#119: The Likeable Loser: Why Being "Easy to Play With" Is Costing You the Life and Game You Want

What if your ego is quietly costing you the very things you say you want—better numbers, deeper relationships, more freedom, and more fun on the golf course? In this conversation, former all-time leading salesperson turned coach, author, and podcast host Casey Jacox joins me to unpack how humility, curiosity, and relationship-driven leadership can help you win in business, golf, and fatherhood—without burning yourself (or everyone around you) out. We dig into the invisible pressure high performers feel to always do more, how easily we tie our worth to our results, and why so many men confuse anger and intensity with "high performance."  Casey shares powerful stories from his football career, corporate life, and his journey as a dad and scratch-level golfer to show you a more sustainable way to compete and win. In this episode, you'll learn: How to chase big goals without tying your self-worth to your numbers or handicap Why humility and relationships are your real competitive advantage in sales, business, and golf The difference between fear-driven and curiosity-driven behavior—and how to shift into curiosity Simple questions you can ask clients, teams, and yourself to uncover blind spots and ego traps How to "bench your ego" for 30 days and the measurable changes that will show up in your life and game The hidden pressure many dads carry—and how to protect presence with your kids without tanking your career Practical ways to use gratitude, curiosity, and "even though…" reframes to bounce back faster after setbacks on and off the course Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Casey Casey Jacox is an author, keynote speaker, executive coach, sales advisor, former collegiate quarterback, and the host of The Quarterback DadCast. After a 20-year career in corporate leadership—where he became the all-time leading salesperson at his company—Casey shifted his focus to helping leaders communicate more effectively, build stronger relationships, and lead with humility in business and at home. He is the author of WIN the RELATIONSHIP, Not the DEAL, and is widely known for his work with elite athletes, high-performing executives, and entrepreneurial founders. Whether he's coaching CEOs, interviewing world-class performers, or sharing real stories of fatherhood, Casey blends honesty, vulnerability, resilience, and leadership in a way that challenges people to grow from the inside out. Connect with Casey. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Key Takeaways: Humility isn't weakness; it's how you stay grounded when success, money, and recognition start stacking up. Relationships are not transactions—treat them like a bank account and make consistent deposits before you ever ask for a withdrawal. Fear-driven behavior protects the ego; curiosity-driven behavior unlocks growth and deeper connection. The right questions at the right time are more powerful than the perfect pitch, speech, or pep talk. Benching your ego leads to better leadership, less stress, stronger teams, and more enjoyment on the golf course. Being a present dad often requires brave decisions about boundaries, time, and saying "no" to good opportunities. Golf is a mirror: how you respond to bad shots, slumps, and frustration reveals how you handle pressure everywhere else. Key Quotes: "When you're great, other people will tell you. If you have to tell everyone how good you are, you're probably not that good." "People who treat relationships like transactions miss the bigger picture—you get back what you consistently deposit." "Fear-driven people are afraid to ask for help. Curiosity-driven people say, 'I don't know' and then do something about it." "It's not what you say that closes the deal or builds trust. It's what you ask." "The mind is the best tool in your golf bag—and only you have access to it." "Do you want to be right, or do you want to get what you want?" "I'm never going to regret choosing time with my kids over another business opportunity." Time Stamps: 00:00: The Journey of Humility in Success 03:27: The Value of Relationships Over Transactions 05:25: Breaking Down Barriers to Vulnerability 09:00: Dismantling Ego and Embracing Help 12:18: The Power of Questions in Personal Growth 15:25: Letting Go of Ego for Measurable Improvements 18:50: Golf as a Mirror for Personal Development 24:40: Curiosity as a Catalyst for Growth 27:37: The Power of Mindset in Golf and Life 31:56: Navigating Fatherhood: The Invisible Pressures 36:31: Prioritizing Family Over Career 40:16: Messages for Life: Wisdom on a Billboard

You've been "the fun guy" in the group for so long that you've started confusing being liked with being safe. You crack jokes. You wave people through. You rush putts. You skip your full routine because you don't want to be "that guy." You downplay your standards with, "We're just out here having fun." And then you walk off 18 quietly frustrated… because you do care. You do want to play well. You do want to shoot lower scores and be taken seriously. This episode is about the identity I call the Likeable Loser: the man who sacrifices his standards, edge, and ambition to remain accepted, easy, and socially safe—on the course, in business, and in relationships. In this episode, you'll learn: What the Likeable Loser is (and why he's not lazy, broken, or incapable) How people-pleasing shows up on the scorecard through rushed process and softened standards Why "winners are assholes" is a hidden belief that keeps you stuck How labeling a "part" of you creates distance, clarity, and choice Why this pattern formed: belonging, approval, and social safety The real cost: self-trust, self-respect, integrity, and inner peace How to pursue excellence without becoming arrogant, intense, or unlikeable Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Key Takeaways: If you keep choosing "liked" over "aligned," your game will always feel capped—even if your swing improves. The Likeable Loser isn't unmotivated—he's over-indexed on approval, and it's leaking into every decision. Rushing your routine to protect group comfort is a form of self-betrayal that compounds over 18 holes. "We're just out here having fun" becomes a shield—until the round ends and the truth shows up as frustration. You won't win consistently while you secretly believe winners are jerks—your subconscious will keep you 'safe' at good-enough. Labeling the part ("the Likeable Loser") creates space: you can observe the pattern instead of being owned by it. The upgrade isn't trying harder—it's giving yourself permission to be fully you: standards, routine, voice, ambition. Key Quotes: "Somewhere along the way, being liked became far more important than being great." "You're not lazy. You're not unmotivated. You're not incapable. You are, however, over-indexed on approval." "The likable loser is the man who sacrifices his standards, edge and ambition in order to remain accepted, easy and socially safe." "When you can label the emotion you're feeling… you create distance, and that distance allows you to invite in curiosity." "On one hand you want to win. On the other hand there's a belief that says winners are assholes. There's an incongruency there." "The cost isn't just strokes or revenue. It's self-trust, self-respect, integrity, inner peace." "The upgrade here doesn't require trying harder… it requires being truer, giving yourself permission." Time Stamps: 00:00: The Likable Loser: An Introduction 02:34: Understanding the Patterns of People Pleasing 05:36: The Cost of Being Liked 08:04: The Impact of the Likable Loser on Performance 10:49: Unpacking Beliefs Around Winning 13:23: Transforming the Likable Loser Identity 16:00: Embracing Authenticity and Ambition 18:38: The Journey to Self-Respect 21:17: Taking Aligned Action 23:54: Conclusion and Call to Action

Most golfers and entrepreneurs obsess over mistakes. You replay the double bogey, the blown meeting, the missed opportunity—yet rarely study what went right. Today's guest is one of the world's leading performance coaches, Justin Su'a, and he's here to flip that script. Justin has coached Super Bowl champions, All-Stars, World Series teams, and top CEOs. His gift? Helping high performers create the mental systems that turn pressure into clarity and success into repeatable patterns. In this episode, you'll learn how elite athletes review wins and losses, build emotional resiliency, upgrade their self-talk, and protect their relationships while chasing greatness. If you're serious about leveling up your mental game—on the course or in business—this is your masterclass. In this episode, you'll learn: Why only studying your failures keeps you from unlocking your full potential. Justin's simple three-question reflection framework that works for golfers, athletes, and executives. How to create a repeatable after-round / after-action review that fits your personality. The difference between leading and lagging indicators—and why that matters more than your score or revenue this week. How to think in second- and third-order consequences so your pursuit of greatness doesn't quietly destroy your health or relationships. A practical way to see negative thoughts as "mental rumble strips" instead of proof you lack confidence. How elite performers bounce back faster by reducing the frequency, intensity, and duration of their emotional blowups. This episode will challenge how you think about success, failure, self-talk, and the price you're willing to pay in your pursuit of excellence—on the course and in business. Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Justin Justin Su'a is a world-renowned mental performance coach and the founder of the Performance Advisory Group, where he works with elite athletes, business leaders, and high performers across industries to help them master the mental side of performance. He has served as the head of mental performance for the Tampa Bay Rays, and has worked with Major League Baseball, the Cleveland Browns, the Boston Red Sox, the U.S. Army, Fortune 500 executives, and Olympians.  Known for his ability to distill complex psychological principles into simple, actionable tools, Su'a focuses on consistency, resilience, and daily disciplines that help people thrive under pressure and sustain peak performance over the long term. He is also the host of the popular Increase Your Impact Podcast, where he shares bite-sized daily mental performance lessons. The Increase Your Impact Newsletter Instagram (@justinsua) Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist Key Takeaways: Study wins too — your best days contain critical clues you're currently leaving on the table. Use a simple reflection loop — ask: What went well? What did I learn? What will I do better next time? Make reflection easy — choose the journaling format with the least friction so you'll actually do it. Think in systems — pursuing greatness without considering second- and third-order effects creates avoidable problems. Focus on leading indicators — control your routines, effort, and communication; results follow later. Upgrade your questions — better questions lead to better self-talk, better focus, and better performance. Resilience = reduced F.I.D. — decrease the frequency, intensity, and duration of your emotional blowups, not eliminate them. Key Quotes: We don't just learn from losing—we also learn from winning. Success leaves clues if you're willing to go back and study it. Create a feedback loop: What did I do well? What did I learn? What's one thing I'll do better next time? Ask it every time, win or lose. The weakest pen is stronger than the strongest memory. You're always writing for your future self. Your pursuit of excellence has second- and third-order effects. If you don't think in systems, you'll chase greatness while unintentionally burning down your health or relationships. If you want better answers, ask better questions. Your brain is like a search engine—it will fill in whatever prompt you give it. Negative thoughts are mental rumble strips. They're not proof you lack confidence—they're signals you're losing focus, so gently guide yourself back into the lane. Progress isn't never hitting the red; it's hitting it less often, less intensely, and for less time—and then learning from every episode. Time Stamps: 00:00: Learning from Success 02:24: Feedback Loops and Reflection 07:25: The Importance of Journaling 08:45: Maximizing Reflection Periods 11:41: Balancing Ambition and Self-Care 18:49: Emotional Resilience and Communication 25:12: The Power of Vulnerability 29:51: Upgrading Inner Dialogue 35:25: Bouncing Back from Setbacks 41:58: Key Messages for Golfers

"I grew up in a 'customer comes first' world. It took me 50 years to realize that if I'm not first, everything else eventually falls apart." What happens when "customer first" quietly turns into "you last"?  In today's episode, I sit down with my friend and Missing Links Golf Show co-host, Andy Walker, to unpack the hidden cost of always giving more than you've got. We talk about how that pattern shows up in golf, trading, business, and fatherhood—and what changes when you finally put your health and wellbeing at the top of the list.  In this episode, you'll learn: How childhood programming around "service" and "customer first" quietly turns into self-neglect and burnout. Why your health, energy, and identity must sit above business, golf, and clients in your priority stack. How Andy built a simple, sustainable morning routine that blends resistance training, cardio, breathwork, and visualization. A practical way to define your core life values—and then use them as filters for how you spend your time and energy. How to make golf practice and exercise easy and irresistible by changing your environment (hello, backyard "High Performance Center"). Why vulnerability and asking for help accelerate your growth in golf, business, and life—and why "she'll be right" is killing performance. How to reframe self-care from "selfish" to the foundation of elite golf mindset, business mindset, and long-term health. If you've ever felt guilty taking time for yourself, this conversation will help you rewrite that story and start performing from a full tank instead of fumes. Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Andy Andy Walker is the co-host of The Missing Links Golf Show, a fast-growing podcast dedicated to the midlife golfer's pursuit of improvement, balance, and renewed sporting glory. A lifelong athlete who once chased professional golf, Andy brings decades of competitive experience, business ownership, and real-world personal development into every episode. Now in his 50s, he's on a mission—alongside co-host Steve Moulton—to prove that meaningful improvement and peak performance are still possible, even while juggling family, business, health, and the chaos of everyday life. Known for his honesty, vulnerability, and analytical approach, Andy blends mindset, training, golf skill acquisition, and personal growth to help everyday golfers navigate the mental and emotional challenges of the game. His journey includes overcoming health scares, redefining his identity, and building a lifestyle that supports consistent practice and long-term wellbeing. Through The Missing Links Golf Show, Andy inspires golfers to chase growth, embrace the pilgrimage of improvement, and rediscover the joy and challenge of the game at any age. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Twitter: @parsoverbogeys Key Takeaways: Self-care isn't optional for high performers; your customers, clients, and family need you at your best, not your most depleted. When you grow up with "give, give, give" programming, you'll over-serve others and under-serve yourself until you consciously rewrite that pattern. The real priority stack for golfer–entrepreneurs is: health and wellbeing → family and relationships → business and clients → everything else. Writing your values and priorities down gives you clarity, emotional relief, and a decision-making filter for your time and energy. A simple, repeatable morning routine that blends training, breathwork, and visualization can anchor your entire day in focus, calm, and confidence. Environment design—like having a home gym or golf sim—removes friction and makes practice and self-care easy instead of a constant battle of willpower. Vulnerability and asking for help are not weaknesses; they are shortcuts to emotional clarity, faster growth, and a more sustainable version of success. Key Quotes: Your clients don't just need you available—they need you at your best. And you cannot be at your best if you're not taking care of yourself. I grew up in a 'customer comes first' world. It took me 50 years to realize that if I'm not first, everything else eventually falls apart. You don't get to leave your emotional baggage in the trunk when you walk onto the first tee. You bring your whole self to the golf course. It's easy to set goals like 'break 80' or 'hit seven figures.' The harder—and more important—question is: Who do I need to become to live that reality? Self-care used to feel selfish and self-indulgent. Now I see it as the bare minimum required to be the husband, father, golfer, and trader I want to be. If it's not blocked on your calendar, it's not truly a priority. Your schedule is the truth-teller of your values. Asking for help accelerates results. Vulnerability doesn't slow you down—it removes the emotional weight that's been holding you back. Time Stamps: 00:00: The Importance of Self-Care 09:31: Balancing Personal and Professional Life 18:32: Defining Life Values and Priorities 21:42: Understanding Life Values and Reflection 23:07: Incorporating Breath Work and Meditation 25:46: Morning Routines for Clarity and Focus 26:44: Integrating Golf into Daily Life 28:31: Making Behavior Change Easy and Irresistible 29:51: The Importance of Vulnerability and Asking for Help 32:09: Navigating Life Changes and Priorities 36:14: The Power of Action After Seeking Help 38:43: Promoting the Missing Links Golf Show

Pressure, perfectionism, and overthinking—three traits that quietly sabotage golfers chasing freedom on the course. In this conversation, Andrew Reynolds, cognitive performance coach and founder of The COG Coach, breaks down what it truly means to play with freedom—and why most golfers never achieve it. He shares how to design practice that mirrors real pressure, add consequence to every rep, and build process-driven routines that hold up when the stakes rise. We explore the hidden cost of mental fatigue, how to protect cognitive energy over 18 holes, and the psychological "skill-development lag" that frustrates so many golfers chasing progress. Andrew also explains the three-step framework to reframe destructive self-talk, find safety in discomfort, and make your best golf automatic under pressure—whether you're grinding for your first club championship or a tour card. In this episode, you'll learn: What "playing with freedom" actually means—and how to create it on demand How to add consequence to practice so it transfers under pressure The accountability hacks that keep you in the hard reps (where skill grows) A simple blueprint for durable pre-shot and pre-round routines How to spot and reframe irrational self-talk in real time Managing cognitive energy and decision fatigue across 18 holes Why process beats results—and how to believe it when scores matter Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Andrew Reynolds Andrew Reynolds is a Cognitive Performance Coach based in the UK. Andrew helps golfers, from weekend amateurs to touring professionals, develop the ability to perform under pressure and play their best golf when it matters. You can reach Andrew via email at [email protected] or at his website www.thecogcoach.com.  Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Twitter: @parsoverbogeys Key Takeaways: Practice like you play: Bring course elements (targets, variability, consequence) to the range so pressure isn't a surprise. Add consequence: Games with "must-complete" tasks (e.g., 3 fairways in a row) simulate tournament feels. Quality beats quantity: Short, intense, focused sessions > marathon ball-beating. Protect cognitive energy: Strong routines reduce decision fatigue and steady your state under stress. Reframe the story: Emotions come from interpretation; catch absolutes ("always/never") and replace them with rational truth. Calibrate emotion: Even "negative" emotions can be adaptive when properly dialed. Detach from score: Commit to the shot in front of you; outcome improves as a byproduct. Key Quotes: "Make practice look like the golf course, not the course look like practice." "Consequence is the fastest way to simulate pressure." "The hard, uncomfortable reps are where skill is actually built." "Pick a target, visualize, commit—that's the billboard I'd put on every tee." "It's not the first tee that makes you anxious; it's the story you tell yourself about it." "Process is part of outcome—not something separate from it." "There's a skill-development lag: keep going through it instead of restarting with a new method." Time Stamps: 00:00 Playing with Freedom: The Key to Golf Success 02:47 Gamification in Practice: Adding Consequences to Training 05:37 Embracing Discomfort: The Path to Skill Development 08:49 Quality Over Quantity: Setting Expectations for Practice 11:38 Cognitive Energy: Managing Mental Fatigue in Golf 14:18 Self-Talk and Emotional Awareness: The Mental Game of Golf 22:10 Understanding Self-Talk in Golf 23:33 The Art of Reframing Thoughts 24:52 Emotional Calibration for Performance 27:45 Managing Confidence and Expectations 29:06 Focusing on the Process Over Results 32:25 Overcoming Resistance to Process 34:46 The Importance of Patience in Skill Development 39:38 Key Takeaway: Pick a Target, Visualize, Commit

If you've ever signed up for a huge race, joined a new mastermind, or taken on a massive work project right when you said you were finally going all-in on your golf game or business… this episode is going to sting a little—in the best way. In this solo conversation, I pull back the curtain on how I caught myself red-handed sabotaging my own journey to scratch by committing to a 75-mile race. On the surface, it looked disciplined, inspiring, and productive. Underneath, it was something else entirely: a socially acceptable way to avoid the emotional discomfort of fully committing to the goal that matters most to me. I call this pattern noble avoidance—and if you're a high-achieving golfer or entrepreneur, there's a very good chance it's running the show in your life too. In this episode, you'll learn: What "noble avoidance" is and how it quietly sabotages your biggest goals Why hard, impressive challenges can actually feel safer than your true dream How fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of being seen trying feed noble avoidance The subtle ways noble avoidance shows up in golf, business, fitness, and relationships 10 real-world examples so you can spot it in your own calendar and commitments Five candid reflection questions to expose where you're hiding behind "good" excuses Why "less is more" and "be boring" are the real superpowers behind scratch-level success Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Key Takeaways: Noble avoidance is choosing a worthy, productive, or impressive pursuit to avoid the deeper emotional work required for the goal you truly want. A goal like running 75 miles is brutally hard physically, but it can be emotionally safer than going all-in on becoming a scratch golfer. Fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of being seen truly trying are core drivers behind noble avoidance. Your subconscious is addicted to safety, familiarity, and predictability—and will recreate old patterns, even painful ones, to stay "safe." Noble avoidance often looks like rebranding, building systems, learning more, or "helping everyone else" instead of doing the uncomfortable, needle-moving work. Looking at your calendar is one of the most honest ways to see what you're truly committed to versus what you just claim to care about. Long-term success comes from doing fewer things, better—embracing boring, consistent reps instead of chasing exciting side quests. Key Quotes: "Noble avoidance is the subconscious strategy of choosing a worthy pursuit to avoid the deeper emotional discomfort of your true goal." "Underneath noble avoidance is self-protection disguised as self-improvement." "It's ambition used as armor and momentum pointed in the wrong direction." "Running 75 miles isn't easier physically—it's easier emotionally." "If I give everything and still fall short, I'm out of excuses—and that's terrifying." "Noble avoidance is still avoidance. Until you name it, you continue to serve it." "Success is built on the same boring principles executed relentlessly over and over and over." Time Stamps: 00:00: The Journey to Scratch Golf 05:43: The Commitment Dilemma 11:15: Understanding Noble Avoidance 16:18: Confronting Fears and Identity 21:37: Taking Action and Moving Forward

#114 [Inside the Mind] Chris Petefish: Play Unapologetic Golf and Using Data to Free Yourself from Emotional Decision-making What do you do when your biggest opportunity collides with your worst nightmare? For Chris Petefish, that moment came two weeks before Second Stage of Q School—when he woke up unable to get out of bed, let alone swing a golf club. No practice. No prep. Just pain, uncertainty, and a ticking clock on what might be his last real shot at securing status. Most players would withdraw. Chris got on a plane. In this conversation, we break down the mindset, decision-making, and mental toughness that carried him from "I might have to quit" to T8 at Second Stage—and eventually to winning on the Korn Ferry Tour.  Whether you're chasing a club championship, a Korn Ferry card, or a seven-figure business year, the principles are the same: expectations, routines, self-talk, and a willingness to play unapologetically free. In this episode, you'll learn: The mindset that helped Chris qualify at Q School while barely able to swing a club. How to turn panic, fear, and "why me?" moments into problem-solving and clarity. How to identify and dismantle the destructive belief: "I only perform well with my back against the wall." Why routines, awareness, and data are non-negotiable for peak performance. How to cultivate a flow state, lower expectations, and raise execution under pressure. What a bogey-free tournament taught Chris about confidence, acceptance, and fearlessness. Why embracing—not suppressing—pressure is the key to performing when it matters most. Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Chris Chris Petefish is a professional golfer and performance coach based in Georgia. A former Georgia Tech standout, he was an All-ACC Academic selection, All-America Scholar, and winner of the 2018 General Hackler Championship.  Since turning professional in 2018, he's competed on the Korn Ferry Tour and qualified for the 2024 U.S. Open. Off the course, he runs Course of Action Golf, where he coaches players of all levels in course strategy, mindset, and performance using strokes gained analytics and mental conditioning frameworks.  His philosophy blends data-driven strategy with mental resilience — helping golfers and high performers think clearly, compete freely, and execute under pressure. Course of Action Golf Instagram (@chrispetefishgolf) Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Twitter: @parsoverbogeys Key Takeaways: Pressure is not the enemy- you must acknowledge it to master it. Pretending pressure doesn't exist only amplifies it. Naming it neutralizes it. Your routine is your anchor. Any deviation in your pre-shot routine is a signal your inner world is unraveling. Expectations kill performance. Preparation builds confidence; expectations destroy it. Play unapologetically. Fear-based golf leads to steering, tension, and poor decisions. Confidence and fear can coexist. The goal isn't removing fear; it's performing with it. Data frees you from emotional decision-making. Golf is a math contest with variance baked in. Resiliency compounds. Your worst stretches often create the biggest breakthroughs. Key Quotes: "When my back's against the wall, that's usually when I'm at my best." "I'd rather hit a poor shot with confidence than a poor shot from fear." "The expectations on the course will kill you." "You can't pretend pressure doesn't exist—you have to acknowledge it to handle it." "My routine tells me everything about my inner state." "Golf is a math contest. Trust the numbers, trust your skills." "Sometimes hitting rock bottom is a blessing—it forces change." Time Stamps: 00:00: Overcoming Adversity in Golf 06:04: Mental Resilience and Self-Discovery 10:14: Playing Smarter, Not Harder 13:26: Achieving a Bogey-Free Tournament 19:31: Navigating Expectations and Acceptance 22:58: The Journey of Mental Training 23:49: Understanding the Mental Game of Golf 26:57: The Importance of Routine and Mindset 29:04: Balancing Expectations and Confidence 31:42: Data-Driven Decision Making in Golf 33:57: Resilience and Overcoming Adversity 38:08: The Role of Reflection and Support 41:46: Coaching Insights and Personal Experience

If you've been grinding on the range, stacking lessons, upgrading systems, hiring coaches, and still feel painfully stuck below your potential, this episode is your wake-up call. You cannot out-practice, out-hustle, or out-strategize the destructive patterns running your life beneath the surface. As long as you keep outsourcing your growth to new swing tips, training aids, business tactics, or mindset hacks, you'll keep slamming into the same ceilings in golf, business, and at home. In this episode, you'll learn: Why your "I'm doing all the right things" approach still isn't moving the needle The real meaning of "doing the work" (and how it's different from staying busy) How destructive mindset programs quietly sabotage your golf, income, and relationships Why your deepest fear isn't failure, but how powerful you actually are How avoidance, numbing, and distraction keep you stuck on the hamster wheel Simple but confronting reflection questions to expose your destructive patterns Why deep subconscious work and hypnosis are the fastest path to lasting change Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.S. Read the article I referenced here (Your Triggers Are Your Teachers). P.P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Key Takeaways: You can't out-practice or out-hustle destructive subconscious patterns. "Doing the work" means radical honesty, ownership, and looking inward—not more tips and tools. Your deepest fear isn't inadequacy; it's realizing you're powerful beyond measure. Surface-level fixes feel productive, but they do nothing to change your identity. Avoidance, numbing, and overthinking are predictable patterns that keep you on the hamster wheel. Real transformation happens when you uncover and upgrade the beliefs driving your behaviors. Deep subconscious work—especially hypnosis—is the lever that rewires identity and unlocks your potential. Key Quotes: "You can't out-practice, out-hustle, or out-strategize the destructive patterns running your life beneath the surface." "No external shortcut or band-aid will ever fix an internal problem you're unwilling to own." "Your deepest fear is not that you are inadequate. Your deepest fear is that you are powerful beyond measure." "Surface-level work produces dopamine, but it does nothing to change your identity." "Your results are not a mystery—they're a mirror of the patterns you're running inside." "You don't need more discipline; you need belief-level upgrades and better emotional regulation." "Logic doesn't heal wounds. Willpower doesn't undo bad behaviors. Subconscious work does." Time Stamps: 00:00: Why your hard work still isn't translating into results 03:59: What "doing the work" actually requires 10:11: The real fear: realizing how powerful you are 17:43: How avoidance and numbing keep you stuck 26:32: Why surface fixes fail and beliefs must change

High achievers are rarely "in balance"—and that's not a problem when your intensity is calibrated.  In this conversation, Dr. Alison Curdt—PGA Master Professional, LPGA Master Professional, and Doctor of Psychology—opens up about the sacrifices behind elite performance, how to reframe "pressure," and why curiosity is the antidote to perfectionism, fear of failure, and self-criticism.  We dig into process vs. performance vs. outcome goals, separating identity from results, and the importance of strategic rest so your practice actually sticks. Dr. Curdt also shares the pivotal moment that reshaped her life and work, how to coach an athlete at "rock bottom," and practical scripts you can use on the course this weekend. In this episode, you'll learn: Why "pressure" is a perception problem—and how to reframe it fast The difference between outcome, performance, and process goals (and which one drives wins) How to detach self-worth from scorecards, sales, and rankings The simple language shifts ("have to" → "get to") that unlock better golf How to use curiosity to replace judgment and perfectionism What "calibrated intensity" looks like (and why rest multiplies growth) Practical ways to coach yourself out of a slump—on the range or at work Whether you're chasing a lower handicap or scaling a business, this is a masterclass in durable confidence, emotional regulation, and performance psychology—the exact mindset training that turns effort into results. Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. More About Dr. Alison Curdt Dr. Alison Curdt is a dual PGA Master & LPGA Master Professional. She has over 35 years of background in golf competition and competed in 8 LPGA Tour majors. Owner of "Alison Curdt Golf" and Director of Instruction at Wood Ranch Golf Club in Los Angeles, CA, she has earned countless teaching & professional awards such as the 2025 Tom Addiss II Professional Development Award, 2019 SoCal PGA Golf Professional of the Year, 2018 SCPGA Clubfitter of the Year, 4-time LPGA Western Section Teacher of the Year, 2016 SCPGA Teacher of the Year, and 2015 LPGA T&CP National Teacher of the Year. She was selected as an LPGA Top 50 Teacher 4 times and was inducted into the SoCal PGA Teaching Hall of Fame. Dr. Curdt has been featured in over a dozen separate segments on the Golf Channel and Golf Digest selected her three times as one of America's Best Young Teachers. She is currently on the Golf Digest Best in State list (CA) and has been honored as Top 50 Teacher in America.  Dr. Curdt is also a clinical sport psychotherapist utilizing EMDR & Brainspotting to help athletes achieve peak performance and overcome athletic traumas. She served as the LPGA T&CP National Vice-President and is currently the first female president of the Southern California PGA.  Her book, The Golf Performance Code: Unlocking secrets to mind, body, and nutrition was published in 2025. Connect with Alison Instagram YouTube Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist  Twitter: @parsoverbogeys Key Takeaways: Pressure is self-created. It's a byproduct of expectations and outcome fixation; reframe it as a challenge and return to controllables. Process > performance > outcome. Track performance stats, but win the day by executing process goals (breath, target, routine, commitment). Curiosity beats judgment. Asking "What's really happening?" dissolves shame, perfectionism, and fear—opening access to better decisions and motor memory. Calibrated intensity. Grind isn't mindless hours; it's intentional focus paired with recovery, so skills encode and become automatic. Detach identity from results. You are not your score or sales number; evaluate inputs and execution quality, not just outcomes. Reframe your language. "I have to" → "I get to," "I'm busy" → "I'm in demand"—word choice shifts physiology and performance. Coach with empathy first. Before offering fixes, make athletes feel seen; then co-create reframes and experiments they can own. Key Quotes: "Pressure doesn't exist—outside of physics. We create it with expectations." "Achievement can feel like a drug—use it to fuel you, not break you." "You're not what you produce. You are enough—regardless of the number." "Win with process goals; they ladder up to performance—and then outcomes." "Curiosity is the antidote to so many psychological 'diseases.'" "If you keep grinding the stone, it turns to nothing. Rest builds growth." "Tell yourself: You have everything you need to succeed. Then access it." Time Stamps: 00:00 The Journey of Achievement and Sacrifice 04:42 Rebirth from Trauma: A Turning Point 06:46 Navigating Rock Bottom: Questions for Growth 09:01 Building Resilience: Coaching Through Adversity 12:05 Understanding Pressure: A Psychological Perspective 20:06 The Grind: Positive vs. Negative Connotations 22:58 The Importance of Rest and Recovery 25:34 Detaching Identity from Performance 29:01 Understanding Enoughness and Self-Worth 32:20 Effective Communication and Expectation Management 35:52 Overcoming Perfectionism and Embracing Variability 38:58 Empowering Beliefs for Success

What if the people who trigger you the most—the mother-in-law who feels controlling, the "lazy" kids, the blow-up guy in your Saturday foursome—aren't actually the problem? You are (gulp). What if they're mirrors? In this episode of The Scratch Golfer's Mindset Podcast, I dive into the uncomfortable truth that the traits you judge, resent, or react to in others very often reflect the parts of you that you deny, repress, or flat-out hate.  You'll hear raw stories from my own life and from clients who realized that the selfishness, complacency, or lack of drive they saw in others… was alive and well inside themselves. And when they finally owned those parts instead of fighting them, everything changed: more peace, more energy, more honesty, and better golf. In this episode, you'll learn: How "triggers" on the golf course, at home, and at work are actually mirrors reflecting disowned parts of you. Why owning traits like "selfish," "controlling," or "lazy" can free you instead of condemn you. The basics of Parts Theory and how seeing emotions as "parts" reduces their intensity and control over you. How repressing parts of yourself quietly drains your energy and keeps you stuck in the same patterns on and off the course. A powerful reframe of selfishness into being selflessly selfish—and how that makes you a better golfer, parent, and leader. How core beliefs like "I'll never get better" sabotage your performance, no matter how hard you work. A journaling question you can use today to turn your biggest emotional triggers into your most powerful teachers. If you're willing to be radically honest with yourself, this episode can help you reclaim the energy you've been spending running from your own reflection—and redirect it into becoming the golfer, parent, partner, and leader you know you're capable of being. Get your pencils ready and start listening.  P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here. Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course.  Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist Key Takeaways: Everyone in your life is a mirror. The behaviors you judge or react to most strongly in others—anger, laziness, selfishness, manipulation—are often traits that exist in you, especially the parts you don't want to see. You are made of many "parts," not one fixed identity. There's a part of you that's confident, a part that's fearful, a part that's lazy, a part that's driven. Seeing these as "parts" creates healthy distance so you're not completely fused with any one state. What you resist, persists. The harder you fight against a trait—"I'm not selfish, I'm not controlling, I'm not lazy"—the more power it quietly holds over your thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Triggers are invitations, not inconveniences. The next time someone pisses you off, embarrasses you, or makes your blood boil, you have a choice: react and blame… or pause and ask, "What part of me is this showing me?" That's where the real growth begins. Key Quotes: "What triggers you has the opportunity to teach you—if you're willing to look in the mirror instead of out the window." "You're not just one thing all the time; you're a collection of parts—and your work is to become whole, not perfect." "The traits you hate in others are often the traits you refuse to admit exist in you." "What you resist persists. The more you fight 'I'm not selfish,' the more that part quietly runs the show." "Being selflessly selfish means you put yourself first so you can show up better for everyone else in your life." "Golf is a mirror of your personal development—and the people in your life are mirrors of the parts of you that you've tried to bury." "When you accept every part of you, you stop wasting energy hiding and start using that energy to become the best version of you." Time Stamps: 00:00: Understanding Triggers and Self-Reflection 02:51: The Holographic Universe and Parts Theory 05:45: Mirrors in Relationships: Recognizing Ourselves in Others 10:36: The Concept of Selfishness: A New Perspective 15:51: Triggers as Teachers: Learning from Emotional Responses 22:30: Embracing Wholeness: The Path to Authenticity