448: Redefining Success: A Conversation with Panache Desai

In this transformative episode, I sit down with my own teacher and mentor, Dr. Karen Parker, to explore the fascinating world of Quantum Human Design and how our stories literally shape our biology. Dr. Parker is a pioneer who studied with the founder of traditional Human Design and has taken the system to its next evolution—helping people not just understand who they're not, but consciously create who they want to become.  What You'll Discover  Understanding Quantum Human Design  The difference between traditional Human Design and Quantum Human Design  How Human Design synthesizes Eastern and Western astrology, the Chinese I Ching, Hindu chakra system, and Judaic Kabbalah  Why getting back into your body is essential for authentic decision-making  The evolution from learning "who you're not" to consciously creating "who you choose to become"  The Biology of Our Stories  How victim-based narratives actually lower immune response (IgA levels)  The physiological changes that occur when you reframe your story  Why optimists live longer and have longer telomeres  The connection between storytelling and post-traumatic growth  Moving Beyond Survival  Why defining ourselves as "survivors" keeps us stuck at a minimal baseline  The danger of stopping your story at the cliffhanger  How to move from surviving to thriving through the redemption arc  The Stage 3 trap: how repeating our betrayal story keeps us stuck  The Story Lab Process  A creative, fun approach to rewriting your narrative (yes, it can be enjoyable!)  Using creative writing to bypass logic and reasoning patterns  Why taking your story "out of time" creates powerful shifts  Real-life example: How one woman transformed from victim to empowered protector  Key Takeaways  Your story creates your identity, and your identity calls in experiences that validate it. Breaking this cycle requires conscious narrative reframing.  Healing doesn't have to be a crisis. The Story Lab process proves that transformation can actually be creative, playful, and fun.  Check in with your body. After sharing your betrayal story, does your body feel light, open, and expansive? Or heavy and contracted? Your body knows the truth.  The power of the redemption arc. Your story doesn't end at the betrayal—that's just the catalyst. The real story is what happens next and who you become.  Powerful Exercise to Try  Draw a horizontal line across a piece of paper. The left represents your birth, the right represents where you are now. Mark all the significant experiences in your life along this timeline. Then ask yourself: "Did I stop my story at the cliffhanger, or have I defined myself by what happened next?"  If you're still hanging at the cliffhanger, you deserve better than that.  About Dr. Karen Parker  Dr. Karen Parker holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology and is the creator of Quantum Human Design. She studied directly with the founder of traditional Human Design and spent three years in a Sound Lab testing the frequency of vocabulary to create an entirely new system that helps people consciously write their sovereign story. She's also the author of multiple books, including Quantum Wellness, which walks readers through the Story Lab process.  Connect with Dr. Karen Parker  Website: QuantumHumanDesign.com  Instagram & Facebook: @DrKarenParker22  Book: Quantum Wellness (available at major online retailers)  Stay in Touch  The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com   My Personal Connection  As a 4/6 Manifesting Generator (Time Bender) myself, studying with Dr. Karen was life-changing. Learning about the triphasic life cycle of the 4/6 profile helped me understand why my life crashed and burned at exactly age 50—and why that was actually the beginning of my true purpose work. The concept of "finding shortcuts" as a Manifesting Generator perfectly explains why the five stages of Post Betrayal Transformation showed up in my research—it was THE shortcut to healing! 

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the PBT® Institute, shares groundbreaking research on betrayal recovery and introduces the #1 betrayal recovery certification program specifically designed to help coaches, practitioners, and healthcare professionals guide clients through healing from betrayal.  Key Topics Covered  The Hidden Impact of Unhealed Betrayal  How unhealed betrayal shows up in relationships through repeat patterns or emotional walls  The connection between betrayal and stress-related health conditions  Impact on workplace performance, confidence, and decision-making  Three Groundbreaking Discoveries  Discovery #1: Betrayal is Different  Unlike other traumas, betrayal shatters the sense of self  Affects trust, confidence, worthiness, and belonging in unique ways  Requires a specialized healing approach  Discovery #2: PBS® Post Betrayal Syndrome®  A documented collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms  Based on over 100,000 data points  Time alone doesn't heal these symptoms  Discovery #3: Five Proven Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough  Predictable pathway from pain to transformation  Clear markers at each stage  Specific strategies to progress through healing  Statistics on How Betrayal Affects Work Performance  84% struggle with trust (impacts collaboration and teamwork)  88% experience extreme sadness (reduces motivation and creativity)  68% cannot focus or concentrate (decreases productivity)  78% feel overwhelmed (increases mistakes and burnout risk)  83% carry significant anger (creates workplace conflict)  47% develop weight and digestive issues  These symptoms persist regardless of when the betrayal occurred  The Transformation Model  Using the house metaphor: betrayal isn't about restoring what was (resilience), it's about rebuilding something entirely new (transformation)  Who This Certification Serves  Life, health, business, and leadership coaches  Therapists, counselors, and psychologists  HR professionals and organizational leaders  Healers and practitioners  Anyone working with clients affected by broken trust  The Certification Program  Self-paced training on the Five Stages  Includes the signature "Betrayal to Breakthrough" program  Case study work and practical coaching tools  Provides coach or practitioner designation  ICF continuing education credits available  Additional Growth Opportunity: PBT Pro  Monthly membership offering:  Live business-building sessions with Dr. Debi  Legal support and protections  Marketing and scaling strategies  Client scenario coaching  Guidance on podcasting, speaking, publishing, and more  Resources Mentioned  PBT® Institute Certification: thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified  From Betrayal to Breakthrough Podcast (top 1.5% globally)  National Forgiveness Day (September 1st annually)  Key Takeaways  Betrayal creates unique symptoms that persist until deliberately healed  Most people stay stuck in Stage 3 without proper guidance  Healing is predictable and achievable with the right framework  Specializing in betrayal recovery creates opportunities to serve an underserved population  This work complements existing coaching practices rather than replacing them  Special Bonuses Mentioned  Featured listing in coaching directory  Guest appearance on From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast  In-person retreat ticket ($1,800 value for PBT® Pro members)  Five ready-to-use client assessments  Legal disclaimer templates  For more information about becoming certified in Post Betrayal Transformation, visit thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified  

In this transformative episode, host Dr. Debi Silber sits down with spiritual guide Panache Desai to challenge everything we've been taught about success, fulfillment, and self-worth. If you've achieved success by traditional standards but still feel unfulfilled, this conversation will completely shift your perspective.  Key Topics Covered:  Redefining Success  Why material success often leads to depression, addiction, and unfulfillment  The true meaning of success: being at peace with yourself  How we've been sold a false bill of goods about where fulfillment comes from  The Inside-Out Approach  Why looking outside ourselves for love, security, and happiness never works  The illusion of external authority and how it betrays us from birth  Why you are already the source of everything you're seeking  The Betrayal Experience  How betrayal serves as a catalyst for redirecting attention back to ourselves  Why we've only ever betrayed ourselves by making others the source of our fulfillment  Understanding that betrayal is the ultimate initiation into self-discovery  Acceptance as the Key  Why "working on yourself" keeps you distanced from your truth  The revolutionary practice of accepting your emotions, thoughts, and humanity  How acceptance is the entry point into genuine self-love  The Conditioning Crisis  How women are especially programmed to sacrifice themselves for others  Why the framework of living for everyone else is the ultimate betrayal  Breaking free from the martyrdom archetype  Parenting and Authenticity  Teaching children that their uniqueness is their superpower  Why conformity in education dulls our natural gifts  The parenting-as-gardening approach: nurturing without controlling outcomes  Moving Beyond Victim Consciousness  Accepting powerlessness over the past as the path to infinite power in the present  Why everything that happened was actually perfect for your evolution  The importance of commitment, consistency, and repetition in transformation  The Golden Buddha Within  Removing the layers of others' projections and interpretations  Recognizing you're not broken, flawed, or in need of fixing  Living from the truth of who you really are  Powerful Quotes:  "Success means to be at peace. If you're at peace with yourself, then you're successful."  "We've only ever betrayed ourselves, and that betrayal began in the moment that we made someone else the source of the love, the source of the security, the source of the safety."  "You're adorable, you're loved. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You don't have to be fixed or changed or improved."  "The only way to be done with the trauma of the past is to accept it, to embrace the fact that it happened—it's not good, it's not bad, it's not right, it's not wrong, it just happened."  Resources:  Visit panachedesai.com to join Panache's free daily meditation "Call to Calm" - now 1570+ days running since the pandemic began.   The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/  Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate  Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/

In this powerful episode, we welcome Dr. Alman, co-creator of the groundbreaking ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study, to discuss trauma, betrayal, and the path to healing. Dr. Alman shares insights from decades of work with Kaiser Permanente and explains why all trauma contains elements of betrayal.  Key Topics Discussed  The Origins of the ACE Study  How the study began through Kaiser Permanente's weight loss program  Dr. Alman's work with patients trying to lose 50-200+ pounds  The surprising discovery that successful weight loss patients were gaining weight back  Collaboration with Dr. Felitti and Dr. Robert Anda to develop the 10 core questions  Understanding Trauma and Betrayal  Core principle: All trauma is betrayal - it involves people we trusted who didn't have our backs  Trauma comes from family members, partners, friends, grandparents, or anyone we depended on  The weight-protection mechanism: How people use weight to protect themselves from harm  The 10 Core ACE Questions (and Beyond)  The original 10 questions identify the most common childhood traumas  Sexual abuse: Found in close to 60% of women in the weight loss program  Neglect: Particularly common among men whose fathers were absent or overworked  The list is not exhaustive - many other traumas exist  The 11th and 12th Questions-important inclusions to access additional information  The Inner Critic Problem  The perfectionist inner judge that becomes a "lifetime member" of your psyche  How childhood conditioning creates an inner critic that fights with our emotions  The futility of trying to eliminate the inner critic  Why therapy alone often isn't enough to resolve this internal conflict  Coping Mechanisms and Addiction  The dosage principle: Like aspirin, coping mechanisms are about dosage - some is helpful, too much is harmful  Common coping strategies: food, work, exercise, drugs, alcohol  High achievers and entrepreneurs often use success as a distraction  The driven CEO who feels "empty and betrayed on the inside"  How seemingly "healthy" distractions like work and exercise can mask deeper issues  The Path to Healing  The Three-Step Process:  Awareness - Answer the 12 ACE questions  Bridge-building - Awareness alone isn't enough; you must build bridges, not walls  Root cause healing - Access your inner wisdom beneath the trauma  Key Principles:  Your emotions are bridges, not obstacles  Your inner critic can be worked with, not eliminated  Everyone has inner wisdom - "the gold underneath all that lead"  Healing requires going deeper than emotions, judgment, and childhood conditioning  The goal is to utilize your trauma and betrayal as tools for growth  Featured Resource  Enlight App - Developed by Dr. Alman and Dr. Felitti to help people connect with their inner wisdom daily, utilizing emotions, judgments, and childhood experiences as tools for healing rather than obstacles to overcome.  Key Takeaways  The ACE study has reached 100 countries and millions of people worldwide  20% of people use 80% of healthcare services, often due to unresolved trauma  Trauma manifests in physical symptoms: stomach aches, back pain, weight issues, autoimmune illnesses, migraines, depression, and anxiety  Everyone's trauma experience is unique, even when ACE scores are similar  Healing isn't about getting rid of parts of yourself - it's about integration and working with all aspects of who you are  You can't "get rid" of your inner critic any more than you can remove the rings from a tree  The path forward involves accepting, reassuring, and connecting with all parts of yourself  Notable Quotes  "All trauma is betrayal, because it's people we trusted, people we hoped would have our back, would take care of us."  "Awareness is great. It's a bridge, but it's not enough."  "The inner critic has a lifetime membership - you might as well learn how to work with it."  "Everybody has inner wisdom. It's probably real deep, deeper than you've ever gone, deeper than your emotions, deeper than your judge, deeper than your perfectionist."  "Two aspirin will help you, 100 will kill you. Same thing with coping mechanisms - it's all about dosage."  Connect with Dr. Alman  Download the Enlightn app for support (you can also go to enlightn.me) and for more information about the ACE Study and access to the assessment questions, visit https://drbrianalman.com.  To learn more about healing from betrayal trauma, visit https://thepbtinstitute.com.  Discover the groundbreaking ACE Study with co-creator Dr. Alman. Learn why all trauma is betrayal, the 11th and 12th ACE questions, how to work with your inner critic, and the proven path to healing childhood trauma and adverse experiences.    ACE study, adverse childhood experiences, childhood trauma, betrayal trauma, Dr. Alman, trauma healing, inner critic, emotional healing, Kaiser Permanente, sexual abuse recovery, weight loss and trauma, coping mechanisms, root cause healing, PTSD, childhood neglect, inner wisdom, trauma awareness, perfectionism, self-healing, Enlightn app 

In this deeply insightful episode, Dr. Debi Silber sits down with addiction expert Amber Hollingsworth to explore the complex intersection between betrayal and addiction—and the impact it has on partners, families, and loved ones.  Amber, who grew up in a family affected by addiction and went on to dedicate her career to helping families heal, shares raw and eye-opening truths about how addiction patterns form, why partners often become "the villain" in the addicted person's story, and how to strategically navigate the balance between compassion and boundaries without losing yourself in the process.  Together, Debi and Amber unpack how betrayal shows up through addiction—whether it's substances, behaviors, or emotional disconnection—and what it takes to stop enabling, break the cycle, and create the conditions for real recovery.  🧩 Key Topics Covered:  Amber's personal story of growing up in an addicted family and how it shaped her life's work.  The hidden connection between betrayal trauma and addiction—and why family members often carry the deepest wounds.  Why partners of addicts often become "the villain" in the story and how to reverse that dynamic.  The psychology of enabling—and how to stop protecting your loved one from the consequences they need to face.  The painful balance between love and accountability: how to let them fall without losing yourself.  What it really means to "hit bottom" (and why you don't have to wait for it).  How empathy, not anger, activates the brain's learning center and creates the possibility of change.  How to stay grounded, maintain your boundaries, and heal your own betrayal trauma—even while someone you love is still struggling.  The difference between fast-track addictions (like cocaine) and slow-burn addictions (like alcohol or marijuana), and how each impacts relationships differently.  How "trickle truths" and hidden addictions re-traumatize betrayed partners over time.  Why self-care and detachment aren't selfish—they're essential for clarity, health, and long-term healing.  🧠 Key Insights:  "When you grow up around addiction, rebellion sometimes looks like choosing to live differently."  "You're not powerless. You can't control your loved one, but you can influence the system they're in."  "When you stop being the villain in their story, the world becomes the mirror that shows them the truth."  "Empathy activates learning. Anger activates defense."  "Every time you protect someone from their consequences, you're protecting them from their transformation."  💬 Memorable Quotes:  "Self-pity and resentment are how addiction lives. Until that dynamic changes, recovery can't begin." — Amber Hollingsworth  "We can't build anything stable on a cracked foundation of deception. Every 'trickle truth' is another trauma." — Dr. Debi Silber  "You don't have to wait until someone hits bottom. They can put the shovel down at any time." — Amber Hollingsworth  🔧 Practical Takeaways:  Stop enabling — Let natural consequences teach what words cannot.  Stay in your lane — You're responsible for your peace, not their choices.  Lead with empathy — It's the only tone that keeps the door open for change.  Don't hide behind "helping" — Over-functioning feeds denial.  Focus on your stage of healing — Take care of yourself before you decide what's next.  🌿 About Amber Hollingsworth:  Amber Hollingsworth is a master addiction counselor, family recovery specialist, and founder of the YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down, where she educates families on how to break the patterns of enabling and codependency that keep addiction alive. Drawing from her own lived experience in an addicted family and decades of clinical practice, Amber brings clarity, compassion, and concrete strategies for real change.  👉 Watch Amber's videos: Put the Shovel Down on YouTube  🎧 Listen to This Episode If…  You've been betrayed by someone struggling with addiction.  You're trying to help a loved one but feel stuck, angry, or powerless.  You're tired of living in cycles of hope and disappointment.  You want to understand how to support someone in recovery without losing yourself.   Resources & links The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate  Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/ 

In this solo episode, Dr. Debi shares 11 anonymized, real-world scenarios showing how unhealed betrayal quietly derails performance, leadership, health, and culture at work. From weight changes and gut issues to micromanagement, perfectionism, disengagement, and self-betrayal, you'll see how a personal rupture (even years old) can surface on the job—and what to do about it. You'll also hear research-backed prevalence stats (weight, gut, sleep) and a clear invitation to move from Stages 2–3 (shock and survival) into Stages 4–5 (healing and growth).    Who this episode is for  Professionals, leaders, and founders who feel "off" at work and can't trace why  HR/people leaders noticing unexplained dips in performance, morale, or collaboration  Anyone who suspects an earlier betrayal might still be shaping today's choices, health, and capacity    Key concepts & signals  Betrayal shows up at work physically (weight, gut, sleep), mentally (focus, overthinking), emotionally (hypervigilance, distrust).  Nervous system hijack: After broken trust, people often swing to micromanagement, second-guessing, isolation, or over-preparation.  Stages matter: Creativity, confidence, and connection typically reliably return as you move into Stages 4–5 of the 5-Stage model.  Research snapshots (from Debi's community data):  Weight/eating struggles: ~47%  Gut issues (IBS/Crohn's/constipation/diarrhea): ~45%  Sleep problems: ~68%    Case snapshots (anonymized)  Sarah — Weight & confidence spiral Discovery of husband + best friend affair → stress eating → +40 lbs, pre-diabetes, energy crash. Missed two promotions; client-facing confidence plummeted.  Marcus — Gut & career derailment Brother's $50k "investment" betrayal (borrowed from 401k) → nausea → IBS, 30 missed days in 6 months, $12k out-of-pocket care → transfer to lower-paying support role.  Jennifer — From empowering to micromanaging Daughter's addiction/deceit eroded trust → hypervigilance, excessive approvals, morale drop → $30k demotion.  David — Cultural catalyst to clock-watcher Father covertly rewrote will for estranged sister → emotional numbness → stopped mentoring/initiatives → ~25% drop in departmental satisfaction.  Lisa — Anxiety, over-prep, stalled growth Fiancé + maid of honor affair weeks before wedding → panic in meetings, medical leave, therapy costs → over-preparation and hesitation → lost Senior Manager promotion.  Tom — Creativity collapse Close friend's emotional affair with his partner during family caregiving → withdrew creative risk-taking → lost edge in pitches → 3 major accounts (~$2M) missed.  Rachel — Sleepless CEO Sister's manipulation of elderly mother & finances → insomnia, ruminations → poorer board-level decisions, investor strain, performance dip; sleep meds added side-effects.  Kevin — Isolation after double betrayal Wife left for best friend → withdrew from people, closed-door leadership → cross-functional effectiveness down ~40%; silos and delays multiplied.  Maria — Paralysis by over-analysis Business + romantic partner embezzled to fund secret life → hyper-checking, documentation glut → missed time-sensitive opportunities; costly lost trading advantage.  Robert — Purpose lost, pipeline thins Adult son (aided by brother) sued him for "emotional damages" → quit mentoring/junior development → leadership pipeline weakened; burnout → early retirement.  Andrea (self-betrayal) — Successful but misaligned Pressured away from teaching into law → chronic fatigue, migraines, disengagement, ~30% billable drop, ~$800k lost potential revenue → leave of absence. The cost wasn't only professional—it was existential.    How to spot it (self-check)  "I don't recognize how I lead or work anymore." (micromanaging, over-prepping, perfectionism)  "My body is louder than my calendar." (gut flares, migraines, insomnia before big decisions)  "I'm here but not really here." (numbness, disengagement, loss of initiative/mentoring)  "I don't trust my read on people." (multiple confirmations for simple tasks, second-guessing)  "I'm productive—but always late." (hyper-vigilant thoroughness that kills timeliness)  "I'm successful—and empty." (self-betrayal: achievement without meaning)    Try this: 6 reflection prompts  Which case felt uncomfortably familiar—and why?  Where does betrayal show up most for you: body, mind, or relationships at work?  What do you over-do (control, analyze, isolate) to feel safer—and what does it cost?  Which responsibility did you stop (mentoring, initiating, pitching) after the rupture?  What would "Stage 4–5 me" do differently this week?  If self-betrayal is the theme, what small act of alignment could you take in 72 hours?    If you lead a team (HR, managers, execs)  Watch for sudden style flips (empowering → micromanaging; creative → conventional).  Replace "performance policing" with support + boundaries (clear priorities, fewer approvals, flexible micro-rest).  Offer psychological safety + access to evidence-based healing resources; normalize PTO for real recovery.  Protect culture carriers (your "Davids")—and rebuild when they dim.    Practical next steps  Name it: If you recognized yourself, that's progress.  Assess: Take the Post Betrayal Syndrome® indicators seriously (weight, gut, sleep).  Stabilize the body: Basic routines (sleep hygiene, hydration, movement) reduce reactivity.  Skill up: Learn boundaries, rebuild self-trust, and pace decisions during healing.  Advance stages: If you're in Stages 2–3, get guided support to move into 4–5, where creativity, confidence, and connection reliably return.  Share back: Tell Dr. Debi which story resonated most; it helps tailor future episodes.  Memorable lines  "We can try to leave betrayal at the door—but our body and leadership bring it to work."  "Micromanagement is often a trust injury in disguise."  "Success that betrays you is still betrayal."  Resources & links  The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/  Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate/  Tell Dr. Debi which scenario hit home for you, and what you'll try this week. See you next time. 

Betrayal shakes our sense of safety and self-trust—and that lights up fear. In this conversation, fear researcher and author Dr. Mary Poffenroth breaks fear down into plain language and gives you practical, physiology-first tools to calm the brain in the moment. We cover how fear hijacks the amygdala (your alarm system), how to bring the prefrontal cortex (clear thinking) back online, and how to tell the difference between fictional fears (rumination, future-tripping) and non-fictional fears (real, in-the-moment cues). You'll leave with quick exercises you can do anywhere—no apps, no gear, no supplements.  What we cover  Why high-achievers and "head types" often research their feelings instead of feeling them—and how that becomes a hidden avoidance loop.  How fear shows up after betrayal: fear of change, of the unknown, of failure and success, and the loss of control those trigger.  The RAIN framework to move through fear step by step: Recognize, Assign, Identify, Navigate.   Two fast neurohacks you can use anywhere:  Pinch the Valley: massage the meaty point between thumb and index finger to stimulate the vagus nerve and down-shift arousal.   Near & Far (convergence drill): track a finger/pen from arm's length to your nose and back to engage convergence and cue parasympathetic "rest & digest."  The nervous-system bus: only one driver at a time (sympathetic fight/flight vs. parasympathetic rest/digest) and how to switch drivers on purpose.  Fictional vs. non-fictional fear (sometimes called "dirty vs. clean" in the literature): how to stop feeding rumination and respond to real-time signals.  The two big "buckets" behind most fictional fears: "I'm not enough" and "I'm losing control." How labeling one calms the spiral.    Try-it-now tools (step-by-step)  Pinch the Valley (vagus nerve reset)  Make an "L" with one hand (thumb + index).  With the other hand's thumb and index, massage the firm, meaty point where the thumb and index finger bones meet (below the web).  30–60 seconds per hand while breathing slowly. Expect a subtle down-shift in agitation; repeat as needed.   Near & Far (convergence reset)  Hold a finger or pen at arm's length; softly focus on it.  Slowly bring it toward the bridge of your nose until it blurs/doubles, then return to arm's length.  Repeat 5–8 times to help re-engage focus and cue parasympathetic tone.  RAIN (micro-walkthrough)  Recognize: Name the body cues (tight jaw, racing heart).  Assign: "This is fear arousal." (Not anger, not shame—fear.)  Identify: Is this fictional (story/rumination) or non-fictional (real cue)? If fictional, which bucket: not enough or loss of control?  Navigate: Pick one action (boundary, breath, call a friend, make the ask).  Notable quotes  "We spend so much time pretending fear doesn't exist—and that just drives it underground." —Dr. Mary  "When the amygdala is lit, the prefrontal cortex goes dim. Get your body safe first; the smart ideas return second."  "Healthy distractions—work, fitness, staying busy—can still be avoidance."  "Label it: fictional or non-fictional. Then choose a move." —Dr. Mary  "What we feed grows. Let's feed courage with small, repeatable actions."    Who this episode is for  Anyone navigating betrayal who feels stuck between fear and next steps.  Practitioners and leaders who need simple, teachable fear tools.  High-performers who think their feelings and want body-based resets.    Resources & guest links  Dr. Mary Poffenroth — official site (book, speaking, downloads). Mary Poffenroth  Brave New You (book) — science-backed strategies, tools, and neurohacks to live more courageously.   RAIN Method & Neurohacking Downloads (infographic + mini-deck). Mary Poffenroth  Resources    Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz: Learn if you have been impacted by a past betrayal.  For the betrayed – Reclaim: Heal from your betrayal and take your life back.    If this helped, share it with someone who's rebuilding after betrayal. Try one tool today (20–60 seconds), then repeat tomorrow. Small reps build big courage.

Family betrayal cuts deeper than almost any other wound. These are the very people we expect to love, guide, and protect us—and when they break that trust, the pain is overwhelming and confusing.  In this episode, Dr. Debi Silber explores how early family betrayals shape our beliefs, relationships, health, and work. She shares her own personal story of family betrayal, how she questioned the beliefs she was raised with, and how breaking those patterns became the foundation for her healing and her life's work.  Dr. Debi also highlights the journey of a PBT member who discovered how guilt and manipulation had silently dictated her family dynamics for decades—and what happens when those tactics stop working.  This conversation sheds light on:  Why family betrayal can feel so disorienting and devastating.  The progression from "It must be me" → "Maybe it's not me." "What if it's them?" → "It's them."  How beliefs formed in childhood can carry into adult relationships, health, and career.  The painful but powerful process of setting new boundaries, even when it means losing relationships.  Why betrayal often gets worse before it gets better when you change the rules.  The ripple effects of unhealed early betrayal, including repeat betrayals, health struggles, and workplace challenges.  What changes when you do the work to heal, rebuild, and move through the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.  Through her personal experiences and decades of research, Dr. Debi shows why cleaning up these early betrayals is essential to living a life that is healthy, fulfilling, and aligned with your true worth.    ✨ Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode  Learn more about the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough inside the Reclaim program: thepbtinstitute.com/reclaim  Coaches & practitioners: explore how to add betrayal recovery to your toolkit in the Certification Masterclass: thepbtinstitute.com/certification-masterclass    💡 Key Takeaway: When you stop believing betrayal was your fault and begin rewriting the rules, you open the door to healing, stronger relationships, and a life built on self-worth and boundaries. 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Tim Wienecke, Air Force veteran, licensed clinician, and host of American Masculinity. Tim brings a rare and necessary perspective on the often-overlooked intersection of men, betrayal, and moral injury—a form of trauma that arises when individuals are forced to act against their own values, often within systems they once trusted.  Together, we explore:  What moral injury is and how it differs from (yet intertwines with) betrayal trauma.  How men process betrayal differently from women, often turning to control or isolation instead of vulnerability.  The heavy repercussions of military service, including drone operations, systemic failures, and the lifelong burden of collateral consequences.  The side-by-side bonding style of men and why creating safe, non-confrontational spaces is critical for healing.  The difference between boundaries and control—and why confusing the two can lead to unhealthy, even abusive, dynamics.  How shame operates as a silencer for men and why true healing requires trusted groups who can reflect compassion and accountability.  Practical tools for supporting men through betrayal, including reflective listening, meeting them in their own language (emotional, kinetic, or thought-based), and recognizing control behaviors early.  Tim also shares deeply personal insights from his own service, how he came to understand moral injury in his work with veterans and first responders, and why America's conversation around masculinity needs far more nuance than the oversimplified narratives we often hear.  Whether you're a clinician, a partner, or someone healing from betrayal yourself, this conversation opens up vital new ways of understanding how men carry trauma, how it shows up, and what can truly help them heal.  Learn More About Tim Wienecke  Visit americanmasculinity.com for his counseling services, podcast, and tools designed for men navigating betrayal, moral injury, and masculinity in today's world.  More Resources  The PBT Institute: Break free from the pain of betrayal and find safety, love, and trust again.  For the betrayed – Reclaim: Heal from your betrayal and take your life back.  For the betrayer – Rebuild: Heal yourself and help heal the heart you broke.  Take the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz – Post-Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

From gang life and juvenile detention to martial arts mastery and life coaching - Sensei Dave Armstrong's journey is a testament to human resilience. After facing prostate cancer at 50 and experiencing profound betrayal when his wife of 11 years left during his darkest hour, Dave shares the powerful tools that helped him rebuild and find hope again. Living retired in Greece with an ocean view, he now dedicates his life to helping others transform their trauma into strength.  Sensei Dave Armstrong is a resilience coach, martial arts instructor, author, and motivational speaker. Having overcome gang involvement, foster care, juvenile detention, and illiteracy, Dave now lives in Greece and helps others navigate life's most challenging moments. He's the author of "Why Me, My Fight for Life" and holds a degree in psychology.  Key Takeaways  The Power of Perspective  "Why not you?" - We're not exempt from life's challenges, and that's okay  Trauma can either define you negatively or fuel your growth - you choose  Building internal strength is like developing a muscle - it requires consistent practice  Boundaries as Non-Negotiables  Clear boundaries prevent neediness from driving poor decisions  Some boundaries have no margin for compromise  Weak boundaries create unnecessary chaos in your life  The Healing Process  Don't rush to fill voids with new relationships during healing  Allow yourself to feel difficult emotions without forcing solutions  Have multiple "tools" ready for different emotional scenarios  Building Resilience Through Mentorship  Quality mentors can change the trajectory of your entire life  Hope is the foundation for all positive change  Self-confidence develops through successfully navigating challenges  Notable Quotes  "I was never hopeless. I was always hopeful. And that's what I try to instill - because even if you don't have the skill sets, there's hope to acquire and change."  "We have agency over our response to trauma. Why not choose the positive impact rather than the negative?"  "I see the God in everyone. Unfortunately, life will start to hit us and we'll harden our shell. But you can't get out of what you've built to protect yourself."  Timestamps  [00:00] Introduction to Sensei Dave Armstrong  [05:30] Cancer diagnosis and betrayal story  [12:15] Childhood trauma and gang involvement  [18:45] The mentors who saved his life  [25:20] Developing resilience as a skill  [32:10] Setting and maintaining boundaries  [38:45] The healing journey after betrayal  [44:30] Current life philosophy and message  Resources  Book: "Why Me, My Fight for Life" by Dave Armstrong  Website: www.senseidave.com  One-on-one coaching: upna.net  Instagram: @MrMotivation  ThePBTInstitute.com  The PBT Institute Certification Program