Unlooping Loops

Have you failed? Did that failure stop you from moving forward?  Did it get you stuck? Failure is a part of life.  Ever watched a child learn to walk?  Success only comes after repeated failures.  Yet that same child keeps on trying, until the child gets it right. What happens in adulthood?  Why does a fear of failing keep us from acting? When we don't take action for fear of failing, we have pre-emptively failed. We have already decided we would fail, so we never even start, guaranteeing we don't get to where you want to go. A few decades ago, I started a business.  It failed miserably.  And it kept me stuck for awhile.  But one day, I realized there was something else to consider about that failure.  There were some lessons I learned. Those are lessons I apply every single day. Let me suggest 3 questions that will help you turn a failure around, and make the failure simply another opportunity. Want to show us some "Twitter Love?"  Click here. Want to support Thriveology podcasts?  Click here.

Days have a rhythm.  All day long, it is a huge inhale, trying to get that energy in you and into your efforts. But at the end of the day, it is a big exhale, a moment of relaxing and calming. Or more accurately, it should be. In our natural rhythm, evenings are a time to wind-down, calm down, and move toward rest. In fact, our ancestors had no choice but to do that.  No lights to keep on.  No screens to watch or video games to play.  No social media to post to.  Just a quiet time to move toward sleep. Experts tell us that our society is sleep deprived.  And researchers are clear that this impacts work performance, relationships, happiness, health, moods, and a myriad of other factors. To put it simply, if you are not getting adequate rest, you will struggle to thrive!  Your body, psyche, and relationships will pay the price. In this podcast, I cover 4 areas of your life that you can shift, so that you have the best chance for getting the best rest. Join me to end your day on a high note, and start your night ready for rest. RESOURCE MENTIONED IN PODCAST: Podcast on Starting Your Day Right

One of my favorite sayings is "Not my circus, not my monkey." Evidently, this is a Polish proverb: Not my circus, not my monkey. Maybe it is because I have an affinity for monkeys, but I love the meaning of that. Am I caught up trying to deal with someone else's circus or monkey?  Am I trying to deal with an issue over which I have no control, and maybe not even a stake? We do that. Friends are fighting, and we get in the middle.  Family members are angry with each other, and we intervene.  Office squabbles (in which we have no stake) pull us in.  We make the circus our own, and try to take over that monkey. When I was growing up, we had another saying:  "I don't have a dog in that fight." Something is happening around us, and we involve ourselves. But if we involve ourselves when it is not our issue, not our fight, and has little bearing on our own lives, we usually end up on the losing side. Communication theorists talk about this as creating a triangle.  The reason for the triangle is an attempt to lower the level of conflict.  It is an attempt to stabilize the situation.  But instead of stabilizing, it only serves to destabilize, pull energy, and entrap bystanders. We can thank our ancient ancestors for this tendency.  But it is up to us to not pretend we have a dog in the fight.  It is up to us to remember it is someone else's circus, someone else's monkey. Learn how to distinguish your involvement in this podcast.  Listen below.

Let's just say it and get it out of the way.  You, I, and everyone else, is going to die.  An inescapable fact of life.  We will die. A morbid thought?  I don't think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought. Reality. It brings things into focus. Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer.  He was focused, determined.  His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination.  He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest.  He spent his time working on projects dear to him.  He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt.  He was letting his loved ones know they were loved. His imminent death gave him focus. One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, "What about YOUR death?" "What?," I asked.  I wasn't the one dying, after all. Then he said, "YOU are going to die, too.  Maybe after me, maybe before me.  But you will die, too.  Don't wait.  There may be no waiting." Death has a way of rearranging your priorities. Listen to this week's podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.

It's just human nature.  We like things finished And when they're not, they can often tug at us, pulling energy and focus away.  When things are left hanging, we feel (oh, by the way, the last word from that first line is "finished") incomplete, unfinished, unsatisfied.  Did you feel that sensation when you realized a word was missing… and it bugged you?  Unfinished loop. So, what is a "Loop?"  Great question.  This one concept, if you understand it, will help you get free.  If you feel stuck, this is something you need to understand.  More than that, this is one of the most. . . Tell you what, I'll let you listen and hear for yourself. RELATED RESOURCES Intro To Getting Unstuck How You Get Stuck You Are Not As Stuck As You Think Give Up Your Goals & Get Unstuck

My coaching client was wanting to thrive.  He told me he was constantly studying about self-growth.  But he wanted to really transform his life.  And, he told me, so much of what he was reading was, to quote him, "woo-woo stuff."  He used that term as a reference to ideas he thought were "out there." So first, let me just say, what is "out there" to one person is commonplace and sensible to another.  But I knew what he was saying.  He wanted to change things in his life... but he wanted it based in research and reliability.  He wanted to get it down to the basics. I told him we could easily look at the "low hanging fruit," the easy things to accomplish -- the ones that give the biggest bang for the effort... pretty much guaranteed. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I outline 4 areas to improve, all in very "non-woowoo" ways... and very simple ways... so that you can get the biggest bang for your efforts. Listen in for the details! RELATED RESOURCES Fueling Your Body Exercising Your Body Resting Your Body Dealing With Stress Building A Thriving Life

Are you up for a challenge? In the last episode of my podcast, I discussed how to hold on when life is tough.  That's when life is challenging you. But what about when life isn't so challenging... where life is copacetic?  Just cruising. It's my observation that we work hard to keep life flat.  We work hard to keep things smooth.  Is it cold outside?  Turn on the heater.  Is it hot outside?  Turn on the A/C.  Keep things even... even-keeled.  Flat. We spend LOTS of energy to save the energy of dealing with challenges, big or small. But does that help (or harm) us?  Does it keep us safe or make us fragile? What if taking on small challenges actually gets us better prepared for bigger challenges?  What if making choices to expand into life helps us deal with life encroaching upon us? One of my "things" is to find little challenges for myself... new things to try, new activities to do, new tastes or sounds to take in, and new ways to try life. How about you?  What challenges are you taking on right now? Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to discover the power of a challenge.   RELATED RESOURCES Learning and Life Ways to Expand Growth Mindset Lessons in Jiu Jitsu Book:  Thrive Principles

Have you heard of Kaizen?  It is the principle of continuous improvement. Continuous improvement is a great model for change.  It is based on constant changes toward a better outcome.  No need for sudden upheaval or change (although that is sometimes necessary).  Instead, course corrections are made along the way, nudging something toward improvement. That "something"?  It might be a product (like Japanese automobiles, where Kaizen became the method of them becoming excellent automobiles), companies, or even individuals. But how, you might wonder, do you actually DO that continuous improvement? Let me offer a super-simple tool that you can apply to your own life, to your company or workplace, or even to a relationship or organization. SSC - Start, Stop, Continue Three benchmarks:  What do you need to Start?  What do you need to Stop?  What do you need to Continue? In this week's episode, I discuss how to apply SSC to your own life... and to other areas in your life. Listen in for a new tool. RELATED RESOURCES Dealing with Change Why We Avoid Change Paradigms Limiting Beliefs

I’m always looking for the life lessons, no matter what I am doing.  If things go well, what’s the lesson?  If things don’t go so well, what’s the lesson?  If something is fun, what’s the lesson?  If things are not so fun… well, there is a lesson there, too. A few years back, I did several podcast episodes about the lessons I learned in jiu jitsu.  But since then, for a number of reasons, I hung my gi up and ended by jiu jitsu life. And that left a void in my life… along with a relocation for my wife and me.  Into that void, we put pickleball.  So, after less than three years of playing, I thought it might just be time for a little thinking on pickleball.  What are the lessons there? (Separately, I am also doing some writing about the psychology of pickleball performance.  If you are interested, CHECK IT OUT HERE.) While lots of the lessons I learned in jiu jitsu have only been strengthened by what I have learned from pickleball, I wanted to choose some different lessons for you.  Five, to be exact.  And no, you don’t have to play pickleball for the lessons to apply to your life, too. You can listen to my Life Lessons from Pickleball episode below.   RELATED RESOURCES: Life Lessons from Pickleball Series The Pickled Brain - psychology and performance My Books

What's your WHY?  Your BIG WHY?  Why you are here.  The WHY that is your life purpose? I think we all have one... even if we haven't found it yet.  It's there.  Within us.  Your first task is to find it.  That's important.  But finding it isn't enough.  Second, you have to move toward it, work toward it... try to fulfill it.  If it is big enough, it may just take you the rest of your life! But what could get in your way?? The little "why's."  Your questions about "why did this happen?", "why are things this way?", "why do I feel this way?" Those little why's can drown out the BIG WHY.  It draws our attention away from what is important.  And yet, those little why's get our attention and energy.  They keep us in circles, chasing after nothing helpful or useful.  Just stuck. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss our BIG WHY and the little why's that keep us away from the BIG WHY. RELATED RESOURCES Meaning/Purpose/Impact Showing Up Accepting WHAT IS What Can You Control? What I Learned As A Chaplain, Pt. 1 What I Learned As A Chaplain, Pt. 2 Thrive Principles Book