98 Meeting Intensity Needs

Reposting popular episodes June 2025. Back atcha in July with some spicy takes!Original show notes:Pasha Marlowe speaks brilliantly about how to navigate trauma, triggers, and sensory needs in relationships as an AuDHD person.Making it concrete, we both talk about a recent meltdown with our respective partners, and how we navigated those during and after.This is a deeply un-shaming episode—we still struggle with relational trauma despite all the "work" we've done. It's okay to have a lot of needs in relationships. And we talk about how hard it can be to figure out what those are and communicate them effectively.If your neurodivergent relationship needs extra support, Pasha is one of the rare practitioners who's ND, trained in family therapy, and works with couples!Resources mentioned:Pasha's websiteNeuroqueering podcast and Mattia's guest episode@neuroqueercoach on TikTok@neuroqueercoach on InstagramNeuroqueer Heresies bookFull Transcript hereAuDHD Flourishing Newsletter signup Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm re-posting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture. Update: the re-thinking has happened and retooling is in process :DOriginal show notes:Meltdowns and shutdowns appear to be a natural release valve for an overwhelmed autistic brain. They feel out of control and can be quite distressing.While there are ways to push them off, I experience a "point of no return" after which I need some big release or I'm going to feel terrible for days.Learning your triggers, as well as planning ahead for a safer experience if you do have a meltdown or shutdown can lessen our overall stress and shame.(One thing I forgot to record in the episode is that for me, shutdowns are almost always low-verbal or I can't speak at all.)Links:1. Meltdowns & Shutdowns* https://embrace-autism.com/meltdowns-and-shutdowns/2. How it feels to have an autistic meltdown and how you can help* https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/38f5MsC2mB5fnmCr5v77zDn/how-it-feels-to-have-an-autistic-meltdown-and-how-you-can-help3. All About ‘Autism Meltdowns’: Why They Happen and How to Cope https://psychcentral.com/autism/autism-meltdowns4. Autism Shutdown Vs Meltdown: What's the Difference? https://www.andnextcomesl.com/2022/06/autism-shutdown-vs-meltdown.htmlResources:Email listEpisode Transcript*autistic writer Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm re-posting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture (because my monotropic brain has trouble doing that while also pumping out new content).Original show notes:What do AuDHDers need (beyond the obvious needs all humans have)? And why do those needs matter?This episode covers some important ones:Being able to engage with our interests (in a particular way)Executive Function support, without trying to make the hardest things easy or enjoyableAutonomyTrue restThe narrow path of just enough stimulationProcessing timeTo be witnessed in just the right wayRecognition that our needs vary quite a bit day to dayComing to terms with disabilitySpace and time throughout our self-discovery journeySafe enough spaces to explore what it means to be ourselfLinks mentioned:Executive function test post if you want to ask Qs or share your experienceExecutive Skills Questionnaire Revised (ESQ-R)Unmasking Autism book (affiliate link)Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life (course)Crisis Resources:USA-based anonymous crisis chatInternational crisis linesVarious types of crisis resources in about 10 countriesResources:Like Your Brain community spaceTranscript DocEmail Newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm reposting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture (because my monotropic brain has trouble doing that while also pumping out new content). Mentioned in outro:Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary LifeOriginal show notes:AuDHD = autism + ADHD... and also I experience it as its own neurotype, and not simply two "disorders."Here are the sets of questions I asked in the episode, if you'd like to take time with them on your own:Do you feel like advice almost never works for you? Not only NT advice, but even advice from autistic OR ADHD people? That your brain either instantly knows advice won't work for you, or tries it and feels really disappointed because you did have a lot of things in common with the person who gave it to you but somehow still it felt like your body or brain were just not clicking with it?Are the internal parts of you always fighting? Do you feel like the things your body and brain want are often in complete opposition and that it's literally impossible to get your needs met, because different parts of you want such different things to feel safe, regulated, and cared for?Have you managed to build some modicum of success in an area through anxiety and adrenaline? This could be school, work, a creative pursuit, relationships. Have you received external validation for doing this thing well, all the while being absolutely terrified that it's all going to fall apart and you have no idea how to handle how your life feels and it all feels extremely precarious and painful at the day-to-day level? Do you feel the need to hide how much you're struggling, and/or if you've disclosed your struggles have they not been taken seriously?Is your energy quite cyclical, where when you feel like your brain is working you'll push yourself really really hard, and then be totally exhausted and need time to recover? And without adequate recovery time, Is burnout, or burnout-like depression (they can be similar) a frequent experience for you? Or do you live in fear of it?Thanks to Hanu Dixit for permission to use the song A Sitar Story.Full Transcript here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Time the body needs to transition, meet needs, rest and recover is NOT wasted time! I don't know that it's even possible to "waste time" outside of ableist capitalist structures. If you still have ableist thoughts, that's okay. We all do! It's worth resting anyway.Resources mentioned: Neuraluxe's post about parentificationCar fundraiser for DV survivor (my sibling)When your abuser threatens suicide articleNote about that paid Substack link:"If you are in an abusive relationship or other crisis and truly cannot afford to pay for a paid membership—not just would prefer to get content for free, but actually cannot pay—I offer no-questions-asked paid access to anyone who emails me. Please email [email protected], and put “Substack scholarship” in the subject line. If you use any other subject line, I may not see your email. You do not need to tell me anything specific—just that you cannot afford to pay! Please note that subscription applications can take several weeks to process."Resources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have multiple interests, realistically you probably don't have enough time to develop all of them to the degree that you'd like. And even with more targeted pursuits, many of us are busy because of real life and capitalism.What this means is that we have to make tough choices. I talk about some of the ways I've worked through this, where I'm at with it currently, and some questions to ask yourself to guide your own process.Also, it's the 100th episode!I'm committed to not running ads on this podcast (for a lot of reasons).If you'd like to support the podcast, the best ways to do so...Support the podcast & creation of free resources: One-time donation on Venmo (email [email protected] for other methods)Wish list itemsPatreon podcast support tierResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To change something, I've been playing with telling myself I'll do "a little more or less." It is less exciting than a huge plan... but also easier on my nervous system!Love Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This year I've been trying to meet my intensity needs in more "healthy" ways, while also recognizing that sometimes that doesn't feel possible. And that's okay!Love Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vanessa Gorelkin is an Occupational Therapist who often works with ND folks. She shares about compassionate approaches to daily life tasks.The main tool she shared is creating a crisis kit to use when experiencing distress in public, at work, or anywhere that you can't be fully unmasked. List of suggested items below.Crisis kit items suggested in episode:alcohol swabs (to smell for state change)instant ice packsextreme sour candieslemon juice packethot sauce packet (mustard is Mattia's)distress card requesting using the bathroom (or whatever's helpful for you)Connect with Vanessa: Her website, vanessagorelkin.com@otwhisperer on TikTokLove Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Reflecting on the interview with Anna, who shared about accommodations for her students and herself. Learning how to build our own systems/structures is often more useful than being handed a system. Because no matter how much dopamine we get initially from a new tool or system, it inevitably becomes stale. Instead of throwing the whole thing out the window every time, I've learned how to pull forward elements that are still working. This continuous process of experimenting and tweaking (with rest/recovery interspersed, of course!) has made my life so much easier. Last 10m of the episode is about why I'm doing the work I'm doing, and the live round of LYB:Love Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.