Episode 393 - The Dangerous Equation: Why Sex ≠ Love

In this episode, I dive into one of the most damaging beliefs I see in relationships: the idea that sex equals love. I'll share why this thinking creates unnecessary pain, pressure, and misunderstandings between partners, and how it often masks the many other ways love is expressed. You'll learn how to recognize love outside of sexual intimacy, why separating sex from love can actually strengthen both, and practical shifts you can make to bring more connection, authenticity, and joy into your relationship. By the end, you'll walk away with tools to reframe how you see love and intimacy so you can build a healthier, more fulfilling marriage. This is a great episode! I can't wait for you to listen.

Sexual rejection is one of the most painful experiences in marriage, but is your spouse really rejecting you or just rejecting sex? In this episode, I break down the two types of rejection, how to tell the difference, and why understanding this can change everything in your relationship. We'll talk about what rejection looks like when it's personal, what it looks like when it's not, and how to stop letting painful stories in your head dictate the way you feel. If you've ever wondered, "What's really happening when my spouse says no?" this conversation will give you clarity, hope, and practical steps forward.

So many men tell me, "I meet all her needs, why can't she meet mine?" Almost always that "need" is sex. I understand the frustration behind that question, but here's the truth- it's not helping your sex life, it's hurting it. In this episode, I talk about why framing sex as a "need" actually shuts down desire, and what to do instead if you want real intimacy and connection. If you've ever felt stuck in a cycle of obligation, resentment, or just going through the motions, this conversation will give you a new perspective and a path forward.

Have you ever wondered why you can feel like a totally different person during sex than afterward? In this episode, I break down what's actually happening in your brain before, during, and after intimacy, and why it matters for your sex life. I'll show you how your neurobiology impacts desire, openness, and connection, and how you can use that knowledge to feel more present, communicate better, and stop judging yourself for normal responses. If you've ever been confused about why you or your partner seem "on different pages," this conversation will make so much sense.

In this episode, I'm diving into a pattern I see so often in marriages: good men with the best intentions who unintentionally invalidate their wives' feelings. I'll share real stories of couples who get stuck in this cycle and explain why it happens, especially when a husband's identity is tied so closely to being "the good guy." You'll hear how this dynamic leaves wives feeling unseen and husbands frustrated, even though neither partner wants that outcome. Most importantly, I'll talk about what both husbands and wives can do to break free from this pattern and build deeper connection and intimacy. Whether you see yourself in these stories or simply want a stronger marriage, this episode has something for you.

Sexual grief is something many experience but few talk about. In this episode, we explore what it means to grieve the sex life you thought you'd have, and why making grief your companion instead of your enemy can lead to deeper healing, connection, and hope. You'll hear how sexual grief shows up in different ways, from unmet expectations to struggles with desire or intimacy, and why acknowledging it matters. Most importantly, you'll learn how grief, when faced with compassion, can become a guide toward creating a more authentic and meaningful intimate life. If you have ever felt grief, and then shame, about your sex life, this is the episode for you.

In this episode, I'm tackling one of the most common questions I hear in my coaching practice: why do so many women say no to sex? The truth is, it's often not about low libido, it's about the kind of sex they're having. When intimacy feels like an obligation, when body image fears take over, or when pleasure and freedom are missing, it's no wonder women start turning away. I'll walk you through the real reasons behind sexual rejection in marriage and share how couples can rebuild connection, joy, and desire so intimacy feels safe, fun, and fulfilling again.

In this episode, I welcome back Katie Runyon of Faithful Fling to explore how playfulness, novelty, and emotional intimacy can transform long-term marriages. Katie shares how role play dates help couples break free from routine, rediscover curiosity, and keep monogamy passionate. Together, we discuss why emotional connection and sexual novelty aren't opposites but actually fuel each other, creating stronger trust and desire. With over 50 creative "flings," Faithful Fling offers tools to bring fun, mystery, and intimacy back into your relationship. If you've ever wondered how to keep passion alive after years of marriage, this conversation is full of insight and inspiration. You can find Katie and Faithful Fling on: Instagram: @faithfling Their Website: faithfulfling.com

In this episode, we explore why sexual certainty, which is the belief that you already know exactly how intimacy should look, might actually be blocking passion and connection in your relationship. You'll learn the difference between confidence and certainty, how curiosity creates space for growth, and why faith and openness are key to deeper intimacy. Through personal stories, brain science, and real-life coaching examples, you'll see how letting go of rigid beliefs and asking better questions can transform your marriage, strengthen your connection, and help you discover new levels of joy in your intimate relationship. Source: Quotes from "Conclave" (2024 film directed by Edward Berger)

In this episode, we're unpacking a powerful insight that could completely transform the way you experience intimacy in your marriage. It's all about the surprising difference between safety and security in your sexual relationship and why understanding it might be the missing piece to reigniting the passion you've been longing for. Most people think they're the same thing, but once you see the distinction, it can change everything about the way you connect with your spouse.   Sources: Safety vs. Security concept credit: Whitni Miller (BDEmoves on Instagram) on "You Are Not Broken" podcast with Dr. Kelly Casperson Episode: "325. Sex, Safety and Embodied Intimacy" (July 5, 2025) Link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-are-not-broken/id1495710329?i=1000715944578&r=495 "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel