Epstein Didn't Kill Himself, He Just Goes By Captain Crandall Now

Finally, the long-teased peek inside Rios's cabin! Did YOU have him pegged for a Hemingway fan? Because Steph and Kat did. Join Rios...and Rios, and Rios, and Rios, and Rios, and, uh, Rios as Episode 8 plunges deep into this series' central conspiracy theory. It's not as exciting as you'd think, but at least we get a taste of 24th-century existentialism! Also, we sing a couple of nursery rhymes that probably should have been left in the old country.

We tried, you guys. We tried to live the hygge life with Riker and Troi and their fucking outdoor pizza oven and their ten thousand candles. But then this episode took a dark, dark turn. Somewhere between the discussion about the science of silicon-based life forms and the 1974 French film Le fantôme de la liberté (they're oddly related, we swear), we discovered that this episode is actually about a bunch of grown-ups failing to recognize when a little girl is being groomed for exploitation by a creepy older man. Also: BUNNICORNS!

It's Episode 6 of Like a Fish Needs a Starship! In our latest installment, Steph schools Kat on TikTok, Kat schools Steph on the subtle nuances of expressing your obsessive fandom through ugly costume jewelry, and together, they school their audience on the 60-minute-long sex metaphor-slash-therapy session that is "The Impossible Box." Come with us as we seek to fill our holes - er, fill the holes in our hearts - with shirtless Rios. It ain't the full-throated exploration of shady Federation politics we've been craving, but it'll do just fine.

It's the "Like a Fish: After Dark" edition! QUICK! What do this year's song of the summer, the early 2000s, and season 1, episode 5 of "Star Trek: Picard" have in common? If you guessed "why, ladyparts, of course," well, gold star for you! In this installment of "Like a Fish," Steph and Kat discuss that little elfin prince Ben Shapiro, the poetry of "WAP," the art of vajazzling, and the fact that the Earth's foremost (female) expert in cybernetics was sleeping with her mentor because REASONS (hint: those reasons are "lazy writing" and "patriarchy").

We're BACK! And as your reward for waiting patiently for our return, please enjoy this VERY timely discussion about quarantining, Tiger King (NO ONE HAS EVER PROVEN THAT DON LEWIS IS DEAD, you guys), and Episode 4 of Star Trek: Picard! What goes down at the Romulan Social Club? Can you ever REALLY trust a Netflix documentary? Will we ever see the women of the Qowat Milat yield a sword, or do they exclusively fight with baguettes? And perhaps most importantly, will Picard ever stop picking up strays?

In Episode 3 of "Like a Fish Needs a Starship," Steph and Kat discuss the economics of the 24th century, the challenge of writing complex characters in today's 10-episode-per season world of television, and FASHION! We'll answer all your pressing questions, such as: did Rahmda's manicure break the Artifact? What does Borg fetishwear look like? What, exactly, can you buy for a bar of latinum and a bucket of mermaid paraphernalia? We hope you'll listen. What else are you doing with your life, now that you're trapped in your home and time has no meaning anymore?

In this episode of "Like a Fish Needs a Starship," Steph and Kat discuss the uncanny valley, Cartesian philosophy and mind/body dualism, and Narek's (UGH) stupid neckbeard. Also, Steph contemplates growing a villainous gray streak in her hair a la Tulsi Gabbard, while Kat cradles her embarrassingly well-worn copy of "Imzadi" and pines for Laris and Zhaban.

It's our very first episode! Since 2020 is shaping up to be the year of the Old White Guy, we're starting our bitterly feminist journey with Star Trek: Picard! Join us as we discuss women in refrigerators, 24th-century fashion, the Bechdel test, and whether we're all just fancy robots in this great positronic matrix called life.