58. Wait, I’m autistic?

You read that right, I’m autistic. Officially assessed and assigned on the spectrum. And guys, so much of my life makes sense now. I’m so grateful and relieved to know because it means I can finally accept parts of myself I’ve rejected and struggled with all my life and build a life that finally supports how I operate so that I stop burning out (or at least burn out less.Join me as we talk aboutHow I got here incl. how Leo season has empowered me to deeply accept this new information with love, devotion and boldnessWhy I struggled to make the decision to get diagnosedMoving beyond the awkward white western boy/stereotype of autism so that I, as a black African female can be included and get the witnessing and validation I needWhat autism is (a deepdive into the characteristics) and how it shows up for meCoping with and integrating this new normalPLUS - this bumper episode marks the end of the devotion series and Season 3. Thank you for joining me on this season. See you when the spark of creativity strikes again :)Much love x

This was SUCH a fun episode to record. We need a palate cleanser after all the deep episodes of season 2 and 3 😅 so I came up with a list of random topics and updates to share with you. Grab a glass and let’s laugh, ki and thirst about hot men.We’re talking:The hot celebs I unapologetically thirst over - list does not include Idris ElbaWhat I’m loving lately - incl. cheap but amazing apps and my fabulous afroThe ghetto - what’s destroying my peaceThe catch phrases living rent free in my brain - incl. “Hide your wives, hide your kids”Things I can’t for the life for me cook, shameMeals where I throw TF down but you probably will never know because I have severe cooking for others anxiety 😭And more :)See you in the epi!

How do we come to peace with who we are, what we can’t have, what we can’t fix, who we will never be, what we will never have? How do we do this so that we can be devoted to ourselves and our paths and our lives? How do we free ourselves of the tyranny of “if only”?In this epi, I explore things in my life that Life has forced me to choose because I finally realised I couldn’t “fix” them and, quite frankly, trying to fix them was driving me mad. I share my story accepting my sexual trauma, endometriosis and other chronic conditions I have, depression and suicidality, singleness, autism, being a Manifestor in human design, running a small solo business and more.I explore all the ways I had to overcome societal and familial judgement about what is acceptable and not acceptable and what accepting these things says about my character, potential, capabilities, etcLet’s chat. 

Guys! I never imagined that I’d try GLP-1/semaglutide for endo pain, but here we are. And the gag is (Hey Keke!), it’s working! I started on a micro dose in June after my internist (specialist physician) recommended I try it. Join me in this episode for all the details, including:What I take, how much, where I buy it and how I injectMy journey to finding the right doseMain improvements to endometriosis pain & other symptomsUnexpected improvements that I hadn’t heard anywhere elseDid I lose weight???!!!Side effectsMy advice if you’re thinking about trying a GLP-1 for chronic pain.Remember: I’m not a doctor. These are my personal experiences, not at all medical advice. This is an experiment that may or may not work out in the long term but I’m willing to try. Listen to your body and do what’s best for you and remember that every leading edge treatment comes with unknowns and risks. Proceed with wisdom - and hope!

After doing the work of learning how to love ourselves, do we ever get to the point where we actively like ourselves? Like, enjoy ourselves as much as we delight in our best friends or lovers?For a long time - too long - I didn’t realise that I was merely tolerating and taking care of myself, but I absolutely did not delight in who I was. And this makes me sad to look back on.The path of healing for me has been unfolding in five steps: Learning how to tolerate myself (I can’t leave, but let me make the most of it since I’m stuck in this body)Learning to accept myself (Ok, I did my best, I accept and forgive myself)Loving myself (I take care of and show up for myself)Eventually starting to like myself (How freaking awesome that this is how my brain works - I have so much fun in here!)And now finally approaching the idea of being devoted to myself (I’ll go to the ends of the earth for me, I worship and adore me, and I’ll fight anyone who tries to hurt my baby!)Phew, it’s been a journey! And who knows what’s next, but thank the Universe and all its angels that I’ve gotten here. 

You all know that me and Christianity aren’t a thing anymore. I needed to find my way to the truth as I experience it rather than as I’ve been taught to or expected to experience it. And I needed to heal some major “God” wounds.What I believe now is bigger than any religion because religions are ultimately just vehicles to help humans articulate and express/live out our understanding of the divine. But what’s happened over the years is that I’ve been reconstructing my belief system in terms that feel safe, expansive, true to me and sustainable for me. As my journey of separation and isolation for self-discovery and self-definition has unfolded, I found myself missing the sense that something bigger than me was holding me, helping me, looking out for me, caring for me. That not everything depended on me, that something magnificent and more wise and all-seeing was intervening for my highest good. Because it’s not true that we’re all alone and it’s all up to us, but I needed to find a way to conceptualise that in a way that is healthy and abundant for meJoin me as I share what I’ve come to know and how it’s brought me back to a more healthy place of being autonomous but held; or as Glennon Doyle puts it “held but free”.

The title of this epi says it all. The goal of “living up to my potential” has terrorised me. Terrorised me. From my parents, teachers, schools and companies expecting or predicting “great things” to my own insecurities and needing desperately to create what I thought would be a “worthy life”. The concept of “achieving greatness” has had me in a chokehold. But I got diagnosed with endo and it’s severely limited my physical life. So what now?Join me as I go back to drawing board and learn about what makes a life worthy TO ME, not others, and creating a new expectation of what I want my life to be like - not because Endo wouldn’t let me have greatness, but because I started to want something different, healthier, and that actually made me happy and Endo was the thing that finally backed me into a corner and forced me to let go.

As a child of trauma, my suicidal teen mind believed that I couldn’t survive on my own and that if I just made enough money, or was rescued by God, or found a nice man to love me, or figured out how to stop being sad, THEN I would be safe, I would survive, I would make it, I would be good enough. My life has been a slow and very painful unraveling of that survival premise. And this year, another domino fell: I found a lovely guy to love me. And - plot twist - it didn’t really save me…. Because instead of needing someone to be devoted to me, I’ve needed to be devoted to myself. Like deeply, can’t tear me away, I will live and die for, I will do whatever it takes for me, for my life!Because the gag is, I’ve actually been saving myself all along! I just could never see it.

Ciao peeps, welcome to season 3!! And episode 50! Wowsers. I can’t believe we’ve made it to 50 episodes! I’m a beast. This is a quickie letting you know what you’re in for this season. We’re talking about devotion as the theme of my year as a Personal Year 6 in numerology this year.In theme with the frequency of the 6 here’s what I’ve been chewing on:I’ve learned about what it means to be devoted.I’ve wondered if I am devoted to anything (I haven’t felt like I am but maybe I’m wrong).I’m asking what my choices have been revealing to me about what I’m devoted to.I’m finding a sense of “God” again - sort of.And more…Yay for another frolick together. Can’t wait to get dug into this season.

Death is tricky business. Especially when you’re not ready to go. My father died during Covid and it had a profound impact on me, my understanding of the spiritual role I play for mankind and the evolution of my spiritual path. My dad told me, through a medium, that I had helped him find his way home to soul world/ life after death when he died. The crazy thing is I had no idea the significance of the little things I was doing at the time. But now that I know, I realise I’ve been a death doula - a midwife for death - in past lives and my soul had unconsciously remembered how to help my dad. How beautiful. Listen along as I share the details of the lead up to my dad’s death, what I’ve since learned about the role I played and the blessing of being to hold space for souls, both the living and the dying, during the scariest time of our lives.Stay to the end for a card reading my traditional RWS tarot deck.I hope this blesses you. Infinite love x