Why People Seek Emotional Validation Outside Their Relationships | Understanding Fear & Avoidance Pattern

In this episode, the Conversations team explore why some individuals seek emotional or physical validation outside their intimate relationships. Often, it’s not about sex but about fear, trauma, or unmet emotional needs in the primary relationship. They discuss how past experiences, including childhood trauma and early relationship patterns, can create unconscious behaviors that affect trust and intimacy in adult relationships. Viewers will learn about: How fear and avoidance shape relationship behaviors The role of childhood experiences in adult connection patterns Emotional vs. physical fulfillment in relationships Common patterns when relationships become more intimate or face life transitions, like having a first child Understanding these patterns can help individuals navigate relationships more consciously, foster deeper connections, and address unresolved fears and trauma. 💬 Join the conversation: What patterns have you noticed in relationships around trust and connection?

What happens when a betrayed partner feels invalidated, not only by the one who hurt them, but also by a professional who should be offering support? In this conversation, experts discuss how the way a question is worded can shift the entire meaning, and how outdated therapeutic approaches may unintentionally cause harm. The discussion also highlights the painful reality for betrayed partners who often feel they must advocate for themselves—not just in the relationship, but even with the therapist. Key insights covered in this video: - Why wording and energy behind questions matter in recovery discussions - How betrayal trauma can be dismissed or minimized by outdated advice - The impact of therapists who are not trained in betrayal trauma modalities - Why betrayed partners often feel forced to advocate for themselves - How accountability, empathy, and updated research can change the healing process Healing from betrayal and addiction recovery requires more than surface-level advice. Both individuals deserve accurate support, empathy, and a pathway to rebuilding trust. Watch now to learn how professionals, partners, and those in recovery can work toward healthier, research-backed healing. #BetrayalTrauma #AddictionRecovery #RelationshipHealing #TraumaInformedCare #TherapistTraining #HealingJourney #AccountabilityInRecovery #TraumaHealing

What happens when a betrayed partner is told that their trauma is detrimental to an addict’s recovery? In this discussion, we unpack why this perspective is outdated, harmful, and rooted in misunderstanding. We explore the difference between sobriety and true recovery, how shame resiliency plays a role, and why betrayal trauma responses are valid—not intentional attempts to sabotage healing. Recovery requires accountability, empathy, and facing reality, not avoidance. Key insights in this video: - Why betrayal trauma is not detrimental, but a natural trauma response - The difference between recovery vs. sobriety in addiction healing - How shame resiliency supports accountability and growth - Why outdated therapeutic advice can harm both the addict and the betrayed partner - The importance of seeing trauma responses as unintentional, not blame-worthy Healing is not about avoiding the mirror that a partner holds up—it’s about learning to face it, accept responsibility, and build resilience. Both individuals deserve support and accurate, trauma-informed guidance to move toward real recovery. #BetrayalTrauma #AddictionRecovery #ShameResilience #TraumaHealing #SobrietyVsRecovery #RelationshipHealing #AccountabilityInRecovery #HealingJourney

In this episode, Tabitha Westbrook talks and sexual abuse within the church, childhood and with being married to a sex addict. She weaves neuroscience, embodiment, and story into her work with survivors of betrayal trauma and sexual harm. Tabitha shares why understanding your nervous system, connecting with your body, and reclaiming your voice are essential steps in the healing journey. This episode explores: - How trauma lives in the nervous system - The power of naming your story - Reclaiming pleasure and body connection after betrayal This conversation is especially powerful for survivors of betrayal trauma, therapists seeking integrative models, and anyone longing to feel safe in their body again. #TraumaHealing #NeuroscienceOfTrauma #BetrayalTrauma #TabithaWestbrook #StoryAndHealing #SomaticTherapy #ReligiousTrauma #ChristianTherapist #WomenHealing #EmbodiedHealing

How do you begin healing from trauma especially when self-hatred feels like second nature? In this honest and hopeful episode, Dan Drake, Tim Stein, Jeannie Vattoune and guest Tabitha Westbrook speak directly to survivors at the beginning of their healing journey. They explore what it means to show kindness to yourself, how deeply harmful theology can distort your self-worth, and how to take small, meaningful steps toward believing you are lovable and valuable, whether you're faith-based or not. Topics include: - How trauma teaches self-abuse—and how to challenge it - The importance of kindness and self-compassion early in recovery - Using affirmations and "opposite action" from DBT to shift how you feel - Why distorted theology can damage identity, and how to reclaim truth - The power of body posture and presence in reinforcing your worth - Encouragement for survivors wrestling with faith, shame, and healing This is one of the most grounding, relatable episodes for anyone beginning the work of trauma recovery and rebuilding their sense of self. #TraumaHealing #SelfCompassion #TabithaWestbrook #SexualTraumaRecovery #FaithAndHealing #DBT #OppositeAction #ChristianTherapist #ReligiousTrauma #IdentityHealing

How do you start a conversation about sex and trauma in the church—one that feels safe, honest, and healing?   In this powerful episode, therapist and author Tabitha Westbrook shares the surprising origin of her new book on sexuality and healing for survivors of trauma. What started as a single teaching session at a retreat turned into a book that gives language to the experiences many survivors never thought they could say out loud. Tabitha reflects on writing from her own story, the importance of compassion over condemnation, and how she hopes this work opens doors—for faith-based women, pastors, and even those outside the church.   This episode covers: - Why survivors need more than a retreat—they need resources - How her book is giving voice to hidden stories - What makes it safe for women in the church to talk about sexuality -- How the faith-based framework is used (without Bible-thumping) - Why even secular readers can benefit from the book’s insights - Addressing spiritual abuse and harmful messaging head-on - Using neuroscience and embodied practices in healing work   Whether you're a ministry leader, a therapist, or someone on your own healing journey, this conversation offers a compassionate, grounded path to understanding and restoring your sexuality.   #TabithaWestbrook #SexualHealing #ChristianTherapist #TraumaRecovery #FaithAndSexuality #ReligiousTrauma #WomenInTheChurch #HealingJourney #BodySoulHealedAndWhole #Neuroscience

How has purity culture in evangelical Christianity shaped views on lust, sex addiction, and shame and what needs to change? In this powerful conversation with Tabitha Westbrook we unpack how distorted teachings about lust and responsibility create division between men and women in the church. They discuss the deep harm these messages cause, the rising incidence of addictive behaviors, and the urgent need for the church to evolve. Key topics include: - Misconceptions about lust, sin, and personal responsibility - The impact of purity culture on men’s addiction and women’s shame - Signs of hopeful change, including important voices and research challenging the status quo - Why honest conversations about sexuality and trauma are vital for healing - Resources like the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit for providers and communities If you or someone you love is navigating recovery in a faith context, this episode offers compassionate insights and a call for growth and transformation. #PurityCulture #SexAddiction #EvangelicalChurch #ShameAndHealing #FaithAndRecovery #SexualIntegrity #TraumaHealing #AddictionRecovery

We will be exploring the language around binge/purge cycles, acting in versus acting out, and the idea of switching addictions or the “whack-a-mole” effect. The discussion digs into the difference between sobriety and recovery, why consistency matters, and what partners can look for when trying to determine if change is genuine. Have a question you’d like featured in a future mailbag episode? Send it to [email protected] If you find this episode helpful, remember to like, subscribe, and share. Doing so helps others discover these conversations and find the support they need. #BingePurgeAddiction #SexAddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #WhackAMoleAddiction #ActingInVsActingOut #DryDrunk #EmotionalRecovery #PartnerSupport #AddictionEducation #TraumaHealing #CompulsiveBehaviors

They haven’t acted out in a while but is it recovery… or just the purge phase? In this episode, Dan Drake Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein take on a powerful listener's question about the binge-purge subtype of sex addiction. When someone stops their acting out behavior for long stretches of time, it can look like sobriety but is it actually recovery, or just a temporary pause in the addiction cycle? The discussion explores what binge-purge really means (and how it's different from recovery, sobriety, or even cross-addiction), how to identify signs of “acting in” behaviors like emotional shutdown or passive-aggressiveness, and why some partners still feel unsafe even when no sexual acting out is occurring. They also discuss the “whack-a-mole” pattern of addiction and how to spot deeper patterns of compulsive coping, even when sex is off the table. #BingePurgeAddiction #SexAddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #WhackAMoleAddiction #ActingInVsActingOut #DryDrunk #EmotionalRecovery #PartnerSupport #AddictionEducation #TraumaHealing #CompulsiveBehaviors

How can you tell if someone is truly in recovery or just white-knuckling their way through another cycle of sex addiction? In this deep and practical conversation, Dan Drake, Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein explore the difference between sobriety and true recovery. Sobriety is what someone doesn't do. Recovery is what they do. And that distinction makes all the difference. Using analogies like beach balls under water, binge/purge cycles, and emotional suppression, they unpack the red flags that indicate when someone might be suppressing behaviors rather than healing and what it actually looks like when someone is leaning into recovery with vulnerability, honesty, and consistent action. If you're watching someone go through the motions and wondering, “Is this the real thing?” this episode will help you clarify the signs. #AddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #SobrietyVsRecovery #WhiteKnuckling #SexAddictionHelp #RelapsePrevention #RecoveryJourney #TraumaHealing #RelationshipSupport #SpiritualRecovery #12Steps #BoundariesInRecovery