064 - Sexual Doula

After a long, dry hiatus, we are FINALLY back to deliver you the dampest fantasies. So much love comes out in these stories. It's more than something to arouse your bodies, these fantasies are intended to be like sexual prayer. Fantasies for the soul. After you listen, you'll get it. We were completely backed up, and now? Drained. 

Have you ever been burned by the very flame that was meant to guide you? How sexy would that be? To have someone lure you into a sense of safety and vulnerability, only to abuse and dysregulate you. How bad would that make your depression? Your social anxiety? Your brain fog? Your imposter syndrome? And when you hit rock bottom... BAM! That's when they throw your ass on IG live for everyone to see you crying like a little baby. Ultimate. Pleasure. Zone.

Each generation has its own sexual signature. Our grandparents, by law, were only allowed to make love in the cold light of day, our parents were exclusively into group stuff and ass play, so where does that leave us? Longing, yearning to forge our own sexual path. In this episode we explore what another generation has to teach us about blasting chunk.

Hello family, we've been away for a while. I can't get into why, but know its both highly sexual and extremely troubling. It has to do with one of our fans finding out where one of us lives. I can't give details, but what I can tell you is everyone is safe, the fan was returned to the care of her chosen family. We all learned a valuable lesson about what happens when you introduce erotica into countries where pornography is illegal.

Times are tough. It is more important than ever to escape into fantasy. It may be hard, but it is imperative that you remain deeply immersed in sexual fantasy as much as humanly possible. Upon awakening, you MUST immediately enter a rich sexual fantasy world. Ignore distractions entirely, maybe go live in a hotel or highly sexualized hostel far away from your friends and family. Doesn't even matter whether or not you get your nut. Sit in total isolation, meditating on whatever erotic world you've created. It's the only escape from a reality as cruel and meaningless as ours. 

It's that time again! Welcome to the Celebrity Torture Chamber. This episode we fantasize about torturing of some famous people who have achieved limitless success. We welcome actor Bradley Cooper, musical artists OK GO and successful actor/comedian John Mulaney. Sit back, relax, while we imagine hypothetical scenarios where we abuse the wealthy elite... here in the Torture Chamber.   

This episode is a good ol' fashioned brainstorming session. Twice a week we all get together (the talent, producers, marketing, staff, interns) and brainstorm fantasies to pick the very best for our episodes. Really heavy sexual content on this one. Definitely NSFW. Are we going to get de-platformed? Who cares, let the fun begin. If it's not violent or erotic enough for us, it's not violent or erotic enough for you. We also talk about the classic comedy You, Me and Dupree. 

Imagine what it would feel like to be tiny. Not small. Not insignificant. Not microscopic. TINY. Yeah. Nestled in somewhere, tucked away from the world. Cozy and safe. You could tickle your loved ones and take small bites out of your enemies, never to be seen or heard from. A ghost. A whisper. How horny is that?

Have you every loved something weird? Something that defines you from everyone else? "I'm not like all the others, because I like the weird thing that most people don't like or have never heard of." Maybe this weird thing is something that will make you interesting to your preferred sexual partner. For us, in this episode, the "weird" thing is demonstrating absolute intimacy by emotionally controlling, physically dominating, or being brutally beaten by the object of our sexual desires. This is what makes us different than you. We are not the same. "We are not the same, I am a Martian And I'm hotter than summer rain like Carl Thomas Lock, load, ready to aim at any target I could get your brains for a bargain like I bought it from Target" -"Lil" Wayne Carter

Everyone knows the Hawk Tuah girl is almost certainly going to get life in prison. No parole. No way out. That kind of hopelessness can make someone do crazy things. What would you do in that situation? Take your own life? No, open the window to your cell, get nice and warm under the covers with your hot plate, and let the cozy-wozy wash over you...