212: Fear-Based vs. Intentional Decisions: Are You Planning the Holidays from the Wrong Place?

Just because you can do life alone doesn't mean you actually want to. In this episode, Lianne unpacks a moment that stopped her in her tracks — a woman on Instagram, asked where her husband was while out running errands solo, casually replying "he's at home." That small exchange cracked open a much bigger conversation about independence, the mental load, and what we're really craving underneath it all.Lianne gets honest about her own realization: her frustration was never really about the dishes, the groceries, or the chores. It was about wanting to do life with someone — and how easy it is to slip into autopilot ("The Matrix") rather than risk the friction of asking for help.She also names something rarely said out loud: that the push for women to be endlessly independent, while empowering in many ways, has quietly normalized doing everything — and being — alone. And that fierce independence and wanting a partner to lean on aren't mutually exclusive.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the mental load isn't actually the root of the frustrationHow independence can unintentionally normalize disconnection in relationshipsThe difference between doing life alone and doing life on autopilotWhy feminism's push for independence has an underdiscussed costHow to take an honest inventory of where you've normalized "doing it all yourself"Why the mundane can become magical — once you get honest about what you actually wantGrab the free resource mentioned in this episode: The Honest Check-In — 7 questions to help you get clear on where you've disconnected from what you really want, no matter how "perfect" your life looks from the outside.HONEST CHECK-IN GUIDEConnect with Lianne:Follow on Instagram @liannemcaughey DMs are always open for deep, soulful conversation.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it, and leave a 5-star review. New episodes drop weekly on the Spiritual Shift Worker Podcast

Have you ever dimmed your own voice just to keep the peace? In this episode, Lianne unpacks why the path to living as your true self almost always requires the courage to be misunderstood — and how the moments you overrode your own intuition are actually a map back to yourself.She shares an honest look at growing up feeling "different," the quiet pressure to perform certainty on every trending topic, and why the people closest to you may (unintentionally) discourage your growth. You'll learn how to spot the physical "threshold" feeling that shows up right before you talk yourself out of what you already know to be true — and why revisiting those past moments is the key to making more aligned choices going forward.This episode is for the woman who has a good life and still feels like she's disappeared a little inside it.Why the pressure to have a public opinion on everything can pull you away from your own inner voiceA networking-event story about a woman criticized for writing a book — and what it reveals about differing "levels" of consciousness, not better or worse, just differentHow childhood and teenage experiences of feeling "out of place" quietly teach us to override intuitionWhy suppressed intuition becomes an embedded pattern that requires intentional reprogrammingHow to use past moments — and the physical sensation that came with them — to recognize when you're standing at a new thresholdThe difference between fear-based hesitation and genuine intuitive guidanceWhy being misunderstood (even seen as "the villain") is sometimes the cost of no longer abandoning yourselfHow can you tell the difference between fear-based hesitation and genuine intuitive guidance when you're standing at a threshold in your own life?Resistance from the people around you often reflects their own fears — not a flaw in your path.Grab the HONEST CHECK IN HERE:7 QUESTIONS FOR THE WOMAN WHO HAS A GOOD LIFEFollow Lianne on IG @liannemcaughey

A thread I posted almost by accident:Halloween candy sitting next to Christmas decorations in stores — hit over 10,000 views and 140+ comments almost overnight. Most people agreed. Some pushed back, saying there are bigger things in the world to be upset about. Both reactions are worth sitting with.In this episode, I'm digging into what's actually driving how we plan for the holidays — and for the future in general. Are you making those decisions from a calm, intentional place? Or are you rushing into them from fear? I walk through why that pause — just asking yourself which one it is actually changes the outcome. This isn't about not planning ahead. You can absolutely plan for the future. The real question is what you're planning from.We'll talk about:Why "there are worse things happening" is a form of minimizing your own valid reactionThe difference between a fear-based decision and an intentional one — and why they can look identical from the outsideThe pause that changes everything: one question to ask before you decide anything about the holidays (or anything else)Why planning ahead isn't the problem — planning from fear isHow this cultural rushing (candy next to Christmas decor) mirrors a bigger pattern of never landing anywhere before being pulled to the next thingListen if you've ever caught yourself scrambling to plan something and wondered whether that urgency was really necessary — or if you were doing it from a calmer place, you'd choose differently.Make sure to follow Lianne on Threads @liannemcaughey And IG @liannemcaughey

There's nothing wrong with a comfortable life — stable, safe, needs met. But what if that exact comfort is the reason you haven't reached for what you're actually here to do?In this episode, I'm introducing a concept I'm calling the 72 Degree Life: not too hot, not too cold, nothing wrong enough to fix, nothing alive enough to feel. I break down Maslow's hierarchy of needs and show why getting your foundation met can quietly convince you that's the ceiling — when it's really just the floor. I also draw a hard line between two things that can look identical from the outside but aren't: a regulated nervous system and a resigned one. One is safety. The other is numbness in disguise.If you've ever felt like nothing is wrong in your life, and yet something still feels unlived underneath it all — this episode is for you.In this episode:What the "72 Degree Life" actually is (and why it's more dangerous than a crisis)A breakdown of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and where most women get stuckWhy self-actualization is a pull, not a problem to fixThe critical difference between nervous system regulation and emotional resignationWhy comfort can be the very thing keeping you from your soul's calling

I was sitting in my car in an underground parking garage, on the phone with my friend Vicky, asking myself: how did I get here? Is this actually my life? That question cracked open something I couldn't ignore — so I asked myself the harder one: what do you actually want?In this episode, I talk about why so many women answer that question with "I don't know" — and why I think that's rarely the truth. It's not that we don't know. It's that we've abandoned ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, for so long that we've stopped listening. Midlife isn't just a crisis — it can be both a reinvention and a return to who you already are underneath it all.I share a practice for getting honest: sitting down — through a voice note, a journal entry, however it comes out — and asking what you want now, what you used to want, even what you wanted as a kid before you forgot. It's not a one-time question. You have to keep asking it, and keep holding the vision, until it becomes real.Grab the Honest Check-In Guide to start asking yourself the questions that get you back to you.HONEST CHECK IN GUIDE

7 questions every woman needs if she has a great life but is still desiring more:⁠THE HONEST CHECKIN GUIDE⁠Join the RETURN, a 14 day guided journey into stillness, peace calm and returning to your inner knowing of what is next for you:⁠THE RETURN⁠Follow Lianne on IG ⁠@liannemcaughey

7 questions every woman needs if she has a great life but is still desiring more:THE HONEST CHECKIN GUIDEJoin the RETURN, a 14 day guided journey into stillness, peace calm and returning to your inner knowing of what is next for you:THE RETURNFollow Lianne on IG @liannemcaughey

Have you ever done all the personal development work and still felt stuck? Read the books, tried the practices, and wondered why nothing was actually shifting?In this episode I'm sharing the one pattern I kept repeating for years that was quietly undermining everything. I didn't recognize it as the problem because it looked like virtue. It looked like being a good person.It was self abandonment. And it was running underneath everything.In this episode you will learn:What self abandonment actually looks like in everyday lifeThe small daily moments where you choose everyone else over yourself without realizing itWhy keeping the peace is one of the most costly things you can do to yourselfHow staying silent shows up later as frustration, resentment, and heavinessWhy personal development work doesn't land when this pattern is still runningWhat finally changed for meFree Resource:Grab the free Honest Check-In Guide — your first honest step back to yourself.HONEST CHECK-IN GUIDEWant to join me in Italy in 2027? Join the waitlist here:RENAISSANCE EXPERIENCEMake sure to follow Lianne on IG @liannemcaughey

My husband once told me I was always unhappy. He wasn't wrong. But he wasn't right either.Because I wasn't unhappy. I was unfulfilled. And underneath that was something I hadn't named yet — I had been abandoning myself for years without even realizing it.In this episode I'm talking about the feeling so many women carry but rarely say out loud. The perfect on paper life that somehow doesn't feel like yours. The fantasy of running away. And what that feeling is actually trying to tell you.If something has felt off and you haven't been able to name it — this episode is for you.In this episode:The difference between unhappy and unfulfilledWhat the escape fantasy is actually telling youWhy changing your circumstances won't solve the problemWhat self abandonment actually looks like in everyday lifeWhy coming home to yourself starts with one honest questionFree Resource:Grab the free Honest Check-In Guide — the first honest step back to yourself.*INSTANT DOWNLOAD ON THE THANKYOU PAGE*HONEST CHECK-IN GUIDE

⚠️ Content note: This episode discusses grief, including suicide loss. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is available 24/7 in Canada and the US.In this episode, Lianne sits down with registered psychotherapist Elaine Turcotte Alexander (Gracious Living) to talk about the messy, non-linear, deeply human experience of grief. From suicide loss to pet loss to grieving versions of yourself you never got to become, this conversation reframes what grief actually looks like — and gives you language for feelings you may not have known how to name.About Elaine:Elaine Alexander is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) in Ontario, working under supervision with adults navigating grief — including suicide loss — as well as relationship and dating challenges. She also works at the intersection of AI and mental health. Before stepping into this work, Elaine spent two decades in entrepreneurship, where she navigated burnout, financial pressure, personal loss, and becoming a wife and mother in her forties.In this episode:Why the "5 stages of grief" framework can create shame instead of healingThe difference between "moving on" and "moving forward"How suicide loss carries unique guilt, anger, and unanswerable questionsWhy sadness feels harder to sit with than anger (and what that says about our brains)Grieving things beyond death: divorce, motherhood expectations, past selves, missed decadesSmall, concrete ways to support a grieving friend long after the funeralElaine's personal story of loss, burnout, and finding her purpose in grief workConnect with Elaine:Website: Courageousliving.meInstagram: @ElaineTAlexanderSeeing clients in-person in Gloucester, ON, and online across OntarioFollow Lianne on IG @liannemcaughey