164: Reproductive Trauma with Beth Warren

"I felt like I was drowning and exploding at the same time."This week I'm joined by Nicole McNelis, LPC — perinatal mental health therapist, researcher, and one of the leading voices on maternal rage. We first met when she came to San Diego to present for our local Postpartum Health Alliance, and I've wanted to bring this conversation to you ever since.Here's the reframe that changes everything: your rage is a message, not a meltdown. It's not a character flaw, it's a signal. And you're far from alone: in Nicole's research, 80% of perinatal providers said they're seeing mom rage in the moms they serve. This isn't a YOU thing. It's a system thing.In this episode, we talk about:How we define maternal rageThe cycle of rage: the buildup, the explosion, and the shame-and-guilt aftermathWhy there's no widely used term for "dad rage" — and what that reveals about the mental loadReal strategies for when rage bubbles upFind Nicole:Instagram: @therapist.mom.collectiveWeb: nicolemcnelis.comTo learn more about Dr. Cassidy's book and practice and get connected for a consult call visit www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if your birth went "well" on paper... but something in you still feels unresolved?This week I'm joined by Beth Warren, LCSW, PMH-C, a perinatal psychotherapist, EMDR consultant, and author of Healing from Reproductive Trauma. We talk about what reproductive trauma actually includes (hint: it's SO much more than a "hard birth"), and why it can show up later as rage, hypervigilance, shame, or a feeling of disconnect from your body, child, and partner. I also open up about my own experience with postpartum anxiety, a pregnancy loss, and the unexpected childhood memory that EMDR brought forward (and the healing that followed).Whether you're preparing for a baby, in the thick of postpartum, or years down the road wondering "was that trauma?"... this one's for you. Because if it was distressing to you, it matters.In this episodeWhat falls under "reproductive trauma," from infertility and loss to NICU stays and births that looked smooth medicallyThe fawn responseHow unprocessed reproductive experiences can ripple forward and ripple to older woundsWhat healing can look likeLinks & resourcesBeth on Instagram: @bethanywarrenlcswBeth's website: bethanywarrenlcsw.comHealing from Reproductive Trauma and The Pregnancy and Postpartum Mood Workbook: available wherever books are soldPostpartum Support International provider directory (filter for EMDR and trauma specialists): postpartum.netPostpartum Health Alliance (San Diego): postpartumhealthalliance.orgTo learn more about Dr. Cassidy's book and practice and get connected for a consult call visit www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Social media isn't going anywhere...so how do we raise kids inside this new digital age? How do we keep them safe? How do we navigate OUR OWN relationship with it?This week I'm joined by Kelly McCullough, LCSW, child and adolescent therapist, and founder of La Jolla Therapy Center, to move past the all-or-nothing panic and into something more livable. We get honest about "chasing presence" as parents, why our teens are actually wired to crave connection, and what the research says about the sweet spot between zero access and unrestricted access. Kelly brings the tangible, concrete guidance parents are hungry for — and we both admit how messy this is to actually pull off in real life. Whether you've got littles, teens, or you're just navigating your own relationship with your phone, there's something here for you.In this episode, we get into:Why so many of us are "chasing presence" — and how our phones keep us stuck in the chaseWhy the teenage pull toward peers is healthy, not a red flagWhat emerging research says about zero access vs. unrestricted access Kelly's tangible guidelinesHow to lay the foundation early with younger kidsThe loneliness epidemicConnect with KellyKelly McCullough is a child and adolescent therapist and the founder of La Jolla Therapy Center in San Diego, a practice devoted through and through to kids and teens. You can learn more or book a consultation with one of their licensed therapists at lajollatherapycenter.com.Connect with Dr. CassidyDr. Cassidy is a therapist specializing in supporting parents and couples who are ready to break cycles and work through the triggers that parenting brings forward. You can learn more about her group practice for parents in California, New York and Nevada at drcassidymft.com.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What happens when love and fear live in the same household?This week I'm joined by Leslie Priscilla, founder of Latinx Parenting, cultural healer, and author of the new book CHANCLA: Healing Our Families, Ourselves, and Our Culture through Nonviolent Parenting. Leslie has spent 17+ years helping Latinx families break cycles of intergenerational harm, and in this conversation she uses one deeply familiar cultural emblem — la chancla, the sandal — as a keyhole into a much bigger story about survival, history, and healing.This is a tender, honest, context-over-shame conversation. In this episode, we talk about:The context and culture around la ChanclaWhat "nonviolent" parenting actually means The "cuatro amigos" underneath so much of how we parentReconnecting with the inner child — the inner niña — as a path back to intuitionRemembrance and celebrating the resilience AND resistance of the cultureAbout Leslie: Leslie Priscilla is a Certified Parent Coach, Certified Family Life Educator, and the founder of Latinx Parenting, a bilingual organization reaching hundreds of thousands of families through workshops, trainings, and advocacy rooted in children's rights and nonviolence. She's a mother of three based in Santa Ana, CA. Find Leslie:Instagram: @latinxparentingWeb: latinxparenting.orgGet the book CHANCLA — out now, linked at latinxparenting.orgAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I sit down with therapist Josie Ampaw-Greene — a licensed clinical social worker and mom to twins — for a conversation on how we talk to our kids about race, identity, and oppression.We talk about:Why "should I even bring it up?" is itself a form of privilegeAlly vs. accomplice — and sitting IN the discomfort, not on the sidelinesPerfectionism as a form of white supremacy (yeah...we went there)Adultification — why kids of color have these talks so much earlierStarting with history (going back 300 years, not today's headlines)And where to start todayIf you take one thing from this episode, let it be Josie's reminder: you can't take your kids somewhere you haven't gone yourself.You can connect with Josie and her Denver practice, Ampaw Psychotherapy & Consulting, at https://www.ampawpc.com and on Instagram @diaryofabrokenheartedtherapist. To learn more about my book Mom Needs a Moment or my California/New York private practice, visit https://www.drcassidymft.comA few resources named in the episode:The March Graphic Novel BooksTricia Hersey / The Nap Ministry - Rest is ResistanceAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I sit down with poet and storyteller Taylor Rae Roman for a conversation about the quiet, disorienting grief underneath early motherhood...the experience of waking up in a new body, a new mind, a new identity, and never really getting to say goodbye to the woman you were before.This one's for the mom who loves her baby AND is barely hanging on. For the one who had the "perfect" birth and still whispers I hate my life into the 3am dark...then feels like a monster for it. For the mom who hasn't turned on music in the car in MONTHS because one more sound might crack her open. We talk about:Grieving the woman you were beforeWhy "perfect" feels like drowningThe sensory overload no one warns you aboutPostpartum depression and postpartum anxietySeeing yourself in your baby's eyesWhy none of it (the hard OR the beautiful) is foreverThe poem that says it allIf you take one thing from this episode, let it be Taylor's message to the mom listening right now: you are not crazy. This is as hard as you think it is. You are not alone. And you deserve support...like, yesterday.You can connect with Taylor at https://taylorraeroman.com and follow her on social media @taylorraeroman.To learn more about my book Mom Needs a Moment or my California/New York private practice visit https://www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Destini Ann, fellow mom, parenting educator, and author of the book Very Intentional Parenting...for the screen time conversation SO many of you have been begging for.Destini and I go way back (we met years ago in a little study group with Dr. Becky and a few other good souls), and we've been in each other's DMs ever since. Then she shared a resource that genuinely changed things in my house around screen time... and I was like...okay, we HAVE to make this happen. This one's for the parent white-knuckling the iPad handoff, the one really wishing computers and phones were non-existent in their child's world, and honestly anyone who's ever come in HOT about screens and then thought... wait, was that really necessary, or was that my anxiety? (No judgment. I've been there. Like, just-this-morning there.)We talk about:Quality vs. quantity — why your kid's screen struggle might look completely different from the kid down the street "Not yet" is a full sentence — the boundary I wish I'd had soonerHow to pay attention WITHOUT micromanaging — scrolling alongside your kid instead of confiscate-and-investigateWhy the moment is almost never the moment to address it — and what to do instead "This is not an emergency" — even when what you stumble on makes you go WHAT in the actual worldProtection AND education — how to hold both without losing your mindThe screen time flow chart Destini created — the actual resource that shifted things in my home (link below!)Why so much of parenting a teen is choosing the RIGHT kind of slightly uncomfortable"Are you open?" — the four-word script Destini swears is basically sorcery Cursing, dating, e-bikes, bike-ride sex talks, Awkward Fridays — all the real, slightly-mortifying conversations that build the kind of trust you'll be SO grateful for laterAnd yes... this connects so deeply to the heart of my book Mom Needs a Moment...taking a beat, resourcing yourself outside the moment so you can come back INTO the moment as the parent you actually want to be.You can find Destini Ann on Instagram (with all the ways to connect with her) @destini.ann and grab her screen time flow chart here! To learn more about my therapy practice or book a free consult, visit drcassidymft.com. You can learn more about my book Mom Needs a Moment here and get your pre-order gifts if you order before June 16 here!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Pany Robinson, a board-certified family practitioner with 22 years of experience and one of the most refreshingly no-nonsense voices I've encountered on women's hormonal health to talk about everything you weren't told about perimenopause and menopause.I met Dr. Pany at a training on maternal rage (yes, there's a connection), and I was immediately like: I need her on this podcast.This one is for anyone who has ever felt like something was off but couldn't name it — and for your partner too, honestly.We talk about:The symptoms nobody mentions: itchy ears, frozen shoulder, cystic acne, vertigo, palpitations, recurrent UTIs, and moreWhy hot flashes are actually a later symptom...and what's already happening in your body long before thatHow to advocate for yourself in a system that isn't quite caught up yet (including what to ask for and how to say it)The long-term case for hormone therapy: dementia, cancer risk, muscle loss, and moreThe relational toll: libido, intimacy, and why 45 is both the hardest year for women on average and the peak age for divorceWhy this is a whole-body, multidisciplinary issue, not just a "get on a patch and call it a day" situationTo connect with Dr. Pany or book a free 20-minute phone consult, visit nextphaseclinic.com.To learn more about my therapy practice or book a free consult you can visit drcassidymft.com.You can learn more about Dr. Cassidy's book Mom Needs a Moment here or you can buy it wherever books are sold!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I welcome back Dr. Kim Van Dusen — one of my very first podcast guests ever — to talk about her new book Parenting Through Play.Together we explore why play is such a powerful entry point for connection, regulation, and even repair with our kids. Dr. Kim helps those of us who don't always feel like getting on the floor to play (hi, it's me) by introducing the idea of "purposeful play pockets" — micro moments of novelty and playfulness woven throughout the day that don't require a ton of energy or capacity. Think: swapping a fork for a pair of tongs at dinner, or a small mindset shift at clean-up time.We also talk about:The myth that play has to mean sitting on the floor for hours of pretendReconnecting with your own inner child (especially if you didn't grow up in a playful home)Why play and power struggles both take energy...and which one you'd rather spend it onUsing play as a tool for repairHow play can help kids work through big transitions, sibling dynamics, separation anxiety, and fearThe invisible mental load that comes with parenting and with being the "fun" oneThe legacy we leave when our kids learn to use play to connect, communicate, and repairTo learn more from Dr. Kim and grab a copy of Parenting Through Play, visit theparentologist.com/book and follow along on Instagram @theparentologist.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

On today’s episode, I’m joined by therapist, speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist Podcast, Eli Weinstein. Eli works extensively with couples and families, and his upcoming book From I Do to We Do explores what really happens to relationships once kids enter the picture.Because here’s the truth: most couples start parenting believing that love will carry them through. And while love absolutely matters, it’s not always enough to navigate the stress, exhaustion, invisible labor, and shifting roles that come with raising kids.In this episode, we talk honestly about what happens to marriages during the parenting years, including the quiet resentment that can build when expectations go unspoken, the invisible mental load many parents carry, and why couples often feel like they’re both doing “120%.”Eli shares practical ways couples can reconnect as teammates instead of adversaries, and why repair, not perfection, is what actually sustains long-term relationships.In this episode, we talk about:Why love alone doesn’t guide couples through the parenting yearsHow unmet expectations quietly turn into resentmentThe mental load many parents carry, and how couples can share it more intentionallyThe power of repair after rupture, and why genuine apologies matter more than perfect onesWhy successful marriages require choosing your partner again and again as life changesMy hope is that this conversation helps couples step out of scorekeeping and back into partnership. Parenting can easily pull partners into opposite corners. But when couples learn how to communicate, repair, and reconnect, they can remember that they’re actually on the same team.Connect with EliFollow Eli on social media: @eliweinstein_lcswGet his book: From I Do to We DoIf you loved this episodeShare it with a parent who’s in the thick of it right nowSupport the podcast with a rating or reviewSubscribe to my Substack, A Little Space, Please, for the post that goes with this episodeLearn more about Dr. Cassidy and Co's therapy practice at www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy