When Leaving Law Feels Like Letting Other People Down

When leaving law feels like letting other people down, it can become much harder to take your own unhappiness seriously. For lawyers who are women, first-gen, people of color, or part of another historically underrepresented group, there can be a very real sense that being in these spaces is not just about them. Their achievement can start to feel tied to representing other people well and showing what is possible.The difficult part is that this sense of responsibility can mean having to get to a very bad place before being willing to prioritize yourself. Sarah sees lawyers whose experience at a law firm has been extremely detrimental to their mental, physical, emotional, and relational health, who still discount all of that and focus on the reasons they feel like they should stay. For people who are highly responsible, it can be very hard to value their own pain and suffering when they also feel responsible for what their leaving might mean for other people.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about her own experience of feeling like leaving her law firm meant letting other women down and why she sees versions of that same dynamic with her clients. She talks about the sense that your existence and achievement in these spaces are not just about you, how that can keep people going even when the experience is doing real harm, and why your own well-being deserves to matter too.0:29 - The pressure to stay when leaving feels like letting other people down1:05 - Feeling responsible to advance for other women in Biglaw3:00 - When your existence in the space feels like it’s not just about you4:11 - Having to get to a very bad place before prioritizing yourself5:17 - Highly responsible lawyers struggling to value their own pain and suffering6:05 - You matter, your well-being matters, and you’re not letting people down7:25 - Being unselfish to the point of doing harm to yourself to help others8:16 - The permission slip to take care of yourselfMentioned In When Leaving Law Feels Like Letting Other People DownFirst Steps to Leaving the Law1:1 Coaching with Sarah Cottrell

Your law job may feel more unsustainable than it used to, even if you were managing it fairly well before. Maybe you already knew the environment was not great, or that the work itself was never especially sustainable, but you were making it work. Now, all of a sudden, it feels completely impossible and you are wondering what changed.For a lot of lawyers, the instinct is to turn that question inward. Is it because you are weak? Is it because you cannot hack it anymore? Sarah talks about why being impacted by what is happening around you does not mean there is something wrong with you. If your nervous system is constantly being primed for threats and hypervigilance has become the baseline, it makes sense that you do not have the same capacity you had before.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why your law job may feel more unsustainable than it used to and what may actually be behind that shift. She explains how the broader environment can affect your nervous system, why lawyers in particular may be feeling that impact, and why listening to what your body and your nervous system are telling you can help you figure out what the best next step is for you career-wise.0:53 - When a law job that felt manageable starts to feel unsustainable1:44 - Why lawyers may be especially affected by what is happening around them2:29 - Feeling like you can’t keep doing this doesn’t mean you’re weak4:12 - What your nervous system may be recognizing about your work environment6:00 - Hypervigilance as a baseline and how it affects your capacity7:10 - What to do when your work suddenly feels unsustainable8:31 - Listening to your body and nervous system as you consider what comes nextMentioned In Why Your Law Job Feels More Unsustainable Than It Used ToFirst Steps to Leaving the Law

“There’s a reason they call it a job.” “If it was fun, everyone would do it.” “The grass isn’t always greener.” Lawyers who hate their jobs hear some version of this all the time from people outside of the legal profession, usually when they are trying to explain just how miserable their work has become.There is a kernel of truth in the idea that every job involves some amount of work, frustration, and things you would rather not do. The problem is that every job does not suck in the way that being a lawyer can suck. For lawyers who have tied suffering to working hard or doing a good job, that distinction can be especially hard to see.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why “every job sucks” is bad advice for lawyers who hate their jobs, what can make legal work uniquely unpleasant, and why believing that suffering is simply part of having a job can make it harder to imagine something better.0:30 - Hearing “there’s a reason they call it a job” from people outside the law2:01 - The kinds of misery that can make legal work uniquely unpleasant3:02 - Why every job does not suck in the way being a lawyer can4:42 - When lawyers start believing work is supposed to involve suffering5:49 - Questioning whether worthwhile work can exist without mental and emotional suffering6:25 - Using therapy to unpack the belief that suffering is part of working hard7:46 - You do not have to suffer in your job8:23 - Exploring what might be a better fit despite what other people sayMentioned In Why “Every Job Sucks” Is Bad Advice for Lawyers Who Hate Their JobsFirst Steps to Leaving the Law

When you start thinking about leaving the law, it is really common to realize that some of what you are trying to figure out is about your career and some of it goes much deeper than that. You may need help understanding what kind of work would actually be a good fit for you while also untangling why quitting feels so unsafe or why disappointing other people feels almost impossible.That is part of why therapy and career coaching can work so well together. They might both help you get to the same place, but they are not doing the same work, and one is not a substitute for the other. What comes up in coaching can be useful to take into therapy, and the insight you get in therapy can make it much easier to see what you actually want career-wise.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about the difference between therapy and career coaching, why she strongly recommends therapy if someone only has the bandwidth for one, and how the two can support each other as you work through what comes next.0:29 - Coaching versus therapy when you’re trying to figure out what comes next2:06 - Why Sarah recommends therapy when you only have bandwidth for one2:51 - Therapy and career coaching are not substitutes for each other4:10 - How therapy and career coaching can work together5:13 - Using therapy to understand what shapes your ideas about work and career7:49 - Why quitting can feel unsafe and other people’s disapproval can feel intolerable8:23 - Learning to tolerate disappointing people without assuming you’ve done something wrongMentioned In Do You Need Therapy or Career Coaching When You Want to Leave LawFirst Steps to Leaving the Law

You can know that you do not want to keep practicing law and still have no idea what you want to do. You may not even know what you could do. A lot of lawyers assume they need to have some sense of the answer before they can start when the process is actually designed for people who are in exactly your position.Part of what makes figuring out what comes next so uncomfortable is that there is no assessment that gives you one answer. You have to get a clearer picture of who you are, pay attention to what you are genuinely interested in, and gather information about what different jobs are actually like. As you learn more, you refine what you are looking for, which can feel confusing when you are used to having a clear path to follow.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell walks through the Former Lawyer Framework and explains how she helps lawyers figure out what they want to do instead of practicing law. She talks about why the process starts well before resumes and LinkedIn, what makes the exploration stage so confusing, and how getting more information can help you identify work that is actually a better fit.0:27 - The Former Lawyer Framework for figuring out what to do when you do not want to practice law1:17 - Looking back at what brought you to law in the first place2:46 - Getting a clearer picture of who you are and what makes a job a good fit4:27 - Why assessments do not give you one answer about what to do next5:16 - Letting genuine interest guide which career options you explore8:55 - Refining your options when the process does not follow a clear path10:30 - Why resumes and LinkedIn come at the end of the process11:38 - Knowing you dislike your current job is enough to get started12:39 - Final enrollment details for the Former Lawyer CollaborativeMentioned In How to Figure Out What You Want to Do Instead of Practicing LawThe Former Lawyer CollaborativeFirst Steps to Leaving the Law

After years in the law, it can be easy to believe that creativity simply is not part of who you are. Maybe you stopped making time for things you used to enjoy, or maybe you decided a long time ago that being artistic was not practical, serious, or something that fit with the kind of person who becomes a lawyer.That belief can shape more than what you do outside of work. It can also shut you off from whole groups of jobs because you think of them as jobs for creative people, and you do not see yourself as one of those people. Reconnecting with your creativity does not mean you need to become a working artist. It may just mean realizing that creativity is important to you and that you have been setting that part of yourself aside.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why so many lawyers say they are not artistic or creative, how legal work can leave people feeling stifled, and what can happen when creativity starts to bubble back up. She also talks about making room for that part of yourself, whether it changes the kind of work you want to do or simply helps you build a more fulfilling life.0:30 - Telling yourself that you are not artistic or creative1:10 - Learning that being an artist is not a realistic career path2:19 - Feeling stifled by the constraints on creativity in legal work3:28 - Realizing that being artistic or creative is important to you4:35 - Picking up old hobbies and reconnecting with creativity5:30 - Being afraid that recognizing your creativity will make you more dissatisfied6:40 - Cutting yourself off from an avenue for joy and fulfillment8:24 - Sarah’s own experience of saying she was not artistic or creative9:38 - Making room for all the different parts of who you areMentioned In Reconnecting With Your Creativity After Years in the LawFirst Steps to Leaving the LawThe Former Lawyer Collaborative

If you have been thinking about joining the Former Lawyer Collaborative, now is the time. Enrollment is closing permanently on August 31, 2026, and while the program will remain open for another year, this is the last chance to join the community and work through the Former Lawyer Framework with Sarah’s support.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why she decided to close the Collaborative, what members will still have access to through August 31, 2027, and where she plans to focus her work next. She also shares what the last few years have made even clearer to her about how important it is for unhappy lawyers to feel seen, understood, and less alone while they figure out what comes next.0:27 - Why enrollment in the Former Lawyer Collaborative is closing4:48 - How the Collaborative grew from a community into the Former Lawyer Framework6:57 - How AI and information overload changed Sarah’s thinking about the future of Former Lawyer9:32 - When the Collaborative will close and why enrollment ends a year earlier10:14 - What members will still have access to through August 31, 202711:34 - What Sarah plans to focus on after the Collaborative ends14:52 - The importance of human connection for lawyers figuring out what comes nextMentioned In What’s Next for the Former Lawyer CollaborativeYou Don't Have To Quit Your Job To Start Leaving Law The Former Lawyer CollaborativeCollab Plus One-on-One ProgramFirst Steps to Leaving the Law

In today’s episode, Sarah is back again with Annie Little discussing the book Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber.The final misery covered in the book is the misery based on knowing that one is doing harm. The most obvious example of this as lawyers would be representing a person or entity, and they are asking you to do something that is itself harmful. While these situations may arise, people tend to be aware and can deal with the moral conflict. 

In today’s episode, Sarah is back again with Annie Little discussing the book Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber. It’s part of a series of podcast discussions diving into the miseries of a bullshit job, and today, it’s time to dive into the third misery that comes with bullshit jobs. If you missed the first two, go back and catch up.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/189

In today’s episode, Sarah is back again with Annie Little discussing the book Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber. It’s part of a series of podcast discussions, so check out the others before and after this one. Graeber gives four reasons why having a bullshit job feels so miserable. Last week’s discussion was all about the first reason—ambiguity and forced pretense—catch up on that one first. Then, let’s dive into the second reason.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/188