Own-goal flavours, casual retirements & football clubs as sperm counts

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the egalitarian approach of football results shows, the psychological impact of the height of the main camera angle, that moment of uncertainty as a referee indicates a goal kick and not a penalty and one of the most nuanced observations on the language of football the pod has ever faced. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy an inevitable Sean Dyche moment and some curious Champions League commentary. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: ⁠https://dreamland.footballcliches.com⁠ Visit ⁠nordvpn.com/cliches⁠ to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Gary Neville finds a new frequency of noise at Anfield, whether Evangelos Marinakis is too "chaos Serie A" for Our League, Soccer Saturday somehow invents a new scoreline format after 33 years, Liverpool having too many rangy forwards and the earliest you can "not want this first half to end". Meanwhile, the panel build up for the business end of the Clichés Live tour and wonder if a Saturday 3pm kick-off could ever be the best Premier League game of the season. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Nick's first-hand account of Cape Verde's World Cup qualification glory, an important question about pitch-invading animals, Thomas Tuchel defies the manufactured outrage once again, the most “in the departure lounge” England player, football clichés as film titles and a long-overdue assessment of Richard Keys’ acting abilities. Meanwhile, the panel put together a barking, haranguing and roaring Communication XI. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com The Football Clichés Live tour continues - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Lee Dixon invents some new "goalkeeper's not saving that" hyperbole, Sean Dyche's potential new job, the difference between "comedy" and "bizarre" own goals, poor cricket knowledge in Stephen King novels, the Daily Mail's "Champagne Socialists XI", footballers who forget to officially retire, tenuous footballspeak in microwave adverts and Duncan Ferguson's insight into the obsessive mind of a goalscorer. Meanwhile, the panel reflect on the live tour so far, including a glorious sold-out night at the Hackney Empire. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com The Football Clichés Live tour continues - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: early feedback from the Clichés Live tour, the latest clumsy football/politics crossover, a niche selection headache for Thomas Tuchel, former Premier League managers in University Challenge answers and Lampardian transitions from 94-year-old grandfathers. Meanwhile, the panel backpedal, waltz and dart their way through the definitive Movement XI. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com The Football Clichés Live tour has begun - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether the Premier League title race can be "blown open" after seven games, some tantalising punditspeak in the stands at Old Trafford, Martin Keown mixes up his sporting terminology, Nick Woltemade’s never-before-seen penalty, experimental football chat on the Rest is History, Ange Postecoglou starts a media war he simply won't win and some gloriously pointless stats. Meanwhile, the panel fact-checks Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's football-themed Strictly chat and decides the point at which a player becomes a "former international". Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com The Football Clichés Live tour has begun - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the definitive ruling on which David Brent sound was made by Jon Champion, fact-checking Ally McCoist's enthusiasm, Jose Mourinho going through the motions on his latest return to Stamford Bridge, Team Europe's excruciating Ryder Cup chant performance, footballing "goldfish bowls" and a long-awaited return for the godfather of football idioms. Meanwhile, the panel pit some incredulous rants by Martin O'Neill and Jamie O'Hara against each other. Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour, which starts next week: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the Clichés pod continues to influence UK broadcasters, the club statement about a sacked Premier League manager to use a corner flag photo, a development in PGMOL handball semantics, the official new unit of measurement for experience, classy touches from rival Christian denominations, footballspeak in A-Level history coursework and Andy Gray taking on modern football metrics. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com The Football Clichés Live tour starts next week - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the universal authority of the "come short" hand gesture, managers who sign their own sons, Jeff Stelling's trademark goal teases and answering basic footballing questions from your own children. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel welcome yet another ex-footballer's podcast to the industry and enjoy a commentator sneaking some clever wordplay under the Carabao Cup radar. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: satisfying goal commentaries on Match of the Day, Arne Slot learns a very mundane English sporting word, the “sick of the sight of him” threshold, surprise Andy Townsend co-commentary in a song intro, commentators taking 5.88 seconds to realise a goal has been scored, how a team becomes “all-conquering” and some typical broadcasting gold from the boys at BeIN Sports. Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices