Vanishing Point (ENT)

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 2, Episode 10. First broadcast on Wednesday 27 November 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2152). Another astonishingly dull and unambitious week aboard Enterprise, as Hoshi Sato is accidentally transported into a high-concept plot that we’ve seen done better half a dozen times in the last fifteen years. Things liven up slightly ten minutes from the end, when we are treated to the dumbest line of dialogue in the history of the franchise.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episodes 1–2. First broadcast on Monday 2 October 1995. Stardate: 49011.4. This week, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine starts again — with a second pilot episode two and a half years after the first one. It’s The Best of Both Worlds, but much faster, funnier and more confident. And this is only the beginning. Again.

Star Trek Movie #5. Release date: 1989.Stardate: 8454.1. The quintessential odd-numbered Star Trek film, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier roared onto our screens in 1989, delighting and enthralling basically no one at all. Still, despite the glacial pace, the lack of incident and the horrendous special effects, it has something to say — something about the love and friendship between weird and grumpy old men who have known and annoyed one another for decades. And if you’ve got that, who needs Sha Ka Ree?

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 14. First broadcast on Wednesday 2 February 2000. Stardate: Unknown (2376). Tom, Harry, Neelix and Chakotay somehow return from a space mission with PTSD — and with memories of an armed conflict which might not even be theirs. All this goes just about as well as you’d expect, with inexplicable flashbacks, studio sets pretending to be outdoor locations, some odd gurning by Ethan, and some characteristically unpleasant shouting from the Worst Robert. But in spite of it all, there’s a point to be made, and some last-act location work lifts the whole thing considerably.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 26 / Series 4, Episode 1. First broadcast on Monday 18 June 1990 and Monday 24 September 1990. Stardate: 43989.1. This week, a seminal moment in the history of television appears to be taking place at 0.5× speed.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 2, Episode 18. First broadcast on Monday 22 May 1989. Stardate: 42823.2. “Terrible beyond terrible.” Ronald D. Moore “Here lies a colossal mess of a show, mixing serious (albeit unrealized) science fiction with broad, less-than-funny comedy.” Jamahl Epsicokhan, Jammer’s Reviews “Sometimes you just have to bow to the absurd.” Jean–Luc Picard “That was fun.” “Yeah, I thought that was great.” Joe and Nathan, Untitled Star Trek Project

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 11. First broadcast on Saturday 3 January 1998. Stardate: 51408.6. This week on Deep Space Nine, Dukat (Kathy Bates) and Sisko (James Caan) crash land on one of Star Trek’s less convincing standing sets, and then have a proper talk about their Feelings and Values. (Antipathy, and for one of them, Racism.)

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 1, Episode 20. First broadcast on Wednesday 3 April 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2151). This week in Star Trek: Slow-Witted White Men, no one turns into a salamander, gets trapped in a board game or has sex with a ghost. In fact, no one does much of anything at all — at least not anything that anyone will remember 23 years later.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 4, Episode 16. First broadcast on Wednesday 18 February 1998. Stardate: 51652.3. This week, we are properly introduced to Voyager’s latest Intransigent Alien Antagonist, in preparation for a thrilling two-part epic in a couple of weeks’ time. And things go pretty well, on the whole, despite (or perhaps because of) some interpersonal conflict between two important cast members and their characters.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 3. First broadcast on Monday 5 October 1987. Stardate: 41209.2. An unexpected but not unprecedented miracle turns water into booze on board the Enterprise-D, and soon the entire crew is horny, depressed, or facing an awkward meeting with HR on Monday. After all this, Joe can’t see how this show becomes a hit, but Nathan thinks he can. Bottoms up, everyone!