Susan Cain: A Daughter’s Bittersweet Longing for Her Mother [Divergence 4/6]

In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Ayala Fader—an anthropologist who studies American Haredi communities and their “hidden heretics”—about the personal, familial, and communal factors that pull us toward and push us away from different Jewish communities. In this episode we discuss: How should we respond to the discomfort we experience when the communities we live in don’t measure up to the communities we desire?How has the internet changed Hasidic and yeshivish cultures over the past three decades? How has the surge of antisemitism and anti-Zionism affected the views of Hasidic Jews? Tune in to hear a conversation about the ways we seek out and build communities that nourish us. Interview begins at 12:48.Ayala Fader is a professor of anthropology at Fordham University. Her research investigates contemporary North American Jewish identities and languages and engages key issues at the intersection of religion, Jewish Studies, gender, and linguistic anthropology, including language and media. She is also the founding director of the Demystifying Language Project, a partnership between academia and public high schools, housed in the New York Center for Public Anthropology at Fordham. Fader is the author of Mitzvah Girls: Bringing Up the Next Generation of Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn and Hidden Heretics: Jewish Doubt in the Digital Age. References:“Failure Goes to Yeshivah” by David BashevkinMitzvah Girls: Bringing Up the Next Generation of Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn by Ayala FaderHidden Heretics: Jewish Doubt in the Digital Age by Ayala FaderNaftuli Moster with Frieda Vizel: "Why I left Hasidic education activism"When Prophecy Fails by Leon Festinger, Henry W. Riecken, and Stanley Schachter Jew Vs Jew by Samuel G. Freedman18Forty Podcast: “Rav Moshe Weinberger: Can Mysticism Become a Community?”For more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

On June 29, Eden will be hosting a webinar to speak in detail about the vision for this project. In order to register please click here or email [email protected] to find out more.In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, David Bashevkin moderates a debate between Rabbi Itamar Rosensweig and Rabbi Yitzchak Blau on whether morality exists independently of Judaism. This is a recording of a live event hosted at Young Israel of Teaneck on May 4. In this episode we discuss: What does it mean for God to be good, and who defines the “good” in the first place? Do Torah Jews base their values on halacha, or something else?Should we make any changes to halachic and moral education in the Jewish community? Tune in to hear a conversation about how halacha and morality bring order and prioritization to our chaotic and confusing lives. Debate begins at 10:57.Rabbi Itamar Rosensweig is a professor of Jewish law and jurisprudence at Yeshiva University, a rabbinic judge and chaver beit din at the Beth Din of America, and the rav of the Shtiebel of Lower Merion. He holds a secondary appointment as an assistant professor of philosophy at Yeshiva College and serves as the chair of Jewish studies at the Sy Syms School of Business. He received his semikha, Yoreh Yoreh and Yadin Yadin, from RIETS, where he was a fellow of the Wexner Kollel Elyon and editor-in-chief of the Beit Yitzchak Journal of Talmudic and Halakhic Studies.Rabbi Yitzchak Blau is the author of Fresh Fruit & Vintage Wine: Ethics and Wisdom of the Aggada and is Tradition's associate editor. He has taught at Yeshivat Hamivtar, Yeshivat Shvilei Hatorah, and the Yeshivah of Flatbush and currently also teaches at Midreshet Lindenbaum. Rabbi Blau has a BA in English Literature from YU, an MA in Medieval Jewish History from Revel, and semikha from RIETS. Rabbi Blau lives in Alon Shevut with his wife and four children.References:The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. LewisMere Christianity by C. S. LewisFresh Fruit & Vintage Wine: Ethics and Wisdom of the Aggada by Yitzchak BlauHaEmunot veHaDeot by Saadia GaonReligion And Morality by Avi Sagi and Daniel StatmanPlato's EuthyphroGenesis 9The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor DostoevskyEight Chapters by Maimonides Halakhic Man by Rabbi Joseph B. SoloveitchikA Theory of Justice by John RawlsFor more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

On June 29, Eden will be hosting a webinar to speak in detail about the vision for this project. In order to register please click here or email [email protected] to find out more. In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, David Bashevkin and historian Malka Simkovich discuss the future of technology, AI, and the Jewish People. This episode was recorded live at the Moise Safra Center as 18Forty celebrated its Fifth Anniversary with our community.We begin with words from Sruli Fruchter and Mitch Eichen delivered at the program, as well as questions from the audience to conclude. In this episode we discuss: What is the point of academia and asking questions?Will AI replace rabbinic authority or the conversations we have on 18Forty? Is there any topic that 18Forty will never take on? Tune in to hear a conversation about what we’ve learned through the seismic shifts we’ve experienced over the past half-decade.Introduction from Sruli Fruchter begins at 9:05.Introduction from Mitch Eichen begins at 12:50.Interview begins at 17:26.Dr. Malka Simkovich is the director and editor-in-chief of the Jewish Publication Society and previously served as the Crown-Ryan Chair of Jewish Studies and Director of the Catholic-Jewish Studies program at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago. She earned a doctoral degree in Second Temple and Rabbinic Judaism from Brandeis University and a Master’s degree in Hebrew Bible from Harvard University. She is the author of The Making of Jewish Universalism: From Exile to Alexandria (2016), Discovering Second Temple Literature: The Scriptures and Stories That Shaped Early Judaism (2018), and Letters From Home: The Creation of Diaspora in Jewish Antiquity, (2024). She has been a three-time guest on the 18Forty Podcast and led our Book Journey on the essence of antisemitism. David Bashevkin is the founder and host of 18Forty. He is also the director of education for NCSY, the youth movement of the Orthodox Union, and the Clinical Assistant Professor of Jewish Values at the Sy Syms School of Business at Yeshiva University. He completed rabbinic ordination at Yeshiva University’s Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, as well as a master’s degree at the Bernard Revel Graduate School of Jewish Studies focusing on the thought of Rabbi Zadok of Lublin under the guidance of Dr. Yaakov Elman. He completed his doctorate in Public Policy and Management at The New School’s Milano School of International Affairs, focusing on crisis management.  He has published four books: Sin·a·gogue: Sin and Failure in Jewish Thought, a Hebrew work B’Rogez Rachem Tizkor (trans. In Anger, Remember Mercy), Top 5: Lists of Jewish Character and Character, and Just One: The NCSY Haggadah. David has been rejected from several prestigious fellowships and awards.References:“18Forty: Exploring Big Questions (An Introduction)”18Forty Podcast: “Philo Judaeus: Is There a Room for Dialogue?”18Forty Podcast: “Daniel Hagler and Aryeh Englander: Can Jews Who Stay Talk With Jews Who Left?”The Nineties: A Book by by Chuck KlostermanEinstein's Dreams by Alan LightmanTime Must Have a Stop by Aldous Huxley“Laughing with Kafka” by David Foster WallaceThe Most Human Human: What Talking with Computers Teaches Us About What It Means to Be Alive by Brian ChristianGödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstadter"Failure Comes To Yeshivah" by David BashevkinFor more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

18Forty is celebrating its fifth year LIVE in NYC on June 9. Reserve your seats today!In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, David Bashevkin moderates a dialogue between Aryeh Englander—the ex-Orthodox Jew known as “Philo Judeas,” who is a moderator of the ambitious Frum/OTD Dialogue Facebook group—and Daniel Hagler, a frum surgeon and a moderator of the Facebook group Respectfully Debating Judaism.  Together, we talk about seeking meaning, uncovering religious truths, and making the most of the precious gift we call “life.” In this episode we discuss: How do we know if Judaism is “real” and true? How is a religious commitment like a romantic one? Which is more important: Judaism being true or Judaism being useful?Tune in to hear a conversation about the ways in which we chase truth and determine how we ought to live our lives. Interview begins at 19:29.Follow-up Hagler interview begins at 1:19:04. References:18Forty Podcast: “Philo Judaeus: Is There a Room for Dialogue?”Judaism on Trial: Jewish-Christian Disputations in the Middle Ages by Hyam MaccobyReality+: Virtual Worlds and the Problems of Philosophy by David J. ChalmersTzidkat HaTzadik 4118Forty Podcast: “Rav Moshe Weinberger: Can Mysticism Become a Community?”“Worlds Together” in MishpachaJewish Philosophy as a Guide to Life: Rosenzweig, Buber, Levinas, Wittgenstein by Hilary PutnamNo Country for Old Men (2007)Slate Star CodexEruvin 13bHow Judaism Became a Religion: An Introduction to Modern Jewish Thought by Leora Batnitzky18Forty Podcast: “Malka Simkovich: The Mystery of the Jewish People”A Letter in the Scroll: Understanding Our Jewish Identity and Exploring the Legacy of the World's Oldest Religion by Rabbi Jonathan SacksNotes from Underground by Fyodor DostoevskyKiddushin 30aLeviticus 10:16For more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

Receive our FREE newsletters at 18forty.org/join.In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, talk to Moshe Krakowski, a professor at Yeshiva University, about his work on Attrition and Connection in American Orthodox Judaism, the OU’s study on what we crassly call “OTD.” Dr. Krakowski takes us “under the hood” of those who leave their religious communities to show us what factors lead Jews to leave faith behind. In this episode we discuss: Why do so many of us choose the countercultural life of Orthodox Judaism? What leads someone to leave a religious community—or seek out a more insular one? How do we create a Jewish world that is sticky, rich, and spiritually nourishing? Tune in to hear a conversation about why we leave Jewish communities and, maybe more importantly, why we stay. Interview begins at 9:29.Moshe Krakowski is a professor at the Azrieli Graduate School for Jewish Education and Administration at Yeshiva University, where he also directs Azrieli’s doctoral program. He studies American Haredi education and culture, focusing on the relationship between communal worldview, identity, and education. He also works on curriculum, cognition, and inquiry learning in Jewish educational settings.References:18Forty’s OTD Archive“Passing Through” by David BashevkinAttrition and Connection in American Orthodox Judaism by Dr. Moshe Krakowski, Dr. Rachel Ginsberg, Aliza Goldstein, Abby Nadritch, Joshua Schoenberg, and Akiva Schuck“Yiddishe Taavos” by Motty IlowitzFor more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

In anticipation of our upcoming series, we want to share with you our episode with Shulem Deen, originally released in June 2020. In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, David discusses with special guest and former member of the Ultra-Orthodox community, Shulem Deen, the struggle and importance of balancing one’s individual needs with those of the community.Though many of us are aware of the extreme disconnect that exists between the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish community and the secular world, the result of this unfortunate dynamic offers powerful insight. In particular, the intense and likely under-discussed experience of ex-Ultra-Orthodox community members (a group referred to by many as ‘Off The Derech’ or OTD) raises important questions about the reality of this intercommunity conflict and life as a modern Jew. In what ways do the religious and secular worlds misunderstand each other? What are the strengths and weaknesses of the Ultra-Orthodox and secular worlds in facilitating a positive life for their members? How can we as individuals combat the inescapable myopia of living within a social bubble? Tune in to join David and Shulem in seeking answers to these important questions.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

Receive our FREE newsletters at 18forty.org/join.Our Intergenerational Divergence series is sponsored by our friends Sarala and Danny Turkel.This episode is sponsored by Yeshivat Shalshelet, which gives children with language-based learning differences the confidence and skills to thrive academically, emotionally, and spiritually. Donate to its matching campaign at theshalsheletdifference.org.In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Bayla Gopin—a student with dyslexia— and her mother, Chana, who brought Bayla to Yeshivat Shalshelet when her previous school was ignoring her needs.We also sit down with Shulamit Roth, Shalshelet’s founder, to talk about how we can expand the circle of who Yiddishkeit is for. In this episode we discuss: Does our emphasis on text-based learning leave some students out? How do we handle the perceived social stigma of needing to deviate from our “Plan A”?How does a child deal with switching schools when school is such a huge part of their world?Tune in to hear a conversation about how we can nurture every student the way he or she was created. Interview begins at 11:40.Shulamit Roth is a language and speech pathologist who has dedicated her career to helping students with language based learning disabilities. Her passion for teaching Jewish students with language-based learning disabilities led her to founding Yeshivat Shalshelet, where she helps students access the beauty of Torah and achieve their academic and personal potential.References:Born Losers by Scott A. Sandage“Amen al Ha'yeladim” by Chanan Ben AriBaby-Sitters Club by Ann M. MartinProverbs 22:6Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz M.D.18Forty Podcast: “Yehuda and Ilana Turetsky: Why Would an American Rabbinic Couple Move to Israel?”For more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

Receive our FREE newsletters at 18forty.org/join.Our Intergenerational Divergence series is sponsored by our friends Sarala and Danny Turkel.This episode is sponsored by Ketubah.com. Find the perfect ketubah for your wedding at Ketubah.com—beautiful designs, halachic accuracy, and personalized guidance every step of the way.This episode is also sponsored by our friends at Sofer.Ai. In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Talia Khan—a Jewish MIT graduate student and Israel activist—and her father, an Afghan Muslim immigrant, about their close father-daughter relationship despite their ideological disagreements. When Talia gained national attention in 2023 testifying before Congress and expressing her anger with the hostility toward Jews on MIT’s campus, many wondered what her Muslim father thought of her activism. In this episode we discuss: What was Talia’s father’s reaction to her public advocacy on  behalf of Jews and Israel? How do Talia and her father stay close despite their fundamental ideological differences?Why are Jewish-Muslim relations so strained? Tune in to hear a conversation about how humanity’s story of redemption takes form in a father-daughter relationship.Interview begins at 11:09.Talia Khan is an MIT graduate student in mechanical engineering, the president of the MIT Israel Alliance, a Fulbright Brazil alumna, and the daughter of a Jewish mother and an Afghan Muslim immigrant father. References:18Forty Podcast: “What’s Next: Higher Education for Jews: David Wolpe, Talia Khan, and Steven Pinker”Golda (2023)Rashi on Genesis 15:15, Bereshit Rabbah 30 Meshekh Chokhmah by Meir Simha HaKohen DvinskGenesis 17:18For more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyWhatsApp: join hereBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

Receive our FREE newsletters at 18forty.org/join.Our Intergenerational Divergence series is sponsored by our friends Sarala and Danny Turkel.This episode is sponsored by an anonymous friend who supports our mission.In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to bestselling author Susan Cain about her bittersweet relationship with her mother, an Orthodox Jew and daughter of a prominent rabbi. Susan’s book Bittersweet explores their journey together and grapples with what it means when our lives and relationships don’t exactly meet our expectations. In this episode we discuss:How do our relationships with our parents change in adulthood? Why are sad songs often some of our favorites? How can we make meaning of the yearning we experience?Tune in to hear a conversation about “longing for the source” and “uniting with the beloved of the soul.”Interview begins at 11:01.Susan Cain is the  ​​No. 1 New York Times bestselling author of Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. She is also a speaker, influencer, and the creator of the newsletter community thequietlife.net.References:Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan CainBittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole by Susan Cain“Rabbi Israel Schorr, 94; Led Brooklyn Synagogue”The Letters Of J.R.R. TolkienBeit Yaakov on Torah“Anthem” by Leonard CohenEinstein and the Rabbi by Naomi Levy“Rav Shagar: Zionism and Exile Within the Home” by Ari Ze’ev Schwartz and Levi MorrowDivrei Soferim 16 by Tzadok HaKohen of LublinSin•a•gogue: Sin and Failure in Jewish Thought by David BashevkinAvodat Yisrael by Israel Hopstein of Kozhnitz“The Transformation of ‘Next Year in Jerusalem’ in the Postwar American Haggadah” by Jonathan D. SarnaFor more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.

Receive our FREE newsletters at 18forty.org/join.Our Intergenerational Divergence series is sponsored by our friends Sarala and Danny Turkel.This episode is sponsored by an anonymous friend who supports our mission.In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Judah, Naomi, and Aharon Akiva Dardik—an olim family whose son went to military jail for refusing to follow to IDF orders and has since become a ceasefire activist at Columbia University—about sticking together as a family despite their fundamental differences. On Aharon’s 14th birthday, the Dardiks moved from America to the Neve Daniel in the West Bank/Judea and Samaria. Since then, their relationships to Israel have diverged but they have refused to be divided. In this episode we discuss:Why did Aharon initially choose to stay anonymous to protect his parents from public pushback?How can we identify positive qualities in people we viscerally disagree with? Do differences over Israel and Zionism need to tear families apart? Tune in to hear a conversation about how the Jewish People can learn to think less institutionally and more familially. Interview begins at 19:08.Rabbi Judah Dardik is an Assistant Dean and full-time Ramm at Yeshivat Orayta in the Old City of Jerusalem, where he teaches and oversees student welfare. He is also the Dean of the Orayta Center for Jewish Leadership and Engagement. Before making Aliyah, he completed 13 years as the spiritual and community leader of Beth Jacob Congregation, in Oakland, California.Naomi Dardik, with her husband, Judah, served the Beth Jacob community in Oakland for thirteen years. Now, she leads the team of Relationship Experts at "OurRitual," a young company based in Tel Aviv that is building new ways to help couples access relationship support. She earned her BA in psychology from Barnard College and her MSW from UC Berkeley.Aharon Akiva Dardik is a philosophy and political science double major at Columbia University. His activism in favor of a ceasefire in Gaza was noted in The New York Times. He formerly lived in Neve Daniel with his family. References:“Forgive Me, My King I Did Not Know You Were Also a Father” by David BashevkinBeit Yishai by Rabbi Shlomo Fisher“It Can Be Lonely to Have a Middle-of-the Road Opinion on the Middle East” Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. RosenbergBeing Jewish After the Destruction of Gaza by Peter BeinartThe Power of Showing Up by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne BrysonMistakes Were Made (but Not by Me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson“Family Ties” by David Bashevkin“Spending the Seder Alone” by David BashevkinBaderech by Rabbi Judah Mischel“Pesach Letter to My Child” by Rabbi Ahron LopianskyFor more 18Forty:NEWSLETTER: 18forty.org/joinCALL: (212) 582-1840EMAIL: [email protected]: 18forty.orgIG: @18fortyX: @18_fortyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/18forty-podcast--4344730/support.