526. Why Asking For What You Want Matters Even If You Don't Get It

Speak Up is a live, 10-week coaching program where you’ll identify where you’ve been biting your tongue (and why), prove those reasons wrong in real time, and start speaking up for what you want.We start on Oct 5, 2026.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

Do you wish you could stop caring so much about what other people think? The problem is, you can't just tell your brain to stop caring and expect it to magically let go. In this Greatest Hits episode, I break down why so many women are stuck worrying about other people’s opinions and why the solution is not caring less about what they think, but caring more about what you think.You’ll learn why your brain fixates on other people’s judgments, how women are socialized to prioritize external approval, and why the thoughts you are afraid other people have about you are often the thoughts you still believe yourself. I show you how to build new beliefs that actually create freedom, so you can stop organizing your life around imagined opinions and start trusting your own perspective.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/530Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

Do you want to share your ideas more boldly, but find yourself holding back because you’re afraid of how people will react? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about becoming a more provocative thought leader in her business and what to do when fear of criticism gets in the way.I share what this has looked like in my own business, from putting off topics I knew would push people’s buttons to working through the fear of backlash as I continue to grow. We talk about why you do not need to find the perfect thoughts that make you feel completely confident before you take action, and why learning to move forward while feeling uncomfortable is part of doing meaningful work. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/529Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

What truth are you refusing to admit because you’re afraid of what it will mean? Maybe you know you want a different role at work, you’re questioning whether something in your relationship is working, or you keep saying yes to things you secretly do not want to do. In this episode, I share a recent moment when I realized I was doing exactly this in my own life. I discuss why your brain loves to confuse “this is true right now” with “this will always be true,” and how that keeps you stuck fighting reality instead of solving the actual problem. You’ll hear how telling myself the truth helped me make better decisions, ask for support, and stop wasting energy resisting what was already true. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/528Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

Have you ever tried to convince yourself you shouldn’t be upset, while still feeling completely resentful underneath? This week, I answer a Coaching Hotline question from a listener who feels frustrated that people attend her events less often than she attends theirs. I explore why resentment often comes from treating your assumptions about other people’s expectations as facts, why you can't coach yourself around a circumstance that is actually a thought, and how getting clear on what is really happening is the first step to changing the way you feel. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/527Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

How many times have you decided there is no point in asking for what you want because you probably won’t get it? Maybe you want to ask for a raise, a different role at work, more support from your partner, or a change in your relationship. Your brain has a million reasons why it won’t work, why it’s not the right time, or why wanting it says something bad about you.In this episode, I explain why that entire framework is backwards and why the point of asking is not just getting the answer you want. I break down why your brain is not a reliable predictor of what is possible, how fear of your own thoughts and emotions can keep you from speaking up, and why the most important outcome of asking is becoming someone who tells the truth about what she wants.Because when you stop making the ask about whether you get a yes, you stop handing other people control over what you believe you are allowed to want. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/526Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

Over five days, you’ll find out what’s keeping you from asking for what you want – and how to actually do it, even when your brain tries to stop you.Live Challenge:September 21-25, 2026 · 12 p.m. ETSign up for the Ask For What You Want Challenge here

Do you have to choose between staying home with your kids and contributing financially to your family? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about feeling torn between these two goals. We unpack why your brain may be creating a false conflict and how shifting your thinking can help you see more options for creating the life you actually want. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/525Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

So much of the self-help world teaches us that the solution to our problems is to become a better, more healed, more secure version of ourselves. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, to challenge that idea and talk about why self-worth starts with acknowledging who you actually are, not trying to erase the parts of yourself you do not like.Dr. Franco and I talk about why insecurities are not proof that something is wrong with you, how striving to be “securely attached” can become another form of self-rejection, and why acknowledging your full internal experience is the first step toward change. Listen in to learn why healing is not about becoming someone else, but about creating a relationship with yourself where you can acknowledge the full truth of who you are and still know you are worthy.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/524Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Learn more about Dr. Franco's books and work: https://drmarisagfranco.com/Mentioned in this episode:You’re Invited To: Speak Up! This is a 10-week live online coaching experience for women who are done being small. You'll learn how to tell the truth about what you want, feel powerful doing it, and advocate for yourself for the rest of your life.Click here to learn more and enroll in Speak Up

What if you were one big ask away from the change you need? In one free hour, find the ask most worth making, assess exactly what’s blocking you, and learn what it takes to speak up anyway. September 9, 2026 · 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. ET Sign up for The One Big Ask Workshop here