Tired of Fixing Yourself? Here's How to Stop Struggling and Start Living (Encore)

Learning to love yourself can be complicated when the world around you keeps sending messages that you’re not worthy of self-love. Today we are joined by Dr. Thema Bryant to explore how racism, colorism, generational trauma, and survival strategies can shape the way we see ourselves.You will learn…How Dr. Thema’s childhood in Baltimore and time living in Liberia shaped her confidence and self-esteemHow to help young girls be more resilient to beauty standardsThe difference between personal, intergenerational, and collective trauma, and how survival strategies can be passed down through generationsHow to recognize when you’re living in survival mode, even when your life may look successful from the outsideWhy you can begin to heal and cultivate joy even while living in circumstances that continue to challenge youWhy some of our deepest healing happens in healthy relationships, community, and through dance, music, and movement Remember: You don’t have to wait for the world to become perfectly safe before you begin to love yourself. Healing can mean learning to stay connected to yourself while continuing to navigate an imperfect world.Dr. Thema Bryant is a psychologist, author, professor, sacred artist, and minister who is leading the way in creating healthy relationships, healing traumas, and overcoming stress and oppression. Her life changing books include Matters of the Heart, Homecoming, Reclaim Yourself: The Homecoming Workbook, and The Antiracism Handbook: Practical Tools to Shift Your Mindset and Uproot Racism in Your Life and Community. Her work empowers readers to connect with themselves and others while exploring mental health, relationships, trauma, and liberation.Get Dr. Thema's new book, Matter of the Heart: https://drthema.com/matters-of-the-heart/Dr. Thema completed her doctorate in Clinical Psychology at Duke University and her post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Center’s Victims of Violence Program. She is currently a tenured professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, where she directs the Culture and Trauma Research Laboratory. Dr. Thema is also an ordained elder in the African Methodist Episcopal Church and leads the mental health ministry at First A.M.E. Church in Los Angeles. In 2023, she served as president of the American Psychological Association and is the host of The Homecoming Podcast.If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.thema Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Think of this like an extra-long voice note from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. A lot has happened over the summer, but also, nothing at all. I took a little break from this self-love podcast thinking I’d have everything figured out before I came back. But jokes on me. 😂 This is somewhat of an “in-between” season for me, a knowing that change is on the horizon coupled with the realization that patience is not my strong suit. Nevertheless, I’m so happy to be back hosting our self-love podcast! In this comeback episode, I’m opening up about… how chronic pain has been affecting my mental health a social media experiment I did over the summer why we moved from Phoenix to Northern Arizona my journey of trying to conceive how I’m approaching this self-love podcast a little differently than before… Remember: self-love isn’t always about becoming a better version of yourself. Sometimes it’s learning to be okay with the version of you who is still figuring it out. Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast And if you’re enjoying this self-love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Mary’s Cup of Tea is nothing without the support of our self-lovers. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re somehow responsible for remembering, planning, anticipating, organizing, and keeping track of ALL THE THINGS in your relationship, this conversation with Eve Rodsky is going to make you feel very seen. Eve and I talk about the mental load women carry in relationships, the invisible and unpaid work that can be so difficult to put into words, and why creating a more equal partnership can completely change the way you experience your relationship. Whether you’re married, dating, single, or thinking about the kind of partnership you want someday, this is relationship advice you’ll want to hear. You will learn… Why women so often end up carrying the mental load in relationships The invisible work that goes into keeping a household and family running Why some of the most frustrating relationship dynamics are about much more than chores How cultural expectations can shape the roles we fall into with our partners What it can look like to create a more equal relationship without keeping score Why “doing it all” isn't necessarily a sign that you're doing relationships well How to start thinking differently about responsibility, partnership, and fairness If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why am I the one who has to think about everything?”, you are absolutely not alone. The mental load can be exhausting precisely because so much of it happens internally — and because a lot of the work women do in relationships doesn't look like work from the outside. And while we talk about this through the lens of heterosexual relationships, this conversation is really for anyone who feels like they’re taking on more responsibility than their partner. The goal isn't to blame women or men. It's to understand the systems and expectations we’ve inherited so we can start creating relationships that actually work for the people in them. Remember: the imbalance isn't your fault, but you can still be part of changing it. A healthy relationship doesn't have to look perfectly equal from the outside. It should, however, feel like a partnership where both people’s time, energy, and contributions matter. About Eve Rodsky Eve Rodsky transformed her “blueberries breakdown” into a catalyst for social change when she applied her Harvard-trained background in organizational management to ask a simple question: What would happen if we treated our homes as our most important organizations? Her New York Times bestselling book and Reese’s Book Club Pick, Fair Play, introduced a gamified life-management system designed to help partners rebalance their domestic workload and rethink the value of unpaid labor and care. In her follow-up book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Eve explores creativity, productivity, resilience, and the importance of reclaiming time for yourself. Learn more about Fair Play and Unicorn Space at fairplaylife.com If you enjoyed this episode, share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @fairplay so we can see! Mentioned In This Episode... the Fair Play card deck Extreme Ownership book TED Talk Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How do you know if your romantic relationship consists of real, healthy love versus just chemistry, anxiety, or the excitement of something new? I’m talking all things love and relationships with renowned relationship psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon in one of my favorite conversations from the archive. You will learn… What actually makes a healthy relationship work long-term Why you shouldn’t necessarily trust the butterflies as much as you think How to become more self-aware in your relationships without overanalyzing everything What to do when you feel like you’re carrying more of the emotional burden How relationships, attraction, and desire naturally change over time This conversation is full of the kind of relationship advice I wish we all got before getting into serious relationships. We talk about green flags, communication, emotional labor, self-awareness, sex, marriage, and what it really looks like to build a healthy relationship with another person. And what makes a partnership last long-term. One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how much permission Alexandra gives us to stop trying to perfect our relationships. A healthy relationship doesn't mean you never get annoyed with your partner, never disagree, or never wonder if you're doing it “right.” It's about learning how to be curious about yourself and each other, communicate what you actually need, and keep growing together. Whether you're single, dating, married, or somewhere in between, there's so much relationship advice here to take with you. And if you're anything like me, you'll probably walk away thinking about your own relationship in a slightly different way. Remember: a healthy relationship isn't something you find and then magically get to keep forever. It's something you build, revisit, and grow into together.   Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, author, and relationship expert. She is a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and the creator and host of the Reimagining Love podcast. She is also the author of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Learn more at dralexandrasolomon.com and follow her on Instagram at @dr.alexandra.solomon If you're enjoying this self-love podcast, send it to the women in your life! Or screenshot it and share it on social media. Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.alexandra.solomon so we can see it! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Perfectionism isn't making your life better. It's keeping you stuck. If you've been waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect plan, or the perfect version of yourself before taking action, this episode is for you. I'm sharing the mindset shift that helped me stop chasing perfection and start living with more confidence, freedom, and self-worth. You will learn… why perfectionism isn't a personality trait how perfectionism keeps you stuck in overthinking and fear the difference between being perfect and perfecting why choosing presence over perfection leads to more confidence how to trust yourself and take action before you feel ready Remember: You don't have to be perfect to be worthy. Growth happens when you're willing to begin before you have everything figured out. Confidence comes from showing up, learning as you go, and trusting the process. If perfectionism has been stopping you from going after what you want, I hope this episode reminds you that your worth isn't something you earn. You don't need to have all the answers. You don't need to get it right the first time. You just need to take the next step. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the perfectionist in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast so I can see you're listening. Mentioned In This Episode... Episode #50: How to Let Go of Control & Perfectionism Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast And if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You can be successful and still not feel confident about money. In this conversation, money expert Tori Dunlap joins me to talk about the connection between confidence, self-worth, and financial freedom. We explore why so many women (including feminists!) still struggle to feel confident about money, where those beliefs come from, and how to build wealth without shame, intimidation, or perfectionism. You will learn… why so many women don't feel confident about money how self-worth shapes your confidence and financial decisions why women are conditioned to doubt themselves (and how to break free) the biggest investing mistakes to avoid how to build wealth with more confidence and less fear Remember: The more you strengthen your self-worth, the more your financial confidence will improve too.  Tori Dunlap is an internationally recognized money and career expert, founder of Her First $100K, bestselling author, and host of the #1 business podcast, Financial Feminist. After saving $100,000 by age 25, Tori left her corporate career to fight financial inequality by helping women negotiate higher salaries, build wealth, invest confidently, and achieve financial freedom. She has helped millions of women improve their relationship with money through her educational content, courses, and podcast. Follow Tori Dunlap @herfirst100k on Instagram and TikTok and check out her podcast, Financial Feminist. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @herfirst100k. Mentioned In This Episode... The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho Treasury Investing App Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever felt like you're constantly fixing yourself, yet somehow still don't feel good enough? In this self-love podcast, Mary talks about her struggles with... struggle. Let’s explore why so many of us get stuck trying to fix every flaw, solve every problem, and become a "better" version of ourselves before we allow ourselves to truly live. If you've been struggling with self-worth, confidence, or the feeling that something is always missing, this conversation may change the way you think about self-love. Tune into our self-love podcast to learn… why constantly trying to improve yourself can leave you feeling dissatisfied the connection between self-worth and always feeling like you need fixing how comparison, consumerism, and loneliness can make it harder to love yourself why finding meaning may be more important than chasing happiness the mindset shift that can help you stop struggling and start living Remember: Self-love isn't fixing yourself until you're finally worthy. Self-love is realizing that you were worthy all along. Mentioned In This Episode... Episode #61: Stop Trying to Be Happy (and Do This Instead) Deepen your self love journey with Mary's books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast And if you're enjoying Mary's Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever thought you'd be happier if you were thinner, prettier, younger, or looked “better” in some way? In a culture obsessed with appearance, it's easy to believe that confidence, self worth, and self love are waiting on the other side of changing your body. But what if the real struggle has nothing to do with how you look? Dr. Lindsay Kite joins us to unpack the hidden force behind so many body image struggles. If you're working on self love, healing your body image, or learning how to love yourself in a world that profits from your self-doubt, this episode is for you. This conversation explores the connection between self love, self esteem, self compassion, mental health, body image, beauty standards, diet culture, and the pressure women face to constantly evaluate themselves through someone else's eyes. You will learn… the missing piece of the body image conversation that most women never hear about why changing your appearance often fails to create lasting confidence or self worth how self-objectification shapes the way women move through the world the surprising reason many women still struggle with body image after years of self-love work why so many women continue chasing confidence through appearance without ever finding lasting peace practical ways to build resilience, strengthen self confidence, and feel more comfortable in your skin Remember: self love isn't something you earn after reaching a goal weight, fixing a flaw, or becoming "beautiful enough." Real self love begins when you stop treating your body like a problem to solve. The path to self worth, confidence, and self care may look very different than you've been taught. Dr. Lindsay Kite is co-author of the bestselling book *More Than A Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament – A Research-Backed Health and Wellness Guide for Empowerment and Confidence* and co-director of Beauty Redefined, a nonprofit dedicated to helping women and girls build body-image resilience and reject harmful beauty standards. Alongside her identical twin sister, Dr. Lexie Kite, Lindsay has become a leading voice in the fields of body image, self esteem, media literacy, women's empowerment, and self love. Learn more at morethanabody.org and follow her on Instagram @beauty_redefined. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @beauty_redefined Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There comes a point in your self-love journey where the question shifts from How do I stop obsessing over food and my body-image? to How do I take care of my health in a way that doesn't promote diet culture? If you've spent years untangling yourself from diet culture, caring for your health can feel surprisingly complicated. You might want to eat more nourishing foods, move your body consistently, or create healthier habits, but worry that those choices will pull you back into restriction, food guilt, or body obsession. So how do you pursue health without dieting? In this conversation, we're exploring what it looks like to care for your body from a place of self love rather than control. Through personal stories and practical examples, I share the three things that have helped me redefine health as a form of self-care. Especially after going through eating disorder recovery. Because contrary to what diet culture teaches us, loving your body and caring for your health are not opposing goals. In fact, they often go hand in hand. Whether you're recovering from disordered eating, healing your relationship with exercise, or simply trying to find a more sustainable approach to wellness, this conversation offers a gentler path forward. Let’s revisit some reminders about… Why pursuing health can feel scary after healing from diet culture The difference between gentle nutrition and restrictive eating How to choose foods without labeling them "good" or "bad" Why joyful movement matters more than forcing yourself through workouts Questions to ask yourself before starting a new health habit How to build trust with your body again Navigating health goals without making weight loss the focus Why self compassion creates more lasting change than self-criticism How self love can become the foundation of your health journey If you've ever felt torn between body acceptance and health, this episode is your reminder that you don't have to choose. You can pursue health without diet culture, trust your body, and create habits that support both your physical and mental health. Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast And if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Wedding culture can make so many women feel like they’re producing a performance instead of preparing for a marriage. Between family expectations, social media pressure, people-pleasing, decision fatigue, and endless opinions, it’s easy for women to lose confidence in themselves during a season that’s supposed to feel meaningful. This conversation with Priya Parker completely reframed the way I think about weddings, relationships, community, and gathering. Priya is the author of The Art of Gathering and one of the most thoughtful voices on human connection, conflict resolution, and meaningful community. Together, we explore how women can approach wedding planning with more intention, self worth, confidence, and authenticity — instead of getting swept away by perfectionism or tradition for tradition’s sake. We talk about the emotional side of weddings that nobody really prepares women for: navigating boundaries with family, staying grounded in your values, managing conflict, and creating a celebration that actually reflects who you are as a couple. This episode isn’t just about weddings. It’s about identity, womanhood, mental health, relationships, and staying connected to yourself during major life transitions. Inside this conversation: the question every couple should ask before planning a wedding why meaningful gatherings matter so much for women and community navigating family expectations and difficult conversations creating rituals and traditions that feel authentic instead of performative the difference between planning a wedding versus building an intentional marriage how women can set boundaries and avoid losing themselves during wedding planning how Mary and her husband approached their wedding in a more feminist way why connection, community, and relationships are essential for mental health and self worth Whether you’re engaged, married, single, healing from people-pleasing, or simply craving deeper connection in your life, this conversation offers such a grounding perspective on what it means to gather with intention. Follow Priya on Instagram: @priyaparker Get Priya’s book, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters Get Priya’s course The Art of Gathering Digital Course — Wedding Edition Share this episode with the women in your life! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @priyaparker Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.