The thought of trying again after having a NICU baby

In our first episode of Season 2, brought to you by the Kids Research Institute Australia and the Embrace Program, we are joined by Dr Vincent Mancini. Dr Mancini is a Perth-based Senior Research Fellow with a PhD in Clinical Psychology, leading research at the intersection of masculinity, fatherhood, and children’s health and wellbeing. He is driven by the belief that every child deserves the opportunity to thrive, and that fathers and male caregivers play a pivotal role in shaping this potential.His work explores how fathers and father figures influence child development, how work and family dynamics shape wellbeing, and the complex challenges faced by boys and young men. He has expertise across areas including fatherhood science, perinatal mental health in fathers, parent emotion regulation, Fly-In-Fly-Out (FIFO) work, men’s mental health, suicide prevention, grief and bereavement, mediation and conflict resolution, child maltreatment, children's neurodiversity, young men’s engagement in sport gambling, and the prevention of gender-based violence.Dr Mancini's team at the Kids is leading the charge in shaping a new support initiative called NICU Dads, and today we discuss the importance of his work and how he is shaping the future of support for Dads on their NICU journey. 

Dads of the NICU is back!After a long wait, Matt is back sharing stories and reflections, with the support of the Kids Research Institute in Perth and our great partners in EMBRACE. As I launch the new series today, on World Prematurity Day, I am very excited to introduce Dr Vincent Mancini from The Kids and his colleague Jack Boronovskis, who produces The Kids Research Institute’s mental health podcast, Embracing the Mind. I’ll be linking up with Vincent and Jack at the Perth Children’s Hospital, where we will be talking to dads with lived experience of the NICU, and clinicians providing care to families. Over the coming months, I will share the interviews with the Dad's, as well as some key personnel at the Kids who work directly with Dads on a daily basis. 

Having gone through 98 days in the NICU with our daughter Lara, the thought of trying again for baby #2 was far from my thought processes. It was going to take some time for the mental wounds to heal from our experience, and I started to question if I could go through it all again.I was so focused on the negative outcomes that I did not give any hope or attention to positive outcomes for months. But after a while, I knew I wanted to try again, and that I wanted our family to grow.  After some healthy discussions with my wife - we were ready. But would our journey be the same the second time round? 

I am back!  After a two year break to focus on family and work, I am back on the mic to bring you my next NICU adventure!Our son Cooper was born at 26 weeks in February 2022, and we are right back where it all began in the same NICU, precisely 2 yeas and 4 days since Lara was discharged. In that time, we unfortunately lost our dear son Leo at birth at 18 weeks, but we re-grouped, and knew that our story had not been fully written.So - join me on my next NICU adventure! 

The only thing harder than spending 115 days in the NICU for Brodie James will be his next Ironman race.  Brodie was able to turn to his training regime to keep a clear mind and a positive outlook during his NICU journey, which enabled him to support his wife and new son as best as possible, and be the rock and Ironman in the NICU. We discuss the highs and lows of his time in the NICU, and what life is like now his new little mate is finally at home, and what he is looking forward to the most over the next 12 months. 

Picture this: You get a call from the Hospital in the early hours of the morning saying that your wife has just been rushed to the birthing suite for emergency surgery. You live over 30min away, and you know you wont make it in time to be there to support her.  What would be going through your mind?Today I chat with Luke Bowtell, who opens up about the very traumatic birth of his daughter, and talks through the impacts this had on his family.  Every NICU journey is different, and know two stories are alike!  Opening up and sharing can be so helpful in processing what has happened, and make you feel at ease with everything that is going on.If you are not normally someone who opens up and shows emotion, maybe this is the time to try it out?!

I chat with Will Jackson, a Dad that I met on day two of my NICU journey.  Will opens up on his experiences in the NICU, and we discuss all aspects of his journey, and how it effected him.  NICU life is not the same for every Dad. Different parts of a NICU journey will impact Dads in a myriad of ways, and it is up to the individual to work out how to process what is happening, and deal with it in their own way. Not all Dads will look after their physical health or mental health in the best way.  Not all Dads will know what to do when thrown a challenge or setback, and not all Dads can be the 'rock' that they think is expected of them. Another unexplored aspect is the trauma that NICU life places on parents, and the worry that this could all happen again when trying to expand their family.  Would it put you off trying again?  Have you thought about it?  Do you need to talk to your partner about it?

How many times have you walked in to your baby's room in the NICU and checked the monitors or the medical chart before actually checking on your baby?I did this so many times on my NICU journey that I became so fixated on the data even though I didn't really know exactly what I was looking for. I needed to just try and forget about the numbers, and focus purely on my daughters physical developments. I am joined again by Scott Merrick for a chat about NICU Dads becoming "Data analysts", and we discuss what the data meant to us, and how it impacted our bond and relationships with our NICU babies. 

Living away from home to spend time with your family in a NICU can be a really tough adjustment.  The further away from your family and friends you are, the harder the whole journey can be for you.In this Episode, I am joined by Scott Merrick, a father that I met on my NICU journey.  Scott will take us through what it was like to be so far from home, and how he adjusted to his new life living away from home. There are some fantastic organisations our there that help families in need, and the following story shared by Scott will dive in to the life of a family residing at a Ronald McDonald house. For more information about Ronald McDonald House Charities please visit http://www.rmhc.org.au/ 

The NICU Shuffle is a dance that we will all perform on our journey. It will look different for everyone, and the steps will vary.  We wont always be dancing to the same beat, and sometimes the music will speed up, and sometimes the music will slow down.  Your NICU Shuffle will need to adapt to the music and pace of your NICU journey. The way you shuffle it is up to you.  So don't be shy - grab your partners hand, and get on that dance floor!!!