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Part eight of Twin Peaks: The Return is officially the weirdest television ever made, but will that stop our team doing their best to describe what just happened? Absolutely not.

There's a double cross, a chorus-line of charcoal men acting as paranormal paramedics. Atoms are split and minds are blown. Finally, we see a phallic creature emerge from an egg. It is a cockroach? Is it a frog?

No! It's a cockfrog!

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