211: Sexual Dry Spells: When Safety Kills Passion

Sexual desire differences are, unfortunately, very common. In fact, it's one of the top reasons why couples seek sex therapy or any kind of help in their marriage. It's really painful to be in a relationship where your spouse doesn't desire you the same way you desire them. And while it's painful for the spouse with the higher libido or higher desire, it's also just as painful (for different reasons) for the person with a lower desire/lower libido. The good news is that there are actually tools and solutions to help couples get on the same page sexually, and we'll discuss some of these in this episode. I was interviewed by my friend Taylor Chambers, a marriage and family therapist. Since we talk about these things often on this platform, we've included this interview on the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. In this episode, we cover the following: I share some of my personal examples from my own marriage Why traditional sex therapy doesn't quite work. The role of pleasure Integrity culture versus purity culture If you and your spouse have differences in sexual desire that's causing some problems in your marriage, you're in luck because next week I'm going live doing a deep dive discussion on this very topic. What: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives without Therapy or Pressure, Live Masterclass When: November 14, 6 pm Pacific / 9pm Eastern Register Here   More Resources: Intimately Us App 2025 Couples Retreat You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com  Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

There's a lot of stress in parenthood (and regular life) that presses on the couple's relationship, which Emily and I know firsthand as parents to 6 children. And I know that maintaining intimacy and being lovers while also being parents and good at our jobs and other responsibilities is a challenge many of us face, which is why I'm so interested in this topic today. And I had so much fun recording this episode with my guest, Sofia Ashley. She's a hoot! Sofia has been a sex coach for 10 years and has a program called "Sex After Kids" and she's the founder of The Happy Vagina Project.  In this episode we discuss how to have a party your libido would like to show up to and the importance of nervous system regulation, effective communication, and emotional support (over depending on outside things like toys or lingerie). You'll get to hear her strategies for transitioning from being a busy mom to a hot wife. And be sure to stay to the end to hear her black belt sex tip! Resources: Intimately Us App FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less 2025 Couples Retreat You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com  Episode Highlights 2:08: Bedroom fail 5:12: Novelty falls flat if there's not deeper connection 6:09: How our nervous system plays in 9:28: When you just feel "touched out" 15:33: Physiological response and the need for relaxation 18:20: Transitioning from super-busy mode, to "I want to have sex mode" 22:41: Creating a party your libido wants to come to 23:50: Pre-launch check list 31:46: Nervous sytem reset exercises 35:49: How to know if you're disregulated 39:45: Black belt sext tip! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

The holidays are coming up, and this is often a stressful time for a lot of couples. The stress and busyness can often lead couples to fall into dry spells in their sex life. And Emily and I are not immune to those dry spells either. So whether you're in a dry spell or looking to avoid one, this episode is for you! We're going to cover practical ways to keep your marriage and sex life going strong through all the seasons of life. Resources: Intimately Us App FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less 2025 Couples Retreat You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Episode highlights: 4:37: Seeing the Patterns in Your Relationship 6:13: Calm the heck down 7:18: Notice emotions and how they present in your body 7:40: The measure of your marriage isn't how you handle yourself when things are going well, but when life is hard 9:00: Separate the act of sex from the meanings attached to it. 11:04: When we look to our spouse, as a reason behind the dry spell, it opens you up to a potential of self-deception 12:25: Routine kills passion 14:34: Need both love and desire 17:37: Offer good sex 19:07: Questions to ask yourself and thoughts to consider 21:55: "But my spouse doesn't want to change"  

In this episode, you'll learn how to stimulate the "g-spot" and how to have more fun in your bedroom by learning how to work with this beautiful aspect of female pleasure and orgasm. Join us as my guest, Tilly Storm, a sex coach for women, teaches about unlocking this new dimension in your marriage. Even if including the g-spot is already something you're doing in your relationship, I promise you'll gain a lot out of this podcast anyway. If you're new to this, well, you've got a whole new dimension in your relationship to uncover and explore together! And I hope you have a lot of fun exploring it, just like my wife and I have had a lot of fun putting into practice a lot of the things that Tilly teaches in this episode! Resources: Sexual Mindfulness Seminar Series with Dr. Chelom Leavitt Intimately Us App Get Your Marriage On Program FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less 2025 Couples Retreat You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

There's definitely a spiritual element to developing an intimate marriage. For example, in order to have really good sex or really deep emotional connection with someone, it requires you to be more honest, true chaste, benevolent, and in short, to do good to your spouse. It requires you to be able to endure all things and to have a lot of hope and do the little things every day, the little micro things that actually matter to build an intimate marriage. Our episode today is a recording of a conversation I had with my good friend, Rhonda Farr. If you don't know her, she is a marriage and intimacy coach a lot like myself. And we had a fantastic conversation about how our marriage changes us rather than us trying to change our marriage. This is really relevant because we're talking about the spiritual work of sexual development; this is the refining process, the part that expands us in our marriages to become the better version of who we are meant to become.   Resources: Intimately Us App Sexual Mindfulness Seminar Series with Dr. Chelom Leavitt FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

There are many reasons why a lot of us get off on the wrong foot when it comes to building an intimate marriage for the lifetime; there's shame, purity culture, unmet expectations, and difficulty in communicating about intimate matters, just to name a few. I'm excited for you to meet a couple that has faced all these challenges, like many of you, but have found hope in the progress they've made towards the intimate relationship they desire. Cody and Mindy are a couple that I've gotten to get to know really well through my coaching program. They've taken the principles that we teach in their program, applied them, and they're seeing real results in their relationship. And I'm proud of them for being courageous enough to come on this podcast to share their journey and their experience with you, with the hope that some of you listening can find inspiration, hope, and healing in whatever phase of the journey you're in right now. After listening to this episode, if you and your spouse feel like you could use a huge boost in your relationship, please check out my get your marriage on program. You'll see the details and lots of free information about it on my website. One way to boost intimacy in your relationship is to learn mindfulness skills. And this has been proven in research over and over again. And in fact, one of the world's most foremost researchers in this area, Dr. Chelom Leavitt, is going to be joining me for a three week long seminar series in the latter half of October. You won't want to miss it! Resources: Intimately Us App Sexual Mindfulness Seminar Series with Dr. Chelom Leavitt FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

We've come to our fourth and final Sextember podcast episode! It's been a great month culminating in this week's spicy topic. And the whole reason behind Sextember and these types of episodes is to illustrate how important it is that you add variety and novelty to your intimate marriage. This is how you keep it vital for the longterm. Recently someone reached out to our private Get Your Marriage On Facebook group (which, by the way, if you're not a member of, I highly recommend you join):  "My wife wants to spice things up in the bedroom. She's saying we should do more sex positions, but I have no idea where to start." Well, this podcast episode is for you and everyone like you in a similar situation! We've had sex position illustrations (very tastefully drawn) in the Intimately Us app for about two years now, and it's a fantastic source of inspiration and creativity for many couples who have looked at those and use them. Another feature that we have in that app is that users can rate and review their favorite positions.  So I'm presenting for you today, the top 10 sex positions rated in the Intimately Us app. If you don't have the app, download it today. And if you do have it, please consider upgrading to the premium version to unlock all of the best features of the app!   Resources: Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!) Women's Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October) FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less Anonymous Question Submission You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

This is our third Sextember Episode! So this is also going to be a really fun and spicy podcast to give you inspiration and ideas to make the most out of your Sextember!  Today, we get to talk about how to share your fantasies with your spouse (which is really hard to do sometimes) and about the value of adding novelty and spice to your marriage relationship.  In preparation for this episode, we polled our Instagram audience by asking them a bunch of "yes, no, maybe" questions (and some of them are really spicy!). Listen for those at the end to see how your own responses line up with those of our general audience. Jacqlin is my guest today, and I'm so grateful to have her as a member of my Get Your Marriage On team. (And you may have seen Jacqlin on our Instagram as she creates a lot of fun and entertaining reels.)  Jacqlin has been married for over 15 years and has four boys. And she's also a certified life coach and loves helping  other individuals have more peace and comfort with sexuality for themselves and in their marriages.   Resources: Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!) Women's Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October) FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less Anonymous Question Submission You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Welcome to our second Sextember episode! For this month, every episode will be filled with ideas to add more spice and excitement to your bedroom as part of our Sextember series. Last week, my guest, Tammy Camp, and I talked about flirting and initiating. So today we're going to build on that and talk about another spicy and exciting topic: putting the play back in foreplay! Foreplay in my opinion is the best part of an intimate encounter. Foreplay is how you set the stage for how intimate and connecting the experience is going to be.   And by the end of this episode, you'll learn the grand key to unlock amazing foreplay in your marriage.  And it's something anybody can do. We'll give you specific tips and ideas as well. I'll also address some questions that you listeners have sent in anonymously about foreplay.   I'm joined by Amy Langford, a certified marriage and intimacy coach that works with me in my Get Your Marriage On program. She's been married for over 25 years to her husband, Greg, has four children and one son-in-law, and is passionate about helping couples uplevel their marriage.   Resources: Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!) Women's Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October) FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less Anonymous Question Submission You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

I am so excited for what's coming up in September! For the next four episodes in the month of September, we will focus on the theme of spicing things up in the bedroom. We're just adding a little more creativity to your lovemaking routines! It's going to be fun and we're doing all this because September for us is Sextember. If you don't know what that is, listen to the podcast or check out our website or Instagram for more. Today's topic is all about initiating and flirting, which I think are two vital skills any couple needs to spice things up in the bedroom. So I've invited my friend at Tammy Camp, a fellow coach with me in my Get Your Marriage On program, to share some ideas together. We get a riff off of each other about how to initiate more creatively, have more fun, and just give you some ideas and inspiration for you and your spouse in your marriage.   Resources: Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!) Get Your Marriage On Program Women's Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October) FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.