People Pleasing & ADHD: When "Yes" is a Nervous-System Response and How to Stop with Anita Sandoval, LPC - EP 555

Join us! Hey, it’s Eric. So, uh — I wasn’t actually planning to record this… but I wanted to hop on for a minute, because this is it. We’ve got our last two registration events this week before our Fall ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability Groups begin. They’re happening Tuesday, October 14th, and Friday, October 17th — and after that, doors close until next year. Over the past ten years, we’ve worked with more than 1,200 ADHDers — helping folks build systems that actually stick… and the resilience to bounce back when they don’t. Because let’s be honest — sometimes they don’t. That’s kind of the point, right? Learning how to keep showing up, even when your brain makes that hard. If you’ve been listening for a while and thinking, “Maybe someday I’ll do that,” — maybe this is that someday. And if you can’t make one of the registration events, it’s okay — once you finish pre-registration, you can also schedule a 1:1 registration call with me. Our Fall groups start October 23rd, so now’s the time to jump in. Just head over to coachingrewired.com to get started. Again, that’s coachingrewired.com. Hope I’ll see you soon.

"I'm Fine": What My Dad Taught Me About Resisting Help On August 14th, my dad passed away. In the weeks since, I've been reflecting on his life, his humor, his resilience — and his signature phrase: "I'm fine." He said it when he was hooked up to machines in the hospital. He said it when he was on the roof cleaning gutters, even though his balance was shot. And most of the time, he wasn't fine at all. In this episode, I share some of the lessons I learned from my dad about adapting — and about the cost of resisting it. From the adult trike he never would have bought for himself, to the senior living community he resisted but came to love, my dad's story is a mirror for the ways we all struggle with change, masking, and accepting support. I also talk about my own journey: being diagnosed with ADHD at 19, and more recently, with autism — a diagnosis that really came into focus during a season of burnout. Like my dad, I've had to learn that determination isn't enough. Saying "I'm fine" isn't enough. What matters is adapting — and allowing ourselves to receive help when we need it. If you've ever caught yourself saying "I'm fine" when you're not, this one's for you. In This Episode The phrase my dad used that wasn't always true — "I'm fine." How his resistance to adapting shaped my understanding of masking. The trike that gave him joy he wouldn't have chosen for himself. Why moving into a senior living community became one of the best decisions he never wanted to make. What his struggles taught me about ADHD, autism, burnout, and learning to adapt. Resources & Links Learn more about ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: coachingrewired.com Join our virtual co-working community: adultstudyhall.com Support the podcast on Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired

🧠 Episode Summary: Are you building a business (or a life) that supports your life—or one that runs you into the ground? In this episode of ADHD reWired, Eric Tivers is joined by business systems coach and automation strategist Stephanie Blake. Diagnosed with ADHD later in life, Stephanie shares how simplifying her business, embracing structure, and getting honest about burnout helped her reclaim her energy and build a business that works for her, not the other way around. They talk about the unique ways ADHD brains thrive with streamlined systems, why too many tools can be a trap, and how authenticity and self-awareness fuel sustainable success. If you've ever felt overwhelmed trying to do all the things, this episode is your permission slip to do less—better. You'll also hear tips for where to start with automation, how to avoid shiny object syndrome, and why consistency matters more than complexity. ⏱️ Timestamps & Topics: 00:00 – Intro 02:02 – Stephanie's story: diagnosis, business, and burnout 06:11 – "Simplify to scale": the ADHD-friendly approach to business 11:58 – Tools and systems that actually help (and what to ditch) 18:05 – Where to start with automation (without breaking your brain) 21:42 – The myth of doing it all—and why solo doesn't mean alone 26:39 – What's behind our addiction to new tools 30:14 – The power of community and authenticity in building your brand 35:20 – Why revisiting your systems is a must, not a maybe 38:17 – Final thoughts: automate the right things, at the right time 40:36 – Learn more from Stephanie + Fall Coaching Groups are open! 👤 Guest Bio: Stephanie Blake is the founder of the Simple Business School and Simple Business Suites. She helps entrepreneurs scale to six figures and beyond by simplifying their business systems, automating strategically, and building offers that align with their values. As a mom, a CEO, and an ADHDer, Stephanie believes in doing business your way—and building something that lasts. 🌐 Learn more at: theblakecollective.com 📱 Instagram: @theblakecollective 🔧 Tools & Resources Mentioned: ClickUp – Project Management Airtable – Databases / Organizing Everything Zapier – Automation StreamYard – Live Streaming Platform 🚀 Learn More & Take Action 🧭 Fall 2025 Coaching Groups are open for registration! If you're ready to finally get support, structure, and accountability that works for your ADHD brain, then come join us. Join our next Registration Event: 📅 Friday, October 3rd at 12pm Central OR 📅 Thursday, October 9th at 10am Central October 3rd: $1699  October 9th (Late Reg): $1899 📆 3- and 6-month payment plans available! 🔗 Start your pre-registration now at www.coachingrewired.com 🌐 Learn more about: Adult Study Hall (Virtual co-working): www.adultstudyhall.com  Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired 🎧 Listen & Share If this episode helped you feel less alone or gave you a new perspective on how to run your business or your life with ADHD, share it with a friend—or on social! Use #ADHDreWired to join the conversation.

What does it really mean to know when to push, when to pause, and when to let go? In this heartfelt conversation, Dr. Portia Preston returns to ADHD reWired to share insights from her book Hustle, Flow, or Let It Go? We talk about burnout, shame-free wellness, and the small practices that can help us create a more sustainable rhythm in life. This episode weaves together stories of resilience and grief, the reality of living with ADHD and autism, and Portia's SANE model (Slow down, Acknowledge, Navigate, Evaluate)—a simple framework to help you reset when overwhelm takes over. We also talk about support squads, the hidden cost of hustle culture, and what it means to choose rest without shame. If you've been running on empty, carrying grief, or just wondering if there's another way forward, this conversation is for you.   00:00 – Introduction: Shame Free Wellness and unlearning harmful beliefs 01:07 – Welcome to ADHD Rewired, host Eric Tivers introduces the show 01:31 – Eric shares personal news: loss of his father and recent illness 03:06 – Portia Preston joins: author, speaker, and executive coach 05:36 – Portia discusses the motivation behind her book and the concept of sustainable rhythm 07:54 – The SANE Cycle: a four-step process for self-reflection and growth 08:49 – Book launch experiences, balancing promotion, and authenticity 10:57 – Defining "hustle" and "flow" in the context of wellness 13:00 – Letting go: the challenge and importance of releasing what doesn't serve you 15:21 – The SANE model explained: Slow down, Acknowledge, Navigate, Evaluate 17:06 – Portia's favorite part of the book and audience reactions 17:52 – Break: Coaching and accountability group info   - ADHD Rewired Coaching & Accountability Groups   - ADHD Rewired Virtual Coworking Community 18:48 – Grief, burnout, and the importance of sitting with discomfort 22:00 – Building a support squad and the difference between solitude and isolation 25:00 – Neurodivergence, intersectionality, and Portia's experience as a Black woman with ADHD and autism 29:00 – Audience feedback on the book and the importance of vulnerability 33:00 – Shame Free Wellness Manifesto (read aloud) 35:44 – The importance of rest, authenticity, and self-acceptance 39:00 – Context shifting, capacity vs. discipline, and self-compassion   - Dr. Raquel Martin on Instagram: @drraquelmartin 43:00 – Teaching students about shame-free wellness and legacy 46:00 – Grief, community, and turning pain into purpose 49:00 – The value of showing up authentically and embracing imperfection 52:00 – Where to find Portia's book and connect online   - Book: "Hustle, Flow, or Let It Go: A Guide to Shame-Free Wellness"    • PortiaPreston.com    • Amazon Book Link   - Instagram: @drportiapreston 54:00 – Closing thoughts: SANE model reminder and encouragement 56:00 – Outro: gratitude and next steps

People-pleasing isn't a personality flaw—often it's a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita's "Empower → Resilient → Authentic" model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics). Resources, Anita's links, and a quick survey about a potential evening coaching group are in the full notes at ADHDreWired.com. Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways. We cover: People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking ADHD & RSD: why "neutral" feedback stings and how regulation shifts it Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD) Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the "victim narcissist" pattern) Anita's staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic) Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation Eric's EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation Try this: Notice your next automatic "yes." Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after. Resources mentioned: Anita Sandoval — anitasandoval.com (course: Empower Her Pathways) Broken Chains (English/Spanish) Dr. Ramani's work on narcissism (Should I Stay or Should I Go?) Modalities: EMDR, IFS/Parts, Polyvagal-informed approaches Coaching & community: Evening Coaching Group — interest survey We're exploring a fall evening section (proposed Wed, Sept 18 • 5pm PT / 8pm ET) led by ADHD reWired Coach & LCSW Kristin Marts, at a budget-friendly rate (starting at $999) if we move forward. Deadline to weigh in: Aug 15. Take the short survey at www.coachingrewired.com.  Complete the survey to enter to win 6 months free in our Alumni community ($240 value) or 1 year free of Adult Study Hall ($240 value). Adult Study Hall (ASH) — virtual co-working & body doubling. Free 1-week trial, then $19.99/mo or $150/yr at www.adultstudyhall.com. Connect with Anita: www.anitasandoval.com | Podcast: Empowering Women in Conversations

Learn more and get on the interest list to start pre-registration at  

What is OCD, really? It's far more than the stereotypes of handwashing, tapping, or lining up your pens just right. On today's episode, Eric is joined by Natalia Aíza — a therapist, parent, writer, and co-founder of Kairos Wellness Collective — who specializes in supporting individuals and families navigating OCD and anxiety. Together, they explore how OCD can show up in less obvious ways, especially for those with ADHD. You'll hear: ✅ Why OCD is often missed or misdiagnosed in ADHD brains ✅ How intense nostalgia, perfectionism, and social media checking can all be forms of OCD ✅ The difference between typical anxiety and OCD ✅ Why intrusive thoughts don't define you ✅ How exposure response prevention (ERP) and medication can help ✅ Eric's own reflections on healing unexpected layers through EMDR and discovering his autism If you've ever felt stuck in mental loops, struggled with perfectionism, or wondered whether your patterns might be more than "just" ADHD, this episode is for you. Learn more about Natalia Aiza and Kairos Wellness Collective: 👉 Instagram: @letstalk.ocd 👉 Kairos Wellness Collective: kairoswellnesscollective.com 👉 Email: [email protected] Ready to take the next step with your ADHD? Don't miss our second 2nd chance Registration Event for the summer ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups on Thrusday, July 10.  Visit coachingrewired.com to learn more and secure your spot.

Support Comes from ADHD reWIred's Coaching and Accountability Groups. Summer Sessions are July 24 - Sept 18. Join us at our next registration event on July 10th. Learn more by going to www.coachingrewired.com Episode Overview: In this episode, Eric is joined by Ari Tuckman, PSY.D, MBA, psychologist, international presenter, and author of the new "ADHD Productivity Manual." Together, they dive deep into the realities of productivity for people with ADHD, exploring motivation, activation, self-compassion, and practical strategies for getting things done. Key Topics Discussed: The difference between motivation and activation, and why both matter for ADHD brains How perfectionism and unrealistic expectations can sabotage progress The importance of understanding your "why" for each task, not just the "what" Social aspects of productivity: people-pleasing, setting boundaries, and communicating when you can't meet a deadline Real-world strategies and creative hacks from Ari, Eric, and their clients (including timers, accountability, and engineering urgency) The value of celebrating small wins and tracking progress over time Self-compassion and letting go of impossible standards How to build systems that work for your unique brain, not just follow generic advice Guest Bio: Dr. Ari Tuckman is a leading ADHD expert, psychologist, and author of five books, including the "ADHD Productivity Manual." He brings decades of clinical experience and a practical, compassionate approach to helping people thrive with ADHD. Resources & Links: Learn more about Ari and his books: adultadhdbook.com Join ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: coachingrewired.com Check out Adult Study Hall for virtual coworking: adultstudyhall.com Support the Show: Become a patron for bonus content and monthly coaching calls: adhdrewired.com/patreon Sign up for the newsletter and get episode resources: adhdrewired.com Takeaway: You're not broken, and you don't have to do hard things the hardest way or alone. Progress is possible—one step, one system, and one act of self-compassion at a time. Thanks for listening!

🎧 Special Announcement: Alumni Voices + Your Chance to Join ADHD reWired In this special announcement episode of ADHD reWired, Eric shares something a little different: a powerful 10-minute audio montage of alumni from our most recent coaching group — voices from ADHDers just like you who finished the program not long ago. You'll hear, in their own words, why they joined, what they were struggling with, and what changed for them over 8 weeks of coaching, accountability, and connection. From burnout and overwhelm to self-doubt and shame, these stories highlight the real transformations that can happen with the right support. 👉 Our second-chance registration event is Thursday, June 26th at 10 AM Pacific / 1 PM Eastern! ✅ Pre-registration is due by Wednesday, June 25th at least 24 hours before the event. 📝 Session details: Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays 10 AM Pacific / 1 PM Eastern July 24th through September 18th 💥 Ready to join us? Here's your next step: 1️⃣ Go to coachingrewired.com 2️⃣ If you're not already on our interest list, click the button to join 3️⃣ Check your email and confirm your address so you don't miss anything When you join the interest list, you'll also get: A free time tracker we use in group A letter you can share with your employer about the program 🎧 Even if joining this season isn't possible for you, we hope these alumni stories remind you: 👉 You're not alone. 👉 You can do hard things — and you don't have to do them the hardest way possible.

🎧 Episode Overview Join host Eric Tivers and three incredible panelists—Nathan James, Meg Zirger, and Christal Wang—for the second-annual Neurodivergent Queer Pride panel, organized by Shimmer. In this landmark conversation, we explore: Masking vs. Unmasking: Why hiding feels safe and how reclaiming your authentic self fuels resilience. Intersectional Identities: How ADHD, autism, and LGBTQ+ pride intersect—and why that intersection is a source of strength. Political Climate & Pride: Strategies for holding onto joy and courage when the world feels heavy. Power of Community: From isolation to solidarity—why peer support is essential for lasting change. Whether you're neurodivergent, queer, an ally, or simply curious, this panel offers actionable insights, heartfelt stories, and affirmations to help you thrive. 🎯 Key Takeaways Masking Is Exhausting Childhood "survival mode" often becomes adult burnout. Unmasking is an ongoing, courageous process of self-discovery. ADHD + Queer = Unique Superpower Both identities challenge "scripts" society hands us. Embracing difference unlocks creativity, empathy, and authenticity. Pride Under Pressure Celebrate safely: balance vigilance with joy. Collective conversation and advocacy build courage. Community as Catalyst Small cohorts and online groups reduce shame and spark accountability. Shared experiences create "me-too" moments that heal and empower. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:00 Welcome & Episode Intro 01:04 What Is Neurodivergent Queer Pride? 03:07 Panelist Introductions & Backgrounds 09:30 Personal Identity Journeys: "Scripts" & Masking 17:36 Societal Expectations: Fitting In vs. Standing Out 29:18 Deep Dive on Masking & Self-Acceptance 38:59 Holding Pride in a Difficult Political Climate 48:12 The Role of Community in Connection & Healing 54:48 Final Affirmations & Advice 57:41 Closing Thoughts & Next Steps 🔗 Resources & Links Join ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups (Season 41) ▸ Live kickoff: Wed, June 18 • 2 PM CT ▸ Pre-registration due: Tue, June 17 • 2 PM CT ▸ 👉 https://www.coachingrewired.com Shimmer (Episode organizer; online ADHD coaching platform) ▸ Co-founder & panel host: Christal Wang 👉 https://www.shimmerplatform.com Adult Study Hall (24/7 ADHD-friendly coworking) 👉 https://www.adultstudyhall.com 💡 Next Steps Subscribe to ADHD reWired so you never miss an episode. Share this episode with friends who identify as neurodivergent, queer, or allies. Explore our summer Coaching & Accountability Groups to turn these insights into real-world growth. Your whole self belongs. Let's celebrate, connect, and thrive—together.