The Commentators’ View: John Helm & the magic sponge
Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball are joined by legendary commentator John Helm to talk football, their travels and the language of football commentary. John takes us through his career, from doing 10 World Cups, to being the in-house commentator at League One champions Lincoln City this season. There are more unintended pub names from sport commentary and suggestions for the Great Glossary of Football Commentary. Messages, questions and voicenotes welcome on WhatsApp to 08000 289 369 & emails to [email protected]:00 Welcome to the pod John Helm!
05:10 How did John end up at Lincoln City?
09:35 5 Live commentaries this weekend,
15:45 Liam Rosenior removed from Chelsea,
18:30 Can Leeds get to the FA Cup Final?
20:50 How many games has John commentated on?
25:45 John talks about doing different sports,
28:00 John’s World Cup Final dressing room moment,
30:00 John reflects on commentating on the Bradford fire,
36:10 Unintended pub names,
41:10 John does his record-breaking read of the 92,
45:25 Great Glossary of Football Commentary.5 Live / BBC Sounds commentaries:
Sat 1200 Brighton & Hove v Man City in WSL on Sports Extra,
Sat 1500 Wolves v Spurs,
Sat 1500 West Ham v Everton on Sports Extra,
Sat 1715 Man City v S’hampton in FA Cup on Sports Extra,
Sat 1730 Arsenal v Newcastle,
Sun 1200 Everton vs Chelsea in WSL,
Sun 1530 Arsenal v Lyon in UWCL on Sports Extra,
Sun 1500 Chelsea v Leeds in FA Cup.Great Glossary of Football Commentary:
DIVISION ONE
Agricultural challenge,
Back of the net,
Back to square one,
Backside and elbows,
Booked,
Bosman,
Bullet header,
Channel of joy,
Coupon buster,
Cruyff Turn,
Cultured/educated left foot,
Dead-ball specialist,
Draught excluder,
Elastico/flip-flap,
False nine,
Fox in the box,
Giving the goalkeeper the eyes,
Grub hunter,
Head tennis,
Hibs it,
In a good moment,
In behind,
Magic of the FA Cup,
The Maradona,
Off their line,
Olimpico,
Onion bag,
Panenka,
Park the bus,
Perfect hat-trick,
Postage stamp,
Put his cap on it,
Rabona,
Roy of the Rovers stuff,
Schmeichel-style,
Scorpion kick,
Spursy,
Stick it in the mixer,
Sweeper keeper,
Taking it to the corner flag,
Target man,
Tiki-taka,
Towering header,
Trivela,
Where the kookaburra sleeps,
Where the owl sleeps,
Where the spiders sleep.
DIVISION TWO
2-0 can be a dangerous score,
Asterisk,
Back on the grass,
Ball stays hit,
Beaten all ends up,
Blaze over the bar,
Business end,
Came down with snow on it,
Catching practice,
Camped in the opposition half,
Cauldron atmosphere,
Champagne is on ice,
Coat is on a shoogly peg,
Come back to haunt them,
Corridor of uncertainty,
Couldn’t sort their feet out,
Early bath,
Easy tap-in,
Daisy-cutter,
Drubbing,
Finish with aplomb,
First cab off the rank,
Giant-killing,
Goalkeepers’ Union,
Good leave,
Good touch for a big man,
Half-turn,
Has that in his locker,
High wide and not very handsome,
Hospital pass,
Howler,
In the dugout,
In the hat,
In their pocket,
Johnny on the spot,
Lackadaisical,
Leading the line,
Leather a shot,
Magic sponge,
Middle of the park,
Needed no second invitation,
Needing snookers,
Nice headache to have,
No-look pass,
Nutmeg,
On the beach,
On their bike,
One for the cameras,
One for the purists,
Piledriver*,
Played us off the park,
Points on the board,
Points to the spot,
Prawn sandwich brigade,
Purple patch,
Put their laces through it,
Queensbury rules,
Reaches for their pocket,
Rolls Royce,
Root and branch review,
Row Z,
Screamer,
Seats on the plane,
Sent into raptures,
Show across the bows,
Slide-rule pass,
Squeaky-bum time,
Staving off relegation,
Steal a march,
Sting the palms,
Straight in the bread basket,
Stramash,
Taking one for the team,
Telegraphed that pass,
Tired legs,
That’s great… (football),
Thunderous strike,
Turns on a sixpence,
Walk it in,
We’ve got a cup tie on our hands.
We were right behind that.
