Life Advice | How to forgive yourself for past mistakes, and navigating feeling hopeless about the dating landscape

Struggling to decide between staying home or moving overseas? In this ep I give you 9 questions to ask yourself to get the clarity you need. Then I answer 3 listener questions. Key themes covered are indecision after moving, what changing locations does to personal growth and how to plan ahead for the difficult times that moving can bring.  Takeaways -  Are you after adventure or permanent change? A year abroad for adventure means saying yes to everything, not settling into a dull nine-to-five. A move for permanent change comes from dissatisfaction, so be clear about which one it is. If money is what’s holding you back, booking a non-refundable flight can turn a dream into a plan. Are you running away or chasing something? You take yourself with you wherever you go. Moving fixes problems with your town or city, but not your habits or motivation. A sunny city won’t make you a morning person. A new place is a strong fresh start, but only if you do the work. Plan for everyday life, not the holiday version. Think about what a normal Monday will look like, how you cope with being alone, and whether you can afford to come home if things go wrong. Then ask which you’d regret more in five years: going or staying. Loneliness after emigrating keeps your brain in survival mode. Long stretches without safety or belonging keep the brain in a stressed, reactive state, which wears down confidence and self-esteem. The main fix is building a sense of belonging. That can start small: run clubs, volunteering, learning your barista’s name, getting to know your neighbours. Being alone abroad isn’t a failure, and moving for love needs a fair plan. Travelling solo builds self-trust and resilience, even when it doesn’t feel that way. If you keep moving for a partner’s career, talk honestly about a long-term plan before the sacrifices turn into resentment.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What you can walk to shapes your mental health. Having shops, cafés and friends within a 10-minute walk means you leave home more often and have more small interactions. Long drives make you batch your errands into one trip, which is more isolating. Other Takeaways  Living close to friends makes you happier because it allows spontaneous catch-ups. Living nearby turns a quick text into a coffee or a dog walk together. A 40-minute drive means every catch-up has to be planned, so you see good friends far less often. Chrono-urbanism: time-based living lowers chronic stress. This urban planning idea measures a place by how quickly you can reach what you need. Short trips and good public transport cut the daily stress of traffic, parking and long drives. The “big house, small life” problem: more space can mean less connection. Many families move further out for a yard and extra rooms, then end up feeling isolated. Choosing location over space often makes for a bigger social life. Social connection protects your health, and small interactions count. Research comparing the health impact of loneliness to smoking about 15 cigarettes a day. Chatting with neighbours and strangers builds a sense of belonging, which supports mental health, immunity and healthy years of life.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling lost, stuck people-pleasing, or like you’re living the 'wrong' version of your life? In this  encore episode, I break down what your authentic self really means, the psychology of self-conflict and self-discrepancy theory, and how living authentically boosts your self-esteem, confidence and resilience. Too much choice can leave you paralysed, and the pressure to please family, friends and society can pull you far from who you really are. This episode gives you practical mindset tools and journal prompts to reconnect with your true self.   Top takeaways: What your authentic self is: knowing your values, morals and what you actually want, and why it keeps evolving The freedom test: a simple exercise that shows whether you’re living on your own terms Self-conflict vs self-inconsistency: why abandoning yourself to please others destroys fulfilment Self-discrepancy theory: your actual self, ideal self and “ought” self, and how the gap between them creates anxiety Real vs false responsibilities: how to stop carrying other people’s expectations The research: how authenticity is linked to resilience, trauma recovery, self-esteem and lower stress, anxiety and depression Your job is not your identity: why you don’t need to find your passion in your career Signs of an authentic person: no comparison, no competing for validation, and being able to laugh at mistakes Journal prompts: questions to audit where you’re people-pleasing, fitting in or being inconsistent Dealing with judgement: how to respond when people comment on the new you See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is fear keeping your life small? Learn the difference between good and bad fear, how to stop spiralling, and why irreversible decisions make you happier.Key takeaways  Good fear versus bad fear: short-term stress can improve performance. Fear, anxiety and excitement use similar brain circuitry and feel similar in the body. So you can reframe nerves as excitement, or burn off anxious energy with quick exercise. Fear becomes harmful when it’s chronic and stops you from acting. Fears grow bigger because the brain rewrites memories each time you recall them. Each time you revisit a fear, you add emotion and context to the memory. Big life changes, like becoming a parent, can also make old fears feel bigger. Name the fear to stop the spiral. Spiralling happens when anxious thoughts keep pulling in similar thoughts. Naming the feeling, ideally out loud, pinpointing its cause and offering yourself a more neutral counter-thought brings your prefrontal cortex back online. Fear of being alone, disappointing your parents or being judged often keeps you stuck. Learning to enjoy your own company makes you less controlling in relationships. Your parents’ disappointment is often about the story they imagined for you, not about you. People will talk when you change, but they’ll move on quickly. Irreversible decisions often make people happier. In the study I describe, people who couldn’t change their choice of photo print were more satisfied than those who could swap. Committing helps you go all in. Useful anchors include a non-refundable flight or a paid deposit. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bonjour and welcome to your head noise episode! Today I am covering 3 questions. From overcoming the doubt that arrises in your 20s and fear of not doing enough, to dealing with pain and anxiety from past experiences and how to not relive that same pain in the future, and lastly, a listeners husband who has cheated on her on grindr.    If you would like to submit your questions, email [email protected] or go to www.dyfmpod.com to submit you voice note! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if success is a brain pattern you can train? Learn how your prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia and dopamine turn goals into habits that actually stick.Key takeaways Success is a trainable brain pattern. The corticostriatal loop links the prefrontal cortex (planning and goal-setting) with the basal ganglia (habits and doing). The stronger that link, the easier it is to follow through on your goals. Motivation from enjoying the process outlasts motivation from rewards. Dopamine reinforces behaviour that feels rewarding while you do it. That’s why goals with small, visible wins (like training for a half marathon) last longer than vague ones like “lose weight.” Specific goals with an emotion attached stick better. Define success in each part of your life (relationships, career, health) and name the feeling behind it, such as security, freedom or calm. Emotion drives motion and helps your brain rewire itself. Exercise and impulse control strengthen the brain networks behind goals. HIIT raises BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor). Agility drills, learning new skills, resisting impulses and lowering stress all improve how well these brain regions work together. Happy mind, happy grind: automate your habits to avoid burnout. Good sleep, calm relationships and steady routines let the basal ganglia take over repeated tasks. That frees up your prefrontal cortex for creative work and decisions.Thank you for tuning in! See you next week. Alexis  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode is one of my most loved from the archives. In this episode, I am sharing with you a 30-day challenge that you can RELATIVELY EASILY implement to change your life... (within reason). This challenge is designed to increase awareness, rewrite and visualize, create energy shifters, and change small routines. By following these simple yet powerful steps, it can help you break away from negative patterns and begin creating more of a growth mindset. The challenge is broken down into four components: increasing awareness, rewriting and visualizing, creating energy shifters, and changing the bedtime routine.  If you're ready to start making some changes, tune in to this episode to learn more.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this head noise episode, I answer 3 email questions from you, my BEANS.  I offering guidance on how to rebuild and forgive oneself as a parent for past mistakes, and how to navigate a partner's infidelity, and be more hopeful in what seems to be a hopeless dating landscape, and dealing lack of emotional support after having a baby.   If you're looking for some life advice, or just to hear my VOICE then this episode is a must-listen. Danke! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why does heartbreak feel like withdrawal? Discover what a breakup does to your brain, plus 5 neuroscience-backed steps to heal and find yourself again.   Key takeaways  Heartbreak feels like withdrawal because romantic love works like an addiction in the brain. Falling in love fires the dopamine-rich ventral tegmental area (VTA), so the brain treats love like a survival need, closer to hunger or thirst. A breakup cuts off dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin, and cortisol and adrenaline flood in. A breakup feels like losing part of yourself because the brain merges your partner into your identity. The medial prefrontal cortex handles thoughts about yourself and about people you’re close to. Over time, your brain starts treating a loved partner as part of you. Emotional pain and physical pain share brain pathways. That’s why heartbreak brings chest pain, poor sleep, appetite changes and palpitations, and why exercise endorphins help. In rare cases, severe stress can trigger Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also called “broken heart syndrome.” Chronic stress after a breakup weakens the links between brain regions. That’s why focus, memory and everyday life admin fall apart. In extreme cases, the nervous system can go into a “dorsal vagal shutdown” (freeze) state of numbness, exhaustion and withdrawal. Five steps to heal your brain after a breakup: (1) feel the pain with supportive people around you, (2) cut contact and remove triggers, (3) level the playing field with an “ick list,” (4) replace the void by changing your routines and surroundings, and (5) do things purely for joy and connection. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bonjour and WELCOME to your Life Advice / Head Noise episode. We have 3 voicemail questions today including:  A partner who's going away for seven weeks, leaving the listener feeling anxious and uncertain.  A partner who's been involved in infidelity, and isn't sure what her next step is after kicking him OUT. And a listener who is travelling overseas before returning to study and unsure if she should be going with her boyfriend or not.   If you're looking for guidance on how to navigate the ups and downs of love and relationships, this episode is a must-listen.  To send in your own question, email [email protected] or submit your voicenote via the website - www.dyfmpod.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.