Finding the Right Doula

When faced with the prospect of building a family as a single woman, it can be overwhelming the choices we actually have. What do we really want? This is the process Rachel Lehmann-Haupt, author of “In Her Own Sweet Time,” is currently in, as she decides — as a woman turning 40 — what the right choice for her is. Keep looking for a partner? Use her frozen eggs? Inseminate now? We also talk to Christy Jones, founder of Extend Fertility, about the egg-freezing process. This is a former "Choosing Single Motherhood" online radio show hosted by Mikki Morrissette in August 2009.

This conversation with Lee Varon, author of “Adopting On Your Own” helps to make the adoption process less overwhelming for the single woman. We talk about the options, the process, the practical issues, and how to pick the right adoption agency. We also answer specific questions from Choice Moms — and celebrate the fact that “choice mom” was contender for 2009 word of the year by New Oxford American dictionary publishers.

Private domestic adoption is an underestimated choice for many single women, largely because we tend to assume it’s too expensive, the wait time is too long, and that a birth parent in an open adoption (which is much more common these days) is more likely to pick a married couple with money. We hear from women who are considering adoption, and address their concerns with adoption attorney Micah Salb and Independent Adoption Center agent Jennifer Bliss. We also discuss the fact that attempting to conceive can take as long, and cost as much, as the adoption process.  

It’s amazing what we don’t understand when we’re actually TRYING to get pregnant. Three notable fertility doctors — Dr. Rani Abassi (Columbia Ferility Associates, D.C.), Dr. Isabel Ryan (Pacific Fertility Center, SF) and Dr. Debra Wachs (Reproductive Science Center of the Bay Area) walk us through everything we need to know about our own fertility, including a lengthy discussion about how to detect our ovulation window.  

[this episode originally aired as a radio show in December 2009]  Holiday time can be difficult, especially if you are jealous of sibling families, or being judged by your own. We talk about how to cope. And we meet psychologist Andrea Braverman, who talks about her process of helping women build their families in non-traditional ways. Q&A: how does weight affect fertility? Tip: what we should know about genetic counseling.

How do you pick a birth coach, and what can they offer pre- and post-delivery? We hear the wonderful story of four Choice Moms who delivered two babies in 24 hours. We meet Claudia Booker, a D.C.-based doula, who tells an amazing heartfelt story of her own Choice Mom journey through adoption. And I talk tips with Stefanie Antunes, Toronto-based doula and founder of Discover Birth.  

At a Choice Mom networking event in San Francisco, Maia Midwifery's Kristin Kali talked with women about how to balance the love they started with on this journey with the stress they feel from secretly fitting in doctor inseminations -- and cycles of 2ww and no smiley faces on the pregnancy tests -- with the rest of their work and personal life. This 9-minute conversation is part of ChoiceMom.org's Focus on Fertility (http://www.choicemoms.org/fertility/) package. Thanks to Sepal Reproductive Devices (http://www.totalconception.com) and California Cryobank (http://www.cryobank.com) for their continuing support of these Choice Chat podcasts.

A roundtable of single women talked at a Choice Mom workshop about the at-home insemination process, their emotions about the Choice Mom journey, IUI vs. ICI, one or two insems per cycle, and the value of acupuncture. Fertility Q&A: what is hostile cervical mucous?

Especially if you are a new mom, single parents need stress-relief strategies and energy boosts. Noted pediatrician Dr. Robert Sears, a spokesperson for Happy Baby, offers simple tips, signs of postpartum depression, and discusses IQ’s link to attachment. Also on this show: Dr. Charles Sims on cord blood banking. Fertility Q&A: at-home use of cervical cap vs. syringe. (Originally produced December 2009) Thanks to California Cryobank and Sepal Reproductive Devices for their continuing support of the Choice Chat podcast.      

How do we take care of our child, legally and financially, as a single person with one paycheck? What do we need in place to protect our child if something happens to us? Estate attorney Micah Salb, Ameriprise-affiliated financial planner Rebecca Hall, and insurance agent Gayle Thompson give special insight to Choice Moms. (Originally published July 2009)