Seeing Sideways - The Self-Serving Bias: Why We Claim the Wins and Dodge the Blame

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Burnout doesn’t book a slot in your calendar. It just shows up and takes what it’s owed.” Are you living on resilience credit—spending today’s energy while expecting tomorrow’s self to pay the bill?In this solo episode of It’s an Inside Job, I explore the idea of resilience debt—how constantly borrowing against our well-being leads to burnout, illness, and disconnection. I share practical strategies and tools to help you build buffers, protect your energy, and turn resilience into a renewable resource.Key Takeaway Insights and ToolsResilience Debt as Allostatic Load (00:34 – 02:27)Resilience debt builds when we keep borrowing from our well-being without recovery. Science calls this “allostatic load”—the cumulative wear and tear from chronic stress.The Interest Rate on Stress (03:07 – 06:26)Stress compounds like financial debt: it shows up as decision fatigue, emotional reactivity, health breakdowns, and flatness. Burnout and illness don’t wait until it’s convenient.Why We Keep Borrowing (06:26 – 08:13)Present bias, hustle culture, and a false sense of invincibility trick us into ignoring the long-term costs of overextension.Four Buffers to Protect Energy (09:02 – 11:45)Recovery budget: Treat sleep, nutrition, and connection as non-negotiable.Micro-recovery habits: Small daily practices build compound interest over time.Energy tracking: Notice what charges or drains you.Boundaries as investments: Every thoughtful “no” is a deposit that protects your energy.Resilience as a Renewable Resource (11:45 – 12:49)Real resilience isn’t endless toughness—it’s renewal. Like solar energy, it regenerates daily when you maintain the system.Practical Exercise: The Credit/Debit Ledger (12:49 – 13:36)Draw a line down the center of a page. On one side, list credits (what restores you); on the other, debits (what drains you). Then ask: Where am I borrowing? Commit to making one deposit this week.If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might be running on resilience credit. And don’t forget to subscribe to It’s an Inside Job for weekly insights on resilience, leadership, and well-being.Host BioJason White Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, author of Seeing Sideways, and host of It’s an Inside Job. He helps leaders, coaches, and professionals strengthen resilience, improve communication, and build clarity from the inside out. Connect with Jason at www.mindtalk.no or follow him on LinkedIn.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Emotional reasoning is the shortcut that convinces us our feelings are facts.”A clear, practical walkthrough of emotional reasoning—the bias that makes feelings feel like facts—and how to separate signal from story. Learn simple tools to build self-awareness, better decisions, and steadier leadership.When a strong feeling hits—anxiety, shame, anger—are you reading the room, or just reading your nervous system?Key Takeaway Insights & Tools What emotional reasoning is—and why it feels true. Emotions arrive fast and loud; the brain turns them into beliefs (“I feel like a failure” becomes “I am a failure”). [01:02–01:50]The closed loop that traps us. Feeling → story → stronger feeling. Nervous becomes “I’m not ready”; unsettled becomes “they’re mad at me.” [01:50–03:16]Why evolution primes the error. Emotions were built for survival speed, not modern nuance—like using a smoke alarm to navigate a conversation. [03:16–04:25]The real cost. Moods turn into meaning: capability shrinks, feedback gets distorted, progress stalls because discomfort is misread as danger. [04:25–05:30]The contrarian move. Create a pause, name the feeling, separate feelings from facts, and test the story against evidence. [05:30–07:08]If this helped you separate feelings from facts, share the episode with one person who leads, coaches, or parents—someone who could use a steadier inner compass.Jason White Birkevold Liem is the host of It’s an Inside Job and author of Seeing Sideways. He helps leaders and coaches turn psychological insight into everyday practice—so they can think clearly, choose wisely, and lead with intent.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. When the title, team, or role that once defined you falls away—who are you in the silence that’s left, and how do you start to feel solid again without pretending you’ve already “moved on”?In this solo episode, I explore the rarely spoken “middle stretch” of transition—the quiet space between roles, careers, or identities—drawing on stories from former elite athletes to offer grounded tools for anyone feeling unmoored, uncertain, or in between. Listeners will learn how to rebuild rhythm, language, connection, and self-worth without rushing into forced reinvention.Key Takeaway Insights & Tools The Middle Stretch is Real—and You’re Not BrokenThe “in between” after a job, sport, relationship, or role ends is not failure; it’s a normal and disorienting phase where identity, rhythm, and belonging loosen before they reform. 00:00:27  00:02:06Build a Simple Daily Scaffold (Instead of a 5-Year Plan)When structure disappears, small non-negotiables restore shape and sanity: wake up at the same time, go outside, talk to one person. These are not productivity hacks; they’re anchors.00:06:30–00:07:32Find a New “Room” Where You Don’t Have to PerformWe don’t just miss the role; we miss the room where we were understood without translation. Transition softens when we step into spaces—classes, communities, conversations—where we can just be, not perform.00:08:12–00:08:55 Shift Your Language: From “I Was” to “I’m Becoming”How we talk about ourselves can trap us in what’s gone or open up what’s next. Moving from “I used to be…” to “I spent years doing X; now I’m learning Y” creates continuity instead of collapse.00:09:17–00:10:30 Usefulness Returns in Small Acts, Not Grand ReinventionsA sense of worth returns not through dramatic comebacks, but through small contributions—helping a neighbour, mentoring, staying connected—that slowly rebuild confidence and impact.00:10:40–00:11:23Say the Hard Thing (to One Safe Person)The turning point often isn’t advice; it’s honesty. Naming “I don’t know who I am without this” to someone who can hold it without fixing it reduces isolation and shame.00:12:45–00:13:28Let Quiet Grief Be Part of the StoryYou’re allowed to miss the team, the pace, the room—even if you chose to leave. Treating that grief as a companion rather than a problem makes the transition lighter and more human.00:13:28–00:15:01 Detailed Resources & LinksRelevant internal episodes to explore (based on referenced conversations):Conversations with former elite athletes exploring identity, transition, and life after sport:Life After Sport: How Athletes Can Rebuild Identity, Mental Health and Resilience with Emily HustonSelf-Worth Over Wins: An Athlete’s Guide to Mental Health and Identity with Isaiah NeilFrom Pro Athlete to Purpose: Abiola Wabara on Reinvention and ResilienceCall to Action Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re growing.” (08:37)What if the very discomfort you’re trying to escape is actually pointing you toward your greatest growth?In this episode of Seeing Sideways, I explore Cognitive Dissonance—the mental tension we feel when our actions contradict our values or beliefs. Learn how this hidden bias shapes our choices, fuels rationalizations, and stalls growth, and discover practical strategies to embrace discomfort as a path to clarity and resilience.Key Takeaway Insights and ToolsCognitive dissonance defined (01:35) – The mental discomfort that arises when actions, beliefs, or values are in conflict—and how the brain resolves it through rationalization or justification.The trap of rationalization (02:35) – Justifying poor habits or ignoring red flags to protect self-image keeps us stuck in cycles of avoidance and resistance to change.The evolutionary twist (03:31) – Consistency once ensured survival and social cohesion, but today it can blind us to new evidence and limit personal growth.The cost of unresolved dissonance (04:44) – From stagnant relationships to ineffective workplace practices, avoiding discomfort prevents learning, adaptation, and authentic decision-making.The contrarian move (06:15) – Engage with dissonance consciously:Practice self-awareness (06:47) – Notice when you justify or minimize contradictions.Seek discomfort (06:55) – Expose yourself to perspectives that challenge your assumptions.Embrace mental flexibility (08:00) – Allow beliefs to evolve when faced with credible evidence.If this episode gave you a fresh perspective, share it with someone who might benefit—and subscribe to It’s an Inside Job to catch the next bias in the series: emotional reasoning.Host BioJason White Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, author of Seeing Sideways, and host of It’s an Inside Job. He helps leaders, coaches, and professionals strengthen resilience, improve communication, and build clarity from the inside out. Connect with Jason at www.mindtalk.no or follow him on LinkedIn.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Basketball was something that I did, not who I was.” — Abiola WabaraWhen your main identity suddenly ends—whether it’s on the court or in the corner office—how do you rediscover purpose and rebuild a sense of self that feels whole again?Former professional basketball player Abiola Wabara  shares how she rebuilt her identity after retirement and injury. This episode explores life transitions, identity reinvention, and emotional resilience, offering practical strategies for anyone redefining who they are beyond their career.Key Takeaway Insights & Tools[00:10:46] The Identity Gap: When a structured identity collapses—like an athlete’s retirement—the real challenge is answering “Who am I without my title?” Recognize that your career is something you do, not who you are.[00:12:34] Create a Creative Anchor: Abiola rediscovered her sense of self through painting. A creative outlet outside of your profession can become a “fulfillment-proof” identity anchor that keeps you grounded during transition.[00:24:31] The Humility Reset: Taking “in-between” jobs like driving Uber or working as an interpreter taught Abiola humility, adaptability, and empathy—skills that later shaped her leadership and entrepreneurship.[00:21:00] Stay Connected When Sidelined: During injury recovery, she remained valuable to her team by becoming a vocal supporter and advisor. This reframing—from sidelined to supportive—kept her connected and purposeful.[00:31:37] Build a Support Ecosystem: Abiola’s platform Global Life and its companion Global Pass help athletes transition through career resources, mental health support, and community—lessons that apply to anyone facing reinvention.[00:43:56] Reinvention Through Learning: Find mentors who stretch your thinking, stay humble, and ensure you’re never the smartest one in the room. Growth happens in rooms that challenge you.[00:47:41] The Mental Health Check: Seeking therapy isn’t weakness—it’s maintenance. Abiola treats monthly therapy sessions as “sanity checks” to stay grounded and self-aware.BioAbiola Wabara is a former professional basketball player turned entrepreneur and the Founder & CEO of GloBall Life, a tech-driven ecosystem designed to help athletes successfully transition to life beyond the game.A Baylor University National Champion and Italian National Team member, Abiola played professionally across Europe for over a decade before earning her Master’s in International Business Management from the University of East London. After retiring from basketball, she joined Accenture, where she honed her expertise in digital strategy, product innovation, and human-centered design.Today, she’s leveraging those experiences to build GloBall PASS (Planning after sport success) —an AI-powered platform that equips athletes with the tools, community, and confidence to plan what’s next.Website:  https://www.globalllife.com/LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/abiolawabara/Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/globall_life/Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Growth doesn’t come from protecting the ego. It comes from seeing clearly what you did well, what you missed, and where you could do better.”Do you protect your ego at the cost of your growth?In this episode of Seeing Sideways, I unpack the self-serving bias—our tendency to claim credit for success while shifting blame for failure. Discover how this hidden mental shortcut shields the ego but limits growth, and learn practical strategies to replace self-protection with self-honesty, accountability, and resilience.Key Takeaway Insights and ToolsRecognize the self-serving bias (01:16) – We credit our wins to talent and hard work but blame failures on outside forces, protecting self-esteem while blocking growth.The evolutionary twist (03:55) – This bias once helped maintain confidence and social standing, but in today’s world it can backfire, limiting learning from failure.The cost of denial (04:43) – In relationships and workplaces, constant externalizing of blame undermines empathy, accountability, and self-reflection.The contrarian move (06:01) – Replace self-protection with self-honesty. Treat success and failure as data, not as proof of worth.Practical tools to counter the bias:Own your part (06:30) – Ask, “What role did I play in this outcome?”Share the credit (07:15) – Acknowledge others’ contributions to build humility and trust.Invite feedback (07:44) – Seek input on what you missed; treat it as fuel, not threat.Reframe failure (08:00) – Write down lessons and what you’ll try differently next time.If this episode gave you a new perspective, share it with someone who might benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe to It’s an Inside Job so you won’t miss the next bias we uncover.Host BioJason White Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, author of Seeing Sideways, and host of It’s an Inside Job. He helps leaders, coaches, and professionals strengthen resilience, improve communication, and build clarity from the inside out. Connect with Jason at www.mindtalk.no or follow him on LinkedIn.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Mental health often gets worse before it gets better—because you’re having hard conversations and making changes.” - Isaiah NeilHow can accepting your vulnerability—and creating a safe space for others to do the same—be the most powerful play you ever make, both in sports and in life?Discover how former collegiate athlete and mental health advocate Isaiah Neil navigated crippling performance anxiety, injuries, and depression to find true self-worth, offering essential tools for young athletes to prioritise their mental well-being and create safe spaces for vulnerability.Key Takeaway Insights and Tools Vulnerability as Strength: The importance of being truly vulnerable and transparent about mental health struggles, which is critical for creating a safe space for expression within sports. (Approx. 05:30:00)Identifying the Mind-Body Link: Understanding that athletic performance issues and injuries are often intertwined with and exacerbated by deeper mental health challenges like depression. (Approx. 15:45:00)Reclaiming Self-Worth: The crucial shift in perspective to realize that your identity and self-worth surpass transient experiences or performance metrics, such as winning or losing a game. (Approx. 30:10:00)Tool/Resource: The Blue Shoes Initiative: Learn about Isaiah's advocacy work through the Blue Shoes initiative, which is dedicated to empowering youth with tools to understand and navigate their mental health challenges. (Approx. 40:05:00)Leaning on Support Systems: Practical advice on identifying what supports you already have in place and leaning on those systems—like family, friends, or trusted coaches—during moments of crisis. (Approx. 57:23:70)Guest BioIsaiah Neil A former collegiate defensive lineman and compelling mental health advocate, Isaiah is the driving force behind the organization Blue Shoes. He shares his deeply personal journey from the pressure cooker of competitive sports—battling anxiety, injuries, and depression—to becoming a leading voice for vulnerability and empowering young athletes with tools to manage their mental health.LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/isaiahneil/Content WarningThis episode discusses sensitive topics, including depression, anxiety, and performance pressure in sports. Listener discretion is advised.Subscribe to It's an Inside Job wherever you get your podcasts to continue the conversation on mental fitness and internal growth.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Confidence can signal progress, but unchecked, it can also become a ceiling.”Have you ever felt overly confident about a skill, only to later realize how little you actually knew?Discover the Dunning-Kruger Effect—why the less we know, the more confident we often feel—and learn practical tools to balance confidence with humility, curiosity, and growth. This episode from Seeing Sideways explores how to build resilience and clarity by questioning what we think we already know.Key Takeaway Insights and ToolsThe Dunning-Kruger Effect explained — why novices often feel overconfident while experts underestimate themselves. (05:15)Everyday examples — from learning guitar to giving advice online, this bias shows up in work, relationships, and decision-making. (06:06–07:14)The evolutionary twist — overconfidence may once have protected survival but now often leads to mistakes. (07:52)The cost of overconfidence — risky decisions, stalled growth, and strained relationships. (08:12–09:24)The Contrarian Move — replace false certainty with intellectual humility, feedback-seeking, self-reflection, and a growth lens. (09:24–12:11)Clarity is resilience — the most resilient thinkers distinguish confidence from competence and keep updating their knowledge. (12:23–12:47)If today’s episode gave you a new perspective, share it with someone who could benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe so you’ll catch next week’s episode on the self-serving bias.Host BioJason White Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, author of Seeing Sideways, and host of It’s an Inside Job. He helps leaders, coaches, and professionals strengthen resilience, improve communication, and build clarity from the inside out. Connect with Jason at www.mindtalk.no or follow him on LinkedIn.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. What happens when the role that has defined your identity disappears overnight—and how do you rebuild when the structure, community, and purpose are gone?“Retirement for an athlete isn’t stepping down—it often feels like falling off a cliff.” - Emily HustonFormer pro volleyball player and HomeTeam founder Emily Huston joins me to discuss athlete identity loss, retirement, and mental health. Discover how community, connection, and support can help athletes—and anyone facing transition—rebuild resilience and well-being.Key Takeaway Insights and ToolsIdentity loss after sport is real and messy – Retirement or injury strips away structure, community, and purpose, often leading to grief and depression. (12:19)Community is the missing piece – What athletes need most isn’t just skills or structure but connection, belonging, and being understood. (43:07, 50:15)Mental health drives performance – Caring for mental health directly impacts athletic and life outcomes; neglecting it is a systemic failure. (33:00)The NIL era brings new pressures – Young athletes face sudden money, fame, and branding responsibilities without the life skills to manage them. (25:52)Check-ins save lives – A simple, genuine “How are you?” can break isolation, open conversation, and even prevent suicide. (48:51)BioEmily Huston is the Founder & CEO of HomeTeam, the first platform centralizing athlete mental health and support services. A former USA pipeline and professional volleyball player in Europe, Emily turned her struggles with injury, depression, and identity loss into a mission to ensure no athlete faces those challenges alone. With a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology and extensive leadership experience, she combines grit, empathy, and vision in shaping the future of athlete care.LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilymhuston/Home Team: https://www.hometeamgo.com/You can join Home Team here:  HomeTeam CommunityIf this conversation resonated with you, share this episode with someone who may be facing a transition—and don’t forget to follow It’s an Inside Job so you never miss future conversations on resilience, leadership, and well-being.Support the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday

Get in touch with us! We’d appreciate your feedback and comments. “Clarity means letting insight be earned, not assumed.”Have you ever convinced yourself that “this always happens”—only to realise it might just be a coincidence?In this episode of Seeing Sideways, I explore how our brains connect the dots—even when there’s no real picture to see. We dig into pattern-seeking and apophenia, the bias that fuels superstition, flawed decisions, and false clarity—and I share tools to help you stay curious, grounded, and resilient in a chaotic world.Key Takeaways and Tools:What Pattern-Seeking & Apophenia Really AreMy brain is built to find structure—even when none exists. From seeing faces in clouds to believing that “everything always goes wrong,” apophenia makes meaning out of random noise.[01:32]The Evolutionary Purpose Behind ItIt made sense to spot a predator that wasn’t there. The cost of false positives was low. But in modern life, these mental shortcuts often mislead us more than protect us.[03:00]The Hidden CostsApophenia can drain my energy, warp my judgment, and feed everything from magical thinking to bad decision-making. I explore how this bias shows up at work and in relationships.[04:27]The Contrarian Move: Curiosity Before CertaintyI’ve learned to pause when something “clicks” as a pattern. Just because it feels meaningful doesn’t mean it is. Introducing doubt gives space for clarity.[06:09]Apply the Rule of ThreeFor a pattern to be worth trusting, I now look for three things: repetition, relevance, and reason.[06:13]Track, Don’t AssumeIf I sense a pattern forming, I don’t just believe it—I check it. A quick note, a tally, or a log helps me distinguish story from signal.[06:55]Mental Maturity Means Not Needing Every Dot to ConnectResilience doesn’t come from finding patterns everywhere. It comes from being okay when they don’t exist.[08:03]Resources & Practices I Shared:Pause Before Naming the PatternWhen I catch myself saying, “this always happens,” I now ask: “Always—or just recently?”Apply the Rule of ThreeI run new “patterns” through a simple test:Is it repeating?Is it relevant?Does it stand up to reason?Track Instead of AssumingI log simple observations—like sleep, mood, or patterns in a colleague’s behavior—to separate fact from feeling.Thought Exercise I Left You With:Think of a pattern you’ve recently believed in—maybe something about how people treat you, how projects always unfold, or how luck seems to work.Now ask yourself:What’s the actual evidence?Where might I be filling in the blanks with story instead of observation?What shifts when I stop assuming and just start watching?What’s Coming Next:In the next Seeing Sideways episode, I’ll dive into part two of this theme: the stories we tell ourselves, and how narrative biases shape our decisions, identities, and relationships.If this episode gave you a fresh way to think about your thoughts, please pass it on to someone else. These mental habits aren’t flaws—they’re how our brains try to cope with complexity. But witSupport the showSign up for the weekly IT'S AN INSIDE JOB NEWSLETTER takes 5 seconds to fill out receive a fresh update every Wednesday