Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive And How You Can Live Out Your Fantasies | E24

⚡️Join us live: Free Online Workshop “How To Share Your Secret Fantasies” - Limited spots available⚡️ What if the fantasy you've been hiding is the exact thing your relationship needs? Most of us treat our desires like secrets — something to protect our partner from. Today we are joined by Paris, a longtime tantric practitioner and facilitator who went from completely frigid to living out every fantasy she's ever had. She is one of Will and Chiara's main teachers. In this episode we discuss: 🩶 why suppressing your fantasies makes them more obsessive, not less 🩶 how jealousy can turn into compersion (the opposite feeling to jealousy) — and what it takes to get there 🩶 the orgasm myths that's keeping millions of men and women from the best sex of their lives 🩶 tantric practices to expand genitals sensitivity and presence 🩶 how you transform your relationship when you start sharing out loud your desires 🩶 why men exploring their feminine side might be the sexiest thing you've ever witnessed (and how to get started) 🩶 the 21-day challenge that rewires how your body experiences pleasure Sharing and going after your desires doesn't damage a relationship. It deepens it. Listen to this incredible episode to know how. == TIME STAMPS 02:57 It's Time To Normalise Fantasies 03:42 Free Fantasies Live Workshop Invitation 04:41 Do You Know Where The Man's G-spot is? 05:47 Why It's Important To Live Out Your Fantasies 07:50 Serving vs. Taking 09:10 We Are Wired To Be Attracted To Others! 10:29 Jealousy vs. Compersion 11:05 Deal With Your Childhood Issues First! 11:57 Jealousy Is About YOU, Not Them 12:20 Jealousy Is Often FOMO 14:24 Try This   Biohack For Porn Addiction 16:53 How To Stop Your Sexual Obsessions 18:11 Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive 20:24 Find A Tantric Community Near You... 21:26 ...Or Get Really Good At Communicating 24:28 Let's Normalise Sexual Language 25:26 Embrace The Slut Within You (for men and women) 26:54 How To Experience More Pleasure ( Debunking Orgasm Myths) 29:07 How To Improve Your Sex Life 34:17 The 21 Day Challenge 35:06 The Allowing vs. Forcing Principle 37:51 Exploring Fantasies As A Doorway To Deeper Connection And Trust 44:47 Bi-curiosity And Shame 46:46 Threesomes As Doorways To Brotherhood 48:29 Our Top Tips For Today == For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com Paris & The New Tantra school: https://thenewtantra.com/ == More episodes on the same topic:   >> E17 | How to get 10-minute long orgasms (for both men and women) - Listen on Apple or Spotify   >> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify   >> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify   >> E23 What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

What’s the thing that scares the shit out of most couples? Being seen for who they really are. And in sex? Sharing their fantasies. What’s the one thing that sits underneath every fantasy, every risk, and every deeply connected relationship? It’s TRUST. Most of us simply don't trust what will happen when we share ourselves completely. So, today’s episode is all about helping you doing exactly that. We cover: the difference between fantasy and action the reasons why "convincing" your partner never works why a hard "no" today doesn't mean no forever how to talk about what turns you on without pressing your partner how the nervous system needs to hear something a few times before it stops treating it like a threat The best relationships are not built on playing safe. They’re built on the kind of trust that lets two people tell the truth, stay close, explore, and grow together. If you've been sitting on a sexy fantasy for a while but haven't found the way in yet, this episode is the conversation you need to hear – make it a date night to listen to it with your partner! For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com == TIME STAMPS 02:00 Free Fantasy Live Workshop Invitation 02:23 You Don't Know What You Don't Know 06:29 Challenging Times In A Relationship Don't Have To Be The End Of It 07:46 Trust Is What Changes Everything 10:01 What Are You Scared Of? 11:40 What Are They Going To Think? 13:08 How Chiara Felt Safe To Talk About Her Threesome Fantasy 14:42 The Secret Fantasies Workshop You Don't Want To Miss 15:19 How Do You Create Safety? 16:50 Is This A Relationship Worth Saving? 17:54 How To Know If You Should Turn Your Fantasy Into Reality 18:59 "I want to convince my partner to..." 22:09 Your Answer: Nervous System + Play 24:59 How To Find Your Voice 26:01 What Sops You From Sharing Fantasies 28:15 The Leap Of Faith To Trust 30:04 Ask Yourself This Question == More content about Sexual Fantasies: >> E6 | There’s No Shame In “Dirty” Fantasies: How Speaking Them Out Loud Transforms Taboos into Passion – Listen on Apple or Spotify   >> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify   >> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify   JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How to share your secret fantasies and upgrade your sex life" Save your spot: https://chiarahardie.com/secret-fantasies-workshop-signup

>> FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" << REGISTER HERE Most of us were raised to believe that sexual fantasies are shameful - or just plain wrong. But what if those forbidden desires weren’t signs that something’s broken? In this episode, we get to the bottom of why so many people are turned on by taboos, what that says about our emotional wiring, and we share practical strategies to discuss fantasies with your partner in a way that builds trust, safety and - more importantly - turns them on, rather than scares them off. We also openly share some of own fantasies and struggles with taboos, as well as real-life stories from our clients, from threesomes and being dominated, to consensual non-consent, emphasising the significance of curiosity and trust in deepening sexual and emotional connections. If there’s something you’ve secretly desired but never dared to say out loud, today’s episode is your “how to” permission slip to get curious and start that super-hot conversation that you’ve always wanted to have. == TIME STAMPS 04:55 Your fantasies are actually normal 06:45 Why do we avoid talking about taboos? 13:58 Stay curious 17:03 Should I "request" or "propose" a kinky fantasy? 23:34 How to suggest a fantasy to your partner 24:39 Domination fantasy 27:16 Masculine and Feminine in all of us 30:03 Slutty and proud 31:36 Consensual non-consent fantasy 33:29 Rape play fantasy 36:26 Sex in public fantasy 36:58 Threesome fantasy 37:22 Dirty talking fantasy 38:34 10 prompts for deeper conversations == Free resources + next steps for your sexual healing journey:   >> Download the free guide: “10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner”   Listen to E16 on masculine/feminine polarity in relationships: on Apple or Spotify Listen to E19 on threesome fantasies: on Apple or Spotify   For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

>> FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" << REGISTER HERE Most people think the key to better sex and exciting relationships is learning the right moves or finding "The One". In an interview with one of our teachers, Will and I talk about why the patterns that hold you back in bed are the same ones that limit you in life. Why lack of intimacy isn’t about the other person, the sex positions, or your performance. And why feeling stuck, unseen, or frustrated in your relationship often has deeper roots that go far beyond your partner’s behaviour. Puja Lepp is an internationally sought after psychotherapist, retreat leader, and teacher. For over 30 years she has been supporting people through deep emotional healing and transformation. She is the founder of the Primal Childhood Deconditioning retreat, a seven-day immersive process designed to help participants access and release unprocessed emotions, break free from old survival patterns, and reconnect with their authentic selves. In this episode she shares the powerful truth we’ve seen again and again in our own journey and with our clients: you can’t separate your relationship struggles from your personal healing. But when you start doing the work on yourself—when you drop the mask and learn to show up fully—that’s when everything begins to change. == TIME STAMPS 04:03 How Inner Work And Sexual Healing Are Deeply Connected 08:32 Is This Type Of Work For You? The Impact on Romantic Relationships 12:26 Is "working on yourself" really harder than "pretending" and wearing masks of perfection? 13:27 We All Fear Not Being Loved 16:13 We can't Force Our Partner To Do The Work 19:07 Why Feeling Safe Is Key For a Successful Relationship 19:42 How To Help Your Parter Feel Safe With You 22:38 "Doing The Work" Has a Domino Effect On Your Life as A Whole 23:46 Healing As a Lifestyle 24:12 Start By Changing 1% a Day == Resources and next steps for your relationship healing journey:   >> FREE DOWNLOAD: “10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner”   >> Apply to join our next retreat with Puja: https://www.pujalepp.com/     Join Chiara's next live workshop "Finally share your secret fantasies without shame or fear"    

>> Register for Chiara's next LIVE WORKSHOP for free: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" To celebrate our podcast 1st anniversary, we address our clients’ most common questions in a live Q&A - from jealousy to sexual dynamics and open relationships. Partner communication, establishing trust, and addressing underlying issues in a relationship are some of the things we are experts on, and our goal is to provide you with practical tips that will enhance your romantic connections. If you feel even a little curious but shy, this is the episode for you. == TIME STAMPS 01:38 Q1. My Partner Does Not Want To Have Sex: Should We Open The Relationship? 02:48 The Risks of Opening a Relationship 06:09 Work On Your Own Relationship First 07:49 Q2. How Do I Know If My Partner Is Into Kinks? 11:09 Q3. I am So Jealous! How Do I deal With Jealousy? 18:48 Embracing Jealousy Can Keep You Safe 19:51 Your Body Has All The Answers 21:53 Q4. Am I Bi-Curious? 25:46 Q5. How Can A Man Stay Confident During Sex When Another Man Is In The Room? 29:23 It's All About Boundaries 29:59 Sexual Conditioning: What Is (Not) Doing For You? == YOUR GOODIES: >> FREE DOWNLOAD: “10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner” >> Send us your questions here == Deeper Lovers on the web: www.deeperlovers.com   Next FREE LIVE workshop on sharing secret fantasies: RESERVE YOUR SEAT

Secret Fantasies FREE LIVE workshop ALERT! Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies - yet only few people have the courage to act on them. Is it something you should try, or is it better left as a fantasy? In this episode, Will and Chiara explore the psychology behind group sex, the gap between fantasy and reality, and how to decide whether a threesome is right for you. They go over the key conversations couples need to have before inviting a third person in, including the emotional impact, managing expectations, and how to navigate jealousy - often the biggest deal breaker. They also explore how to test the waters with your partner - through dirty talk, fantasy role-play, or watching certain types of content together - to see if the idea is genuinely exciting or just intriguing in theory. For those considering taking the next step, they share practical guidance on finding the right third, whether through dating apps, social circles, or more curated experiences like sex-positive events. They also explain the difference between FMF (two women, one man) and MFM (two men, one woman) threesomes, how to avoid common pitfalls, and why communication is essential at every stage. Whether you're simply curious or seriously planning your adventure, this episode helps you explore your desires and possibility with clarity, awareness, compassion and respect for your relationship. == TIME STAMPS 00:00 Why is a threesome the most common fantasy? 03:29 Fantasy vs reality: why so many people regret it 04:09 Is your relationship ready for this? 07:21 Libido imbalances and why threesomes won’t fix them 09:19 How to start the conversation with your partner 11:25 Dirty talk as a way to explore the fantasy safely 17:24 What to expect emotionally before, during, and after 19:18 Finding a third: friends, strangers, or dating apps? 23:25 The risks of inviting someone from your social circle 26:00 Compersion: when watching your partner turns you on 30:42 FMF vs MFM: which is right for you? 33:00 Why many men find MFM threesomes easier 35:42 What women should know about MFM dynamics 37:45 Handling unexpected emotions in the moment 44:21 If you’re single, should you join a couple? 46:56 The biggest mistake couples make == If you want to learn more about sexual fantasies: >> Don’t miss our previous episode on Apple or Spotify: There’s No Shame In Dirty Fantasies: How Speaking Them Out Loud Can Transform Your Relationship   >> Join Chiara's free live online workshop "How to share your fantasies without fear": register here == About Deeper Lovers: www.deeperlovers.com

>> Register for Chiara's next LIVE WORKSHOP for free: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" Will and Chiara tackle another taboo topic that many men (and their partners) struggle with, but rarely discuss openly: erections. From performance anxiety to the pressure of always staying hard, they explore how much of the struggle is psychological rather than physical. They discuss how shame, unrealistic expectations, and overthinking can interfere with arousal, and share practical ways to overcome these challenges. From breaking free of the traditional sex script to exploring the benefits of unconventional practices like non-ejaculation, they offer unusual yet groundbreaking perspectives on male sexual confidence. You’ll also hear how women often feel responsible for their partner’s arousal, why they may misinterpret erection issues, and how couples can learn to have open, reassuring conversations that remove pressure. Whether you’ve felt anxiety around performance or simply want a more relaxed, fulfilling intimate life, we guarantee this episode will change the way you think about erections and intimate connections.   TIME STAMPS  00:00 When Did Your Dick Stop Working? 00:48 Let's Talk About Erections 02:11 The "Erectile Dysfunction" Label Does Not Serve You 03:07 Level 1 of "Mind-Fucking" 05:55 What About Cialis or Viagra? 08:40 More Pressure On The Man 09:44 You Naturally Have Things On Your Mind 11:28 The Mojo App for Erectile Dysfunction (20% off code: DEEPERSEX20) 12:44 Cock Rings Can Help With Performance 15:17 Do Women Like Cock Rings? 16:02 How To Talk About Cock Rings 18:43 Mind-Fucking Is The Problem 19:32 I'm Not Hard: How To Address The Elephant In The Room 20:26 10 Prompts To Start Difficult Conversations 21:02 Never Say "I'm Sorry If I'm Not Hard" 21:58 Have Some Fun With Sex Toys 22:46 Are You Saying I Shouldn't Ejaculate? Ever...? 23:25 Benefits of Non-Ejaculation: Increased Libido 24:35 Overcoming The Initial Resistance to Non-Ejaculation 24:58 Coming Is Not The Best Bit! 25:59 What Women Think Of Non-Ejaculation 26:25 The Pleasure Of Giving Pleasure 26:52 Benefits of Non-Ejaculation: Higher Sensitivity 27:42 Soft Dicks Are Nice! 28:46 Have You Tried A Tantric Massage? 30:37 The Secret of "No Goals" During Intercourse 32:57 The Importance Of Feeling Safe 34:19 Become A Better Lover 36:42 For Women: Tell Your Man You Like His Dick! == About Deeper Lovers: www.deeperlovers.com == YOUR GOODIES: >> Get 20% off your Mojo membership – forever – using our discount code: DEEPERSEX20 | Sign up for the Mojo App   >> FREE DOWNLOAD: “10 phrases to help you have deeper conversations with your partner”   >>Next FREE LIVE workshop on how to share secret fantasies: RESERVE YOUR SEAT

>> FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" << REGISTER HERE This is a must-listen for both men and women looking to feel more, longer and better orgasms. Today’s episode will completely transform your understanding of what “coming” is: Did you know that there are many types of orgasms for women? And did you know that men can orgasm without ejaculating… and vice versa? Love and intimacy coaches Will and Chiara challenge common beliefs around clitoral stimulation and vibrators, sharing their personal experience and tantric journey towards full body orgasms that can last for over 10 minutes – for both men and women. Got your attention? Press play to learn a few tricks you can use in your next intimate encounter to give and experience a level of intimacy (and pleasure) that you didn’t think possible.   TIME STAMPS 01:00 Let's talk about orgasms 01:22 How many types of orgasms are there? 04:34 Female orgasms 07:12 The "spasm orgasm" is the enemy 08:17 Leave the clit alone! 09:55 Vibrators simply desensitize you 11:33 What are you doing to me? 13:52 How true presence gives a massively enhanced sexual experience 17:23 You DON'T NEED to give an orgasm to each other 18:50 The trick is to NOT THINK about what happens next 21:22 Best practices for men 21:36 The non-ejaculatory practice 22:45 How men can achieve longer, deeper orgasms 25:40 The secret to satisfy a woman in bed 26:18 Your sexual energy is the Life Force that drives your life 26:37 What is our primal need? 28:01 How you can support each other and both feel more pleasure 29:37 The secret club of pleasure 32:45 Remember to give yourself some slack 33:21 The 21 days challenge 34:16 Do this to cure premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction 35:46 What to do when he wants more sex than her 37:11 If you are her 37:28 If you are him 37:51 How you can better communicate your needs 40:14 I feel pain during intercourse 42:02 How to get a mind-blowing orgasm (recap) 42:24 1. Stop stimulating the clit 42:32 2. Stop ejaculating (or practice separating it from your orgasm) 42:56 3. Try the 21 days challenge 43:21 4. Drop the blaming == Get the book: 50 Misconceptions Of Sex by Alexa Vartman == The 21 days challenge by The New Tantra == Free guide download: “10 phrases to help you start deeper conversations with your partner” == Send us your questions here

Download our free guide: “10 phrases to help you start deeper conversations with your partner”   Changing gears with Season 2, love and intimacy coaches Will and Chiara explain in very simple terms the concept of relationship Polarity, and the importance of balancing the masculine and feminine energies that you input in a relationship - regardless of your gender. They show how a polarity imbalance often leads to conflict, blaming, and general relationship unhappiness and unease. In this episode, they offer insights and provide practical tips for how couples can bring harmony back to their relationships. By stepping back, showing vulnerability, and understanding each other's perspectives, couples can navigate their differences and bring back the “Lover’s Energy” that initially brought them together. == TIME STAMPS 00:34 What We Prepared For You In Season 2 01:38 Let's Talk About Polarity in Relationships 02:31 What Women Blame Men For 03:38 What Men Blame Women For 06:27 Often Men Feel Powerless 10:36 Do We Both Have Masculine and Feminine Traits? 13:41 Both Partners Need To Contribute To The Masculine/Feminine Balance In The Couple 15:25 How Do We (Re)establish Polarity? 17:55 Restore The "Lover's" Energy 24:20 Why It's So Important To Show Vulnerability To Your Partner 25:06 What Goes Wrong In Relationships When You Hide Your Vulnerable Side 28:31 What He Needs To Do To Make Her Feel Safe 32:38 What Is Real Masculinity Today? 36:40 It's Difficult To "Just Receive" 38:13 Connect With Your Feminine Side (regardless of your gender) 43:00 How Do We Connect Deeper? 43:17 1. It's A Dance For Two 43:37 2. Listen To This With Your Partner 44:47 4. Acknowledge That All Emotions Are Valid 45:17 5. Temporarily Suspend Your Belief 45:38 6. Ask Yourself: What Am I Really Yearning For? 46:00 7. Make Space To Receive From Your Partner 46:44 8. Don't Apologise For Your Emotions == Link to Alexa Vartman’s book that we recommend on the show - “50 Misconceptions Of Sex” == Next FREE LIVE workshop on sharing secret fantasies: RESERVE YOUR SEAT

FREE LIVE workshop on how to share secret fantasies: RESERVE YOUR SEAT Guess what! We’ve been live for 6 months already, and we have a big surprise coming up for you! We are closing out Season 1 of the Deeper Sex Podcast to come back with Season 2 and offer something even more exciting and useful to you and your lover, in and out of the bedroom. We believe that sex should not be the driver of arguments and unhappiness for a couple. Nor should it be taboo.  We have witnessed, tried and tested on our own skin how it can be used to heal from trauma, fears, and to grow.  What's coming: We are taking the intimacy and sacred sexuality practices that have completely revolutionised our way of loving, and are putting them into very simple practical terms for you so, that everyone can apply and practice them in their own bedroom. If this is calling you, join our next workshop. == Meanwhile, don’t miss:   >> Our fav books “50 Misconceptions Of Sex” by Alexa Vartman “Wild Nights” by David Deida (this podcast is entirely supported by our listeners, so if you buy through this link we may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you)   >> Catch up on these episodes   13: How To Be Sexually “Open” Even If You’re Monogamous | Feeling Free Learn more about what we mean by “Openness” at 360 degrees and how that can 10x the relationship with your partner. Listen on Apple or Spotify.   6: There’s No Shame In “Dirty” Fantasies: How Speaking Them Out Loud Can Transform Your Taboos into Passion Learn about how to share sexual fantasies with your lover, overcoming fear, shame and taboos. Listen on Apple or Spotify   5: From Failed-Marriage Misery to Cosmic Sex: How we did it (via ENM and sex positive spaces) Learn more about the hosts’ conservative backgrounds and how they “fell” into the amazing, sexually liberated world of Consensual Non Monogamy. Listen on Apple or Spotify == Download our free guide “10 phrases to help you start deeper conversations with your partner” == TIME STAMPS 01:54 You Helped Us Grow 03:25 Deeper Sex Content In Season 2 04:16 Sex At the Intersection Between Sexuality, Curiosity, Healing And Personal Growth 05:25 A Surprise For You 07:52 10 Prompts To Start Deeper Conversations With Your Partner 08:15 Your Reading List to Get Ready For Season 2 www.deeperlovers.com