First Date Therapy

Does responsibility equal love? Jay shares why he’s stopped trying with girls, and why a girl pushing him to be the man he wants to be might be the thing he just isn’t ready to face. Then it flips to my anxious feelings. My body was starting to notice the distance, and I had a choice: run away, or lead with what I want anyway. We also answer three questions for avoidant men: what happens to us when someone starts to show interest, what we’re afraid of, and what would help us feel safe enough to communicate.Learn more about working with me: ⁠https://confidencechris.com/work-with-meChapters:00:00 Intro: Shrinking Ourselves For Others03:30 Why Jay Stopped Trying With Girls21:18 My Anxious Feelings: Run Away or Lead With What I Want38:45 3 Questions For Avoidant Men

I’ve been feeling really good lately, and it’s funny how when you stop forcing your dating life, things really do come so naturally (let me explain). Speaking of which, I went on a first date. I share how we got there, from running into her at an event to patting my armpits with a napkin before she showed up. I also talk about awkwardly approaching my gym crush. Then I answer a listener’s situation: the first date went really well, and then came the distance. So what’s the difference between a genuine connection and a moment?If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: ⁠https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application⁠Chapters:00:00 Overcoming Overwhelm & Having Fun Again20:04 Building Up to The First Date30:17 The First Date40:34 First Date Went Well & Then Distance

You might think this podcast is just for the girls, it's not. I get into two stories from close friends of mine. I randomly bumped into them at a coffee shop and told them to ask me a question about their current dating lives. The first is a recovering people pleaser going through a divorce and figuring out how to grieve the life she thought she would have had, and the other is an avoidant who can't figure out why she's so confused about the guy who is actually consistent. I then touch on why dating is so different now, and a little story about my dad, my grandfather, and breaking generational trauma. If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: ⁠https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application⁠Chapters:00:00 Intro02:41 Grieving the Picture of the Life You Wanted (Divorced & Anxious)26:00 Why It Feels Off When They Are Showing Up Consistent46:00 Single & Thriving54:11 What's Changed In Dating57:39 Dad Wasn't There But It Didn't Mean He Didn't Care

How many relationships have you spent walking on eggshells? How many relationships has your partner felt that way? I live-coach a listener two months in with a guy who’s all in. She’s met his family. Then she sees a picture of his ex at his parents’ house, and all hell breaks loose. To be honest, I relate: I couldn't maintain a relationship because I was too reactive. I wish someone had given me the guidance I give you today. I also talk about being nonchalant after too many failed talking stages, and being happy but still craving a relationship.If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:02:03 Listener Situation: Fear of Him Getting Back With His Ex33:55 Failed Talking Stages But Wanting a Relationship

Are you dating, or are you collecting proof that somebody wants you? This week I'll tackle two questions. The first is about how to not get too attached in the talking stage, and what to do if you keep getting ghosted after good dates. Before I get to those, I share some wicked perspectives on reality and how I cut off my own validation: no story views, no likes, no casual dating, no DMing. It's pretty wild that right now I don't have a single person I'm interested in. I might have ADHD, but I don't believe in it, and that's a good way to describe this episode.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:00:00 Moody In a Transition02:04 Arguing About Purpose At A Dinner Table18:16 Cutting Off The Validation27:58 I Sat In Stillness35:15 Talking Stage Without Getting Attached50:36 Ghosted Even When The Date Was Good

Boundaries Workshop Sign-Up: https://app.confidencechris.com/boundaries-pop-up-sign-upI found the secret to getting back into your good energy. It's actually really simple, yet so insidiously hard. Did you know that you are one direct communication away from freedom? Let's talk about it. I'll dissect three situations from people who are all post-relationship and all doing the same thing: trying to think their way out of a feeling. One of them wanted me to confirm that a guy's behavior was weird, but what she actually needed was to feel the disappointment and let go of solving it. Maybe your spark is on the other side of letting go of what isn't for you.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:00:00 Free Boundaries Workshop01:22 Getting Your Spark Back19:41 Her First Date, Then He Unfollowed Her33:12 Trying to Change Someone Who Won't Change46:07 If the Shower Is Cold, Someone Else Is Using the Water

You're not missing them, you're missing a feeling. Let me explain. But first, I share a triggering message I received from a friend pointed at my avoidance. I'll give you an alternate perspective on how to handle harsh energy from those closest to you, while weaving in emotional wounds from how I grew up, and the layer of distance every girl I've dated has felt with me. I also cleared the decks again in my dating life, and I'll explain why easy and light still counts as saying no to yourself. Then two situations: a guy strategizing his final text, and a woman waiting on her gym crush to make a move (and my opinionated thoughts on women making the first move in general).Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:00:00 You're Missing a Feeling, Not a Person11:12 Putting All Your Peace in One Person17:29 Why I Cleared the Decks Again23:54 How My Avoidance Affects Others39:25 He Badly Wants Her Back54:49 Girls Shooting Their Shot First

Stop playing footsies with people who will never give you what you want. This episode is about getting deeper with yourself and your reactions. Many people feel stuck in relationships where they are frustrated, angry, and misunderstood. I'll give a personal example of how I recently got triggered when a friend showed up late, leading to verbal jabs and mental disconnection. I’ll break down how anger is usually a surface mask for underlying fear and why being "present" is the hardest work you'll do. I'll discuss the power of taking action on your truth, and how that action precedes the clarity you want. I also answer why guys go cold after sex and how to stop being indirect with your goals.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:00:00 Action Precedes Clarity17:13 Being Indirect About What You Want52:15 Why Guys Go Cold After Sex

This week came out of nowhere. I feel like I got sucker-punched with some difficult feelings and some hard truths. This week's title is seeking heartbreak, which is something I told myself I wanted to do. I've been sick of running away from what I desire, but what's funny is that I asked, and I received just as quickly. I also made a major realization about how deep my avoidance runs. I've been so focused on not acting from fear that I closed off the possibility that people might actually just love me (mind-blowing to me). I get into why you can't separate love from fear, and how our desires inherently bring anxiety. I will also tackle how to handle someone being unresponsive. This episode is your push to say what you need to say, then let the rest go.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Do they ever come back? It's time to end the debate once and for all. I'll also talk about why you want them back in the first place (trigger warning). Before we get there, I reflect on my recent fuck it attitude I have gotten for life lately. I get into the way we all communicate indirectly: the jabs you call jokes, the "I just miss the friendship" story your brain feeds you, and them going cold on you. I finish off with what to do when you're happy being single, but also want a relationship. I will tell you why it's hard for you to attract genuine love into your life when you're obsessed with solitude. Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-applicationChapters:00:00 Being Direct About Your Feelings27:00 Will They Come Back and Regret Leaving?44:07 Balancing Wanting a Relationship while Loving Being Single