175: Marriage Guide - You’re Not the Man She Married & This Is Why She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You

This week on the BraveCo. Podcast, I'm diving deep into one of the most critical topics in marriage: becoming the anchor. As a pastor, counselor, and man who's walked through my own challenges, I’ve seen too many relationships fail simply because men have no idea what it means to lead emotionally. We aim for the wrong things—sex, status, success—and miss the real target: building a home where our wives and kids feel safe, seen, and known.I get raw and real about the dangers of emotional unpredictability, the breakdown of leadership in the home, and what happens when men abandon their responsibility. I share personal stories, hard truths, and practical wisdom about how we bring peace to chaos—not by being perfect, but by being consistent, present, and emotionally grounded. Your role as a man isn’t to dominate—it’s to lead with courage, clarity, and compassion.This episode is for every man who wants more from his marriage. If you’re tired of the disconnect, the arguments, or feeling like roommates instead of lovers, it’s time to shift your target. You are the anchor. And when you own that role, everything changes.Chapters:00:00 - Why Men Feel Lost in Modern Masculinity00:34 - The Real Target in Marriage (And It’s Not Sex)02:12 - Dating vs. Marriage: When the Aim Shifts03:55 - Emotional Safety: The Missing Link in Most Homes06:06 - What Happens in a Home Without Connection09:05 - The Hidden Power of Healthy Conflict11:03 - God’s Design for Men: Bring Peace to Chaos14:05 - Why Avoiding Responsibility Breeds Chaos17:13 - Emotional Predictability: The Anchor Your Wife Needs24:00 - Reclaiming Leadership Without Controlling HerABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

What does it really mean to lead in marriage as a man of God?In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I sit down with the legendary  @DrHenryCloud —renowned author of Boundaries—to dive deep into how men can lead with strength, emotional intelligence, and spiritual clarity. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, under-equipped, or unsure how to show up in your home, this conversation is for you. We talk about everything from fatherhood and marriage to emotional connection, leadership, and how to create psychological safety in your home.Dr. Cloud lays out a clear framework for what it means to build a house—starting with connection, followed by boundaries, protection, and healthy communication. We also explore the reality that most men were never modeled connection or emotional leadership growing up. But that doesn’t disqualify you—it just means it’s time to build structure and train differently. Whether you're single, newly married, or decades into family life, this episode will equip you with practical tools to become a present, powerful, and emotionally safe man.🔔 Subscribe to grow in:Christian masculinity | Biblical manhood | Marriage leadership | Fatherhood | Emotional health | Spiritual leadership | Healthy communication | Personal development for men | Psychological safetyConnect with Dr. Henry Cloud:Website: https://www.drcloud.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drhenrycloudofficial/Twitter(X): https://x.com/drhenrycloudYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrHenryCloud/featuredChapters:00:00 - You Were Made for More Than Survival01:23 - The Missing Rite of Passage for Men10:55 - How to Lead a Marriage (Even If You Never Saw It Modeled)24:00 - Psychological Safety: The Secret to a Thriving Home41:22 - Boundaries Without Walls: Leading Through ConnectionABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This is the most important message I’ve ever shared.Brian Tome: https://www.briantome.com/For generations, young men have grown up without a father, without initiation, and without the confidence they need to thrive. I’ve seen it firsthand—men who look like adults but feel like boys inside. This episode isn't just a podcast—it's a movement to bring back something society lost: the rite of passage into manhood.At BraveCo, we believe it’s not too late. Last year, we introduced a 3.1-mile Tough Mudder Rite of Passage to our conference. What we thought would be just a powerful experience became the most transformational moment of the entire year—for sons and for fathers. I saw grown men cry. I saw boys stand tall for the first time. This year, we're believing for 300 young men to be changed forever. This is a calling, not just a challenge.In this episode, I talk with Brian Tome—founder of Crossroads Church and author of The Five Marks of a Man. We dive deep into identity, calling, spiritual maturity, and why the American church is failing to reach men. We don’t hold back. We talk about church, culture, manhood, porn, shame, and what it means to lead a life of honor. If you’re tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deep—this is your episode.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

The most transformational moment in a young man's life is when he is seen, accepted, and welcomed into manhood. As a father of three sons and a man who has walked through his own journey of becoming, I’ve seen how powerful it is to receive that blessing—from a father or a man you respect. Too many men are aging without ever feeling like they've become men. They carry a painful emptiness, unsure of their identity, still longing for validation.That’s why we created the Rite of Passage at BraveCo. In 2024, we added a 3.1-mile Tough Mudder course to our annual BraveCo Conference. We thought it’d be a challenge—but it became the most powerful moment of the week. Watching grown men speak life into boys—boys who might not even have a father at home—was deeply moving. It wasn't just a physical test; it was a spiritual transition. And now, for BraveCo 2025, we’re going bigger: 300 young men, stepping into purpose, identity, and strength.If you’ve ever longed to be that kind of man—or to raise one—I invite you to step up. Bring your son. Invite the boy who’s fatherless. Help us reverse the curse that has plagued this generation. Together, we can rebuild a culture where men are known, empowered, and free. You don’t want to miss this. BraveCo 2025 may be the turning point in your story, too.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

As a counselor, pastor, and father, I’ve seen firsthand how many men carry invisible wounds into adulthood—wounds caused by the absence of true initiation into manhood. This episode dives deep into that missing moment that every man longs for: the point where he is looked in the eyes and told, “You’re capable. You belong.” Whether it's your father, a mentor, or a community of strong men, that rite of passage changes everything—and without it, we often grow old without ever really growing up.In this BraveCo episode, I reflect on a pivotal moment from our men’s conference where we invited boys into manhood through a powerful and symbolic rite of passage. I also break down the emotional toll uninitiated men face in their marriages. Many husbands are trapped in cycles of shame, unable to “hit the mark” emotionally with their wives—not because they don’t care, but because they were never taught how. I explain the differences between sympathy, empathy, and true compassion—and how those three tools can transform your relationships.This isn't just theory. These are real stories from the trenches of marriage, mentorship, and fatherhood. I offer practical tools and language you can use today to connect with your wife, lead your family, and stop the shame spiral that keeps you disconnected. If you’re tired of surviving manhood and ready to thrive in it, this one’s for you. Let’s get to work.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this powerful conversation, I open up about one of the most defining journeys in my life—fatherhood. From walking through the painful season of divorce to learning how to become the man and leader God called me to be, this episode is a deep dive into healing, leadership, masculinity, and personal transformation. If you're navigating broken relationships, struggling to connect as a dad, or feeling stuck in your growth as a man, this video will speak directly to your heart.Together with my great friend David Norona, we talk raw and real—about wounds from the past, the pressure to fix everything, and how the unprocessed pain we carry shapes our marriages, parenting, and self-worth. We explore what it truly means to lead like a king and love like a servant, all through the lens of faith and emotional resilience. It's more than conversation—it's a call to step up.We also share practical tools for inner healing, emotional connection, and the kind of leadership your family and future need. Whether you're a dad, husband, or simply a man seeking more, this is your moment to rise. Don't settle. Don't retreat. The world needs strong men, and it starts with you.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I open up about one of the most critical foundations a man can build: conviction. In a world where compromise is celebrated and conviction is rare, I walk through my personal journey — the encounters, the battles, the wins, and the ongoing process of becoming a man who stands for something greater.From wrestling with shame and addiction to encountering the tangible love of God, this conversation digs deep into why real transformation starts with real conviction. You'll hear powerful stories about battles with pornography, living in compromise, and the radical shift that happens when we encounter God's grace. It's not about religion — it's about relationship, about building your true north, and about becoming the man you were born to be.This episode will inspire you to reflect on your ethos, set your mission, and live life with honor and clarity. Whether you're battling passivity, struggling with shame, or simply hungry to live a higher calling, this conversation gives you practical tools and hope to move forward. Together, let's learn how to build lasting conviction — and rise up in a world that desperately needs strong men.Connect with Tom: https://www.tomcrandall.com/ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In today’s episode of the Brave Co Podcast, I sit down with my good friend Greg Hendricks to unpack a prophetic call for men: it’s time to stop reacting and start responding. Whether you're a father, mentor, or man looking to reclaim purpose, this conversation will shake you to your core.We talk about creating ecosystems of health, building emotional resilience, showing up in family and faith, and what it means to be weaponized with wisdom. From real-life marriage challenges to the significance of rites of passage, this isn’t fluff—it’s a real, vulnerable call to reclaim manhood and occupy your space like a lion. You’ll also hear about our upcoming Brave Co Conference and why it may be the most transformative experience for both men and their sons.If you've ever wondered how to grow past shame, how to father from strength, or how to break cycles in your relationships—this is for you. Whether you're just starting the journey or you're seasoned but stuck, it’s time to answer the call. This isn’t a podcast. It’s a call to action.Connect with Greg: https://www.greghendricks.life/ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Welcome back to the Brave Co Podcast 💪 — this week’s episode is a must-watch for men, fathers, pastors, and leaders who are serious about personal growth and legacy.Jason Vallotton is joined by his father for an unfiltered, high-impact conversation on building capacity as a man — emotionally, spiritually, physically, and relationally. What stops men from thriving? Often, it's not sin... it's living under the lie of fragility. 💭You’ll hear inspiring stories of brotherhood, including a rite of passage moment where a young man with cerebral palsy conquered a 3-mile obstacle course with the help of brave men by his side. 🏅 This moment changed everyone who saw it — and it’s a clear picture of what men were made for: adventure, challenge, and brotherhood.🎟 BRAVECO CONFERENCE 2025:🗓 June 11–13 (Gala on June 14)🎯 Register or Sponsor a Young Man: https://www.bethel.com/calendar/braveco-conference-2025💬 Can't afford it? NO MAN LEFT BEHIND. Just let us know.📌 Topics Covered:How to grow emotional & spiritual capacityThe myth of comfort vs. the call to leadWhy your environment shapes your enduranceThe secret to long-term, sustainable strengthDiscipleship & fatherhood in actionBrave Co is more than a conference. It’s a brotherhood. A movement. A call to step into who you were created to be.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Register Today for "Lead Strong": 4-Week Pastors CohortClick Here: https://admin389846.wixsite.com/mysiteIn this episode we unpack the deep emotional, spiritual, and mental battles that pastors and male leaders face every day. From a life-altering dream that revealed a divine mandate to help leaders on the brink, to personal stories of pressure, burnout, and breakthrough — we’re calling men on the frontlines to strengthen before they collapse.This isn’t about performance. It’s not about building bigger churches. It’s about building strong men—men who can lead well at church, at home, and in their own hearts. We’re launching a 4-week online training for pastors focused on emotional health, spiritual grounding, relational strength, and creating space for sustainable leadership. It’s the kind of support we wished we had early on—and now, we’re offering it to you.If you’re a pastor or leader—or if you know one who’s carrying more than they should—you’re not alone. Share this with them. Invest in them. Let’s build something that lasts, together. Because great men aren’t born—they’re built. And the battle starts within.ABOUT BRAVECOWe live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.