Normie Valhalla Allegedly

folks, today we talk about a couple of real big Medieval blunders. Incredibly stupid, shortsighted, and ill-fated decisions that resulted in outsized disasters that changed the course of history. first, Eleanor discusses the White Ship Disaster, which finally answers the age-old question: is it smart to be the heir to the throne, get stinking drunk, have the crew get stinking drunk and then race boats across the English Channel at night? turns out, it's not smart at all and this decision would lead to the English Anarchy. then, Luke looks at one of the biggest blunders in history: the decision by Khwarazamshah Mohammad of the Khwarazmian Empire to execute traders and ambassadors from Genghis Khan and go to war with the Mongol Empire. what are a bunch of steppe archers going to do, adopt siege weapons and become the most powerful fighting force the planet has ever seen? yeah, right! enjoy!

folks, Luke just returned from a vacation to Disney and is here to give us a firsthand update on how the normies are doing and whether they're ready for the return of woke or not. then we catch up on some news of the past week or so, focusing on the continuing decline of the Labour govt in England, the new Epstein files info, the total breakdown of the American Empire, what's going on with the AI economy, and much more. enjoy!

folks, this week we review 28 Years Later, Danny Boyle's 2025 film about the horrors of being British and, a sneaky Medievalist tale, although with a twist. we go in-depth about the Medieval aspects of the small community on Lindisfarne and why the film turns this bucolic nostalgia on its head. but there's more, including talk of zombie members, life finding a way, memento mori, and the horrific introduction of the Jimmy gang. we had a lot of fun with this one and it's a truly thought-provoking film, enjoy!

folks, we're back with another mailbag answering questions dutifully submitted by our amazing patrons. we do these every month to catch up on things and we're back to hit a broad range of topics including: ninjas, siege weapons, Leon Trotsky(?), dancing plagues, papal gifts, and the Peace of God. enjoy!

folks, it's time to talk about music. friend of the show, Dr Eleanor Chan, recently released a new book entitled Duet: An Artful History of Music. so we had her on the show to talk about the universal appeal of music, cave music, Hildegard of Bingen, bagpipes, and much more. enjoy and check out Dr. Chan's work at https://eleanorchan.com/

folks, it's spooky season again and we take a look at the revenant, a lesser-known monster today but one that positively terrified Medieval people. we take a look at a number of stories spanning across all of Northern Europe about dead bodies rising from the grave and causing mischief and horror in the physical world. they were so worried about this that they even did so-called deviant burials, where bodies were covered in heavy stones or with bricks shoved in the mouth, to prevent them from coming back as revenant dead. we talk all about these guys, why the stories were so prevalent, how it connects to stories of vampires and zombies, archaeological evidence of deviant burials, and more.

folks, we're back after convalescing for a week and it's time to get rage-baited into reviewing a Dan Brown book. the latest entry in Brown's ongoing series about Robert Langdon is called The Secret of Secrets and it's set in Prague, so it's tailor-made to really annoy Dr. Eleanor. we review Brown's most recent bad Umberto Eco ripoff, talk about the Dan Brown mania of early-2000s America, bad history, and much more. enjoy!

folks, it's time to talk about dragons! we love them, we've always loved them, they are the best. we got a question from Ollie Cant about dragons and decided to answer it with a full episode. we talk about the earliest dragons, why humans all across the globe seem to create them in some form, the differences between Eastern and Western dragons, and then name some of our favorite folkloric dragons that you might not have heard that much about. we had a ton of fun with this!

folks, we decided to talk about Medieval assassinations, mostly as a way to talk about the Hashashshin, the Order of Assassins, that existed in Syria and Iran from 1090-1275. we talk about some ancient assassinations that had a large impact on the Middle Ages before turning to a number of Medieval cases such as Thomas Beckett, Wenceslaus I, Pope John X, and a bunch of Byzantine guys. then, finally, we turn to the Order of Assassins and discuss their formation, their many targets, that time they killed Conrad of Montferrat for Richard the Lionheart, and then their demise at the hands of the Mongol Empire. enjoy!