Negative Reactions to Negative Self-Talk

In this, the final episode of Dear Anger limited series, Ed and Renee talk about self compassion, and compassion for others, and its role in our relationship with anger.  Our pain points, our triggers, the things that really get us worked up, are often related to the things that we're hardest on ourselves about. To complicate the issue, when we shame ourselves for feeling triggered and angry over those pain points, it makes us feel even worse. Join your favorite emotional experts one last time as they guide you through the practice of self compassion, and de-shaming the experience of anger. 

Ed and Renee are here with a solution for limiting screen time and making kids love it. Ha! Just kidding! Parents get angry when kids spend too much time on electronic devices. Kids get angry when they're told to turn them off. The battle over time spent on video games and phones is common in every home, and it’s not going away. While there is no fix-all tool, we do have plenty of strategies and advice for helping parents maintain boundaries without losing their temper. 

It's not always what we say, but how we say it.  Sometimes, when frustration mounts, our anger comes out in body language and tone of voice.  Our words can take on totally different meanings when we say them in different ways and at different volumes. Often we don't even realize it!  Ed and Renee get to the bottom of the language of delivering language, and how we can practice saying things exactly as we intend to.

Please stop. Stop it! STOP IT NOW!Sometimes it feels like kids just don't listen.  Certain behaviors, for whatever reason, are so alluring, they can't seem to STOP! "Stop jumping on the couch!" "Stop using that language!" "Stop playing with your food!" Why do they insist on doing the opposite of what we say? It has to do with inner voice, and personal choice. Today, Ed and Renee take a deep dive into behaviors kids can't seem to stop, and how we can control more by allowing more.

Mess! Mess everywhere! Show me a neat and tidy child, and I'll show you a myth. Yet, our expectations as parents are often much different. We think they "should" be able to clean up. They "should" think to make their bed every morning. They "should" offer to help with chores. When expectations are not reality, we get triggered, and the battles begin. Listen in as Ed and Renee examine the science of organization, brain development, and the anger that surrounds it all.

So much anger comes from unmet expectations, or feeling like things should be different than they are. Our kids “should” be happy with what they have. Our kids “should” show more gratitude for everything we do for them. But maybe our feelings are more closely connected to theirs than we think. Maybe it’s not a lack of gratitude our kids feel, but something else all together. In this episode, Ed and Renee discuss ways we can connect with and understand “ungrateful” kids, and transform the anger we feel over the “shoulds.”

Kids can really dig their heals in when they want to. Parents of strong-willed kids know exactly what we mean. But here's a secret: where there is a strong-willed child, more often than not there is a strong-willed parent. And when two humans refuse to give ground, nobody gets anywhere. In this episode, Ed and Renee explore ways to change from “parent versus child,” to “us versus the problem.” Learn how just a little bit of child autonomy can go a long way for your family.

“I hate you, Mom!” “Dad, you’re so embarrassing!” “I like it at Mom’s house more.” Kids are sometimes good at saying things that hurt us. And when they do, let’s face it: we get pretty angry. But is that really the way we want to show up in those situations? Ed and Renee have plenty of experience helping people transform their emotions, and this episode is loaded with tools for transforming hurt feelings and anger into compassion and understanding.

Knowing our kids think poorly of themselves hurts. And somehow, someway, that hurt leads to fear, and that fear leads us to frustration, and frustration, of course, right into anger. Maybe it’s our own lack of security as parents. Maybe it’s panic over not knowing how to help our kids feel good about themselves. Join Ed and Renee as they peel back the layers of emotions surrounding our kids' negative self-talk.

Deadlines. Pressure. Tests. Evaluation. Grades. Homework is a loaded topic, and one sure to drum up difficult, angry feelings in kids and parents alike. Kids feel stress and a lack of control. Parents feel pressure to make sure their kids are succeeding, and catastrophize when they don’t. If there are arguments over homework in your home, then check out this episode and change the anger script.