being kept around vs. being chosen in dating

He’s not your soulmate if you have to lower your standards, I promise. It’s just us this week—and we’re unpacking the subtle but powerful difference between being kept around and being chosen— and why the two can feel almost identical in the beginning (which is incredibly mind-f*cking, pardon my French). We talk about why consistency alone isn’t enough, how situationships create emotional attachment without real security, and why feeling confused in dating is often the biggest sign that something isn’t fully aligned. Because the truth is: someone can enjoy you, care about you, and still not have the capacity to choose you (which is insane). And when that happens, the most important question becomes…why are we accepting dynamics that make us question ourselves? If you’ve ever found yourself wondering where you stand, overanalyzing mixed signals, or feeling like something is almost right but not quite… this episode is for you. We’re also exploring:• the emotional difference between attention and commitment• why clarity is one of the biggest green flags in dating• the role of capacity in relationships• why confusion is not a normal stage of a healthy relationship• how to stop overriding your intuition• why being “almost chosen” can feel so painful• choosing self-respect over uncertainty You deserve clarity. You deserve effort. You deserve someone who is certain about you. And you deserve someone who would never risk losing you. OKAYYYYY?! As per ujje, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x COME SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We talk so much about intention and communication in romantic relationships, but our friendships deserve the same amount of effort. My beautiful girl (and Unwineding Podcast regular), Angie Lassman, is back and we’re doing what we do best: talking about female friendships. We’re exploring how the love languages show up in friendship (vs. romantic relationships) and why understanding how your friends feel loved can completely change the way you show up for each other. We also talk about the importance of communication, navigating misunderstandings, and why friendships deserve the same level of care and intention we often reserve for romantic relationships. And we’re circling back on a challenge we gave each other last summer—on being less avoidant (lol). Angie worked on her avoidance with friends (and killed it), and I worked on my avoidance with men (and didn’t exactly kill it). But we live and we learn. We also chat about: • love languages in friendship and how they show up differently than in romantic relationships• why understanding your friends’ love languages can strengthen your friendship• how to communicate better in friendships• asking for what you need from your friends• why healthy friendships require effort, intention, and communication• navigating misunderstandings and conflict in friendship• how we’re working on our people-pleasing tendencies• why many of us struggle to voice our needs in relationships• how small acts of care can make friends feel loved and supported• the importance of nurturing female friendships• why strong friendships are built (they don’t just exist) As always, I hope there’s something in this conversation you needed today—take whatever resonates and leave the rest. See you next week. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Angie on Instagram follow Angie on TikTok follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we glamorize not caring? Why are we so embarrassed to be seen trying? In the second installment of our DEBRIEF series, we’re exploring the cultural obsession with being effortless and why pretending you don’t care about something might actually be holding you back. From dating advice and relationships to careers, confidence, and personal growth, we’re constantly told to play it cool: don’t try too hard, don’t text first, don’t show how much you care. But the truth is that the most meaningful things in life—deep friendships, healthy relationships, successful careers, and personal development—are built through effort, intention, and perseverance (not magic. and most DEF not by pretending you don’t care). If you’ve ever wondered whether struggle means something isn’t meant for you, or felt embarrassed for wanting something badly, this conversation will shift how you think about effort, discipline, and success. We’re debriefing: • why society glamorizes effortlessness and natural talent• the pressure to appear unbothered in dating and relationships• why trying hard isn’t embarrassing (and why we think it is)• the difference between forcing something vs. putting in effort• why hard doesn’t mean something isn’t meant for you• the psychology of grit, perseverance, and skill development• how discipline and consistency shape success more than talent• the fear of visible effort and public failure (especially on social media)• why the most meaningful things in life require intentional effort• a closing journaling prompt for self-reflection and personal growth As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. And please remember: nothing meaningful is built by pretending you don’t care. SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No one teaches you how to lose a parent. And no one teaches you what to say to someone who has.In this episode of Unwineding, Destinee and I talk about what it actually means to navigate grief—especially after losing a parent. We open up about losing our dads, the identity shift that comes with that kind of loss, and the strange, quiet ways grief shows up long after everyone else thinks you’re “okay.”Because sometimes grief is so loud.But sometimes it’s subtle.Sometimes it hits you months later on a random Wednesday. And then there’s the other side of it:What do you do when someone you love is grieving?How do you support someone coping with loss when you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing?How do you show up when you can’t fix it? In this conversation, we talk:• what navigating grief really looks like after losing a parent• how coping with loss can reshape your identity• why grief doesn’t follow a timeline• the unexpected emotional waves of grieving• what actually helps when you’re grieving—and what doesn’t• how to support someone who is grieving• what to say to someone grieving (and what to avoid)• how to be there for someone navigating loss without trying to solve it• why grief doesn’t end—it evolves This episode is for anyone who is grieving a parent, coping with loss, or trying to figure out how to support someone who is grieving.Because grief is universal (unfortunately) we will all experience loss, but the way we carry it is deeply personal. So if you’re navigating grief right now, I hope this makes you feel seen and understood (we truly feel you).If you love someone who is grieving, I hope this gives you clarity and confidence in how to show up for them (because we need you).And remember, sometimes support isn’t about having perfect words.It’s just about staying. Welcome to a conversation about love, loss, and the kind of grief that changes you forever. Watch this episode on Youtube SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Destinee on Instagram follow Destinee on TikTok follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is a case of the blind leading the blind. Lauren takes an attachment style quiz to find out what her style is (spoiler alert: we were wrong) and we talk about what we're learning about dating in our 30s, how attachment styles actually show up in real life (not just in psychology books), and why we both might need a little therapy (but like, who doesn't?). We get into anxious vs. avoidant vs. disorganized attachment, what it means to “earn” secure attachment, and why the smallest shift in texting cadence can send your nervous system into a SPIRAL. We talk about overanalyzing, needing reassurance, taking space personally, and the story your brain makes up when you really like someone. If you’ve ever wondered why you react the way you do in dating or why intimacy can feel both exciting and terrifying—this conversation will probably (hopefully) feel a little too relatable. As always, take whatever resonates and leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if I told you that you could go through a breakup with someone you thought you were going to marry... and not be heartbroken? And what if I told you that you actually CAN have it all—the career, the standards, the dream relationship—without settling or shrinking yourself? Emma Paige, host of the Too Much Podcast, is back on Unwineding this week, and this is exactly what we’re getting into. How do you not self-abandon in a relationship? How do you walk away from someone who's great on paper but you just don’t feel excited about it? How do you actually enjoy being single instead of treating it like a waiting room? And how does raising your standards actually make dating MORE fun, not harder? In this episode we cover: healing after a breakup without losing your confidence how to stop settling in dating rebuilding your standards after heartbreak why high standards attract better partners walking away from someone who’s good on paper how to enjoy being single and stop rushing a relationship dating in your 30s and choosing intentionally not self-abandoning in relationships boundaries, self-respect, and emotional availability why patience leads to a healthier long-term relationship creating a life that attracts the right partner If you're single, heartbroken, or just trying to figure out what you deserve—this episode is gonna hit different. This conversation is equal parts therapy session and pep talk, and I promise you're gonna walk away feeling so empowered. We talk about what happens when you stop dating out of fear and start dating with clarity—why some breakups feel devastating while others feel like relief, and how building a full life actually changes who you attract. This episode is about self-worth, boundaries, and the mindset shift that leads to healthier relationships and real commitment. As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Emma on Instagram follow Emma on TikTok follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The goal? To become disgustingly educated. And happier. And sexier.I’m sharing a few really simple things—the habits, routines, and ways of thinking—that are helping me get there. As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x Everything I mentioned in this episode: *Crown Maple Syrup Madagascar Vanilla (I got mine from Whole Foods) *Espresso Cups *Milk Frothing Pitchers *Lola Blanket *Disposable Face Towels (I have these on subscription) *Acrylic Face Towel Holder *Workout Sets SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Class is in session, ladies—Niko Emanuilidis, host of The Daddy Academy, is here with your complete guide to dating in 2026. We’re getting into what actually makes a man want to commit, why dating feels so confusing right now, and how to actually attract the relationship you’ve always wanted. Niko shares what men are truly thinking in the early stages of dating, how to get approached more IRL, and the biggest mistakes women are making. We explore why you attract who you are—and why you might be attracting emotionally unavailable partners (and how to stop). Ultimately, this is your guide to shifting your patterns, dating from a place of true confidence, and raising your standards to attract a healthy, beautiful relationship. We also cover: why men pull away in dating how to know if a man is serious about you masculine vs. feminine energy in dating what your social media says about you (& do guys notice?) tangible ways to get approached in the wild how to shift your mindset to confidently enjoy dating questions you need to ask in early dating how men ultimately decide on a relationship how to attract better partners understanding your preferences vs. dealbreakers Whether you’re dating, single, healing, or in a situationship you’re lowkey tired of explaining, this episode will help you understand dating dynamics and feel more empowered in your choices. As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Niko on ⁠Instagram⁠ follow Niko on TikTok watch The Daddy Academy on Youtube follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lover girls with trust issues... assemble. My beautiful, talented, perfect friend Destinee Clowe is on Unwineding today and we're talking all things: dating, feelings, and keeping your standards high. We're unpacking the societal timelines we face as women, why we're done with avoidant men, and why being single is such a gift. Oh, and we're eating chicken caesar wraps, too (if you're in NYC, please try Bob's White Counter, I'm obsessed). Take whatever you need & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x Also, f*ck ICE: Call your elected officials, takes 5 min: 5calls.org Debrief episode mentioned: why being sensitive is a gift SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Destinee on Instagram follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most of us know how to show up for other people, but very few of us know how to show up for ourselves. This week, it’s just us, and I’m sharing a practical guide to becoming your own best friend (and what that actually means). Spoiler alert: self-care isn’t really on the list (maybe a quick mention here or there), because I’ve found it goes way deeper than bubble baths and face masks (though I’m a h03 for a bubble bath, k). We’re talking: self-talk, learning to trust your intuition, regulating your emotions, fostering community, staying curious, and letting yourself take up all the space you desire. We also cover: building self-trust and confidence emotional regulation and nervous system awareness setting boundaries without guilt personal growth and mindset shifts strengthening your relationship with yourself showing up for yourself in friendships and relationships And more. I hope there’s something in here you needed, and as always, I’d love to know what it was. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices