The Art of Ethical Persuasion with Paul du Toit

How do you change someone's mind without being manipulative? In a world where influence is a key leadership currency, the line between ethical persuasion and unethical manipulation can seem blurry. To navigate this complex territory, Andy Lopata is joined by an expert in the art of communication, Paul du Toit. Paul is a 27-year speaking veteran, Africa’s first Certified speaking professional this century, and the author of three business books, including the timely "The Book of Persuasion." As an inductee into both the Southern African Speakers Hall of Fame and the Southern African Educators Hall of Fame, Paul brings decades of experience to the conversation. Together, Andy and Paul dissect the crucial difference between persuading someone for mutual benefit and coercing them for personal gain. Paul emphasises that true persuasion is an art that strengthens relationships by ensuring decisions are made with free will and are built on a foundation of trust. This conversation is a masterclass in the practical techniques of ethical influence. Discover why "engaged listening" is more powerful than active listening, how to ask questions that build rapport instead of feeling like an interrogation, and the four-step "Agree and Switch" method for overcoming resistance. Paul also shares powerful insights on the role of confidence, the impact of non-verbal cues in a virtual world, and what we can learn from charismatic figures. What we discussed: Persuasion vs. Manipulation: The critical distinction lies in intent and outcome. Persuasion aims to change minds while honouring free will and building long-term trust. Manipulation is coercive and often unethical, prioritising a short-term win over the relationship. The Power of "Engaged Listening": Go beyond simply hearing words. Engaged listening involves focusing on the person, understanding the context behind what they're saying, and making them feel truly heard, which is the foundation of any persuasive conversation. Asking Questions Strategically: The most effective persuasion comes from the information you gather. Learn how to ask for permission to ask questions, creating a dynamic where the other person willingly shares without feeling interrogated. Charisma: Charismatic figures like Steve Jobs, Oprah, and Muhammad Ali weren't just born with it. Their incredible ability to persuade was often forged by overcoming immense adversity, combined with excellent oratory skills and a laser-focused vision. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Paul du Toit: Website |LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Is there a time and a place for command and control leadership Absolutely. But what happens when the leaders we promote for their crisis-management skills start treating every single day like an emergency? In this fascinating episode from the archive, Andy Lopata is joined by neuropsychologist and leadership expert Heather Wright to dissect the critical difference between a "crisis leader" and a "daily leader." Drawing on her extensive work with organisations from Coca-Cola to the emergency services, Heather reveals the neurological reasons why top-down authority fails in day-to-day operations, crushing creativity and engagement. This is a deep dive into the science of trust, the leader's own ego, and the emotional habits that dictate our management style. Discover why the most important leadership work you can do is on yourself, and learn how to build a team that will follow you in a crisis because they trust you every other day of the year. Key Takeaways  What is the critical difference between a crisis leader and a daily leader (and why are most organisations promoting the wrong one)? Why is your leadership style not a conscious choice, but a deeply ingrained "emotional habit" (and how can you rewire it)? What are the "rules of engagement" every team must agree on before a conflict arises to ensure trust is maintained? Is your "need to be needed" as a leader secretly preventing your team from taking ownership and growing? What is the psychological trap that makes leaders focus on proving an employee is "wrong" instead of actually changing their behavior? Actionable Insights Lead Yourself First, Then Your Team: Before you can effectively lead others, you must understand yourself. Define your core values, recognise your emotional habits and ego-driven triggers, and get clear on the legacy you want to leave. True leadership starts with personal performance. Establish "Rules of Engagement" in Peacetime: Don't wait for a conflict to figure out how to handle it. Proactively sit down with your team and agree on how you will communicate, give feedback, and handle disagreements. Discussing this when things are calm builds the trust needed to navigate future challenges. Reframe Difficult Conversations Around Solutions: When addressing poor performance, shift your focus from pointing out what's wrong to clarifying what you want instead. Ask yourself: "Could I change this person's behaviour without them ever knowing they were wrong in the first place?" This moves the conversation from accusation to a collaborative focus on future success. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Heather Wright: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 151 Featuring Andy Woodfield and Heather Wright

What happens when a leader faces a heckler? In the high-stakes world of stand-up comedy, your reputation is made or broken in the seconds it takes to respond. The same is true in the boardroom. In this special Christmas week episode from the archive, Andy Lopata revisits his interview with rising comedy star Athena Kugblenu (Mock the Week, The News Quiz) to uncover the surprising leadership lessons hidden in the comedian’s playbook. This isn't just about telling jokes; it's a masterclass in resilience, adaptability, and the art of winning over a tough room. Athena shares her journey from a full-time project manager to a celebrated comic, revealing why the single most important skill for success isn't being funny—it's being likable. Discover how to handle difficult audiences with grace, use improvisation to your advantage, and why building a supportive network is the ultimate career hack, even in a fiercely competitive industry. These are the raw, real-world skills every leader needs to command a stage, and a team. Key Takeaways From This Episode What is the #1 skill you need to succeed as a performer that has nothing to do with being funny (and everything to do with leadership)? How do you handle a "heckler" when you realise they aren't trying to be malicious, but are just enjoying your performance too much? What is the simple two-part formula—Acknowledge & Improvise—that can win over any cold or distracted corporate audience? Why is the best feedback you can give not "feedback" at all, but something far more powerful called "feed forward"? What's the hard truth about transitioning to a creative career that the "just believe in yourself" gurus never tell you? 3 Actionable Insights Prioritize Likability Over Everything: Before people will laugh at your jokes or listen to your ideas, they have to like you. In any presentation or meeting, focus first on building genuine rapport and being approachable. Once you’re likable, your message has a much greater chance of landing. Acknowledge the Room, Then Improvise: When facing a tough or disengaged audience (like at a corporate awards dinner), don't ignore the situation. Acknowledge what's happening—the dress code, the food, the energy—to show you're present with them. This builds instant connection and gives you permission to improvise, which audiences reward highly. Give "Feed Forward," Not Just a "Sh*t Sandwich": When mentoring someone, avoid the clichéd praise-criticism-praise model. Instead, focus on encouraging potential. Rather than saying "what you did was wrong," try "what you could be doing is even better; talk more about X." This inspires growth without damaging confidence. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Athena Kugblenu: Website |Facebook | Instagram The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 150 Featuring Athena Kugblenu

The age of the top-down, "do as I say" leader is obsolete. We all know it, yet many organisations are still clinging to the old command and control model. Why? Because most leaders are terrified of what comes next. The fear of relinquishing control is real, and a vague "coaching culture" isn't a strong enough replacement. In this powerful episode from the archive, Andy Lopata is joined by globally recognised leadership coach and author of The Enabling Manager, Myles Downey. Myles argues that the solution isn't to abandon control, but to transform it. He unveils his practical and humane "Align and Enable" framework—a model that replaces outdated authority with a dynamic balance of "Will" (clarity, accountability) and "Love" (trust, nurturing). Discover how to lead, manage, and coach effectively to unlock true team engagement and high performance. This is the practical blueprint for the future of leadership you've been waiting for. In this episode you will learn Why is simply creating a "coaching culture" a dangerous trap that leaves many managers feeling fearful and ineffective? What can leaders learn from the US military's "mission command" about empowering teams to make decisions without losing control? How can balancing the two essential human drives of "Love" (enabling) and "Will (accountability) transform you from a boss into a true leader? What are the three simple pillars—the Why, What, and How—that create true team alignment and unlock extraordinary performance? How are Millennials and Gen Z forcing a leadership revolution, and what happens to the leaders who refuse to adapt? 3 Actionable Insights Adopt the Lead, Manage, Coach Framework: Understand that your role is multifaceted. Build a Trust-Based Relationship First: The "Align and Enable" model only works on a foundation of trust. Before you can effectively lead, manage, or coach, you must invest time in understanding your team members. This trust is what gives you the permission to switch between the different modes of leadership. Don't Just Delegate Tasks, Communicate the Mission: Ensure every team member understands the overarching business objective and exactly how their role contributes to it. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Myles Downey: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 149 Featuring Myles Downey

You believe your biggest competitive advantage is the quality of your work. You’re wrong. In today’s fast-paced world, your customers have quietly started to care about something else far more. In this sharp and eye-opening episode from the archive, Andy Lopata revisits his conversation with customer experience expert David Avrin, who drops a bombshell: for the first time in history, convenience has officially supplanted quality as the primary reason customers choose you—or leave you. This isn't just about faster delivery. It's a deep dive into the hidden points of friction—the frustrating websites, the chatbot dead-ends, the rigid policies—that are silently driving your best customers to your competitors. David provides a masterclass on how to stop frustrating your audience and start being ridiculously easy to do business with. This episode is an urgent wake-up call for any leader who thinks "good enough" is still good enough. Key Takeaways  What is the crucial difference between Customer Service and Customer Experience (and why does getting it wrong make your relationships irrelevant)? Why do customers now willingly pay more for the exact same item just to get it one day sooner, even when they don't need it? What is the “voicemail of the internet” that 86% of your potential customers refuse to use (and is it on your website right now)? What is the magic six-word phrase your team can use to turn a frustrating policy-driven "no" into a moment of customer loyalty? How are your automated emails and "please take our survey" requests secretly pushing your most loyal customers away for good? Tune in to learn more and gain more insights from this episode of the Connected Leadership Bytes Actionable Insights Become Ridiculously Easy to Do Business With: Conduct a "friction audit" of your customer's journey. Map every step from initial contact to final follow-up and identify every delay, complicated form, or frustrating process. Challenge your team to cut at least four unnecessary steps this month. Digitise the Process, Personalise the Person: Use automation for routine, one-way communications like billing or newsletters. However, ensure every automated system has a clear, easy-to-find "off-ramp" to a real human. Never automate personal follow-ups where a human touch is expected. Empower Your Team to Say "Yes": Stop neutering your employees with rigid policies. Train them on what a good decision looks like within your business model and give them the authority to be flexible. Equip them with the phrase, "Let me tell you what I can do," to solve problems on the spot. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with David Avrin: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 148 Featuring David Avrin

What does masculinity mean in today's workplace? This episode moves beyond outdated stereotypes to explore the powerful dynamic of masculine and feminine energies—and why a healthy balance is crucial for modern leadership. Andy Lopata is joined by Stephen Whitton, a leader from the UK automotive industry, and DEI practitioner Moe Carrick. Together, they redefine masculine energy as the drive for goals and competition, and feminine energy as the capacity for compassion, collaboration, and empathy. The conversation reveals how workplaces have historically over-promoted dysfunctional masculine traits like "rugged individualism" while suppressing essential feminine ones, to the detriment of all genders. Andy, Stephen and Moe discuss the paradox faced by men and women: women who display masculine traits are often labeled "aggressive," while men who show vulnerability are seen as "weak." The guests provide actionable advice for leaders, from fostering curiosity and psychological safety to systemising "connective labour"—the essential work of making employees feel seen and valued. This episode isn't about demonising masculinity. It’s a powerful call to celebrate its positive aspects—like drive and courage—while integrating them with the feminine energies we all possess, allowing everyone to show up as their authentic, whole selves. What We Discussed in the Episode: Energy, Not Gender: Reframing the debate from a binary of men and women to a spectrum of "masculine" (driven, competitive) and "feminine" (collaborative, empathetic) energies that exist in everyone. The Cost of Imbalance: Workplaces have long rewarded dysfunctional masculine traits while penalising feminine ones, leading to burnout, a lack of authenticity, and poor mental well-being for all employees. The Vulnerability Paradox: Vulnerability is a key feminine trait essential for modern leadership, yet men are often punished for showing it, while women are penalised for displaying traditionally "strong" masculine traits. The Leadership Shift: Leaders must actively cultivate environments of curiosity and acceptance. Celebrating Healthy Masculinity: The goal isn't to eliminate masculine energy but to integrate it. Drive, ambition, and strength are vital, but become truly powerful when balanced with compassion and collaboration. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Moe Carrick: Website |LinkedIn | Connect with Stephen Whitton: Website The Last Human Job by Allison Pugh The Athena Doctrine by John Gerzema and Michael D'Antonio  The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Are you the best-kept secret in your organisation? You work hard, you deliver results, but when it comes to promotions and opportunities, you're consistently overlooked. The hard truth is: in today's crowded world, just doing a good job is no longer enough to get ahead. In this episode from the archive, Andy Lopata revisits a powerful conversation with brand identity expert Jane Bayler, a veteran of the high-stakes world of advertising. Jane reveals why being "nice" might be the very thing holding you back and how the most successful leaders learn to stand out for their difference—not just their performance. This isn't about being the loudest person in the room. It’s a masterclass in strategic communication, personal branding, and building a reputation that makes you indispensable. Discover how to command attention, earn recognition, and finally become the go-to authority that others seek out. Stop being a follower and start leading the pack. Key Takeaways From This Episode What is the "PIE" formula, and why does it prove that your actual job performance only accounts for 10% of your career progression? Why is being a "people pleaser" the fastest way to become vanilla, bland, and ultimately invisible in your career? How can you take credit for your ideas when someone else tries to claim them in a meeting, without being seen as arrogant or confrontational? Is it possible to build powerful relationships if you skip the after-work drinks? (And what can a bonsai tree teach you about networking?) Actionable Insights Stop Being a Generalist: Get known for being exceptional at one specific thing. Instead of presenting a confusing "basket" of all your skills, focus on a niche. This makes you the undeniable expert and the first person people think of for that specific challenge, opening the door for you to reveal your other talents later. Dare to Polarise (Respectfully): Stop telling people what you think they want to hear. Form a strong, well-reasoned opinion on a topic relevant to your field and be prepared to stand by it. People trust and remember those who stand for something, even if they don't always agree. Replace the Pint with a Personal Touch: Instead of relying on generic after-work drinks to build relationships, find a thoughtful, personalised way to show value. Share a book you know they'd love, send a relevant article, or give a small, meaningful gift. These gestures create a far more memorable and lasting connection than a hangover. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter YouTube Connect with Jane Bayler: Website |YouTube | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 147 Featuring Andy Woodfield and Jane Bayler

What happens when a leader's reputation crumbles in the public eye? Can trust ever be rebuilt? In this episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata returns to the archive to for a timely and critical conversation with reputation expert and media coach, Alan Stevens. Using the political firestorm of "Partygate" when Boris Johnson was Prime Minister as a case study, they dissect the catastrophic communication missteps that can shatter a leader's credibility and bring an entire organisation into disrepute. Alan reveals the golden rules of crisis management that were ignored, from the failure to communicate early and honestly to the disastrous "dead cat" strategy of creating distractions. This isn't just about politics; it’s a masterclass for any leader in any industry. Discover how to avoid the trap of surrounding yourself with "yes-people," why vulnerability is a superpower, and how to manage your reputation in a world where one wrong move can go viral. Are you prepared for your own ‘Partygate’ moment? Key Takeaways  What is the very first thing you must do when a crisis hits (that most leaders get disastrously wrong)? Why does the ‘dead cat’ strategy of creating a distraction often make a reputational crisis even worse? What is the simple ‘three strikes’ rule that can save your reputation from a career-ending social media meltdown? How can welcoming dissenting voices and critics actually become a leader's greatest superpower? Actionable Insights Follow the 'Speed, Honesty, Internal Comms' Rule: In a crisis, get the truth out quickly, starting with your own team, before speculation takes over. Everything you say must be true. Don't cover up the mistake; people forgive errors, but they never forgive a cover-up. Build a 'Challenge Culture': Actively seek out and reward those who challenge your ideas. A leader who surrounds themselves with "yes-people" is building a culture that is blind to risk and destined for a crisis. Schedule time to listen to people on the frontline. Implement a '30-Minute Rule' for Emotional Posts: If you're angry or frustrated online, draft your post or reply but wait 30 minutes before hitting send. This cooling-off period allows you to regain perspective and will almost always prevent you from posting something you'll regret. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Alan Stevens: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 146 Featuring Alan Stevens

Welcome to Connected Leadership Bytes. This week Andy Lopata looks back into the archive for a conversation from October 2020. This episode features Andy Woodfield and Dr. Heather Melville OBE and explores the practical, unfiltered realities of building truly diverse and inclusive teams. Andy Woodfield shares the story behind his mission to build one of PwC's most diverse leadership teams in just six months. He reveals it wasn't just for optics; it was driven by the core belief that you need diverse voices to spot both risks and hidden opportunities. The discussion moves past the buzzwords to confront the hard part: inclusion. Andy Woodfield shares his stark learning that "diversity leads to chaos" unless leaders actively work to harness it—it’s not a natural evolution. Dr. Melville provides powerful insights from her stellar career, explaining how she successfully overcame pushback by tying Diversity & Inclusion directly to the business case and client acquisition. Why you should listen 1. Why does Andy Woodfield warn that diversity, on its own, naturally leads to chaos, not inclusion? 2. What are the "micro-frictions" that systemically resist change, even when a leader has a clear vision? 3. How did Dr. Melville successfully reframe D&I work at RBS from an internal "nice-to-have" into a powerful client acquisition strategy? 4. Why does true diversity require leaders to be "prepared to be fired" for doing the right thing? Actionable Insights Stop Delegating Discovery: Dr. Melville points out that leaders who just delegate D&I to HR or use the same headhunters will get the same results. To find diverse talent, leaders must do the research and networking themselves and look in different places. Protect the Uniqueness: When onboarding a new senior hire (especially one from a diverse background), actively and repeatedly remind them why they were hired. As Andy Woodfield notes, their desire to "fit in" is high. Your job is to reinforce that their unique perspective is the value, not something to be minimised. Find the Business Case: To overcome pushback, tie D&I directly to business outcomes. Dr. Melville successfully argued that unsupported female employees were leaving to become entrepreneurs—and then taking their business to competitor banks. D&I wasn't just an internal metric; it was a client retention and acquisition strategy. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata:⁠ Website⁠ |⁠ Instagram⁠ |⁠ LinkedIn⁠ |⁠ X/Twitter⁠ |⁠ YouTube⁠ Connect with Heather Melville:⁠ Website⁠ |⁠LinkedIn⁠ | Connect with Andy Woodfield:⁠ Website⁠ ⁠The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring⁠ ⁠Episode 142 Featuring Andy Woodfield and Heather Melville⁠

Are the people you spend time with making you better or holding you back? This episode examines Jim Rohn's famous idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jake Thompson, a leadership performance coach and the Chief Encouragement Officer at Compete Every Day, joins the show to unpack this powerful concept. He has spent over a decade working with leaders at organisations like Deloitte and the Dallas Cowboys, helping them achieve better results. Jake started his brand, Compete Every Day, in 2011 by selling t-shirts from his car and has since impacted over 80,000 leaders and hosts a top 1% global podcast. In this conversation, Jake and Andy Lopata explore how to intentionally build a professional "starting lineup" while allowing personal relationships to grow organically. They discuss the critical difference between evaluating professional peers based on success and personal friends based on shared values and energy. Learn how to identify "drains" versus "radiators" in your life and the subtle art of the "slow fade"—distancing yourself from relationships that no longer serve your growth without confrontation. This episode is a masterclass in auditing your inner circle to ensure it aligns with the person you aspire to become. What we discussed: Your "Starting Five" Are the people you spend the most time with secretly holding you back, or are they the key to unlocking your future success? Values vs. Success: Should you judge your friends by their achievements or by something deeper? Discover the one quality that truly defines a valuable relationship. Drains vs. Radiators: Do you leave conversations feeling energised or exhausted? Learn the simple way to identify the "energy vampires" in your life. The "Slow Fade" Technique: Is it possible to end a draining friendship without a dramatic confrontation? Uncover the subtle art of "consciously uncoupling" from people who no longer fit in your life. The Power of Disagreement: Why surrounding yourself with people who only agree with you could be the biggest mistake you're making for your personal growth. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Jake Thompson: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring