T.M.I. & Boundary Building

Ever meet someone who feels right on every emotional level, but the finance math ain’t mathin’? A listener named Ray shares: "I met a wonderful man online. We went on two amazing dates. He's attentive, attractive, and dare I say we had a magical connection. Here's the thing: it seems he's going through a major life transition. He quit his tech job nine months ago and has been figuring it out. His phone only works on Wi-Fi and he might need to figure out a different living situation to cut costs. I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at today. I'd like someone who could meet me halfway. Is this a deal breaker?" In this episode, we get real about what financial compatibility actually means and why wanting stability doesn't make you materialistic. You'll hear why a magical connection alone isn't enough and how to tell the difference between someone in transition versus someone who's stuck. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Red flags that deserve your digital detective skills What "meeting halfway" really means What is a fair contribution to ask from a partner How to contribute if you or your partner earns less  How resentment builds in a new relationship.  The questions you should be asking when someone's story doesn't quite add up Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life?Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship or dating question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever feel stuck managing someone else's emotional chaos when you're just trying to get through the day? This week we're tackling a different kind of relationship: the one between you and your boss. What happens when someone in a professional setting starts treating you like their therapist, and you can't just hit mute, unsubscribe, block and delete and walk away? This week, a listener shares: "My boss talks to me like I'm her best friend…way too much info. Relationship problems, family drama, sometimes mid-meeting she'll start telling a story that's got nothing to do with work. It's super uncomfortable, but I also don't wanna create tension. How do I keep things professional when the person in charge doesn't seem to know where the line is?" In this episode, we talk about why oversharing is a form of emotional manipulation and how to set clear but compassionate boundaries. You'll hear how to redirect without drama, why the post-pandemic return to office made boundaries messier, and how the pattern of stuffing down your feelings at work shows up in your romantic relationships too. What You'll Hear In This Episode: When nice doesn't mean safe Why emotional dumping creates liability not connection Three real ways to redirect oversharing without risking your job Why boundaries make you trustworthy, not cold How stuffing down your feelings at work shows up in your romantic relationships Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life?Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship question?DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are sharing a special episode this week, from Dr. Sharon Malone's new podcast, The Second Opinion. On this show, women take back the conversation on health with straight talk, real experience, and the care we all deserve. You’ll hear prominent female advocates, experts and patients just like you sharing how they confronted gaps in our healthcare system and got second opinions that saved their lives. Alongside each guest, Dr. Sharon tackles the questions and topics we’ve been conditioned to ignore - the ones we search for at 3 a.m. but never bring up at the doctor’s office. From dismissed symptoms to systemic failures, she pulls back the curtain on what’s really going on in women’s health and gives women the tools to advocate for themselves and each other. In this episode, Dr. Sharon talks to CNN anchor and analyst Laura Coates about how she almost died during childbirth, her experience with early menopause and how she handles hot flashes on air and at home. Dr. Sharon shares menopause warning signs and helps Laura connect what she thought were individual experiences to menopause. And the two discuss the need for improved awareness around suffering through menopause and the benefits of Hormone Replacement Therapy. Listen to more of The Second Opinion: damonahoffman.com/secondopinion Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever feel like you're speaking different languages with your partner, literally? When one of you wants deep conversations over text and the other needs to actually hear a voice, it's not just frustrating. It's creating real distance. This week, a listener shares: "I'm seeing this guy and we have totally different ways of communicating and it's starting to become a problem. He's all about texting, like everything is through text with him. He wants to have these deep conversations over text and I'm more of a 'can we just call, can we actually talk?' person. Last week I had something I really needed to bring up with him and I texted him about it since that's what he prefers and it went so wrong." In this episode, Damona unpacks why text-based communication has disrupted relationships more than dating apps ever did, what different communication preferences reveal about emotional processing, and how to bridge the gap without losing yourself in the compromise. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why texting is a new form of communication that must be learned How the “Why” behind someone’s communication style tells you everything A practical framework for having "communication about communication"  Scripts for setting up “The Talk” about communication New ways to assess compatibility 4 ways to reconnect beyond a text message Resources & Links: Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a communication question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Help Dates & Mates win a Signal Award! Vote by October 9th at damonahoffman.com/award Loving someone who can't love you back the same way is one of the most tender, complicated situations in relationships. Sometimes the safest relationship in your life becomes the hardest one to navigate, and the person who knows you best is also the one you want most. This week, a listener shares: "I'm in love with my best friend. I'm a queer woman in my thirties and she's straight in her mid to late twenties. We've gotten progressively closer to the point where people think we are dating. My therapist told me my friend is the safest relationship that I have in my life. So sometimes I do wonder if what I'm perceiving as romantic love is just a really healthy friendship. Do I tell my best friend I'm in love with her? If I don't, how do I protect my heart and continue to have this incredible friendship that I never want to give up?" In this episode, Damona explores what happens when deep friendship intersects with romantic feelings. You'll hear about the difference between emotional safety and romantic compatibility, why fantasy relationships feel easier than real ones, and how to navigate truth-telling without causing collateral damage to the relationship that matters most. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why feeling safe with someone doesn't automatically make them your romantic match How staying in the fantasy can keep you emotionally unavailable to real possibilities The critical questions to ask yourself before revealing feelings to a friend What it costs you to stay silent when romantic feelings are involved Why creating distance might be the most clarifying move you can make right now How to baby step into gauging openness without risking everything at once What it means to proceed with compassion for both yourself and your friend Resources & Links: Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook Leave a voicemail or text: 424-246-6255 Dates & Mates is a finalist for a Signal Award! We need your support to ensure Love Wins! Vote for Dates & Mates at ⁠damonahoffman.com/award⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you believe that Love Wins? Dates & Mates is a finalist for our first-ever Signal Award, and we need every single listener to make their voice heard. We are the ONLY relationship-focused and independently produced podcast nominated in the How To & Advice category.  If you have ever been helped, inspired, or changed by listening to this podcast, this is the moment to let me know. It takes 30 seconds or less to VOTE at damonahoffman.com/award.  ********************************** You've mastered the logistics of life together, but somewhere along the way, you stopped actually living it together. This week, a listener shares: "I'm lonely in my own marriage. We've been together 12 years and we're like this well-oiled machine. Kids get to practice, bills are paid, house doesn't fall apart, but that's it. We don't actually talk anymore, just coordinate. Last week I realized we hadn't had a real conversation in probably two months. When I brought it up, he was like, 'what's wrong? We're good. We don't fight.' But I'm dying here. I miss my husband." In this episode, Damona explores what happens when couples perfect the art of co-managing but lose the skills of co-connecting. You'll hear why functional doesn't have to mean emotionally empty, and how to bridge the gap when one person doesn't even see the problem. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why becoming a "well-oiled machine" can actually work against your relationship How to practice intimacy skills the same way you schedule soccer practice The difference between absence of conflict and presence of connection Why two months without real conversation signals an emotional drought How to get from logistics to feelings without blindsiding your partner What "relationship amnesia" looks like and how to recover those lost skills Why missing someone who's sitting right next to you hits so differently Resources & Links: Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook Leave a voicemail or text: 424-246-6255 Dates & Mates is a finalist for a Signal Award! We need your support to ensure Love Wins! Vote for Dates & Mates at damonahoffman.com/award Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens if you get to the third date and it still feels awkward? Grin and bear it? Or keep waiting for chemistry? And how can you trust that your gut is telling you the right thing? This week, a listener shares: "I met a man who checks every box on paper. He’s kind, reliable, matches my values… but I feel absolutely nothing. No spark. No butterflies. Is something wrong with me?" In this episode, Damona shares the truth about emotional resonance, why the three-date rule isn’t a trap, and how to tell the difference between being too picky and being truly honest with yourself.  You’ll hear how to identify the signals your body sends you, why humor matters more than you think, and why being “decent” should never be the bar. What You'll Hear In This Episode: What the three-date rule really means (and what it doesn’t) Why “good on paper” doesn’t always translate to connection How to tell if you're genuinely curious or just people-pleasing The surprising role of humor in long-term compatibility How to do an energy check after every date What your nervous system is trying to tell you The difference between settling and staying open Connect With Us: Get your copy of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story" Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our ⁠⁠Date Tracker⁠⁠ Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Damona is joined by her longtime friend, TV and TikTok superstarMatchmaker Maria, a fourth-generation matchmaker with no time for fairy tale fluff.  They get real about why dating feels so lonely now,, the truth about relationship timelines, and why your deep texting doesn’t count as actual connection. Whether you're stuck on the apps or spiraling in dating burnout, Maria shares practical tools from her new book Ask a Matchmaker that will help you reset your mindset, clarify your compatibility, and finally stop waiting for someone to “just get it.” What You’ll Hear In This Episode Why dating has become a solo sport and what to do about it The truth about the male loneliness epidemic and community loss How siloization is killing our dating lives Maria’s 5 pillars of compatibility and why they actually work How the 12-Date Rule leads to real connection (and yes, sex can wait) The sneaky trap of texting-as-dating Why bangs and Alicia Keys might be holding you back Resources and Links Connect with Maria on Instagram. Facebook, and TikTok Get the book ⁠Ask a Matchmaker⁠ Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our ⁠Date Tracker⁠ Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We often talk about romance, but this week, we’re taking a closer look at the quiet epidemic affecting millions: the erosion of deep friendships and emotional openness, especially among men. What happens when someone says “I miss you”... and it feels too risky to say it back? How do cultural norms shape our ability to express care, and how can we start to rebuild emotional intimacy, not just in partnerships, but in friendships too? This week’s episode was inspired by a friend of the show, Douglas, whose candid moment with his wife sparked a much bigger conversation about vulnerability, gender norms, and the loneliness many are too afraid to name. This week, a listener shares: “Last night my wife told me she was getting lunch with a friend after getting a text that said ‘I miss you.’ I told her it’s nice women can say that — but guys can’t. She insisted we could. I’m not convinced. What do you think?” What You’ll Hear In This Episode: Why men’s close friendships have declined dramatically in the last 30 years How emotional repression becomes loneliness, rage, and disconnection Why “guys don’t say I miss you” is a cultural myth we need to break The generational shift that teaches boys to shut down emotional expression Three step-by-step scripts to help you reconnect or form new friendships How to create low-pressure connection points that foster deeper bonds Why you don’t need permission to reach out,  just a little courage Resources & Links: Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our Date Tracker Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve all had that one date…the one that felt like lightning. Everything clicks, and before you know it, you're imagining forever. But when you act on that high too quickly, reality can come crashing down hard. This week, a listener shares: “Late at night, I had to get these thoughts off my mind. I told her I felt like I think I'd found my wife. She expressed that she was disappointed that I would say this after what she told me about moving too fast and that it was best we not see each other.” In this episode, Damona breaks down what really happens when you come on too strong — and why even the most intense connection can’t be rushed. You’ll hear how fantasy thinking can override our better judgment, why texting late at night can sabotage a budding connection, and how to make amends when you've crossed a line. Most importantly, Damona offers real steps for recovery, both emotional and relational. The neuroscience behind why we overshare when we feel a spark How to tell if it’s a true connection or a fantasy projection Why texting your feelings late at night is rarely a good move What to say if you’ve overwhelmed someone with big emotions How to show up as your full self without rushing the process The one mistake people make after hearing someone’s boundary A script for taking accountability while leaving the door open Download the Frustration-Free Dating Guide: DamonaHoffman.com Leave a voicemail or text your question: 424-246-6255 Follow @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook DM or voice memo your question to be featured in a future Dear Damona segment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices