S2:Q03: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

We all recall three kinds of difficult conversations. The ones we regret not having, the ones we remember for the care that went into them, and the ones we still carry the scars from. They come with the role, with leading, and with being part of a team.Dear Aunty Treacle, how do you approach difficult conversations in a way that’s firm but fair, and stops them feeling so personal or overwhelming?Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on between the two of them. Stuart works through his own back catalogue, the ones he had, the ones he avoided and the ones that landed badly, and shares the line he now opens with: “This could be 1,000% unfair, but it’s my observation.” Anna unpacks why we make these conversations hard, why clear is kind, why nobody ever says “I’m so glad I waited”, and whether you need to turn up the care or the clarity.Where they land: they deserve the information. What they do with it is their choice.PS: Stuart’s continued confusion with numbers introduces this as episode five. It is episode three. Apologies for the consistent numberwang.Share your story on this question:https://auntytreacle.substack.com/p/the-can-opener-s2-q3-difficult-conversationsFull write-up and team practice guide: auntytreacle.substack.comGot a question? [email protected] in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

You believe in the change. Leadership backs it. On the ground, nothing moves.Dear Aunty Treacle, how do you deal with resistance without burning bridges or giving up?Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on, no guest. Anna hears it in a coaching session about once a week, and the answer is always the same: we told them again.In the can: why pushback and quiet ignoring are information, not a verdict, what people lose when you sell them the benefits, Stuart's test of handing your change to someone else to explain, coming out of broadcast mode and into journalistic mode, and why an informal conversation beats every comms plan you've ever written.Curiosity first. Influence comes after.Join our community: auntytreacle.substack.comGot a question? [email protected] in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

The certificates are done. So what now?Dear Aunty Treacle, beyond the certificates, what should I be focusing on if I want to be more influential and effective in the business?Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on, no guest. The technical foundation is critical. It's just not everything.In the can: what progress actually means to you (and why sticky floors outnumber glass ceilings), why a certificate is gradable and influence isn't, the ladder from curiosity to impact, and how to run influence experiments at a scale you can afford to get wrong.Development is infinite, not finite. The certificate gave you permission to operate. Everything after it is earned in the trying.Share your story on this question:https://auntytreacle.substack.com/p/season-two-question-01-learning-andFull write-up and team practice guide: auntytreacle.substack.comGot a question? [email protected] in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

In this special wrap-up episode, Anna and Stuart look back on ten sticky questions, ten brilliant guests, and the community that has powered Season 1 of Aunty Treacle.Together, they revisit why Aunty Treacle began, as an “agony aunt for the safety professional” and anyone feeling stuck at work, and what they’ve learned from the conversations that followed. From imposter feelings and people leadership to overwhelm, paperwork, and resistance to change, this episode pulls out the golden threads that have run through the season.This time there’s no guest in the Treacle Seat, just the hosts sharing honest reflections, favourite moments, and the phrases that might just become tattoos (looking at you, “Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated”).Key Topics CoveredWhy Aunty Treacle existsThe original idea: an agony aunt for safety and work, crowdsourcing wisdom so people don’t feel alone with sticky problems.The power of communityHow listener questions and shared advice have fuelled the series – and given Anna and Stuart the energy to keep going through very busy years.Owning the room (Episode 1 – Zoe Hayes)Introversion as a superpower, preparation, positioning yourself in the room, and building allies in the “back channel.”Living with your inner critic (Episode 2 – David Filshie)Imposter feelings, naming your inner voice (“Brenda”), and seeing confidence as the outcome of action, not a prerequisite.Credit without arrogance (Episode 3 – Ruth Denyer)Talking about your work with humility, using “we” not “I,” and why real visibility comes from doing the work with people, not above them.Setting up for success (Episode 4 – Gareth Evans)“Assume good intent,” connect before you direct, listen first, and shift from doing to thinking and orchestrating.Is safety still for me? (Episode 5 – Steph Camm)Knowing your worth, realising sometimes it’s the environment not the profession, and treating job moves a bit more like dating.The Sticky Middle of leadership (Episode 6 – Oli Sanandres)Moving from peer to leader, letting go of being the hero, redefining success through others, and making time to think as part of the job.Overwhelm & capacity (Episode 8 – Helen Davitt)Normalising overwhelm without accepting it as “forever,” having honest conversations about capacity, and remembering “you can’t fix a secret.”“I feel like a filing cabinet” (Episode 9 – Helen Rawlinson)Challenging paperwork that doesn’t keep people safe, starting small with micro-experiments, and designing safety around real work, not just systems.Change, resistance & self-worth (Episode 10 – Crystal Danbury)Conscious vs unconscious change, changing your approach not your purpose, intentional language and metrics, and the big one:“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.”Personal growth behind the micHow hosting has stretched both Anna and Stuart, in holding space, listening, and trusting themselves – and why they’re proud simply to have finished a thing.Resources & ReferencesThemes & tools revisited from across the season:Confidence as action, not personality“Connect before you direct” & assume good intentBalcony vs dance floor perspectives on workMicro-experiments and “start small, prove it works”Language shifts: from accidents & compliance to harm, care & impact“Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated”Guests from Season 1:Zoe Hayes – being heard as an introvertDavid Filshie – imposter syndrome & self-beliefRuth Denyer – visibility with humilityGareth Evans – stepping into big leadership rolesSteph Camm – purpose and staying (or leaving) safetyOli Sanandres – the sticky middle of people leadershipHelen Davitt – overwhelm and prioritisationHelen Rawlinson – paperwork, bureaucracy & real safetyCrystal Danbury – influence, change & knowing your worthWe’d Love Your Feedback!Which episode stuck with you most?What have you tried?What’s still feeling sticky?Share your reflections, experiments, or new questions with us at [email protected] or tag us on socials. The Aunty Treacle inbox stays open between seasons.Next Episode Teaser Season 2 - coming soon.More sticky questions, more Spoonfuls, more cans of sanity and solutions , and more voices from a community that’s determined to make work better.  

In this episode, Anna, Stuart, and guest Crystal Danbury tackle a challenge many professionals will recognise: “Dear Aunty Treacle, I’m struggling to drive change in an organisation that seems deeply resistant to it. I have ideas to improve safety and even have support from colleagues, but senior operational leaders won’t listen. They’re not open to experimenting, even with low-risk suggestions. I keep hitting a wall and it’s wearing me down. How do I influence change when the resistance is coming from powerful leaders? How do I keep going, or is this a sign I should stop trying?”Crystal brings honesty and hard-won experience from complex, high-stakes environments to explore how to build influence, create momentum and protect your energy when the door won’t budge (yet). Together, they unpack practical ways to connect your ideas to what the business cares about, and when to persist, pivot or pause. Key Topics Covered: Conscious vs. unconscious change - creating want/need and shifting language, not just launching projectsStart with their win - link your proposal to the organisation’s mission, metrics and pain pointsStakeholder conversations that land - ask what success looks like for them and map the change curveChange your approach, not your purpose - adapt pace and style without losing who you are   From resistance to curiosity - exploring fear, fatigue, timing and trade-offs beneath a “no”Micro-experiments - small, low-risk trials (and when to ask forgiveness, not permission)   Metrics that matter - brief, human-centred reporting (harm and care over pages of data)Go where you’re celebrated (not tolerated) - know when to move onResources & References:How to Be More Pirate – Sam Conniff (principled, practical rebellion)Change curve models for leaders and teamsStakeholder interview prompts (purpose, success, constraints, timing)Language reframes for reporting (harm, care, recoverable vs. life-changing injuries) We’d Love Your Feedback!Tried a micro-experiment that worked, or hit a wall? Tell us at [email protected] or tag us on socials.Next Episode Teaser: Season 1 Wrap-Up (Hosts’ Special) - the stickiest lessons, favourite Spoonfuls, and what’s coming next. 

In this episode, Anna, Stuart, and guest Helen Rawlinson tackle a question that hits close to home for many safety professionals:“Dear Aunty Treacle, I feel like a filing cabinet. I’m full of paperwork and have no room for the human interactions I believe are critical for keeping people from harm and understanding what’s really happening in my workplace. So quite simply, is all this paperwork actually keeping people safe?”Helen brings honesty and humour to a lively conversation about bureaucracy, systems and red tape, exploring whether endless forms and checklists actually make work safer, or simply make us feel safe.Together, they unpack how to cut through the noise, challenge outdated practices, and focus on what truly matters: meaningful conversations and human connection. Key Topics Covered:• The “filing cabinet” feeling – bureaucracy overload and burnout• The 80/20 fallacy – most systems go far beyond what’s legally needed• The illusion of accountability – paperwork vs. purpose• How to start challenging and simplifying safely• Shifting from expert to conduit – facilitating rather than controlling• Practical ways to bring curiosity and critical thinking into your work• When to stop doing things that don’t add value• Replacing compliance comfort with real conversationsResources & References:• Paper Safe by Greg Smith – a must-read for safety professionals• Work as Imagined vs. Work as Done – Steve Shorrock• Deloitte research on compliance vs. impact• Normal Work Reviews – learning by doing, not auditing• Hierarchy of Control – remembering PPE sits at the bottomWe’d Love Your Feedback!Feeling buried in bureaucracy or fighting the same battle? Tell us your story at [email protected] or tag us on socials.Next Episode Teaser: They Won’t Adopt My Idea - how to influence change when the resistance is coming from the top.

Welcome back to Aunty Treacle after the summer break!This episode tackles a universal challenge: feeling constantly overwhelmed by work coming at you at pace, feeling reactive rather than proactive, and struggling to focus on what truly matters and makes an impact.The Listener Question"Dear Aunty Treacle, I feel constantly overwhelmed as there is so much work coming at me at pace. As a result, I feel like I am constantly reacting and I don't feel like I am getting to the stuff that actually matters, makes a difference and makes an impact. Can you please help me get some control back and feel effective in my work?"Key Insights & StrategiesTake a Breath and Step BackThe Foundation: While feeling overwhelmed is normal, we must question how long we allow this to be "normal." The first step is recognizing when daily churn becomes ever-encroaching.The Balcony vs. Dance Floor Approach (Andrew Barrett's insight):Remove yourself from the situation to gain perspectiveLike a chess grandmaster observing the board rather than just making the next moveBrief pauses for reflection (alone or with colleagues) can reset clarity and prioritiesSometimes doing something isn't the solution—it can reinforce the overwhelm cyclePersonal Foundations FirstBefore tackling organizational issues, address your individual resilience:Maintain energy-giving activities: Don't stop going to the gym, reading, or other activities that help you perform"An empty vessel serves no one": Prioritize self-care to have the resilience for difficult conversationsEnergy management: Protect your energy, especially before busy seasonsSleep, exercise, nutrition: These become critical during high-demand periodsThe Art of Saying NoHell Yes or Hell No Framework (Derek Shivers):Instead of learning to say no, define what makes something a "yes"When you know your "yes" criteria, saying no becomes easier and less awkwardPowerful reframe: "If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?"Subtraction over Addition:Focus on what to stop or pause, not just what to startTest approach: Don't do something for a month—if nobody notices, it's not a priorityPausing is less confrontational than stoppingPrioritization StrategiesThe Eisenhower Matrix & Beyond:Map tasks on urgent vs. important axesFocus on high health and safety impact, low effort activities where possibleTools mentioned: PARA method, Eisenhower Matrix, Dichotomy of ControlStrategic Questioning:What's the value? Is it actually making work safer or just making us feel better?What's the intended output and impact?If it doesn't fit within your organizational strategy, question why you're doing itDon't Chase Every Email:Some things resolve themselves if left aloneCreate space between stimulus and responseUse rules to manage inbox (filter "for info" emails into folders)Managing Perfectionism"Perfect is the enemy of good": Don't let perfection get in the way of better"Done is better than perfect": Sometimes action and progress matter more than a perfect finished productExperiment, fail fast, iterate, learn, evolveAsk: "Is it good enough?" Then get it out and test itTime and Energy ManagementTime Blocking Strategies:Block thinking time in your calendar (others just see "meetings")Be proactive about organizational cadences (monthly/quarterly reporting)Block out predictable busy periods in advanceEven if you don't finish everything, you make progressAnalyze Your Time Usage:Study how you actually spend time—it's your rarest resourceLook back at tasks and assess how they help achieve long-term goalsReflect daily: How did I use my time? How did this compare to my plan?Fact vs. Story: Video camera facts vs. stories we tell ourselvesTeam and Organizational StrategiesKnow Your Team's Strengths:Map activities to people's strengths and preferencesDon't carry people or make up for deficiencies elsewhereBe honest about whether you're being given more work because you're effectiveCommunication is Key:"You can't fix a secret": If nobody knows you're overwhelmed, nothing will changeHave honest conversations with managers about capacity and prioritiesAsk for help with reframing prioritiesSample approach: "I need to prioritize X, Y, Z, so I'm suggesting changing timescales for other deliverables"Sprint vs. Marathon Approach:Sometimes work like a lion—put intense energy where it's really neededKnow when you can take your foot off the gasShort bursts of focus on specific areas can create momentumReflection and CelebrationStop and celebrate wins: Look back over 6 months and acknowledge achievementsSafety professionals are humble—don't be afraid to wave your flagCommunicate successes to stakeholdersCounter the hamster wheel: We often don't pause to see how much we've actually accomplishedCommunity Insights SummaryJason Catterson - Frameworks & Reset Moments:Use practical tools: PARA method, Eisenhower Matrix, Dichotomy of ControlDon't chase every email—sometimes things resolve themselvesStep away to reset; even a few minutes of breathing space helpsChris Hewitt - Communication & Time Blocking:Talk to your manager—others can help share the loadBlock focused time in your diaryUse inbox rules to manage information flowPeter Jenkins - Getting Extra Support:Sometimes overwhelm links to deeper factors (ADHD, mental health)Therapy, coaching, or diagnosis can unlock new management strategiesWe're all human and sometimes need more than productivity hacksAndrew Barrett - The Balcony vs Dance Floor:Gain perspective by stepping away from the immediate situationBrief pauses for reflection can reset priorities and clarityThe Prescription: What to Do When OverwhelmedTake a breath and step back - Get off the hamster wheel and onto the chess boardAnalyze your relationship with time - Study how you're actually spending your timeChallenge the stories you tell yourself - What might you need to change to take control back?Learn to say no - You might have to drop some balls, but prioritize what's truly importantHave the conversation - Talk to your manager, peer, coach, or mentor about your situationTake control of the controllables - Your energy, priorities, and responses are within your controlKey Takeaway"Taking time to stop and think isn't a luxury—it's mission critical." If you're passionate about what you do and want to get people home safe (or excel in any role), you must be intentional about how you use your time and energy.Next Episode PreviewComing up: "I Feel Like a Filing Cabinet" - exploring whether paperwork is really keeping people safe or just keeping us busy, featuring Helen Rawlinson and her insights on the actual work of safety versus administrative burden.Remember: Feeling overwhelmed gradually and then suddenly is normal, but don't let it become your permanent normal. Be intentional, use these tools to take control, and fundamentally—talk to somebody about what you're experiencing and what you'd like it to be instead.

From Peer to Leader: Turning Thinking into ActionIn this follow-up to Episode 6, Anna, Stuart, and guest Oli Sanandres return to help a listener take their first steps into people leadership. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, start there as it lays the essential mindset groundwork. In Part 2, we move from thinking like a leader to acting like one. The listener asks: “Dear Aunty Treacle, I’ve recently accepted a promotion at work that will see me move from individual contributor to line manager. This is my first step into people management, and I’m determined for it to be successful. How do I step out of my peer group and into this leadership position without putting noses out of joint, losing friendships, and while still delivering for the organisation and the employees? Wisdom from those who’ve done this before would be appreciated.” Together, the team dive into the tools, habits, and conversations that make this transition work in real life.Key Topics CoveredStarting with connection and recontracting relationshipsSetting expectations clearly and earlyGiving and receiving feedback with care and clarityCreating psychologically safe spaces for team inputBalancing kindness with accountabilityUsing routines and rituals that work for youManaging up, down and across the systemLeading without being the hero or having all the answersHolding reflection time to stay grounded and growBuilding a leadership identity that stays true to you  Practical Tools & TipsTime to Think (TTT) – schedule regular time to pause and planT-Up Play – Oli’s team expectations frameworkRecontracting – reset team dynamics with intentionYes, If – a reframing tool to support possibility and safetyReflection Rituals – stack feedback and learning with something enjoyableCoaching Mindset – support others to solve problems, don’t rescue them  Reflection PromptsWhat’s one thing I can let go of to lead better?Am I empowering or heroing?How am I showing up for my team and for myself?  Resources MentionedEpisode 6 – The Sticky Middle: Part 1Episode 4 – Setting Up for Success with Gareth EvansHow to Lead with Purpose by Liam BlackLeadership principles and journaling practices  We’d Love Your FeedbackJust stepped into leadership? Got a sticky situation of your own?Email us at [email protected] or tag us on socials.   Next Episode: Time, Energy & the Myth of ‘Enough’We tackle the leadership tension of limited time, endless demands and making space for what really matters.  

The Sticky Middle – Part 1From Peer to Leader: Shifting Your Thinking  In this episode, Anna, Stuart, and special guest Oli Sanandres respond to a classic sticky career moment from a listener taking their first steps into people leadership:  “Dear Aunty Treacle, I’ve recently accepted a promotion at work that will see me move from individual contributor to line manager. This is my first step into people management, and I’m determined for it to be successful. How do I step out of my peer group and into this leadership position—without putting noses out of joint, losing friendships, and while still delivering for the organisation and the employees? Wisdom from those who’ve done this before would be appreciated.”  Oli brings thoughtful insights from a varied career across local government, aviation, Amazon, and the military, where he went from rifleman to officer. Together, the team explore what it really takes to think like a leader before you start acting like one.  Spoiler: This isn’t about getting it all right. It’s about stepping into a new mental model, letting go of old success markers, and learning how to lead without losing yourself.  Key Topics Covered:• Why leadership is about thinking, not just doing• The mindset shift from personal delivery to enabling others• How to stay authentic (and humble) as you move from peer to leader• Letting go of your “hero cape” and redefining what success looks like• The importance of time to think and why it’s not a luxury• The awkward art of managing former peers (without becoming a stranger)• What the military taught Oli about influence, optics and staying grounded• Leadership as a system: managing up, down, and across• Paying it forward and using your role to grow others• Sitting in discomfort and trusting others to solve problems their way  Resources to Explore:• Episode 2 – Am I Enough? – for anyone struggling with imposter feelings• Leadership Development Tip: Audit how you spend your time - are you thinking or just doing?• Reframing Question: What do I need to let go of to lead well?• Coaching Prompt: What kind of leader do I want to be and why?  We’d Love Your Feedback! Stepping into leadership? Navigating your own sticky middle?Email us at [email protected] or tag us on socials.We’d love to hear what resonated and what you’re still wrestling with.  Next Episode: The Sticky Middle – Part 2 We’ve done the mindset shift - next, we move into action. In Episode 7, we bring Oli back to explore how to lead with clarity, care, and confidence. How do you set expectations, have tough conversations, and take people with you?Join us as we turn the thinking into doing.  

🎙️ Aunty Treacle - Episode 5: Is Safety Still for Me?In this episode, Anna, Stuart, and guest Steph Camm respond to a deeply relatable listener challenge from someone feeling disillusioned with their career in safety:“Dear Aunty Treacle, I’m six years into my safety career and starting to wonder if it’s for me. I got into this work because I care about people and want to make a difference but all anyone seems to care about is compliance. I’m losing hope that I’ll ever find a role where I can do things differently. Is there a future for me in safety?”Steph brings honesty, warmth, and wisdom as she shares her own journey through different sectors including hotels, student accommodation, facilities, and engineering and reflects on the moments she questioned her own path. Together, the team explore what it really means to be at a career crossroads, and how to navigate through uncertainty with clarity, courage, and care. Spoiler: It’s not just about safety, it’s about rediscovering purpose, getting unstuck, and giving yourself permission to pivot.  Key Topics Covered:The compliance-care tension: how to hold both without losing your soulReframing audits, checklists and inspections as opportunities for curiositySpotting green flags in interviews and why language mattersNavigating gut instinct, red flags, and the emotional signals we ignoreExploring the “career equation” aligning values, strengths, impact and environmentWhen to stay, when to go, and how to make bold but grounded movesCareer as a relationship: why your job should meet your needs tooCoaching, reflection, and finding clarity without waiting for permissionCourage as a core leadership skill—especially when saying “this isn’t right for me” Resources to Explore:The Career Equation – The Career Equation®Risk Savvy by Gerd Gigerenzer – on gut instinct and smart decision-makingFour Qualities of a Great Career (reverse your way in!):I’m around fascinating peopleI make good moneyI’m good at itI enjoy itReframing tip: Audit your current job for learning and experimentation, not just outputInterview reflection question: “How does this organisation align with who I am and what I value?”We’d Love Your Feedback!Have you hit a career crossroads? Are you feeling stuck or second-guessing your profession?Drop us a line at [email protected] or tag us on socials. Your questions help others get unstuck too.Next Episode: 🌟 The Sticky Middle – Part 1 & 2We’re doubling up for the next release as we dig into one of the most challenging transitions in any career: moving from individual contributor to people leader.What changes, what stays the same and how do you lead others without losing yourself? See you soon, Treacle fans. And yes, we still have Blazing Squad stuck in our heads too.