Arousing Hashem’s Compassion

An insight a week from Rabbi Joey Haber - Brought to you by itorah.com

A member of the Jewish community in Minneapolis once brought me to give a speech in that community, and the man who picked me up at the airport was none other than the owner of the Mall of America, the largest mall in the United States, who is a wonderful Torah Jew. In the car, he told me a beautiful story. His wife had made a trip to Israel around Thanksgiving time, leaving him with the children. On Thanksgiving, all the kids had school except the youngest, who was getting restless at home, so the father brought her to the mall. They sat at the kosher eatery at the mall, and ate some fries. There they met a religious family from Los Angeles that was attending some event in the middle of the country. The father worked as a Rabbi in a school. They could not afford to fly, so the family decided to turn it into a road trip. They stopped off at the mall to eat. After speaking with the family for some time, the mall's owner asked the children if they wanted free passes for some of the rides at the mall. They of course emphatically said yes. He went downstairs and, as the owner, easily obtained several passes. He came back to where the family was waiting, and he placed the passes in the mother's hand. She looked at him in disbelief. She explained that during the whole trip, the children were complaining that they wouldn't be able to afford the amazing rides at the mall. "I learn from a book about bitahon [faith in Hashem] every day," she said, "and I told my kids that if Hashem decided that they should go on the rides, He can put the passes in my hand at any minute. And that's just what happened." The owner of the mall told me how at that moment, he genuinely felt how he was just a puppet in Hashem's show, just a pawn in His plan to help this beautiful family. He realized that he's not the owner of the country's largest mall, he's not a high-flying executive – he's just Hashem's agent, His messenger through which His will is carried out. Nothing more. This is an important message for us to internalize as we prepare for Rosh Hashanah. What we want on Rosh Hashanah is to arouse Hashem's compassion, that He judges us with mercy, and not on the strict level of the law. This means that we want Him to judge us not according to our actions, based on what we've actually done, but based on who we really are, who we try and aspire to be. A cop once ticketed for me for speeding. What mattered to him was only that I was driving above the speed limit. It didn't matter that I had flown back to the city that morning, was then driving home after delivering an inspiring speech, and was on the phone dealing with important community matters. We want Hashem to treat us differently, to take into account the bigger picture, how we are inherently good and want to do the right thing, even though the results aren't always what they should be. And the way we arouse Hashem's compassion is by seeing ourselves the way this mall owner saw himself – humbly, as dependent entirely on Hashem. If we take the credit for our achievements, then we will be held responsible for our failures. If we pride ourselves for the good results, then we are accountable for the bad results. But if we focus not on the end results, but on our intentions, recognizing that we make our effort and then Hashem brings the outcome, then we will be forgiven for the times when the outcome wasn't right. If we want Hashem to see the broader picture, who we really are, then we need to look at the broader picture – how Hashem controls everything – and at who we really are – just frail human beings who depend on Hashem for everything. May we all be worthy of Hashem's mercy and compassion, and be blessed with a wonderful year of joy, health and prosperity, amen .

Parashat Ki-Tetzeh presents the law regarding a בן סורר ומורה – "wayward child." This is a 13-year-old boy who not only disobeys his parents, but goes far beyond that – stealing their money to buy meat and wine to indulge in. The Torah writes that the parents should bring this child to the court, and he should be put to death. The consensus view among the Rabbis of the Talmud is that there has never been a youngster who met the criteria of a בן סורר ומורה , and there never will be. This not a halacha that will ever be practically observed. But the Torah issued this command for the purpose of דרוש וקבל שכר – so that we learn and apply the lessons that are relevant to our lives, and we will then be worthy of reward. Let us examine one of the critical lessons about education that we learn from the law of the בן סורר ומורה . The Gemara (Sanhedrin 72a) explains that the Torah commanded putting this child to death because it knows what this child would otherwise become. After he steals all his parents' money, he will be so desperate to continue his endless indulgence in meat and wine that he will go out to the roads and attack people, killing them and taking their money. The Torah determined that it is preferable for this child to be put to death rather than allow him to grow to become a violent criminal. The commentators raise the question of how to reconcile the Gemara's comment with the famous teaching that a person is judged באשר הוא שם , based on his current condition, irrespective of what he might become in the future. This is inferred from the story of Yishmael, whose sincere prayers were heeded when he was dying of thirst, and whom Hashem thus saved even though his descendants would inflict great harm on the Jewish Nation. How, then, can the בן סורר ומורה be punished because of what he is going to be? What happened to the rule that all people are judged strictly based on the present? The Rabbis of the Mussar movement answer that there is an obvious difference between Yishmael and the case of the בן סורר ומורה . When Yishmael prayed, he was sincere, genuine and pure. His state at that moment had no connection to the cruel, barbaric crimes that his descendants would commit generations later. The בן סורר ומורה , however, is on a downward spiral, he is clearly heading in the direction of violent crime, and so he needs to be stopped. I taught in high school for many years, and, sadly, I saw so many instances where a child was on the wrong trajectory, when all the signs were there, but by the time the parents noticed, it was too late. So often, when a great kid from a great family learning in a great school grows up and disappoints, the seeds were visible already earlier, much earlier, but nothing was done about it. It's not that the parents were bad parents. They were loving, caring, hard-working, devoted parents who raised a beautiful, happy family – but they didn't notice the early warning signs that the child was headed in the wrong direction. Parents are busy – busy with other children, busy with earning a living, busy with their friends and extended family, busy with communal events, and so on. These are all wonderful things. But the highest priority must always be our children. We need to be focused, attentive, attuned, and involved. We cannot leave the child's education solely to the school. In two weeks, we will read a pasuk in Parashat Nitzavim in which Moshe tells the people never to think that they need to "rise to the heavens" to observe the Torah. He says that they should never say, מי יעלה לנו השמימה – "Who will bring us up to the heavens?" (Devarim 30:12). Rav Yerucham Olshin, head of the Lakewood Yeshiva, pointed out that the first letters of these words spell the word מילה (circumcision). Moshe here is alluding to us that from the time of an infant's first mitzvah – the berit – the parents have the responsibility to bring him to the heavens, to help him soar. The parents' job isn't to just send their kid to school. They need to believe in their children's potential for greatness, in their ability to reach the stars, and help them get there. I mentioned earlier that I've seen many instances of problems that arose when it was too late. But I've also seen so many opposite examples – where a student who struggled in school ended up reaching the stars, achieving great things. With the parents' involvement, support and encouragement, all children can succeed. It is within our power as parents to recognize the signs, to nurture, and to believe. When we do, we give our children the chance to soar higher than we ever dreamed.

As we begin the month of Elul – the month when we are to introspect and make an effort to grow and improve – it is worth paying close attention to a pasuk which we say each morning as part of our tefillah . In the chapter of מזמור לתודה (Tehillim 100), we make the following mysterious pronouncement: דעו כי ה' הוא האלוקים, הוא עשנו ולא אנחנו . Literally, this means, "Know that Hashem – he is G-d; He has made us, and not us." What do we mean when we say that Hashem made us "but not us"? What didn't we do? Do we not realize that He created us and we didn't create ourselves? The answer is that Hashem, in a sense, finished His work of "making" us, but we haven't. We still have work to do. Hashem created us with a body and with strengths and talents – but the rest is up to us. So הוא עשנו – He is finished "making us." However, לא אנחנו – we are not finished making ourselves. As long as we are alive, as long as our heart is beating and we can breathe, we have work to do. We are never a finished product. It doesn't matter how old we are, how much we've accomplished, or how much we've tried to accomplish but have failed. We have work to do. We can still grow, and we need to grow. Many years ago, an outstanding Rabbi named Rav Nosson Wachtfogel spent a Shabbat in Deal. He was the esteemed mashgiah ruhani (spiritual advisor) of the Lakewood Yeshiva, a key figure in the yeshiva's development from a small outpost of Torah to the enormous empire that it has since become. He came to Deal in order to raise money for a new project – to start small kollels in various communities throughout the United States. My father was very inspired by this visit. Rav Wachtfogel was close to 90 years old at that time. He was already remarkably accomplished, having taught and touched the lives of thousands of students, and having played a key role in the building of Torah in America. At that age, with so many accomplishments on his record, he could have easily said, "I did enough." But here he was, an elderly man, working hard to start yet another important project. My father was inspired by this – because he was the same way. He was always working, always striving, always reaching higher, always trying to do more. Even when he was ill, and it was clear that he did not have much time left, he was starting new writing projects. His hunger for achievement was insatiable. This is what ולא אנחנו means. As long as we're still here, we're not done. We have much more to do. Interestingly, the word ולא this pasuk has two different spellings (called the קרי and the כתיב ). It is spelled ולא , but alternatively ולו . According to this alternative spelling, the phrase ולו אנחנו means "we are His," we belong to Hashem. These two spellings are very closely connected. When we live with an awareness of ולא אנחנו , that we are not complete, that we have much more to accomplish, then we become לו , connected to Hashem. We build and strengthen this bond by constantly striving to be better. In business, executives look to hire employees who are "hungry" for success, who are driven and motivated to achieve. In professional sports, too – teams want "hungry" players, who will do anything to win a championship year after year. Elul is a time for "hunger," to rekindle our passion for greatness. This is the time to wake ourselves out of complacency, to realize that we can and must be better. And when we come before Hashem on Rosh Hashanah with this "hunger," setting our sights on greatness, He will warmly accept our tefillot and give us the help we need to grow.

The first pasuk of Parashat Re'eh teaches us how to look at each day of our lives: ראה אנוכי נותן לפניכם היום ברכה וקללה. See that I am placing before you today a blessing and a curse. The Torah here urges us to see every day as an opportunity, as a path to either ברכה , blessing, or the opposite, Heaven forbid. Whatever situation we find ourselves in at any time, no matter how happy or difficult, is an opportunity, and it is up to us to seize this opportunity to grow, to draw closer to Hashem, and to make the most of the limited time we have been given here in this world. It is worth noting the particular significance of the word לפניהם – "before you" – in this pasuk . This word draws our focus onto what's in front of us, onto the future, onto the possibilities that are before us right now, at every moment. Too many people give up on themselves, figuring, "This is who I am"; "This is my life, there's nothing I can do about it at this point"; "This is the way I do things, and I'm not going to start changing now"; "I tried so many times already, I give up"; or "It's too late now." The Torah here is telling is that this is not true at all. As long as we are alive, every day that we wake up in the morning, we have a choice lying there in front of us, the opportunity to turn the future into a wonderful ברכה . It's never too late to change, to turn our lives around, to experience the ultimate ברכה of a happy, fulfilling life. I once saw the following saying: "It's never too late to become the person you could have been." We are all carrying around lots of baggage. We all live with regrets of one kind or another. We all wish we hadn't done this and had instead done that. We all carry around the angst of missed opportunities. And we all occasionally hear in our head that nagging voice of "What if" we had done things differently. The Torah's response to this voice is ראה אנוכי נותן לפניכם היום . Even today, we have a whole life before us. We have control over our future. We can still become the people we could have been. We begin each day by declaring מודה אני , by thanking Hashem for giving us another day – another day full of opportunities for greatness, for achievement, for meaningful contributions to the world. When we recite מודה אני , we are, essentially, saying, "It's not too late. The past doesn't matter. What happened or didn't happen yesterday doesn't have to stifle me today. My baggage does not have to weigh me down. There is still so much I can do, and so much that I can become." Let us never give up on ourselves, and instead always fully believe in the vast potential that lies before us.

Parashat Ekev begins by promising great reward for observing the mitzvot : והיה עקב תשמעון את המשפטים האלה...ושמר ה' אלוקיך לך את הברית ואת החסד אשר נשבע לאבותיך. It shall be that as a result of your heeding these laws…Hashem will keep for You the covenant and the kindness and He promised to your forefathers. Rashi's comment on this pasuk is among the most famous passages in his entire Torah commentary. He writes that the Torah uses here the word עקב (" ekev ") as an allusion to the akev – heel. Meaning, the Torah here speaks of those who observe מצוות שאדם דש בעקביו – the mitzvot which people tend to "tread on with their feet." There is special reward promised for those who ensure to observe these particular mitzvot . The common understanding of Rashi's comments is that he refers to mitzvot which, for whatever reason, are commonly neglected, that people often disregard entirely, or perform them casually, mindlessly, as though "trampling" them with their feet. We are urged to pay special attention specifically to the mitzvot that people generally tend to neglect. But there is also another explanation of Rashi's comment. There are three ways to perform mitzvot – with the head, with the heart, and with the "feet." Performing mitzvot with the head means that one fully understands the importance of serving Hashem and obeying His commands, and he lives with a clear perception of his goal and purpose in the world. This is, of course, a very high level, which not many people achieve. The second way is to serve with one's heart, with the emotions, because he feels inspired and driven. The problem with this approach is that our emotions are inconsistent and unpredictable. Sometimes we feel inspired and excited about mitzvot , but at other times we feel down and dispirited, and we lack the ambition and enthusiasm that we should ideally feel toward the mitzvot . The third way is to perform mitzvot out of habit, as our daily routine, like getting up and walking. The ideal, of course, is to fully understand that the purpose of life is to serve Hashem, and to always be filled with love and devotion to Hashem. Realistically, though, we cannot always expect this to happen. And so the Torah assures us that even if we serve Hashem with our "feet," as naturally as we walk, because this is what we're used to doing and what we've accustomed ourselves to doing – this has great value. Even for this we will be rewarded. What's true in our relationship with Hashem is true also in people's relationships with one another. In an ideal world, people would always speak to one another with their "mind" and with their 'heart," thinking very carefully about when to speak, what to say, and how to say it. In reality, though, people often speak with their "feet," without thinking carefully enough about whether, what, and how they should speak. For many different reasons, people often say things they shouldn't. It could be fatigue, it could be stress, it could be anxiety, it could be simply that they just have lots on their mind so they're not thinking carefully enough. The problem is that we take unwisely-spoken words too seriously, that we turn them into something much bigger than they really are. The thing so many people don't realize is that our minds – like our computers – have a "delete" button that just erases things that we don't want to keep. Words spoken from the "feet," without proper thought and consideration, should just be "deleted." When that parent, child, sibling, spouse, in-law, friend, or whoever says something they shouldn't have said, we don't have to respond . Actually, we don't even have to think about it . We can just press the "delete" button, and it's gone, forever. So-called "hurtful comments" only hurt if we allow them to. They hurt only if we keep them in our minds instead of just "deleting" them. Let's remember – if someone says something we don't like, it's not so terrible. They didn't really mean it. They're speaking from their "feet," mindlessly, without thinking. It's not a big deal unless we make the decision to make it a big deal. And the wise decision is to just "delete" it and move on.

The Mishnah in Masechet Ta'anit (26b) describes how Tu B'Av – the 15 th of the month of Av – was an especially joyous occasion, a day when shidduchim (matches) were made. The girls would wear fine clothing and go into the vineyards. The young men would then come and choose a bride. The Gemara (31a) adds that the girls would try to draw the young men's attention to their qualities. The girls with an attractive appearance would say, "Set your eyes upon beauty." The girls from distinguished families would say, "Set your eyes upon the family." Those with neither of these would say, "Make your decision for the sake of Heaven." What did these girls mean by telling the young men to marry them "for the sake for Heaven"? The answer is that the Gemara here is teaching us a critically important lesson about maintaining hope and faith. Some people feel confident about themselves because of their natural gifts and talents – such as appearance – and others feel confident because of their family background, because of their connections. But some people feel that they have nothing going for them, they have nothing special about them. Singles might despair because they feel they don't have what it takes to get married. People might feel anxious about their financial future because they feel they don't have what it takes to make a good living. The Gemara teaches us that nobody should ever despair because Hashem is with him, because he is committed to living לשם שמיים , for Hashem's sake. When a person begins feeling incapable or inadequate, he needs to remember that Hashem believes in him – and so he must believe in himself. The girls in the vineyards were not only talking to the boys – they were talking to themselves, saying, "I know Hashem believes in me, I know He wants me to get married, and I know that He will get me married. I believe in Him – and I believe in myself." The story is told of a couple that was married for a number of years without children, and so they contacted an organization that helps couples struggling with infertility. The fellow from the organization said he wanted to meet them in the city for lunch to discuss their situation and how the organization might be able to help. On the phone, they went through various options of places where they could get together for lunch. Growing impatient, the husband said, "Look, I need a child, not a tuna sandwich." "I know," the fellow from the organization replied, "but the point here is that Hashem can send you a child as quickly as he can send you a tuna sandwich." So often a person desperately needs something and he doesn't believe in his ability to attain it. He needs to remember that whatever it is that he needs can come as easily the food he orders at a restaurant. We should never doubt ourselves. Even when we feel we don't have what it takes, Hashem always ensures that we do.

Once, as I was giving a class about the halachot of Tishah B'Av, I mentioned the law regarding work on this day – that Halachah permits working on Tishah B'Av, but the Rabbis teach that one who does so will not see blessing from his efforts. Although work is permitted, we are warned that no blessing will result from work performed on Tishah B'Av. As I was teaching this halachah , it dawned on me that Tishah B'Av is one of two days on the Jewish calendar when working is allowed but will not bring berachah , the other being Purim. I started thinking, what do these two occasions have in common? Why specifically on these days are we advised that although working is allowed, it will not bring us blessing? The answer, I believe, is that these are the two days when we are commanded to feel the "mood" of the Jewish People. Halachah teaches משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמחה – we all increase our joy when the month of Adar begins, and משנכנס אב ממעטים בשמחה – we all decrease our joy when the month of Av begins. Purim and Tishah B'Av are days marked by a national mood. Jews across the world are happy and jovial on Purim; and Jews across the world are sad and somber on Tishah B'Av. If somebody goes to work, as though it's just a normal day, he is separating himself from the Jewish People. He's too preoccupied with his own affairs to participate in the nation's joy, or in the nation's pain. And when we separate from Am Yisrael , when we're too focused on ourselves to think about the rest of the nation, there's no berachah , there's no blessing. One of the races in the Olympics every four years is the 4 X 100 meters relay. Each nation is represented in this race by four runners, each of whom runs for 100 meters and then passes the baton onto the next runner. For decades, the United States consistently won the gold medal for this race, because it has the fastest runners. More recently, however, the U.S. has had less success – not because its runners aren't as fast, but because they haven't been able to pass the baton smoothly to the next runner. As Jews, our job is not only to "run fast," to reach the finish line ourselves, but also to "pass the baton" to the people around us. Our "race" is not only individual, but national. We need to run together. And this means that we can't just be looking out for ourselves. We need to be looking out for one another. Rabbis aren't the only ones saying this. Our bitterest enemies are saying this, too. Sapir Cohen is a young woman who was captured by Hamas terrorists on October 7, 2023, and released 55 days later. She has since shared that at some point before she was freed, the terrorists who held her captive showed her the news reports on TV. She saw the vigils being held in "Hostage Square" in Tel-Aviv, attended by Israelis from all backgrounds, spanning the political spectrum. She noticed that this was not the same Israel as the country she lived in on October 6 th – a country that was bitterly divided. Her captor told her that the fierce in-fighting among Israelis before October 7 th encouraged them, the terrorists. They knew that when Israelis are fighting with one another, they are so much weaker and so much more vulnerable. They saw the fighting and felt confident that their attack could succeed. משנכנס אב ממעטים בשמחה . On Tishah B'Av, we mourn together – because we need to rebuild together. In order to recover from the hurban (destruction), in order to bring our final redemption, we need to "pass the baton" to one another. It's not enough for each person to decide what he needs to do personally, which mitzvot he needs to observe better, which personal improvements he needs to make. Of course this is very important. But we need to do more than that. We need to remember to "pass the baton," to look around at all our fellow Jews, no matter how different they are from us and from each other, and extend a hand. We need to run this race not alone, but as a nation, and this means reaching out to every fellow Jew in need and to feel closely bonded and connected to the entire Jewish Nation.

We've all had the experience of being at a sebet or some other function, standing near the dessert tables, when a child pushes us away in a frantic rush to get to his favorite treats. Would we say that this kid is selfish? That this kid doesn't care about other people? I wouldn't say that. This kid might not necessarily be selfish. He's just clueless. He is thinking so intently about the piece of cake or the cookies on the table, that he does not realize that he's shoving the people in his way. This kind of behavior is not limited to kids. Parents of married children frequently find themselves being the victims of "cluelessness." Their married child comes over with the kids, they make themselves at home, the kids play with the toys, food is prepared and fed – and then they leave, not realizing that the toys are scattered all over the place, the sinks are full of dirty dishes, and of course the highchair is filthy… The young couple isn't selfish. They're just clueless. They're just not paying attention. They're focused on taking care of their kids, so they're not thinking about their parents… Another example is rubbernecking. Sometimes we're sitting in traffic, inching forward for a half-hour wondering what's causing the jam. Finally, we see what happened: there was an accident on the other side of the highway – but everyone on our side feels the need to slow down and look to see what happened. When a driver slows down to look, he doesn't think to himself that he's delaying the hundreds of people driving behind him. Parashat Maseh talks about cluelessness. It addresses the situation of a רוצח בשוגג , somebody who killed another person by accident. If this happened due to circumstances beyond one's control, then he is not punished at all. But if there was some negligence involved, then he is required to move out of his town and relocate in a specially-designated city called an עיר מקלט (city of refuge) in order to earn atonement. The Rambam gives a number of examples of the kind of cases that require a person to move to an עיר מקלט . One is if he's climbing down a ladder, and he falls and kills someone. Another is if he is lowering a heavy object from a roof or window with a rope, and it slips, falls and kill someone. If we are involved in activities that are potentially dangerous, we can't be clueless. No matter how good our hearts are, and regardless of the fact that we would never in a million years think to hurt somebody – we are still guilty if we are not paying attention, if we are not opening our eyes and our minds to consider how our actions are impacting other people. King Shlomo, in a pasuk in Mishleh (10:13), speaks about this phenomenon of cluelessness: בשפתי נבון תמצא חכמה ושבט לגו חסר לב – "Wisdom can be found in the lips of the wise, and a rod shall strike the body of he who lacks heart." The Malbim describes a חסר לב this way: מי שאין לו הנהגה כלל, ונהג תמיד כפי שעולה על רוחו לפי שעה פעם כה ופעם כה . This means a person without discipline, who always acts on impulse, however he feels like it at any given moment. Such a person needs a שבט לגו – a rod striking his body – to wake him up, to get him to be alert and mindful. In virtually every family, there's that one person who shows up late to every Shabbat or holiday meal they're invited to. Showing up late is another example of a חסר לב , of someone who just doesn't think, who is clueless. He doesn't consider the fact that a whole group of people are sitting around and waiting because of him. Let's all try to move from cluelessness to attentiveness, from thoughtlessness to thoughtfulness, from mindlessness to mindfulness. It might be tempting to act כפי שעולה על רוחו לפי שעה , the way we happen to feel at the moment, without giving too much thought to what we're doing, but this is not how we're supposed to live. We are supposed to be mindful and to pay attention to what we're doing, to take other people into the equation, to make sure that our actions are bringing joy and blessing to the people around us, and not, Heaven forbid, the opposite.

A fellow who works with a certain hesed organization in Lakewood told me that they were once helping the family of a woman who was gravely ill. Her friends and neighbors wanted to know which mitzvot they could do as a merit for her recovery, so people from the organization traveled with the woman and her husband to South Fallsburg, to consult with Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel, one of the great Rosheh Yeshiva in America today. Rav Wachtfogel's answer was very surprising. He didn't mention things like Shabbat, kashrut , modesty, or lashon ha'ra (though it goes without saying that these are all exceedingly important). Instead, he noted that everyone – without exception – has a little bit of " nebuch " within them. This means that everyone feels insecure or "messed up" in some way. For some people it's their appearance. For others it's some religious struggle that they just can't seem to overcome and they're embarrassed about. For some it's finances, having less than the people around them. For some it's a child, several children, or some other issue going on in the family. We all have something that makes us feel uneasy about ourselves, that makes us feel like a " hazit ," like we're a failure. "What you should be working on," the Rosh Yeshiva said, "is encouraging people, lifting them up, emphasizing their strengths, letting them know how much goodness they have inside them." This was his suggestion for a zechut (merit) for the ill patient. Parashat Pinhas continues the story that began to be told in the previous parashah , about the time when the men of Beneh Yisrael became involved with the women of other nations. At one point, a man named Zimri, who led the tribe of Shimon, publicly took a non-Jewish woman into a private place. The Torah says that the people felt helpless, and just cried. Then Pinhas arose and killed the violators, bringing an abrupt end to the deadly plague that Hashem had sent to punish the people. In the beginning of our parashah , Hashem tells Moshe that He would be rewarding Pinhas בקנאו את קנאתי בתוכם – because he acted zealously for Hashem בתוכם – "among them," in the midst of the nation (25:11). Different explanations have been given for why Hashem emphasized that Pinhas performed this act בתוכם , among the people. But one particularly meaningful answer is offered by Rav Moshe Sternbuch. He writes that before Pinhas acted, he was just בתוכם , one of the people. He did not stand out in any way. There was nothing exceptional about him. He was just another Jew. But this did not deter him. He saw a need – and so he arose to fill that need. He wasn't discouraged by his "ordinariness." He didn't say to himself, "I'm a nobody, there's nothing I can do." He knew what had to be done, and he did it. Of course, Pinhas' situation was unique, and this kind of zealotry is not an example that we are supposed to follow. But the lesson of בתוכם is timeless and extremely important. Baruch Hashem , our community has grown over the years, and may it continue to do so. Like all great blessings, this blessing of growth presents some challenges – one of which is the challenge of בתוכם . As our community has grown, individuals become in their eyes smaller and less significant. In the past, it was relatively easy to sense that each of us made a difference, that each of us was needed in some way. But now, with the community so large, many people – especially youngsters – feel בתוכם , that they're just ordinary folks with nothing special to offer, with no special role to fill. As Rav Wachtfogel said, we need to encourage and uplift one another. Parents need to impress upon their children that they have exceptional gifts and talents that our community, and the Jewish world, need. Spouses should be encouraging one another to excel and achieve. But perhaps most importantly, we need to encourage ourselves and to stop putting ourselves down. We have to stop feeling " nebuch " and ordinary. Yes, we have our issues, our struggles, our flaws and our faults, and yes, we've all made mistakes. But this does not mean that we don't have the potential for greatness. We need to recognize our potential and, like Pinhas, seize the opportunities to shine. Let's stop being afraid, being embarrassed, and being insecure – and let's start living with self-confidence and with the firm belief that we are capable of doing great things, and that we have been brought here into the world to do great things.