find a sponsor! About our guest:  Lorraine K. Lee is a keynote speaker, best-selling author of Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career, and instructor with LinkedIn Learning and Stanford. She is recognized as a LinkedIn Top Voice with hundreds of thousands of followers and has a decade of experience leading editorial teams at top tech firms. Her insights have appeared in outlets such as CNBC, Bloomberg, and Fast Company.