Someone recently told me I wasn't too complicated to love and it inspired me to explore the ways in which we keep ourselves small rather than dare to show up for love.
This one's a pep talk about the lie we tell ourselves: that we have to lose the weight, get the job, finalize the divorce, heal more, become our "best self" before we deserve to be loved. The goalpost always moves. The waiting isn’t about the conditions, it’s about the fear of being seen as unfinished and unloveable.
I get into the honest exception of when waiting actually is the wise call, why "ready" is usually code for something else, and what to do when you realize the person who only wants the polished version of you was never going to stay anyway.
I hope you enjoy it.
In this episode:
• The fear of being “too complicated” to love
• Why “I’ll date when…” is often fear dressed up as self-improvement
• The moving goalpost of readiness
• Being seen in transition, mess, grief, uncertainty, and change
• The difference between acute crisis and ordinary human messiness
• Why capacity matters more than perfection
• How relationships can help heal the parts of us we keep trying to fix alone
• Dating with roommates, anxiety, career uncertainty, body insecurity, and unfinished business
• The danger of comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides
• Why the right person doesn’t need you smaller, simpler, richer, or more healed
Coming up
Next guest episode — Debbie Barrish, sexual and reproductive health nurse practitioner, on everything we get wrong about herpes. Her journey, my journey, how to protect yourself, how to talk about it. Maybe the most honest STI conversation I've had on the show.
Next solo episode — the flip side of this one. A listener question about a guy she's been seeing: great connection, real long-term potential, but the sex feels awkward and he's clearly in his head. He's just out of a 15-year relationship where intimacy never deepened. She's wondering: is this workable? How long do I give it? How do I invite him into more without making him feel bad? And the question I cannot wait to answer — can you actually teach an adult to be a better kisser?
Send Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.
To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/
If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.
Connect with Shaun:
Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-love
Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive
Read my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.com
The Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/
More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/
Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive
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