Q&A: Becoming Like Your Parent

Whitney tackles an increasingly persistent narrative about family estrangement: therapists are encouraging people to cut ties from their families. Drawing from hundreds of responses from her audience—including adult children and estranged parents—she examines what actually happens in therapy rooms and whether the notion of a "secret underground movement" of therapists pushing estrangement holds up to scrutiny. She also answers a listener question about breaking cycles of reconciliation and abuse with a verbally abusive parent. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Are therapists encouraging estrangement? 02:22 The origins of this question and why it matters 05:58 What actually happens in therapy rooms 14:45 The difference between support and persuasion 29:19 Criticisms of therapists 39:31 Listener question: Breaking the cycle with a verbally abusive parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney sits down with Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, a pediatric psychologist and author of the new book "Love the Teen You Have," to discuss practical strategies for parenting teens and pre-teens. They explore why the teenage years can be so challenging for parents, how to navigate individuation and identity development, and actionable tools for transforming conflict into connection—including how to handle difficult conversations about topics like sex, social media, and diverging values. Order Dr. Lockhart's new book: https://amzn.to/4hxwTQX Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introduction to Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart and "Love the Teen You Have" 03:23 Why it's hard to parent the kid in front of you 05:40 Understanding individuation and teen identity development 12:09 Why connection matters more than control 20:38 Handling difficult conversations with your teen 36:20 Conversations about sex, drugs, social media, and other uncomfortable topics Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney responds to a question from a recent controversial TikTok post: Are you a parent forever? What does it mean to be a parent across the entire lifespan? Should parenting meaningful shift at age 18 or at some point beyond? Do parent-child relationships become equal peer relationships in adulthood? Then Whitney answers a question from a parent who isn’t sure how to interact with her adult son and daughter-in-law who have a newfound faith that has taken a more fundamental edge. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. November at Calling Home is all about parentification. Learn more at: https://callinghome.co/topics Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 03:08 Are You a Parent Forever? 07:04 What It Means to Lead as a Parent 14:39 Hierarchy in Parent Child Relationships 19:01 Q&A: Navigating Religious and Value Conflicts with Adult Children Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney interviews Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, author of the new book "You, Your Husband, and His Mother” about navigating mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. They discuss why this dynamic is so challenging, the scapegoating of daughters-in-law, triangulation of husbands/partners, the difference between setting boundaries and being controlling, and a few practical strategies for surviving the holidays together. Connect with Dr. Tracy: https://www.drtracyd.com/ Preorder her new book: https://amzn.to/4hixF49 00:00 Why the Mother-in-Law Dynamic Is So Common 04:44 The Abandonment Wound 07:04 The Scapegoating of Daughters-in-Law 12:01 Abusive Daughter-In-Laws? 18:54 The Husband's Critical Role in the Triangle 24:09 Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts 28:24 Psychological Conflict Between Women 32:25 Practical Boundaries and Mindset Shifts for the Holidays Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney analyzes scenes from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Love Is Blind to explore mother-daughter estrangement, purity culture shame, and how parents either repair or double down decades after causing harm. She breaks down Whitney Rose's advice to an at-risk mother, Bronwyn's devastating conversation with her mom about pregnancy shame, and two different paths to reconciliation in Love is Blind. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. 00:00 Using reality tv to understand real family dynamics 03:57 Real Housewives of Salt Lake City 15:45 The devastating scene between Bronwyn and her mom 27:45 Bronwyn’s mom doubles down 36:28 A missed opportunity to heal decades of hurt 39:20 Love Is Blind Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Build a more functional family today. In this episode, Whitney breaks down the hallmarks of functional families, how these skills can be learned regardless of how you grew up, and practical steps to get started. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. 00:00 Introduction: What Functional Families Actually Look Like 02:31 Admitting When There Are Problems 03:51 Open Communication and Repair 04:37 Being Known Without Performance 05:17 Reliability and Dependability 05:57 Zero Abuse or Neglect 07:21 Unconditional Belonging 09:14 Small Actions You Can Start Today Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney shares three life-changing practices that reduced her anxiety—meditation with red light therapy, using Brick to limit social media, and consuming news only in written form. She then answers a caller's question about being the parentified golden child expected to solve all family problems while maintaining surface-level relationships with a mother and sisters who refuse deeper connection. Red light therapy: https://amzn.to/48i5OyN 00:00 October at Calling Home: Illness and End of Life Caregiving 04:40 Three Changes That Dramatically Reduced My Anxiety 14:28 Q&A: The Golden Child Who Had to Solve Everything 19:28 When Children Are Trapped Between Victim and Perpetrator Parents 22:51 The Golden Child Who Doesn't Feel Golden 25:42 How to Maintain Relationships Without Real Connection Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney Goodman interviews psychologist Dr. Julie Fraga about her book "Parents Have Feelings Too." They discuss how parents can process their own emotions, break cycles of guilt and perfectionism, use the Change Triangle to understand their feelings, and teach emotional intelligence to their children—all while navigating the challenge of parenting differently than they were raised. 00:00 The Shift from Fixing Kids to Supporting Parents 04:26 Managing Parental Guilt 09:11 Getting Ahead of Overstimulation as a Parent 15:37 Breaking Intergenerational Patterns Without Overcorrecting 20:24 The Change Triangle 25:10 Why Kids' Emotions Make Parents Uncomfortable 30:18 Finding Joy in Parenting Dr. Juli's Website: https://www.drjulifraga.com/ Order her new book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/788442/parents-have-feelings-too-by-hilary-jacobs-hendel/ Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney explores patterns around adult children who mimic their parents' harmful behaviors, the complexities of maintaining boundaries when a parent struggles with addiction, and how illness can be weaponized in estranged families. In the Q&A, she answers a caller's question about navigating grandparent illness during estrangement. 00:00 Introduction: Darker Family Patterns 02:59 Airport Observation: When Adult Children Treat Parents Like They Were Treated 08:11 Real Housewives SLC: How to Show Up for a Child Struggling with Addiction 10:55 Q&A: When Grandparent Illness Becomes a Manipulation Tactic Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney analyzes the Amazon Prime show "The Girlfriend" to explore mother-son enmeshment and emotional incest. She analyzes how the show illustrates blurred boundaries, guilt and manipulation, marital dysfunction, and the devastating long-term impacts on sons' ability to form healthy romantic relationships, connecting the fictional dynamics to real research on these family patterns. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. 00:00 Introduction to The Girlfriend and Mother-Son Enmeshment 04:00 Defining Emotional Incest and What It Looks Like 09:06 Power Assertion and Blocked Individuation 14:10 The Girlfriend as Both Rival and Mirror 17:25 How Marital Dysfunction Fuels Enmeshment 21:56 Why Enmeshed Sons Struggle with Adult Partnerships 25:12 Lies, Isolation, and the Ultimate Betrayal Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices