WE ARE NOT GOD

Just a brief update about Futile Attempts & news of a sodding live show and Christ in a bucket  I’ve gone and set up a Patreon page like those fucking podcasters do.   Tickets: https://sohotheatre.com/shows/kim-noble-lullaby-for-scavengers/   https://www.patreon.com/kimnoble   https://www.futileattempts.com 

Everything Ends. Including this series. Kim is chucking loads of crap away, but first he wants to say thank you to the complete stranger that gave him some urine.   Starring Adam Buxton as Adam Buxton.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk  

Tai Chi is absolute wank and ain't that the truth. If anyone knows that it’s plumbers. With help from Kim Noble’s sensei, we learn the importance of breathing. This episode was mainly recorded from a showroom wardrobe and also includes a free meditation session.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk  

The average person spends six months of their miserable lives waiting in queues. For Kim it's about seven months… This episode investigates this futile act. We also hear from the happiest man alive.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk  

Back in 2012 Kim recorded the sounds of his neighbours having sex. He will share those sounds with you... if that's ok… and we’ll listen to a secret recording he made whilst a girlfriend broke up with him back in 2005. He recorded it for training and quality control purposes.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk

Guppies can teach us a lot: The world is full of selfish arseholes. You’re probably one yourself. In this episode Kim Noble attempts to return a wallet he found on a 172 bus to its rightful owner and in doing so breaks into a community garden. P.S. the location of a stash of money Kim buried in a roundabout near Manchester is at 18 mins 47 secs if you want to jump to that bit.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk

Exercise can really help one's mental health, but it's so freaking dull… This was due to be the definitive podcast about running but it turned into an investigation into molestation by the award-winning investigative journalist Kim Noble. Partly recorded from a complete stranger’s bathtub without their permission. Sorry.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk  

Do you want to be quite good in bed? Kim Noble attempts to improve his technique and manages to persuade a cashier into giving him some urine to boot. Win Win. He also nearly gets beaten up in a field. Partly recorded from a tent outside Sting’s mansion.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel. www.thisisnovel.co.uk  

By becoming an Assistant Vice President of a major pharmaceutical company Kim Noble attempts to find out how his antidepressants work and sets out on a meditative journey.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel.

Can God save us?  No, but in this episode Kim Noble goes undercover and is introduced to a religious cult leader, bakes 16 lemon drizzle cakes and meets a sensei who touches his nipple.   Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) is written and presented by Kim Noble. The producer is Benbrick.   The series is produced by Novel.