Deep Dive: When One Family Member's Moods Are Running the House

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠ Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠ Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠ Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time. We discuss: The “four Ps” that can quietly consume our time: perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding Applying these ideas to family life How a “to-don't” list can help you get your priorities in order The difference between chronos (clock and calendar time) and kairos (the quality and experience of time) Here's where you can find Fran: https://franhauser.com @fran_hauser on IG and Threads Buy 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR from Bedford Books: https://www.bedfordbooks.shop/store/p/20minutes We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Rebecca Onion for Slate: ⁠Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today⁠ Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: ⁠Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control⁠ Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: ⁠What Exactly Is Stress?⁠ Louise Bates Ames: ⁠Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens? In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back. We discuss: the surprising finding that the quantity of one's friendships matters at least as much as the quality how to set the bar for in-person gatherings a little lower why having three old friends is good, but bringing new people in migh be even better practical ways to build more connection into everyday life Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kathleen Walsh for The Cut: "I Should Be Allowed to Cold-Call My Friends” Erica Pandey for Axios: Americans of all ages are spending less time socializing Derek Thompson for The Atlantic: The Anti-Social Century Russell Contreras for Axios: 15,000 churches could close this year amid religious shift in U.S. Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life blog: Yes, Having More Friends is Better Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life newsletter: America’s “Friendship Recession” Is Weakening Civic Life H.K. Collins, et. al. for the Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences: Relational diversity in social portfolios predicts well-being What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠ Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠ Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠ Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠ Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠ Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom. We discuss: why Sona calls herself the “World's Worst Mom” the special fresh hell of twin boys how you see your mom differently as soon as you become one Here's where you can find Sona: @sonamov on IG Buy THE WORLD'S WORST MOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798217046706 Listen to the "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend" podcast Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Youth sports used to mean riding your bike to your friend's house to play Wiffle ball in the backyard, with a tree for second base. Eventually you'd head to the rec center, maybe join the school team. But those days are long gone. Kids' sports have become so involved, specialized, and expensive that fewer and fewer kids are even able to participate— and those who do play have to opt in to grueling practice schedules and travel teams that prioritize achievement and winning above many of the lessons sports are supposed to teach kids in the first place. Inspired by Caitlin Moscatello’s New York Magazine article “The Pay-to-Play Childhood,” we discuss how youth sports have shifted toward an increasingly expensive, competitive, and business-driven model, including: Why travel teams and sports specialization have become the norm The pressure parents feel to make their kids competitive at an early age How the wealth gap informs youth sports and elite athletic teams What parents and communities can do to make youth sports more accessible Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Written Testimony of Katherine Van Dyck Before the U.S. House Committee on Education for a Hearing on “Benched: The Crisis in American Youth Sports and Its Cost to Our Future” i9 Sports: Chances of Getting an Athletic Scholarship Stephen Borelli for USA Today: Congress addresses 'crisis' in youth sports. Can we fix it? Neglect of probability, defined Ryan Huettel for These Football Times: US Soccer and the re-imagining of an elitist culture Gabe Fernandez for SFGate: As youth sports costs soar, one Oakland neighborhood tries a creative solution Reset as a sports parent: 5 ways to get (or keep) kids active Our Fresh Take with Stuart Slavin on The Pressures Causing Depression, Anxiety, and Burnout in Our Kids What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening the "two free requests" approach Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: ⁠Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children⁠ Royce Flippin for Additude: ⁠Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Dr. Douglas Riley: ⁠The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Mount Sinai Parenting Center: ⁠Positive Opposites⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices