Episode 1. Performance Anxiety

Bruised knuckles, wild eyes, broken hearts, bodies flooding with adrenalin. A giant towers over you; do you fight or take flight? When the stakes are high, are you battle cat or are you cringer? This episode explores the first time feeling of fierce.

A warm glow at the end of the road, a destination after a long journey, once you’ve arrived you can kick back you heels, lean back and celebrate. When you try your hardest, when you emotional invest, when you have a burning desire to succeed and you become the master of your craft, then you may feel accomplished. In episode 9 we explore the first time we felt this golden child of all the feels, the pay off after the toiling and the trying is the feeling of accomplishment.

The first impulse of creation, the wild spark, the spot fire of curiosity, the weird and electric lure of Irish dancing and rock ‘n’ roll music. This episode explores the giddy and varied feeling of inspiration.

Rage springs from the deep dark depths of our subconscious, and with the right context almost anyone ( except perhaps Buddha himself) can find themselves consumed in a fit. Whether you find yourself swept up in a primal whirlwind enacting ritualistic voodoo at the tender age of 8 or your post performance ego is battered by an uninvited stranger, when rage rears its ugly head it’s not easily forgotten.

Power is a heady and intoxicating brew – and wielding it responsibly is another story all together. As young girls we are so often positioned to be powerless; so we locate authority in shock value rebellion and subversion –whether it’s swearing, stealing or doling out sweet, sweet revenge. If you’re easily offended by four letter words and girlish sadism – you may want to reconsider listening.

Thin skin, bones that break, cells that multiply and mutate. The body is a potential minefield of medical injuries – some emanating from within, genetic legacies, cellular mysteries, some from outside. We lose parts of ourselves, parts that matter. But we survive. Those we love can hurt us most. We survive. We are strongest when we surrender to our vulnerability, to admit when we are fragile.

From the workplace to the sharehouse, from the misunderstood-CV-office-nightmare to post-teen angst bad behavior, you try to be your best self, but sometimes you’re you don’t know who that is. You’re dressed up like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl; you’re punching in a window like a ninja. You’re an imposter – and it’s not a syndrome.

It was Marcus Aurelias who famously said: “The pride which is proud of want of pride is the most intolerable of all.” Culturally speaking, an excess of pride is considered distasteful –especially in Australia, where tall poppy syndrome leaves the proudest sun-facing poppy beheaded. This episode, we found ourselves on the same page (and the same age) as we recalled our earliest experiences of feeling ‘proud’ as toddlers. From a daring and possibly criminal raid on a neighbour’s Kumquat tree, to a nocturnal solo mission, we celebrate pulling off feats completely of our own volition, something we once thought impossible.

From teenage puppy love temporarily paused to a parents pilgrimage across the Pacific leaving a hopeful heart in its wake. The taste of longing can turn from sweet to bitter as days and years roll on. 

The heart palpitations, the sweating, the brain freeze, the total and complete loss of ability to function like an actual human being. We’ve all been there at least once, for some of us the first time sets the precedent for a lifetime of being a nervous wreck.