835 The 4 Phrases HFCs Say Without Realizing It

Stop falling into the anxious-avoidant attachment trap. In this episode, learn how to build a healthy relationship and experience corrective love. Today, I'm sitting down for a deeply personal, raw, and honest conversation with my longtime friend John Kim (aka The Angry Therapist) to discuss his brand new book, Love Hard on Purpose: Toss the Blueprints, Build Something Honest. We are stripping away the fairytale narratives and diving into what it actually takes to build a secure relationship from scratch. John opens up about his heavy heart following a recent relationship rupture, how losing his home in the Altadena fires completely transformed his identity, and his own realization about childhood mother wounds and shadow addictions. I also share my own journey healing a father wound and breaking free from high-functioning codependency. Whether you are single on purpose or trying to navigate a long-term partnership, this episode will show you how to move past the trauma breakers and rewire your body to accept a calm, healthy, and deeply intimate love. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/838

A lot of what gets called "setting a boundary" out on the internet and in real life isn't a boundary at all.  Boundaries are not punishment.  They are not a lever for controlling other people.  They are not what you do when someone makes you mad.  I wrote a whole book about this called Boundary Boss, and the definition is simple. Your boundaries are your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers, plus your ability to communicate them. That is the whole thing. Misnaming a boundary does not just sound wrong; it makes the work harder. When you call a threat a boundary, communication has become confusing, and you may keep fighting about the same things on a loop.  Here are the five most common boundary impostors. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/837

In this episode, I sit down with bestselling author Jane Green to talk about her rewilding memoir and her powerful journey of midlife reinvention. We explore what happens when a woman reclaims her identity after success, marriage, and emotional breakdown — and what it really means to rebuild a life rooted in authenticity, boundaries, and self-worth. We also dive into themes like the empty nester identity crisis, people pleasing recovery, and how somatic healing can help us process deep emotional trauma stored in the body. If you've ever asked yourself how to rebuild your life after divorce, or how to stop people-pleasing and finally set healthy boundaries, this conversation will resonate deeply with you. This is not just an interview — it's a conversation about coming home to yourself. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/836

"It's fine." "I got it." "Don't worry about me." "I'll figure it out." If you say one of these without thinking, several times a day, this episode is for you. These are the phrases that keep us stuck in high-functioning codependent behavior, and they sound generous. But there is an invisibility to what we are doing, and a cost. These automatic behaviors are a nervous system response, habituated over years. As high-functioning codependents (HFCs), we react before we think, the moment a problem comes up. Learning to pause is the intervention. That moment before you say I got it is where the work happens, because on autopilot it is hard to change what comes out of your mouth. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/835

Ever felt ignored, dismissed, or completely rushed by your doctor? In this episode, OB-GYN physician assistant and medical advocate Nikki Sapiro Vincier exposes the systemic flaws inside reproductive healthcare—and shares exactly how you can take control of your medical care today. I sat down with Nikki to unpack the disturbing reality of medical gaslighting, why it takes an average of 7 to 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis, and why "breaking up with your doctor" might actually save your life. Whether you are navigating the gaps in postpartum care, trying to survive perimenopause, or just trying to get a straight answer from your clinician, Nikki provides the ultimate step-by-step guide to triaging your own symptoms, gathering your "receipts," and demanding the care you deserve. It's time to stop passively existing in a system that wasn't built to serve you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/834

Do you know what you need? Not what your kids need, or what your partner needs, or what your team at work needs. What you need. In my therapy practice, when I ask high-functioning women what they need for the coming week, many of them either freeze or hand me a list of responsibilities. Things they have to get done. These things are not the same thing. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/833

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by a major life decision, desperately wishing you just had the right answer? In this episode of the show, I sit down with author and journalist Simone Stolzoff to dive into a topic we all struggle with: our deep aversion to the unknown. Simone shares the inspiration behind his latest book, How to Not Know: The Value of Uncertainty in a World That Demands Answers, and breaks down how our hyper-connected world has ruined our ability to sit with ambiguity. If you're tired of overthinking, catastrophizing, or trying to control the future, this episode is exactly what you need to expand your window of tolerance and reclaim your peace. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/832

For the past six months, people have been asking me to do an episode on managing anxiety. We are living in genuinely anxious times, and the real things to be anxious about are not in short supply. So here it is. For me, anxiety feels like unease. Like I am forgetting something. Like something is wrong, even when I cannot point to what it is. I have noticed a clear uptick in clients describing this lately, too. Difficulty sleeping, intrusive thoughts, a body that cannot relax, the sense of panic gathering. This is anxiety that interferes with daily life and makes it difficult, or even impossible, to do the things we want to do. If this is you, you are not alone, and there are things that help. Read the show notes for today's episode terricole.com/831

This conversation with the incredible Dr. Paul Conti changed how I look at mental health. We've all been taught that we're driven by aggression or pleasure—but Paul reveals there is a third "Generative Drive" that is the actual key to our wellness. In this episode, we dive deep into his new book, What's Going Right. We talk about why we are so "lost" in negativity, how to move past the stigma of mental health, and the practical "self-inquiry" tools you can use to pull your unconscious patterns out of the "basement" and into the light. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/830

Most little girls grow up being cared for by their mothers.  Some little girls grow up caring for their mothers. This episode is for the second group. We are talking about parentified daughters. What it means, why it happens, and how it may still be impacting your life now. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/829