Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It or Stay Silent?

🎧 Listen if… - You've been told you "can't touch anything" until property settlement is finalised - You're scared opening your own account will start a fight - You're watching money vanish from the joint account and can't stop it - You're the lower earner, worried about being left with nothing while you wait - You're paying for everything and scared of being called financially abusive if you stop - You've got a kids' savings or education account and don't know where it fits Disclaimer: General information and education only, not legal advice. Please consult a family lawyer about your situation. 🛟 Discusses financial abuse & coercive control. Can you really not touch any money until property settlement? Mum and I unpack what you can and can't do with your bank accounts after separation: the difference between managing day-to-day finances and dividing property, what happens to accounts in your own name versus joint accounts, and how to handle it whether your ex is amicable, high conflict, or controlling. We cover opening a new account, freezing joint accounts, what to do if it's emptied, kids' accounts, child support myths, and the warning signs of financial abuse. ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 – Banking Through Separation: The Questions Everyone's Afraid to Ask 02:00 – Education Only & Why Your Lawyer Comes First 03:00 – The Two Big Myths: "Freeze Everything" vs "Take Everything" 03:30 – Power Dynamics & Who Makes the Early Money Decisions 04:00 – Managing Day-to-Day Finances vs Dividing Property 05:30 – What Happens to Your Bank Accounts When You Separate 06:00 – "It's Yours": Accounts in Your Own Name 07:00 – Joint Accounts & Why You Can Take Your Share 09:30 – Amicable Divorce: Take It, Then Tell Them 11:00 – High Conflict: Don't Stay Beholden to Your Ex 12:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Exes & the Groceries Analogy 13:30 – Is Taking the Money Financial Abuse? Section 4AB Explained 14:00 – Spousal Maintenance & the Joint-Account "Time Bomb" 15:30 – Post-Separation Spending, Wastage & Gollings & Scott 17:30 – Opening Your Own Bank Account (Yes, You Can) 18:30 – Why You Should Choose a Completely Different Bank 20:30 – "Will My Ex Find Out?" Tech Abuse, Passwords & Disclosure 22:30 – Where Should Your Wages Go? 23:00 – Coming Up: A Coercive Control Q&A With Krazi Kirova 23:30 – When Your Ex Won't Move Out or Pay the Bills 24:30 – Reasonableness & How a Judge Will See It 26:00 – Giving Notice, Justifying It & Part N of the Financial Statement 27:00 – The Two People This Goes Badly For 28:30 – Talking to the Bank & Their Limits 29:00 – How to Freeze a Joint Account (Two to Sign) 31:00 – Stopping Large Withdrawals & ATM Limits 32:00 – When the Account Gets Emptied: Spousal Maintenance Options 33:00 – Urgent Spousal Maintenance Orders Explained 35:00 – Protect vs Punish: Two Money Mindsets in Divorce 36:00 – Homework: Talk to Your Bank Anonymously 37:30 – Splitting the Cash 50/50: Does It Lock In Your Settlement? 39:00 – How to Document It (A Text Message Is Enough) 40:30 – Kids' Bank Accounts: Who Controls Them? 41:30 – Splitting Kids' Accounts & Trustee Options 42:30 – Using the Kids' Money to Live On (If You Have To) 43:30 – Kids' Accounts Are Part of the Property Pool & Disclosure 44:00 – Child Support Myths: The "Every Dollar for the Kids" Trap 45:30 – The "Basket of Goods" Approach & Living to Your Means 47:30 – Warning Signs of Financial Abuse 49:30 – Real-Time Spend Alerts, Passwords & Your Safety 50:45 – Day-to-Day Finances vs Property Settlement: The Recap 51:30 – Get on the Mailing List So You're Not Blindsided 52:00 – Final Homework: Go Open That New Bank Account 53:30 – Crochet Corner & Sign Off 54:30 – Commonwealth Bank Next Chapter & Banking Support 🎧 EPISODES  Technology Abuse / Tech Safety – passwords, devices & safety checklist: https://youtu.be/rc8b27R_k9k Balancing the Power Dynamic – when one party stalls while the other pushes for settlement: https://youtu.be/coWlWcIq180 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 Web: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Q&A questions: [email protected] CommBank Next Chapter – financial abuse support. Helped you feel less stuck about your money? Follow, rate, review and share so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen If… Your child has said they don't want to go to the other parent's house Your ex keeps saying "once they turn [a certain age] they can choose" You're worried your child is being pressured, coached, or caught in the middle You're hearing two completely different stories from your kids at handover You're amicable and thinking of just "letting the kids decide" (please listen first) You want to understand how children's views actually reach the court General information only not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your situation.🛟 Discusses family violence & coercive control. In danger: 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14. About This Episode Mum and I unpack what the Family Law Act actually how children's views really reach a judge (family reports, child impact reports, ICLs), and how kids' wishes play out across the four divorce personality types.  ⏱️ Timeline 00:00 Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?  02:00 Why the Family Court Won't Ask Kids to Choose  06:27 The Best Interests of the Child Test (Section 60CC)  09:06 What Age Can a Child Decide Where to Live? 11:34 How a Child's Wishes Are Actually Heard in Family Law  13:25 Child-Inclusive Mediation Explained  15:22 Therapy, Family Reports & Expert Evidence  19:48 How to Get a Family Report Outside of Court  22:35 How Family Violence Changes Parenting Decisions  27:22 2024 Family Law Reforms & Common Custody Myths  28:29 Can You Force a Teenager to Follow Parenting Orders?  31:58 The Reality of Enforcing Orders With Teens  33:03 How to Future-Proof Your Parenting Orders  34:03 Why Older Teens Have More Say in Where They Live  34:35 The Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Hidden Motives  36:42 How to Spot Coercion & Coaching Tactics  39:04 Love Bombing, Bribery & When the Mask Slips  41:54 High-Conflict Exes: Kids Caught in the Middle  45:20 The Avoidant Parent & Parentification  49:02 Amicable Co-Parents: Why You Still Shouldn't Let Kids Decide  51:07 Key Takeaways: Voice Heard, Not Decision Made  54:43 Closing Notes & Legal Disclaimer 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Decoding the Child's Best Interests Referenced when discussing the full 60CC best-interests factors https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=4ltIq0y0ceoMQWym Child-Inclusive Mediation Referenced when discussing how children's views are gathered out of court. https://youtu.be/HrEU6dFc0Ko?si=xvSAyfnMJ9oEfXnN Handover Hell – When Your Child Refuses to Go Referenced at the end for listeners dealing with handover-day resistance https://youtu.be/YphzOPZmC3k?si=Wf1RwzJMf-ix4N4K Support & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732  |  Lifeline 13 11 14  |  Police 000 The Divorce Course → https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen if you're wondering when you can make an offer, you've received one that floored you, you feel pressured to "be the reasonable one," your ex is high-conflict or controlling, or you've been told you have to go to mediation first. ⚠️ General information only, not legal advice Australian family law. Always consult a family lawyer. 🛟 Discusses coercive control & legal/financial abuse.  Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – What Is an Offer in a Divorce?  01:50 – What an Offer Really Is (and What Counteroffers Are) 02:30 – Do You Need a Lawyer to Make an Offer? 03:30 – Why Emotional, People-Pleasing Offers Backfire 04:30 – What You Need Before You Make an Offer: Your Property Pool 05:00 – Future Needs, Super vs Cash  06:00 – Knowing What You're Giving Up With Eyes Wide Open 07:00 – Rushed & Blindsided Offers: 08:00 –  Buying Time Before You Agree 09:00 – Can You Get Out of Something You Signed Under Pressure? 10:30 – When Can You Make an Offer? Anytime You're Informed 12:30 – The Best Time to Make Your First Offer & Saving Legal Fees 13:50 – The Mediation Myth: You Don't Have to Go 15:40 – Why People Only Get Realistic at Mediation 17:00 – Time-Limited Offers: Pressure, Deadlines & the Downside 20:00 – Standing Offers:  22:00 – Do Offers Work in Parenting  24:30 – Calderbank Offers & Section 114UB Explained 25:50 – Offer Strategy for an Avoidant Ex 28:30 – Offer Strategy for a High-Conflict "Yeah, But" Ex 31:20 – Offer Strategy for an Amicable Ex & Collaborative Law 36:20 – Can You Offer Directly to Your Ex While Lawyers Are Engaged? 37:00 – Making Offers to a Narcissistic or Controlling Ex 39:00 – Don't Feed the Reaction: Grey Rock & Shuttle Negotiation 41:50 – What to Do When You Get a Bad Offer 42:50 – Ambit Claims & the Central Practice Direction 44:00 – Ask for the Authorities: Turning a Bad Offer to Your Advantage 46:30 – The Consequences of Refusing a Reasonable Offer 48:50 – Genuine Steps, Compulsory Offers & Costs Protection 50:00 – Why Offers Stay Hidden From the Judge Until the End     Calderbank Offers & Costs —    • Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers ...   Can You Really Mediate With a Narcissist? —    • Mediation and negotiation tips for divorci...     — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Enrol (DIY Divorce Blueprint, AU) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol 

🎧 Listen to this episode if… You're wondering if you actually need a lawyer for your divorce at all You're worried that spending too much now means you can't afford court later You're scared that "lawyering up" will make your ex worse You think it's all-or-nothing and want to know the middle ground Your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, controlling, or amicable and you need a strategy that fits ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since recording. Most people think there are only two options when it comes to lawyers in a divorce hand everything over, or go it completely alone. But that's not the truth, and believing it can cost you thousands. In this episode, Laura and Lyn break down the three ways you can actually use a lawyer. Then they get into what nobody talks about how your divorce personality type should completely change how you use a lawyer. A manipulative and controlling ex who runs up your fees needs a very different strategy to an avoidant ex who panics at a law firm's letterhead This isn't an episode telling you to avoid lawyers. It's about using them strategically for the parts where legal expertise genuinely matters, and not for the parts that just drain your property pool. 00:00 – Do You Need a Lawyer for Divorce? The Big Myth 01:40 – The All-or-Nothing Lawyer Myth & Talking About Costs 03:00 – Why Spending Too Much on Lawyers Early Can Backfire 04:00 – The 2 Critical Times You MUST See a Lawyer 05:00 – Why Seeing a Lawyer Early Bursts Unrealistic Expectations 06:20 – Before You Sign: Why a Lawyer's Eye Matters 08:20 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: The First-Class Ride 09:50 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: Step In, Step Out 11:20 – Divorce Personality Types: Manipulative & Controlling 12:50 – Using Your Lawyer Strategically Against Fee-Running Tactics 15:00 – Should You Take a Lawyer or Barrister to Mediation? 17:00 – Divorce Personality Types: High Conflict 19:00 – Divorce Personality Types: The Avoidant Ex 21:30 – Divorce Personality Types: The Amicable Ex 23:40 – Project-Managing Your Lawyer & the Addario & Addario Case 26:00 – Why Understanding the Process Stops Panic Spending 33:00 – The Middle Way + Legal Aid & Community Legal Services 34:00 – The DIY Divorce Blueprint & Sign-Off 🎧 Episodes  How Much Does Getting Divorced Actually Cost? — https://youtu.be/x-sgBNjlTHo?si=ubdIhcS1mjSrQqEk Bombarded With Legal Letters — https://youtu.be/z11Id8YdQn4?si=ucYfGThRuRcFYoH6 Mediation or Manipulation? — https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=BMV5KY4CquSx1_dN Do You Need to Take a Lawyer to Mediation? — https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=vNwQueYHJhFrY3aP Community Legal Services: How to Use Them — https://youtu.be/4sEUhu6r07Q?si=1oYsGQ3vF1Eb2Y4M 📚 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The DIY Divorce Blueprint — enrolments open until 10 June 2026 (click "Enroll Now") 💌 If this episode helped you understand how to use a lawyer wisely – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If… You want a real, plain-English breakdown of divorce process fees You're terrified to leave because you've heard divorce costs hundreds of thousands of dollars Your ex is telling you "leave the lawyers out of it" and you're not sure if they're right You've already started racking up legal fees and you're wondering where it's all going You want to understand exactly what you can do yourself versus what you actually need a lawyer for You're heading into mediation and don't know if you need a barrister too ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. fees may have changed since this episode was recorded (figures quoted reflect May 2026 pricing). This isn't an episode designed to scare you. Laura and Lyn walk you through where you have control, where you can save thousands by doing the work yourself,  00:00 – The Real Cost of Divorce: Why Some Pay $4K and Others $300K 02:36 – The Big Three Fears 04:14 – How Much Does a Divorce Application Actually Cost?  06:35 – Why Lawyers Charge for "Accepting Service" 08:01 – Negotiation Costs:  11:00 – Hourly Rates in 2026: 12:30 – The Cost of Phone Calls, Reviewing Offers & Meetings 14:30 – How Much to Draft Consent Orders 16:00 – Disclosure: The Biggest Budget Blowout in Divorce 19:00 – Paralegal Rates vs Lawyer Rates: Don't Overpay 20:30 – Drip-Feeding vs Dumping Disclosure 23:30 – Mediation Costs 24:50 – Do You Need a Barrister at Mediation? 27:00 – Half-Day vs Full-Day Mediation 29:30 – Hidden Costs 32:30 – The Court's Scale of Fees vs What Lawyers Actually Charge 33:30 – How Sending Late-Night Emails Costs You 34:30 – How People Waste Money 35:30 – Fighting Over Furniture, Revenge Litigation & Lawyer-as-Therapist 36:30 – Stubbornness, Unrealistic Expectations & Knowing When to Let Go 37:30 – Family Law Doesn't Deliver Justice or Retribution 39:00 – How Much to File Consent Orders ($205 Court Fee) 41:00 – How to Be Smart: When to Use a Lawyer and When Not To 41:30 – Saving Thousands on Disclosure by Doing It Yourself 43:00 – The One Meeting Strategy: Walk In Prepared, Walk Out Saving $10K 46:00 – Who Pays for Legal Fees? Section 114UB Explained 47:30 – Fee Exemptions, Cost Agreements & What to Expect 49:30 – Laura's Confession: The Bag of Receipts Story 🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Choose a Mediator (Free vs Private Mediation) https://youtu.be/HKda6QswjAE?si=R27SD6WSDiLiI3VA 2. Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation? https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=ur8ZMCkzPQ9dYFZN 3. Furniture in Divorce: How to Deal With It Without Blowing Your Budgethttps://youtu.be/oZ5h-gxckXU 4. Consent Orders Explained https://youtu.be/-DC72tq8FRM 🎟️ Free Webinar — Register at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat") Family Law Act 1975 – Section 114UB (each party bears their own costs) https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/ https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/costs https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/legal-costs The Divorce Course Disclosure Checklist —https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosure_checklist_o

🎧 Listen to This Episode If… You've been told you have to go to mediation and you don't know where to start Your ex has already chosen a mediator and something feels off You can't afford the expensive mediator your ex is pushing for You're going through family violence and worried no mediator will take your matter You don't know the difference between free mediation and private mediation You want to know whether your mediator actually needs to be a lawyer ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. 🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode discusses family violence and the challenges of mediating where there is a history of abuse, coercion, or control. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). Episode Summary You don't have to accept whichever mediator gets put in front of you. In this episode, Laura and Mum (family law accredited specialist Lynette Galvin) unpack one of the most under-discussed parts of separation how to actually choose a good mediator, and how to push back when the one your ex is suggesting doesn't feel right. They cover the difference between free mediation (Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare) and private mediation, when you need an FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) versus when you don't, and whether your mediator really needs to be a lawyer or a former judge. Mum shares the exact wording she uses in letters when the other side proposes a biased or unaffordable mediator  including the "panel of three" approach that keeps the process fair. There's also an honest conversation about the gap in the system for people experiencing family violence, where mediators often refuse to take the matter on leaving survivors stuck heading to court when mediation could have solved the issue. Laura and Mum talk about what to look for in a mediator brave enough to handle high-conflict matters, and the practical safety steps (separate rooms, video links, safe exits) you can ask about. And there's the reminder you might need most: you hold the cards. You don't have to agree to anything in mediation just because you've been pushed to. You can pause, walk away, and come back when you're ready. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – How to Choose a Mediator: Why It Matters More Than You Think 01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Why Mum Is a Qualified Mediator 01:40 – Can the Mediator Make or Break Your Mediation? 02:30 – How Lawyers Choose Mediators (And Their "Bottom of the Barrel" List) 03:40 – Can You Speak to a Mediator Before Choosing? Why Mum Says No 04:20 – How to Use Google Reviews to Vet a Mediator 05:30 – What Qualifications a Mediator Should Have (FDRP Explained) 07:00 – Does Your Mediator Need to Be a Lawyer? Property vs Children 08:30 – Why Social Workers Often Make the Best Children's Mediators 09:30 – Mediation and Family Violence: The Gap in the System 12:20 – Can You Change Mediators Halfway Through? The Honest Answer 13:50 – Red Flags: Biased, Agenda-Driven and "In Cahoots" Mediators 16:00 – When the Mediator's Office Is Next Door to Your Ex's Lawyer 17:00 – How to Push Back Without Slandering the Mediator 18:30 – What to Do If Your Ex Picks an Expensive Mediator You Can't Afford 19:30 – Free Mediation Options: Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare 20:20 – How Much Does a Private Mediator Cost? ($5K–$6K Reality Check) 21:30 – Why Free Services Have Long Wait Lists (And When to Go Private) 22:30 – The "Panel of Three" Letter Strategy You Can Use Today 24:00 – Should You Pay More If Your Case Is Serious? 24:50 – Free Mediation Pros and Cons (And Why Parenting Plans Aren't Enforceable) 27:40 – Private Mediators: Former Judges, Barristers and the "Iron Fist in Velvet Glove" 29:30 – Facilitative vs Evaluative vs Pure Mediation Styles Explained 31:30 – Can You Ask the Mediator If You're Getting a Good Deal? No. 32:30 – Pressure to Sign on the Day: How to Push Back 33:40 – Mediation Is Like a Boat in the Ocean — Pick Wisely 35:30 – How to Write the "Panel of Three" Letter to Your Ex 36:30 – Best Mediator Style by Ex Personality Type 38:30 – If You're Amicable, You Might Not Need Mediation At All 39:30 – You Hold the Cards: Don't Be Bullied Into an Agreement 🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode  What Actually Happens Inside a Mediation - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BvkcVNcHNrdWmXALC6bsA?si=31f56fce3c8d48a6 What a divorce mediator wish you knew  - https://open.spotify.com/episode/4zeUIkV3O5LTQAHi0dXOGL?si=644698cb744647a8 📚 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog   Find an Accredited FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner): Attorney-General's Department — https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/family-dispute-resolution Free / Low-Cost Mediation Services: Relationships Australia — https://www.relationships.org.au Interrelate — https://www.interrelate.org.au CentreCare — https://centacare.com Find a Family Law Accredited Specialist or Mediator: Queensland Law Society — https://www.qls.com.au Bar Association of Queensland — https://www.qldbar.asn.au (Or your state's equivalent Law Society / Bar Association) The Divorce Course Free Webinar: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au — click "Reserve My Seat" Closing CTA If this episode helped you understand how to choose a mediator who'll actually work for you, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others heading into mediation can find this information too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST  

🎧 Listen to this episode if… You've been told "add-backs are dead" by your lawyer or your ex Your ex is wasting the property pool and you don't know how to stop it You've watched assets disappear since separation bank accounts, cars, super You're heading into mediation and need to know what to argue You want to understand what  the Shinohara & Shinohara Case and Shamon & Sharon Case actually mean for your case You're worried about delay tactics while your ex quietly drains the joint money ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. Episode Summary You may have heard the rumour – "add-backs are dead." Lawyers are quoting it, ex-partners are using it as an excuse, and people are panicking that there's nothing they can do when the property pool is being drained. In this episode, Laura and Mum unpack what add-backs actually are, why people think they've disappeared, and what the courts are really doing about wastage now. The short answer? Add-backs aren't on the balance sheet anymore  but wastage is absolutely still considered. Thanks to Shinohara & Shinohara [2025], the courts have stopped putting "imaginary money" into the property pool. But thanks to Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act and the case of Shamon & Shamon [2025], wastage now adjusts the percentage split of what's left – and in Shamon, that meant the wife walked away with nearly 100% of the property pool plus costs. Mum walks through what counts as wastage (selling assets cheap, gambling, blowing money post-separation, gifting funds to a new partner), what doesn't (post-separation income spent on living, ordinary marital spending), and how to protect the property pool before your ex empties it. She also explains exactly what to consider saying if a lawyer or mediator quotes Shinohara at you including the section number, the case names, and the strategy that works. If you suspect your ex is wasting money or stalling property settlement, this is the episode to listen to before you do anything else. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Are Add-Backs Dead? The Property Pool Myth Going Around 01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Australian Family Law Context 01:30 – What Is an Add-Back in Property Settlement? 03:15 – The Townsend Case: How Add-Backs Used to Work 04:25 – Property Pool vs Balance Sheet: What's the Difference? 05:25 – The 4 Steps of Property Settlement Explained 05:50 – Why People Think Add-Backs Are Dead: Shinohara Explained 07:15 – "Don't Put Pretend Money on the Balance Sheet" 07:55 – The Real Risk: Ex Spending Everything Before Settlement 08:45 – How Wastage Is Handled Now: Section 79(5)(d) 10:00 – Percentage Adjustments Instead of Balance Sheet Add-Backs 11:30 – The Shamon Case: Wife Got Nearly 100% Plus Costs 13:50 – What to Do If Your Ex Has Already Drained the Pool 14:30 – How to Protect the Property Pool: Caveats Explained 17:00 – Protecting Joint Bank Accounts and Cash 17:50 – Superannuation, Cars and Other Assets 19:50 – Arguing Wastage in Mediation (Not Court) 21:00 – How to Respectfully Tell Your Lawyer They're Wrong 24:30 – Free Webinar Reminder 24:40 – What to Write to Your Ex Before Settlement 26:25 – What Counts as Wastage: Kowaliw, Gambling & More 27:30 – Is Drinking and Drug Use Considered Wastage? 28:15 – Gifts to a New Partner: The Gollings & Scott Case 29:30 – Reckless Spending vs Ordinary Spending 30:15 – Bad Business Decisions Post-Separation 31:10 – So Are Add-Backs Dead? The Final Answer 32:30 – What Evidence You Need to Prove Wastage 33:50 – The Mechanism Has Changed, the Outcome Hasn't 34:25 – Your Toolkit: Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act, Shamon, Townsend, Weir 35:30 – Why Acting Fast Matters in Financial Abuse 36:55 – Reviewer of the Month: Manal from Australia 38:30 – Final Thoughts: Wastage Rules   🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. Equalisation of Super: The Myth That Won't Die https://youtu.be/YFkOnEsNybw?si=LAQd2SUq_YRVl9Ts 3. The Gilded Cage: Delay Tactics in Property Settlement https://youtu.be/cs6-jHDt-Qk?si=ufuSLLwVmasbQKsL 4. Financial Abuse and Hidden Assets https://youtu.be/D3-fV8C4gkM?si=JQMk6eqMXWUktsUf 📚 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog 🎟️ Free Webinar — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat") Cases Mentioned Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] — the case people are misreading  https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html Shamon & Shamon [2025] — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html Townsend & Townsend — the original add-back case (the taxi) Weir & Weir — the quarry / missing gravel case Kowaliw & Kowaliw [1981] — the trashed family home case Gollings & Scott — the engagement ring / post-separation income case Legislation Family Law Act 1975 — Section 79(4), Section 79(5)(d) — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html Family Law Act 1975 — Section 90SM (de facto equivalent) If this episode helped you understand wastage and feel ready to push back when someone says "add-backs are dead," please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You want to understand if domestic violence can affect your property or parenting outcome You've been told by a lawyer to "leave the family violence out" of your case You're scared raising coercive control or domestic violence will backfire on you in mediation You're confused by social media saying the courts ignore family violence Your ex is still using coercive behaviour even after separation You're heading into mediation or court and don't know how to bring it up   ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, post-separation abuse, and the impact of these behaviours on children, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you are unsafe or experiencing family violence, please reach out for support. Support is available in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732   📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14   🚨 In an emergency, call 000 This podcast provides general educational information about Australian family law only and is not legal advice. Laura is not a lawyer. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.  Episode Summary Should you bring up coercive control and domestic violence in your family law case… or will it backfire? If you've been online lately, you've probably seen wildly different opinions. Some people insist the courts ignore family violence completely. Others say the system is finally taking it seriously. And then there are the lawyers quietly telling clients to "just leave it out so we can settle." So who's right? In this episode, Mum and I unpack how coercive control and domestic violence are actually treated in Australian family law right now and the recent appeal cases that show the courts are starting to listen. We walk through real 2023 and 2024 decisions including Burnell & Rockford, Lainhart & Elinson, Dejani & Dejani, and Sad & Raymond cases your lawyer may not have caught up with yet. We talk about Section 4AB, Section 75, and Section 79 of the Family Law Act, why mediators sometimes forget you're still being coercively controlled while sitting across from your ex, and the very real "peace at any price" trap that costs people thousands in their settlement. If you've been silenced, dismissed, or told it's not worth raising  this episode is for you. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00  –  Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It? 01:00  –  Meet Laura & Lynette: Family Law Mum & Daughter Duo 02:00  –  Trigger Warning & Legal Disclaimer (Australia & Overseas) 03:00  –  Why Social Media Gets Coercive Control So Wrong 04:00  –  Why Lawyers Tell Clients to Leave It Out (And Why It's Wrong) 05:00  –  Judge Best's Powerful Speech: "Soften Your Gaze" 06:00  –  Why Both Parents Having Issues Doesn't Mean Equal Blame 07:00  –  Section 4AB: The Family Violence Definition That Changed Everything 09:00  –  Why Courts Now MUST Consider Family Violence Allegations 10:00  –  The Old Kennon Case vs The New Law: What Changed 11:00  –  Choosing the Right Lawyer When Domestic Violence Is Involved 12:00  –  "Don't Raise It Or You Won't Settle" — The Lawyer Myth 13:00  –  When NOT to Mention Family Violence in Property Mediation 14:00  –  The Smarter Way to Negotiate Coercive Control in Mediation 16:00  –  Parenting Cases: Why You MUST Raise Family Violence 17:00  –  Lainhart & Elinson 2023: The Appeal Case Every Mum Should Know 18:00  –  Section 60CC: Safety of Children Now Comes First 19:00  –  Why Parents Don't Tell Lawyers the Full Truth (And Why You Must) 20:00  –  Coercive Control in Parenting Cases Explained 21:00  –  Counselling Orders: When the Court Mistakes Lip Service for Change 23:00  –  False Alienation Claims: The New Coercive Control Tactic 24:00  –  50/50 Is No Longer the Default — Here's What Replaced It 26:00  –  Free Divorce Webinar With Lynette (Family Law Specialist) 27:00  –  Property Settlement: How Domestic Violence Affects Your Percentage 28:00  –  Kennon & Kennon: The Original Family Violence Property Case 30:00  –  Dejani & Dejani: When a Child's Health Issue Was Hidden 32:00  –  Burnell & Rockford 2024: Coercive Control in Property Settlement 34:00  –  Financial Abuse and PIN Numbers: What the Court Decided 35:00  –  Why You Need These Cases at Your Mediation 37:00  –  How Lawyers Use Cases as Negotiation Leverage 38:00  –  Section 79 & Notice of Risk: The Mediation Framework 40:00  –  Adding Percentage in Mediation Without Saying Why 41:00  –  Why You Must Disclose Family Violence in Parenting Negotiations 43:00  –  Settlement vs Court: The 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself 44:00  –  Why Mediators Forget You're Still Being Controlled 45:00  –  How to Prove Coercive Control: Affidavits That Stand Up 47:00  –  The Biggest Mistake: Peace at Any Price Mentality 48:00  –  Why Post-Separation Abuse Often Gets Worse 49:00  –  Don't Compromise on Children — Stand Your Ground 50:00  –  Final Thoughts: It's Their Shame, Not Yours 🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Put Coercive Control Into Writing for Court https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=-7tLxmBpVQb2dNOv 2. Is It Family Violence? A Walk Through the Family Law Act https://youtu.be/YCddFx9cs_Y?si=DbJU6ePYSxDZFrEn 3. Settling vs Going to Court: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself https://youtu.be/gYpW3znoY28?si=pdg6wWbjMWttMH94   📚 Cases Mentioned (Take These to Your Lawyer) Burnell & Rockford (2024) — Coercive control and financial abuse in property settlement https://austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC2F/2024/468.html Lainhart & Elinson (2023) — Full Court appeal, Deputy Chief Justice McClelland — family violence in parenting https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2023/200.html Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) — Hidden health issues in children and the impact on contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html Sayed & Rehmann [2025] FedCFamC1A 145 (21 August 2025) — Family violence and property contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/145.html Kennon & Kennon — The original family violence and property settlement case (Section 75) 📰 Resources Mentioned Article: "Judge urges profession to soften your gaze when dealing with domestic and family violence" — QLS Proctor, 27 March 2024 (Federal Circuit & Family Court Judge Hannah Cara Best) https://www.qlsproctor.com.au/2026/03/judge-urges-profession-to-soften-your-gaze-when-dealing-with-dfv/ Family Law Act 1975 — Sections 4AB, 60CC, 75, 79 https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html 🆘 Links & Resources 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence support) Lifeline – 13 11 14 Emergency – 000 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Free Webinar with Lynette (family law accredited specialist) — register at thedivorcecourse.com.au If this episode helped you feel braver about raising coercive control and domestic violence in your family law matter, please follow, rate, review, and share the podcast  it helps other people in coercively controlling situations find this information too. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay silent.  

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You're about to go through property settlement in divorce You're focused on the percentage but unsure what it actually means You're dealing with complex finances (trusts, companies, super, shares) or Simple Property Settlement You want to avoid making a financial mistake that costs you years You're wondering whether to take the house, cash, super or investments   ⚖️ Legal Disclaimer & ⚠️ Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and financial control, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you are unsafe or need support: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000 This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal or financial advice. Please seek professional guidance tailored to your situation. Most people going through property settlement are focused on one thing… 👉 What percentage am I going to get? But here's what most people don't realise… Two people can walk away with the same 50/50 split  and end up in completely different financial positions. Because it's not just about the percentage… 👉 it's about what that percentage actually looks like in your life. In this episode, Mum and I sit down with financial planner Pedro Marin and break down the four key steps a financial planner takes during property settlement so you can avoid costly mistakes and actually set yourself up for your future. We talk about everything from figuring out what's in your property pool, to deciding how to structure your settlement, to planning your future and finally, making sure everything is actually set up properly after the deal is done. Because getting a settlement is one thing… 👉 making it work for your life is another. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Divorce Property Settlement: It's Not Just the Percentage 01:22 – Meet Financial Planner Pedro Marin 04:04 – Why Financial Planning Matters in Divorce 08:01 – Step 1: Mapping Your Property Pool in Divorce 10:46 – Trusts & Companies in Divorce Explained 12:46 – Step 2: How to Structure Your Property Settlement 15:41 – Cash vs Property vs Super vs Shares in Divorce 23:20 – Step 3: Planning Your Financial Future After Divorce 24:48 – Financial Advice Risks: What You Need to Know 25:32 – Setting Financial Goals After Separation 28:58 – When to Start Financial Planning in Divorce 32:41 – Using the Same Financial Planner as Your Ex 34:52 – Budgeting for Mediation & Property Settlement 37:30 – Step 4: Implementing Your Divorce Settlement 40:20 – Insurance, Risk & Protection After Divorce 43:49 – Wills, Estate Planning & Protecting Your Children 47:25 – Biggest Mistake: Emotional Decisions in Divorce 49:35 – How to Work With a Financial Planner (Pedro Marin) 51:19 – Final Takeaways & Legal Disclaimer 🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned Weapons of Tax Destruction https://youtu.be/tsDlMphLRWk?si=1Fbpw7XJy9jxCK20 Living Arrangements: Should You Keep or Sell the House? https://youtu.be/wknV5CB90yY?si=HGwH5m1AtXba5k7G   🔗 Links & Resources 🌐 Marin Wealth: https://marinwealth.com.au/ 📥 Free Checklists: https://thedivorcecourse.com.au 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14 If this episode helped you think differently about your property settlement, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast — because someone else out there needs to hear this before they make a costly mistake.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You're arguing over furniture or household items in divorce Your ex has taken everything or won't give anything back You've been told "you can't take anything if you leave" You want to avoid wasting money on legal fees over small items You're trying to work out what's actually fair vs worth fighting for Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and separation dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you are unsafe, do not attempt to retrieve belongings alone. This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances. What happens to all the "stuff" when you separate? Everyone talks about the house, the bank accounts, and the kids… but no one really talks about the furniture, the appliances, the artwork  and yes, even the toilet brush. In this episode, Mum and I unpack what actually happens to household contents in a property settlement, and why these seemingly small things can end up causing some of the biggest fights. We break down what the law really says (and what it doesn't say), whether it matters who paid for something, and why arguing over furniture can end up costing you far more in legal fees than the item is even worth. We also walk through four practical ways to divide furniture based on your ex's personality type whether they're amicable, avoidant, high conflict, or controlling so you can sort it out without derailing your entire settlement. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Furniture in Divorce: Common Myths You Need to Know 01:40 – Safety, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning 02:36 – What the Law Says About Furniture in Divorce 03:03 – Who Owns Furniture After Separation? 07:02 – Divorce and Possession: Who Keeps What? 07:41 – Myth: Do You Lose Furniture If You Leave the House? 09:45 – Cost vs Value: Is Furniture Worth Fighting Over? 11:32 – Emotional Furniture Fights in Divorce Explained 13:58 – Amicable Divorce: The Two List Method (Simple Solution) 16:24 – Avoidant Ex: How to Pack, Send & Move Their Stuff 18:54 – Shed Disputes & When to Get Legal Advice 20:54 – Free Divorce Resources You Can Use 21:43 – When to Move Out During Divorce (Timing Matters) 22:41 – High Conflict Divorce: Should You Sell Everything? 24:50 – Valuing Furniture in Divorce Negotiations 27:55 – Biggest Mistakes People Make With Furniture 31:11 – Don't Let Furniture Ruin Your Property Settlement 34:03 – Mindset Shift: It's Not About the Stuff 35:30 – Fresh Start After Divorce: Letting Go 39:47 – Final Takeaways: Fairness & Moving Forward 🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned What About Their Stuff and Belongings? (Referenced when discussing how to handle an ex leaving items behind or refusing to collect them) https://youtu.be/T_tQUbhBxbQ?si=kt1ChMF08dquxgkr    Links & Resources 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14   If this episode helped you rethink how to approach the "stuff" in your separation, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast so others can avoid getting stuck in the same fights.