353. The psychology of perfectionism

Our 20s are sold to us as the decade of peak desire - full of passion, spontaneity, and effortless intimacy. But for so many of us, that isn’t the reality. When libido dips or fluctuates, it can feel confusing, isolating, and even shameful. In this episode, we ask why it is so common to struggle with libido in our 20s, what’s actually happening beneath the surface when desire feels distant, and how to make sense of the emotional and physical shifts that come with it. We explore: •        How it feels when our libido fluctuates•        Why so many of us struggle with this in our 20s•        The dual control theory of sexual response•        Libido as a reflection of safety•        The role of hormones, stress and mental health •        Identity development and the impact of shame•        Tips to reconnect with pleasure If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel the same drive as others seem to, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We all have habits we wish we could change - patterns we repeat even when we know they’re hurting us. So why is it so hard to stop? In this episode, we explore the psychology behind toxic habits. How they form, why they become automatic, and what they’re actually doing for us emotionally. We explore: •        How habits become wired through repetition and reward•        Why some people are more vulnerable to toxic habit loops•        The role of emotional regulation and self-soothing•        The four key mistakes that keep us stuck•        Practical tools to implement positive habits If you’ve ever thought, ‘I know better… so why don’t I do better?’, this episode is for you.  ORDER MY BOOK Watch on Youtube Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve all heard someone say, “I’m such a perfectionist”, like it’s a badge of honour. But what does perfectionism really mean - and what’s hiding beneath it? In today’s bonus episode, we unpack the psychology of perfectionism: the fear, the origins, and how to finally let go of “never good enough”. We explore: •        The three types of perfectionism - self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed•         Why perfectionism often disguises itself as discipline•        How it’s linked to procrastination, burnout, and anxiety•        Where it develops - from conditional love, insecurity, and need for control•        Real-world costs on relationships, wellbeing and creativity•        Tools to reframe perfectionism  Listen now! ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever met someone who always seems to see themselves as the one who’s been wronged - or maybe noticed that pattern in yourself? The sense that life is happening to you, not for you? It might not just be negativity - it could be a victim mentality, a learned way of seeing the world that often begins as a form of protection. In this episode, we take a look at the psychology behind the victim mindset - why it develops, how it impacts our relationships, and what it really takes to move from powerlessness to self-trust. We explore: •        What exactly is the victim mentality?•        How trauma, learned helplessness, and chronic fear shape this mindset•        The overlap between victimhood and covert narcissism•        Why relationships with ‘perpetual victims’ can feel draining or triggering•        How to support someone without losing yourself•        When compassion becomes enabling, and when to let go If you’ve ever struggled to understand why some people - or even parts of yourself - stay stuck in stories of unfairness or defeat, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’re always told that gratitude is the route to happiness – that we should be grateful for every experience we have. But when life feels like it’s falling apart, gratitude can feel less like a comfort and more like pressure. In reality, gratitude and pain often have to coexist. In this episode, we ask whether gratitude actually does make us happier - what it really is, how it rewires the brain, and why it sometimes feels impossible. We explore: •        What makes gratitude so powerful•        The cognitive and neuroscientific mechanisms behind gratitude•        Toxic gratitude when life simply feels hard•        The gratitude paradox•        The guilt associated with not being grateful enough•        Some alternatives for when gratitude feels inaccessible If you’ve ever struggled with the idea that you ‘should’ be thankful for the hard times in life, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It sounds simple. Split the rent, share space, maybe finally stop packing an overnight bag. But living together is one of the biggest relationship transitions of our twenties, and it brings with it some very real psychological, emotional, and even social shifts.In this episode, we unpack the questions around living with your partner in your 20s - what it means, what it changes, and what it reveals.  We explore:•        The pros and cons of moving in together•        Why living together can feel like forming a ‘chosen family’ •        The pressure of societal and family expectations to hit the next milestone•        The hidden dynamics of cohabitation•        Why fairness, communication, and space matter more than perfection•        The five questions to ask yourself before you take the leap Whether you’re moving in with your partner, thinking about it, or reflecting on a past experience, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know that feeling when time disappears, your focus sharpens, and everything just clicks? That’s what we often call ‘flow state’ - a powerful experience of total immersion where effort feels effortless. In today’s bonus episode, we uncover what flow really is, how it works, and why finding it might just change how you think about focus and fulfilment. We explore: •       What the flow state actually is•       The history and psychology behind the concept•       What it feels like, and how to know you’ve reached it•       Why some people find it easier to access than others•       What’s happening in your brain during flow•       Practical ways to find it in your own life Listen now! ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Extreme thinness is back in trend (again) so today, we explore the psychology behind why and the impact its having? In this episode, we'll discuss the rise of skinnytok and how this so-called ‘wellness’ version of thinness convinces us to be smaller, neater, cleaner, more controlled. What to expect: •        How to tell whether content is skinnytok aligned•        Links to orthorexia and the demonisation of food groups•        What does this say about politics?•        The role of weight loss drugs •        Why female bodies are so policed•        How to counteract the impact of skinnytok If you’ve ever felt smaller after scrolling – physically or emotionally - this episode is for you. For professional help:  The Butterfly Foundation National Eating Disorder Organisation   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  ORDER MY BOOK The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever felt that urge for payback? Revenge is one of the oldest, most universal human instincts. It seems like it promises justice, balance, or even peace. But why does it so often leave us feeling worse, not better? In this episode, we dive into the psychology of revenge - what drives it, what it costs us, and why our brains find it so hard to let go. We explore: •        Why revenge feels so intoxicating•        The difference between impulsive and planned revenge•        Who might be more prone to act out revenge•        The negative effects of seeking it out•        Why acting on our need can leave us feeling worse•        The push and pull behind human morality•        Empathy, success and silence as alternatives If you’ve ever replayed an argument in your head or imagined getting even, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Everyone is secretly searching for the perfect relationship, but what if your relationship is just 'good enough'? What if you feel secure, or fine about the person you're with but secretly want more? In today's episode we break down what it means to settle in your 20s, including:  The pressure to be 'coupled up' during your 20s How milestone anxiety creates unfulfilled relationships  What settling looks and feels like  How to tell if it's just relationships anxiety  3 questions to ask yourself if you're thinking about leaving  Listen now!  ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.