#117: Kink Isn't Just About Pain (The 4 Types of Turn On)

Welcome friends! This one's for the sex nerds. 🤓In this episode I'm nerding out on sexology and taking you behind the scenes on the Erototypes framework I've been developing. If you're curious about the thinking behind the system, what's changed, and why, you're going to enjoy this one. Thanks to the incredible feedback from this community, version two is here, and it's so much better. I've added four brand new erototypes (hello Monkey, Horse, Octopus and Stag 👀), made some tweaks based on your suggestions, and built something new that I think you're going to love. Download the free updated guide at harleyrabbit.com. And once you've picked your cards, head to harleyrabbit.com/my-erototypes to generate your shareable hand. 🃏xx Harley 🐰xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

The manosphere loves to talk about power, masculinity and being “alpha," but from where I’m sitting, they’re missing the point completely. In this episode, I’m unpacking the difference between performative dominance and the kind of power that is actually grounded, connected, and deeply desirable. I talk about why so many men are searching for guidance around masculinity, and how those needs often get hijacked by loud, insecure role models selling a hollow version of power. We explore what real dominance looks like when it’s built on presence, trust, attunement and emotional strength, not intimidation or control.  Bonus mini lesson in dominance: How to bring more leadership into the bedroom slowly, read your partner’s responses, build trust, and create the kind of power dynamic people actually want to surrender into.Interested in private coaching? Visit https://harleyrabbit.com/privatecoaching/  xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

This week I'm diving into the fascinating world of fetishes: what they are, how they differ from core desires, and why some very specific things can become incredibly erotic.I share a very personal (and very cosy) story about my partner Slade's pyjama fetish, explore the psychology behind how fetishes form during our formative years, and reflect on my own unexpected turn-ons — including steel, and possibly Formula One cars.Whether you've got a fetish you've never quite understood, or you're just kink-curious, this one's for you. Grab your comfiest PJs and tune in. 🐰Don't forget to grab my free Erototypes guide here, or visit harleyrabbit.com — a new updated version is coming soon!xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

Kink has a bit of a PR problem. Most people assume it’s all pain, whips and chains… but that’s actually a tiny slice of what’s possible. In this episode, I’m breaking down the 4 core ways desire shows up: Primal, Nurture, Obedience and Shadow. These aren’t rigid roles to fit into, but different flavours of turn-on that can help you start to recognise what actually feels good for you.As you listen, notice what stands out. You might see yourself clearly in one, or realise you’re a mix of several. That’s the point. Desire isn’t one thing — and the more you understand your own, the more fun this whole world becomes.👉 Download your free Guide to Erototypes 👉 Ready to go deeper? Try the Discover Your Erototypes workshopxx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

Alright friends, it’s been a long time coming, but I’m finally ready to share something I’ve been quietly building behind the scenes. 🥁🥁🥁In this episode, I’m introducing Erototypes — a playful way to understand your desires. Instead of trying to fit yourself into a kink role or be a “good” sub or dom, we’re turning that question on its head and looking at desire from the inside out — exploring how you actually want to feel, and the different flavours of turn-on that make up your unique eroticism.Because the truth is, most of us aren’t just one thing. Our desires are layered, complex, and often a little contradictory… and that’s exactly what makes them so interesting!If you’re curious to discover your own erototypes, you can download the free PDF guide or visit harleyrabbit.com and start meeting your own naughty little spirit animals. 🐰🐶🦁xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

Kink can ask a lot from a relationship. When we’re exploring things that feel vulnerable, taboo, or a little scary, the sense of safety between partners becomes really important. In this episode, I’m talking about one of the foundations of strong kinky relationships: secure attachment — and why feeling emotionally secure makes it much easier to explore desire, power, and fantasy together.The surprising part is that security is rarely built through big gestures or complicated relationship rules. More often, it grows through the small rituals and routines we share every day — the little ways we show up for each other that quietly build trust over time. I share a few examples from my own relationship and invite you to notice the tiny moments that might already be strengthening yours.Mentioned in this Episode:Polysecure - by Jessica Fernxx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

Claws are much more than a costume piece. They can completely change how your hands feel in play — and how you feel wearing them.In this episode, I’m joined by J from Claws & Clamps to talk about wearable claws for sensation play. We explore how they’re designed, the difference between sharp and scratchy (yes, that’s a real thing), how to choose the right material and fit, and how to actually use them well. We also dive into calibration, power shifts, primal energy, and why slowing down might be the sexiest move you can make.If you’re curious about trying claws yourself, you can check out J's work at clawsandclamps.com.au and use the code HARLEY for 10% off.Mentioned in this episode:Viroclean - hospital grade disinfectantAre Nylon Claws Safe? - article Mindfulness Exercise Book recommendation: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas AdamsFollow Claws & Clamps:Instagram @claws_and_clampsFetlife Claws_and_ClampsFacebook ClawsAndClampsxx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

Kink is supposed to be this underground, secret-club thing…Except it’s actually everywhere.In this episode, I’m diving into the surprisingly kinky places I’ve spotted power dynamics hiding in plain sight — from Phantom of the Opera to Beauty and the Beast, from Harley and Joker to Game of Thrones. Looking back, I can see how certain characters and storylines hooked me long before I had language for why. Turns out, maybe our “taboo” desires aren’t as rare as we think. Maybe they’ve been woven into our culture all along.Keep your eyes open. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.Vote for Harley:It’s an honour to be shortlisted for Black Noise Magazine’s Kink Educator of the Year award. Huge thank you to Black Noise for supporting kink educators and helping our voices be heard. If you’d like to vote for me — or any of the other incredible nominees — click here.From our Sponsor:This episode of Turns Out I’m Into It is sponsored by Nothosaur, a fantasy toy brand bringing erotic imagination to life. If you’ve ever been turned on by mythical creatures, powerful beasts, or otherworldly encounters, Nothosaur creates beautifully handcrafted fantasy toys designed to match those desires. With a wide range of designs — and customisable options for size, firmness, and colour — you can create something as unique as your own imagination. Visit nothosaur.com xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

This episode is a little more vulnerable than usual, but so many of us are impacted by our mental health. So this week I’m sharing how kink is helping me stay grounded when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I talk about what it’s like when your mind starts spiralling, and how sensation, containment, and surrender can sometimes do what other tools can’t.Gentle reminder: we do touch on mental health, so take care of yourself while listening. Sponsor Message This episode is sponsored by Nothosaur, makers of stunning, body-safe fantasy toys designed to help you reconnect with your body and your pleasure. Self-pleasure can be a powerful form of self-care, especially when life feels overwhelming — and Nothosaur’s beautifully crafted, customisable toys are made exactly for that kind of intentional, embodied experience. If you’re curious, head to nothosaur.com to explore their range. Thanks to Nothosaur for supporting the show and helping keep these conversations alive.xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com

In this episode, I’m joined by El from Collared Foxy for a deep dive into the world of sensation play. We talk through wax play and impact play in a way that’s practical, creative, and genuinely accessible — whether you’re already experimenting or just starting to get curious. El brings such a rare mix of lived experience, craftsmanship, and clear language to this conversation, and honestly, I could have talked to her for hours.We explore why sensation play is so much more than just pain, how different sensations land in the body, and how to intentionally build a scene from start to finish. El walks us through everything from choosing candles and impact toys, to setting the mood, pacing a scene, and closing it safely and beautifully. If you’ve ever wanted to expand what’s possible with sensation play — or understand why it can feel so powerful — this episode is packed with ideas you can actually use.Mentined in this episode:The Professional (Game Maker Series) by Kresley Cole The Brie Collection by Red PhoenixPain Play for Everyone by Luna Carruthers Claws and Clamps - Australian Kink Markers Find Collared Foxy Website: collaredfoxy.com.auEtsy: CollaredFoxyMessage from our Sponsor This episode is sponsored by Nothosaur. If you’re into wax play, you might also be into beautiful colours — and Nothosaur lets you fully customise the look of their toys, from solid colours to fades and marble effects. You can choose the size, firmness, and colours that feel right for you. Head to nothosaur.com to explore the options, and check out their colour gallery for inspiration. Huge thanks to Nothosaur for supporting the show and helping make these conversations possible.xx Harley 🐰Follow me:FetlifeInstagramVisit my website harleyrabbit.com