Dr. Morgan Cutlip on Why Understanding the Mental Load Is Critical to the Success of a Relationship

Once again, we don’t often have fiction picks on I’d Rather Be Reading, but usually every year I leave you with a fiction book of the summer around this time of year—and here is one for you: Hotter in the Hamptons by none other than Tinx, who is my esteemed guest today! In case you’re in the 1 percent of the population who isn’t familiar with Tinx, she is an influencer that has become known as “TikTok’s older sister” because of her advice about relationships and mental health. Her name is Christina Najjar, and her content focuses on celebrity commentary, dating advice, and so-called “starter packs for rich moms.” She attended Stanford and Parsons School of Design, and she too is a podcaster, hosting the It’s Me, Tinx podcast. She has written a nonfiction book that came out in 2023 called The Shift: Change Your Perspective, Not Yourself, which tackles topics like self-confidence, friendships, dating, and more; now she’s got a novel, Hotter in the Hamptons, coming out May 6, and it is as juicy as it gets. Tinx is already a New York Times bestselling author from her first book, and I fully expect her to become one again with Hotter in the Hamptons. There’s so much in the book that is compelling—love, sex, friendship, fashion, influencer culture, the Hamptons—it’s difficult for me to cover fiction because I just want to give it all away, but I refuse to do that. I found Tinx to be absolutely lovely; her calming, soothing voice will instantly relax you. I hope you enjoy this conversation and this book. Take a listen!Hotter in the Hamptons by Tinx

Today we are talking about a topic that will resonate with each and every one of you—waiting. Every last one of us has walked through a waiting season at some point in our lives, and I bet that most, if not all, of us are waiting on something to happen for them right now. Be it a marriage, a child, a job, a home, on and on and on, it’s not so much that life is made up of waiting seasons, but life is one big wait. The question becomes—how will we live in the wait? How can we be happy even when we’re waiting on a deeply held dream to come to pass? Today on the show we have the dynamic DawnCheré Wilkerson for a faith-filled conversation about her new book Slow Burn: The Work and Wonder of the Wait, which is out April 29. Today we talk about why humans don’t instinctively wait well; how to live well while we wait; how our waits can transform us and allow God to shape us into the people we were called to be; what her waiting has taught her; and what she’d say to someone—maybe you—in the darkest corner of their wait. DawnCheré is a speaker, singer, songwriter, author, and pastor who has also struggled with infertility, which she beautifully opens up about in the book and this conversation. Spoiler alert—they now have four children, the youngest of which was born just as this book was about to come out! DawnCheré is the wife of Pastor Rich Wilkerson, and together they’ve built a ministry, VOUS Church, that brings so many people closer to God in Miami. We talk about her faith today, and it is such a blessing to see the Lord working through DawnCheré’s powerful story. Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place, and in this episode.Slow Burn: The Work and Wonder of the Wait by DawnCheré Wilkerson

Today on the show we’re talking about the beauty of staying put, and we’re talking with Annie B. Jones, author of the new book Ordinary Time: Lessons Learned While Staying Put, which comes out April 22. Annie is a podcaster herself—her books podcast, From the Front Porch, is a huge hit—and she is the owner of The Bookshelf in Thomasville, Georgia, one of the most well-respected bookstores in the U.S. Annie writes in Ordinary Time that she had dreams of moving to New York City, but instead stayed put, planting roots in the small town of Thomasville. This book combats the notion that one has to have a “loud” life to make a difference, and argues we don’t always have to leave the lives we have to live the lives we’ve dreamed of. Annie describes herself in the book’s very first line as “someone who stays” and, as she writes, “I have not lived the adventurous life I envisioned for myself as a teenager; I have, against all odds and dreams to the contrary, chosen to stay, and in the staying, I believe there is a story to tell.” Maybe you, too, are someone who stayed—as Annie writes in Ordinary Time, among young adults, 80 percent live within 100 miles of their hometown. But it’s not just about staying put in a geographic location: it’s about staying put in a job, in a marriage, in a faith. Annie and I talk about so much in this episode, including our shared love for books; she also tells me what she’d tell the younger version of herself, and so much more. Sometimes, it turns out, staying put can bring forth a life better than you ever imagined. Annie is a writer, a podcaster, and a bookstore owner whose work has been featured in Southern Living. She lives in Thomasville with her husband Jordan and their dog, Sam Malone, and she has quite the story to tell. Ordinary Time: Lessons Learned While Staying Put by Annie B. Jones

I am delighted to have on the show today Chris Guillebeau, here to talk about his latest, Time Anxiety: The Illusion of Urgency and a Better Way to Live, which is out April 15. You may know Chris from his popular newsletter “A Year of Mental Health” or for his books, including 2010’s The Art of Non-Conformity, 2012’s The $100 Startup, 2014’s The Happiness of Pursuit, 2016’s Born for This, 2017’s Side Hustle, and 2023’s Gonzo Capitalism. In Time Anxiety, Chris examines our relationship with the clock, and in our conversation today defines time anxiety; tells us what a cognitive distortion is, including time blindness; how to cultivate a healthier relationship with time; how many of us have bought into the “magical thinking of time management”; how staying busy might be a way of staying avoidant; how our perception of time changes as we age; how a light schedule can be more psychologically challenging than a full one; and so much more. I learned so much from this book and this conversation. Take a listen!Time Anxiety: The Illusion of Urgency and a Better Way to Live by Chris Guillebeau

Whether you are decidedly a Swiftie or decidedly not, I promise you’re going to get something out of this conversation. It’s hard to believe that we’ve never, to my knowledge, spoken about Taylor Swift in her own episode in the nearly four years and 300-plus episodes of I’d Rather Be Reading, but now, she gets her due. Here today I have Kevin Evers, a senior editor at the Harvard Business Review who has written the brilliant book There’s Nothing Like This: The Strategic Genius of Taylor Swift, which comes out April 8. We look at Taylor today from many perspectives—a business perspective; a music perspective; and a personal perspective, focusing on her Eras Tour, which wrapped last year, and its impact; her fan-centric approach; and her drive, determination, and vision. Kevin and I talk about why Taylor decided to go the pop music route after her country music beginnings; what “that” moment with Kanye West at the 2009 VMAs did to her career, and to her personally; where she is most in her element—as a singer, a songwriter, and a performer; and what gives Taylor the “it” factor that has catapulted her to unparalleled levels of fame. We also talk about Taylor’s long-term strategy; her moment of backlash and how she rose up from it; and what her most strategic business decision is. We also talk about her legacy, although, at 35, her story is most definitely still being written. Here to walk us through it all is Kevin Evers, who, as previously mentioned, is a senior editor at the Harvard Business Review. He has edited bestselling and award-winning books on high performance, creativity, innovation, marketing, strategy, and digital disruption, and he has written popular articles on Hollywood blockbusters, brain science, the unpredictability of success, and the art of persuasion, among others. He is fantastic, and I can’t wait for you to hear what he has to say.There’s Nothing Like This: The Strategic Genius of Taylor Swift by Kevin Evers

We are in for such a fun conversation today with Dr. Morgan Cutlip, author of A Better Share: How Couples Can Tackle the Mental Load for More Fun, Less Resentment, and Great Sex, which is out April 8. In today's episode, Morgan teaches us why understanding the mental load is so important to a successful partnership. She teaches us that the mental load is comprised of three parts—physical, cognitive, and emotional, and we talk about that, as well as the cycle of unmet needs, the PAR acronym and what it means for both men and women, and what the death spiral is in a relationship. We also talk about what the default partner versus the non-default partner means as far as ownership of a task, and so much more from this great book. Morgan calls herself a “lifelong lover of all things relationship,” and she has worked in the field of relationship education for over 15 years alongside her dad, Dr. John Van Epp, who is the founder of Love Thinks and the developer of multiple relationship education courses that have been taught to over one million people worldwide. Morgan is also the author of the 2023 book Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps to Banish Guilt and Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do, and she earned a master’s degree in human development and family science and a doctorate in counseling psychology. She’s also just so easy to talk to and so much fun. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed having this conversation.A Better Share: How Couples Can Tackle the Mental Load for More Fun, Less Resentment, and Great Sex by Dr. Morgan Cutlip

As our guest today, Dr. Caroline Fleck, writes in her new book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life—which came out February 18—validation is psychology’s best kept secret. What is validation, anyway, and why does it matter? Caroline and I dig into all of it, including the power of validation, and why Caroline considers it a superpower. Practicing validation can lead to improvement in five important categories across one’s life, Caroline says: improved relationships, decreased conflict, increased influence, increased ability to drive behavioral change, and increased self-compassion. (Um, yes please.) We also talk today about what validation isn’t, and go through the ladder of validation—its eight rungs and three sections. We then put validation into practice, giving examples of what it looks like with ourselves, with our kids, within an intimate relationship, and in the workplace. This really is psychology’s best kept secret, and I’m so glad it doesn’t have to be hidden under cover anymore because of Caroline’s book. Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford. She is a graduate of Michigan and Duke and has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous clinical training programs across the U.S. A respected voice in psychology, she’s been featured in The New York Times, on Good Morning America, and in HuffPost, and in her private practice, she works with adults, adolescents, and couples, specializing in dialectical behavior therapy, otherwise known as DBT, and other cognitive behavioral treatments. Her corporate work strengthens company culture and individual performance, and she not only implements training programs to Fortune 500 companies but also provides executive coaching to industry leaders worldwide. She’s got a great message to share.Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life by Dr. Caroline Fleck

I have spoken before on the show about my absolute love and admiration for the one and only Nora Ephron, who is the reason why I am a writer. I have met my match in today’s guest, Ilana Kaplan, who I previously worked with at People, who is absolutely fantastic, and who has written this gem of a book about our shared heroine called Nora Ephron at the Movies: A Visual Celebration of the Writer and Director Behind When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, and More, which came out last October 29. The words are beautiful, but it is a visually stunning book as well—one your coffee table absolutely needs. Today Ilana and I talk about the life, work, and legacy of Nora, who died far, far too soon at age 71 in 2012. And when I say I’ve met my match when it comes to being a Nora fan in Ilana, I mean it—she even had Nora in her wedding vows, which not even I can say I did. Among so much else, Ilana and I talk today about Nora’s rom-com trio: When Harry Met Sally (which is my favorite movie of all time), Sleepless in Seattle, and You’ve Got Mail—and Ilana shocks me with a revelation about how one of those movies is actually meant to be a sequel of the other. We talk about Nora’s successes in film, but also her failures, and which of Nora’s movies Ilana thinks are underrated. Nora was a writer, a director, a playwright—we talk about her legacy and how her fingerprints are still felt, even 13 years after her death. Ilana is a writer and culture editor whose work has been everywhere from the aforementioned People to PAPER, The Independent, The New York Times, New York magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Rolling Stone, GQ, Vanity Fair, Vogue, NPR, Pitchfork, Variety, Billboard, and more. She’s totally compelling, and I can’t wait for you to hear from her. Nora Ephron at the Movies: A Visual Celebration of the Writer and Director Behind When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, and More by Ilana Kaplan

Today on the show we’ve got Jenny Wood discussing her new book Wild Courage: Go After What You Want and Get It, which hits shelves on March 25. In the book, Jenny writes about how courage is essential to our success, and how, in her words, “Wild courage will change your life.” She explains to us what wild courage is, anyway; how to look fear in the eye and do it—whatever it is to you—scared; the four-step goal setting practice of rock, chalk, talk, and walk; and in one of the most fascinating parts of the book to me, Jenny takes nine traits that aren’t necessarily associated with courage and reframed them for wild courage. You’ll see what I mean when you read the book and listen to the episode. Jenny tells us about her absolutely wild love story—which was featured in The New York Times—and Jenny really is just incredibly fascinating: she is a tap dancer, an FAA-licensed private pilot, and a zucchini bread connoisseur, in her words. She describes herself in her bio as an “Unstoppable confidence booster,” and was a top executive at Google and is the founder of Own Your Career, one of the largest career development programs in Google’s history. Jenny’s work is dedicated to helping people make their impossible dreams happen, and she is a speaker, writer, mom, and, while at Google, ran a large operations team that helped drive tens of billions of revenue per year. Her writing has been featured in the Harvard Business Review, Entrepreneur, Inc., and Forbes. Take a listen to our conversation!Wild Courage: Go After What You Want and Get It by Jenny Wood

Our guest today, Brad Meltzer, is one of the busiest people in book writing. It’s only March, and already he’s had two books come out in 2025 alone: The JFK Conspiracy: The Secret Plot to Kill Kennedy—and Why It Failed, written with his friend Josh Mensch and released January 14, and Make Magic: The Book of Inspiration You Didn’t Know You Needed, which came out March 4. Today on the show we talk about both books with Brad—and they’re very different. In The JFK Conspiracy, we learn about a plot against John F. Kennedy’s life a full three years before 1963 and Dallas. The almost assassination happened in December 1960 in Palm Beach, Florida, after Kennedy had been elected to the presidency but before he’d been sworn in. I’ll leave it to the episode to explain the gritty details, but what’s interesting is that the book dives into Jackie Kennedy with as much gusto as it does JFK. It’s a fantastic read. Then we have Make Magic, which was birthed from the text of a speech Brad gave at the University of Michigan’s commencement last May, when none other than his son was one of the graduates. Brad, too, graduated from Michigan, and the book is in Michigan’s colors and the text is extremely substantive, especially when he goes into kindness and empathy. The books are very different, but I enjoyed them both immensely, and I can’t wait for you to hear about them. By the way—just want to throw this in here—The JFK Conspiracy and Make Magic were both instant New York Times bestsellers. Brad is such a likeable guy. He’s a No. 1 New York Times bestselling author and has written so many books, perhaps evidenced by the fact that he wrote two books already in 2025 alone. If that’s not enough, he’s also the host of the History Channel shows Brad Meltzer’s Decoded and Brad Meltzer’s Lost History, which he used to help find the missing September 11, 2001 flag that the firefighters raised at Ground Zero on that awful day. Brad has written across so many genres—novels to nonfiction books to comic books to children’s books. I know you’re going to love this conversation. The JFK Conspiracy: The Secret Plot to Kill Kennedy—and Why It Failed by Brad MeltzerMake Magic: The Book of Inspiration You Didn’t Know You Needed by Brad Meltzer