Q&A: The Authoritarian Parenting Style

Whitney responds to a Facebook post from parents who feel blindsided by their college-age child who suddenly asks for no contact. She breaks down how the wrong response from parents can push the relationship toward permanent estrangement.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you've ever felt like the relationship you have with your parents or with your adult child looks completely different from the one that your parents had with their parents, you’re not imagining it. Whitney explores why relationships between generations have fundamentally changed over the last 30 years and why they're probably not going back.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whitney reviews anonymous letters written by estranged parents to their adult children. She identifies patterns of spiritual bypassing disguised as kindness, conditional accountability, minimization of harm, defensive anger masked as concern, and comparison used as manipulation. This isn't about shaming anyone; it's about naming what's happening beneath the surface so you can better understand your own experience with estrangement.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complexfamily dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.00:00 Introduction: Reviewing real letters from estranged parents02:01 Letter 113:20 Letter 219:40 Letter 325:56 Letter 435:21 Conclusion Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Whitney challenges the idea that all family relationships need to be deep, emotional, and vulnerable. “Strategic authenticity” is the idea of intentionally choosing what parts of yourself to share with certain family members. She discusses how to tell if a surface level dynamic is even possible for you. Surface level relationships don’t have to be about being fake rather protecting yourself while maintaining a sense of connection without full estrangement.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 9:59 When a surface level relationship is worth trying13:04 Cost benefit analysis of relationships20:29 Temporarily surface level22:26 Should I tell them I want a surface level relationship Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whitney defines what authoritarian parenting actually is (beyond just being strict), explores how it's rooted in control rather than raising independent humans, and explains why these parents struggle when their children develop agency and can no longer be controlled the same way. If you have an inkling that your family of origin might have been drawing on some of the principles of authoritarian parenting this might be a useful listen. Whitney also answers a listener's question about coming to terms about accepting an uninvolved parent.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to ⁠[email protected]⁠⁠Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.02:00 What authoritarian parenting actually is (and isn't)07:20 When you can’t be controlled anymore12:45 How authoritarian parents respond to loss of control24:43 Listener question Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whitney brings on Amanda White from Therapy for Women to react to the most requested show from her audience, you guessed it: Gilmore Girls. They break down season one, episode 18 "The Third Lorelai," analyzing the dynamic between four generations of women—Emily, Lorelai, and Rory plus the chaotic arrival of Emily's mother-in-law Trix. Even if you haven’t seen Gilmore Girls or this episode, Whitney and Amanda explore the universal experiences of being controlled by a matriarch, how emotional distance in one generation can create enmeshment in the next which in turn can cause estrangement in the next, and the weaponization of money and gifts in family dynamics.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected]’s website: https://therapyforwomencenter.com/therapist/amanda-e-white-lpc/Therapy for Women IG: https://www.instagram.com/therapyforwomencenterJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.04:00 Scene 1: Emily loses control when her mother-in-law visits07:12 Scene 2: Money as connection and control23:04 Scene 3: Weaponizing gifts and criticism440:54 Scene 4: Lorelai’s insecurity49:21 The dinner table scale Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the first Q&A of the new year, Whitney covers: the therapy session between Britani and her daughter on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Bethenny Frankel's discussion of estrangement on Call Her Daddy, an important article by Dr. Emma Katz about abusive men explaining their incentives for perpetuating abuse, and a listener's question about whether to reconnect with an estranged mother who's now posting relationship advice on social media. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 1:08 RHOSLC therapy scene 06:08 Bethenny Frankel on Call Her Daddy 16:47 Dr. Emma Katz Substack article 25:41 Listener question: Mom is now a relationship coach posting online Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s 2026. If nothing changed in your family dynamic by the end of the year, would you be okay with that? How about five years from now? Whitney has a firm but loving message for anyone who's been collecting knowledge and awareness about their family dysfunction but stuck in that frustrating feeling of not knowing how to take action. She challenges you to recognize how much time, energy, and mental space your family's chaos is consuming and to stop waiting for other people to change before you can move forward. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.02:37 Insight without action sucks04:09 The daily toll of family dysfunction12:01 The overintellectualizing plateau18:22 If nothing changed in five years Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whitney is fired up about Oprah’s recent podcast about going no contact. She also responds to a Mel Robbins/Karl Pillemer article titled "Life is Too Short to Fight With Your Family." She breaks down why these narratives are harmful, who they're really speaking to (and who they're ignoring), and the problematic assumptions embedded in questions like "where did you get this idea from?” Whitney challenges the toxic positivity of telling people to accept mistreatment from family, questions why we're not writing these articles to Uncle Joe who's being racist at Thanksgiving, and explains why "just accept and move on" advice completely misses the mark.Oprah’s podcast: Oprah Explores the Rising Trend of Going No Contact with Your FamilyMel Robbin and Karl Pillemer article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/26/opinion/thanksgiving-family-fighting.htmlWhitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.03:31 Oprah’s podcast45:05 The Mel Robbins’ NYT article58:15 Taking a break in December Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kate Gray (@codependencykate) is back with Whitney to react to one of the most iconic dysfunctional holiday dinners ever depicted on television: “Fishes” from The Bear (S2E06). They break down the infamous episode scene by scene, analyzing how anxiety manifests differently in each of the three siblings, Mikey, Natalie, and Carmy, in reaction to an emotionally volatile mother, Donna. Even if you haven’t seen the episode, you will almost certainly find a way to relate to Whitney and Kate’s breakdown of holiday gatherings and the ways we so often find ourselves trapped in roles we thought we'd escaped.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.02:44 Episode setup09:58 The kitchen scene18:38 Natalie and Donna28:59 Dining room scene41:28 Mikey throwing forks at Uncle Lee46:47 Donna loses it at the dinner table Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.